@Op, as has been said, you need to stop eating her food. God forbids that she poisons it.


But dont let her break your family ties. It is very important.


*Visit with your food packed along.

*Make him aware you would be coming before going there.

*Dont stay for too long.



Dont go too frequently.

U are just looking for attention are you not even happy she gave you food

debrief08: Vivanc, Sorry if it comes accross as if some Wives are harsh on this issue, its not that, just that you will face "In Laws" who love it when they can cause friction in the home over unnecessary issues.
Believe me, we all want to be good wives and be in good terms with every in law but dear some people will push you.
You can't please everyone some will always find faults regardless of what you do.
The Poster even from the way he told the story came accross as a fault finder who expects his uncle to openly scold his wife so he can see and be pleased.
The sour point in this story for me is comparing his meal with thay of the maids, haba for what na?
Anyway, hopefully he will learn to cook and eat as much meat as he needs, cooking is good for everyone so we avoid situations like this.

I quite agree with you, you are absoluTely right. But I didn't see This guy's offence. If you had read it without the "some in-laws will push you" on your mind, maybe, just maybe you would understand.

This guy has been friends with his uncle even before the woman came into the picture. While she was coming she noTiced The closeness, and we assume that day wasn't the first day she has offered him food. She knew before now he doesn't eat fish, so why give it To him? If she has been giving him meat, why sTop?

Come to think of iT, whaT is even food? Courtesy demands that when someone visits you, you offer him something, irrespective of who.

For e.g, I'm quiTe picky with food, I don't eat onion or anyThing prepared wiTh iT. I have 8 sisters in law and They are all aware I don't eat onion. They are always like "adanne, we are cooking onion food today o, so you can eaT whaTever." Since They know I don't eat onion, iT will be surreal for Them To give me onion food and I'd definitely raise an eyebrow. That would send a message across To me.

I believe in whaT u sow is what you reap, period. I'm very loyal to my sisters in law, not thaT obligaTed to it or I gain more from Them. BuT I jusT wanT to reap whaT I sow.

I'm a lady, and Tomorrow I will be married into another family, while I'd claim "my Territory" there I can't forget I also have boys aT home who would bring women inTo my own family. And I wouldn't want any woman to mistreaT them all in The name of claiming "TerriTory."

And I say deaTh To the biatch ThaT would come in and tear my family apart, after all we have been Through, they no born am well, at all.

Seriously, to say I'm surprised aT some responses here is an understatemenT, all because of what? Food? Food kwa? Na wa o

Debrief, some in-laws you can't please, that doesn't change the fact That some wives are evil, and as soon as they come into the family They chase the man's people away, but her own people would stay.

That is evil.

deols: Is that woman for real??

So because he is married to her now, his family members must stay away?

If she wouldnt deal with them, why marry into their family?

oh God!! She is truly a winch.

was she going to starve him by serving him fish? what if he has allergies to it, it didnt matter if he died ehn?


Some women sha. B4 you know it o, she'll start to cry that her in-laws hate her.

Common,don't read too much meaning into this.u heard from d op,did u hear from d wife?that d cous kept mute indicates something.
If he is allergic to fish,what about d fish water used to prepare d food? I know that in most homes b4 u fry ur fish or meat,u will first of all boil,then use d water to cook.
@op should pack well jor and let d woman be!
I hv a cous I lvd so much. Like 5 yrs older than me.she got married and I used to visit from school uninvited,door is always open for me.at a point I hv to give them space.its just not right.they travelled outside d continent and was ready to prepare my visa after my service year but I told them no. From my mum to everybody tot I was possesed but I don't want to hear.overfamiliarity is so bad and I don't want such.I visits her now on holidays once in a while and c respect and levels.and I only agreed after I got married.
Pple should learn how to withdraw without bein told.even if he sleeps with them.respect urself pls.asking for meat and fish.
Op,r u idle or looking for work?
At least let us know what is ur problem.

vivianc:

I quite agree with you, you are absoluTely right. But I didn't see This guy's offence. If you had read it without the "some in-laws will push you" on your mind, maybe, just maybe you would understand.

This guy has been friends with his uncle even before the woman came into the picture. While she was coming she noTiced The closeness, and we assume that day wasn't the first day she has offered him food. She knew before now he doesn't eat fish, so why give it To him? If she has been giving him meat, why sTop?

Come to think of iT, whaT is even food? Courtesy demands that when someone visits you, you offer him something, irrespective of who.

For e.g, I'm quiTe picky with food, I don't eat onion or anyThing prepared wiTh iT. I have 8 sisters in law and They are all aware I don't eat onion. They are always like "adanne, we are cooking onion food today o, so you can eaT whaTever." Since They know I don't eat onion, iT will be surreal for Them To give me onion food and I'd definitely raise an eyebrow. That would send a message across To me.

I believe in whaT u sow is what you reap, period. I'm very loyal to my sisters in law, not thaT obligaTed to it or I gain more from Them. BuT I jusT wanT to reap whaT I sow.

I'm a lady, and Tomorrow I will be married into another family, while I'd claim "my Territory" there I can't forget I also have boys aT home who would bring women inTo my own family. And I wouldn't want any woman to mistreaT them all in The name of claiming "TerriTory."

And I say deaTh To the biatch ThaT would come in and tear my family apart, after all we have been Through, they no born am well, at all.

Seriously, to say I'm surprised aT some responses here is an understatemenT, all because of what? Food? Food kwa? Na wa o

Debrief, some in-laws you can't please, that doesn't change the fact That some wives are evil, and as soon as they come into the family They chase the man's people away, but her own people would stay.

That is evil.

Word!!

Well except for the "death to the b#%^*" part.

vivianc:

Snip...

Snip...

Snip...

Come to think of iT, whaT is even food?


And I say deaTh To the biatch ThaT would come in and tear my family apart, after all we have been Through, they no born am well, at all.


That is evil.

Let's figure out what's evil in the above statement first.

With an attitude like that from an in-law breathing fire, it's easy to see why wifey chose not to exchange words with him. Actions they say, speak louder than words, and that's exactly what she did.

yellowpawpaw:
Common,don't read too much meaning into this.u heard from d op,did u hear from d wife?that d cous kept mute indicates something.
If he is allergic to fish,what about d fish water used to prepare d food? I know that in most homes b4 u fry ur fish or meat,u will first of all boil,then use d water to cook.
@op should pack well jor and let d woman be!
I hv a cous I lvd so much. Like 5 yrs older than me.she got married and I used to visit from school uninvited,door is always open for me.at a point I hv to give them space.its just not right.they travelled outside d continent and was ready to prepare my visa after my service year but I told them no. From my mum to everybody tot I was possesed but I don't want to hear.overfamiliarity is so bad and I don't want such.I visits her now on holidays once in a while and c respect and levels.and I only agreed after I got married.
Pple should learn how to withdraw without bein told.even if he sleeps with them.respect urself pls.asking for meat and fish.
Op,r u idle or looking for work?
At least let us know what is ur problem.

+ 1000 likes!

Bawss1:

Word!!

Well except for the "death to the b#%^*" part.

Exactly.

Bawss1:

Word!!

Well except for the "death to the b#%^*" part.

Seriously, some wives can be annoying with This their claiming "territory" bullshit. I still remember how one was dealt with in my family.

You see these 8 sisters in law of mine, they don't cook separately. We cook with only one poT and for every body. Whatever you came home with, go and keep iT in the food sTore.

then one of my uncles brought "my terriTory" kinda lady. Her bride price had been paid already. This lady came home, boughT her own Things, gas and all that and started cooking differently. When my mum came and saw what she was doing, my mum called her and sat her down, told her such things don't happen here. She ignored my mother, nwa na eclaimu terriTory , when my mum came out again she was still cooking in her terriTory. Her pots o, gas o, everyThing was Thrown in the bush, and That was the end of The marriage. Her bride price was returned.

Efemena_xy:


Let's figure out what's evil in the above statement first.

With an attitude like that from an in-law breathing fire, it's easy to see why wifey chose not to exchange words with him. Actions they say, speak louder than words, and that's exactly what she did.

Efe, don't even start with me
You started all These, you put salT and pepper and spiced the story up.

Vivian,communal life is not for everyone,i myself is not a big fan.I visit my uncle every now and then, i don't go demanding what I want to eat despite the fact that am very close to them.Boundary is important in every marriage.I ll teach my kids to respect people's boundaries,being her hubby's kid brother doesn't give you any right over her.

You have no right to demand what to be served in another's home,courtesy demands that you eat what you are given or leave it.

vivianc:

Seriously, some wives can be annoying with This their claiming "territory" bullshit. I still remember how one was dealt with in my family.

You see these 8 sisters in law of mine, they don't cook separately. We cook with only one poT and for every body. Whatever you came home with, go and keep iT in the food sTore.

then one of my uncles brought "my terriTory" kinda lady. Her bride price had been paid already. This lady came home, boughT her own Things, gas and all that and started cooking differently. When my mum came and saw what she was doing, my mum called her and sat her down, told her such things don't happen here. She ignored my mother, nwa na eclaimu terriTory , when my mum came out again she was still cooking in her terriTory. Her pots o, gas o, everyThing was Thrown in the bush, and That was the end of The marriage. Her bride price was returned.

Good heavens!!!

Vivi, if you don't mind my asking (and no offence intended), is your family set up a polygamous one?

Additionally, what background (in terms of family setup again), did this estranged wife come from? Have you considered that she probably found the way you guys run your family home, i.e the communal way a bit strange? Something she wasn't used to?

vivianc: Efe, don't even start with me
You started all These, you put salT and pepper and spiced the story up.

Nope, I didn't have to. It was all there, I simply extracted the information from the @OP's post. Bottom line here is this:

Whether na meat, fish, chicken, goat, periwinkle, whatever... the @OP wasn't satisfied with what he was given and chose to make an issue of it. He went further to compare the contents of his plate with that of the maid whom he chose to call 'housegirl' - a belittling word, don't you agree?

Let's get real here. It takes a certain kind of virile young man to descend that low. To the level of comparing quantity, texture, size, shapes, of the fish/meat in his plate AND to make noise about it! His attitude, I'm sorry to say, stinks to the high heavens.

Have you considered that this 'housegirl' might even be a very young girl, probably still in primary school? i.e pre-teens and still developing? While our dear @OP, the Virile Young Man is probably in his early twenties, done with growing. So tell me, who needs the protein more in their diet? The little girl still developing? Or the strapping young man intent on causing trouble?

Oh, as per the salt 'n pepper story, abegi make I hear word jare. Like say you nor dey enjoy am

this woman funnyooo!!abeg salt and pepper follow jare!!

yellowpawpaw:
Common,don't read too much meaning into this.u heard from d op,did u hear from d wife?that d cous kept mute indicates something.
If he is allergic to fish,what about d fish water used to prepare d food? I know that in most homes b4 u fry ur fish or meat,u will first of all boil,then use d water to cook.
@op should pack well jor and let d woman be!
I hv a cous I lvd so much. Like 5 yrs older than me.she got married and I used to visit from school uninvited,door is always open for me.at a point I hv to give them space.its just not right.they travelled outside d continent and was ready to prepare my visa after my service year but I told them no. From my mum to everybody tot I was possesed but I don't want to hear.overfamiliarity is so bad and I don't want such.I visits her now on holidays once in a while and c respect and levels.and I only agreed after I got married.
Pple should learn how to withdraw without bein told.even if he sleeps with them.respect urself pls.asking for meat and fish.
Op,r u idle or looking for work?
At least let us know what is ur problem.

My using that tone is very deliberate.


Seriously, I understand the need for couples to have their own space.

and so do I understand the need for married people to keep their old friendship and family ties.


Her attitude isnt good at all. She could have communicated whatever she found wrong rather than being that much rude to him.

Even though this is the Op's side of it, he seems balanced and I can only give my opinion based on it.

My own simple take on this issue is you dont complain when you are served whatever as a guest in someone's house.Its bad manners.Yeah you might not be satisfied.I have been to weddings where the food is horrible i eat wha I can if I can and eat in my house later.Alot of people willl moan and moan, hen they gave me one meat, they gave me fish head, they excluded moi moi in mine and i saw moi moi in people's plates etc.To me its just food why all this sentimental attachment .They had food served in church yesterday come and see grudges cos some people got coke and some people got malt .

I know its slightly different context here or rather am being simplistic but really I never complain about what I am served.Lucky my husband is that way too, my house is unconventional in the sense that my kids get more meat or chicken than we do cos they need it more.You can see a drumstick on my daughter's rice and just salad on mine.I wont do that to a visitor though but all the same people should quit complaining. It irks me that we are so sentimental when it comes to meat and fish. .Even my mum said I was insulting my husband by giving him one piece of meat .I told her its a waste giving him more cos that's all he eats.If he wants more he will ask or take it himself.

As some people have blamed the wife that its just food, I blame the Op too and say its just food.Get over it.There might be a subtle message being passed across and there might not be.We sha like wahala sha.Life is just so simple

byvan: this woman funnyooo!!abeg salt and pepper follow jare!!

#smh

byvan: "Did you really think this through"Really?if you don't know what to post, ask someone to tell you instead of posting dumb question

When you made this statement in "Can Cheating Really Be Acceptable?" I was wondering too if you were smarter than the poster. But obviously, you are not.

P.S After seeing the topics you created yourself #smh
P.P.S After seeing your Profile picture, I guess Nigerian women WITH THIS YOUR ATTITUDE are always going to end up blowing the family (marriage) budget on "fashion" no matter how much they earn or how educated they become. Shame!

vivianc:

Seriously, some wives can be annoying with This their claiming "territory" bullshit. I still remember how one was dealt with in my family.


Efe, don't even start with me
You started all These, you put salT and pepper and spiced the story up.

Now, coming to face this OP's issue, Vivian has been VERY HONEST in ALL her posts, and deols . The ONLY issue here is HE WAS "INTENTIONALLY" GIVEN FISH WHEN THE WIFE KNOWS HE DOES NOT EAT FISH. She now packed all the MEAT into the house-help's food INTENTIONALLY. If you want to send a signal to an in-law, send it through your husband (spouse). Period! The rest women on the other side (Ileobatojo, yellowpawpaw, byvan) are just forming a clique. Efemena_xy, you are their ring-leader. SHAME ON WICKED INLAWS!!!

product_ad:

The ONLY issue here is HE WAS "INTENTIONALLY" GIVEN FISH WHEN THE WIFE KNOWS HE DOES NOT EAT FISH. She now packed all the MEAT into the house-help's food INTENTIONALLY

my thoughts exactly. Which madam gives a house maid plenty meat in Nigeria? Abeg joor! I'm probably thinking even the house help was wondering if that day was December 25th. LOL Territorial witchcraft!!!

product_ad:

#smh





When you made this statement in "Can Cheating Really Be Acceptable?" I was wondering too if you were smarter than the poster. But obviously, you are not.

P.S After seeing the topics you created yourself #smh
P.P.S After seeing your Profile picture, I guess Nigerian women WITH THIS YOUR ATTITUDE are always going to end up blowing the family (marriage) budget on "fashion" no matter how much they earn or how educated they become. Shame!

Who is this mad man??with the level of insanities you are spewing here, there is no doubt the shame should be heaped on your daft skull.

byvan:



Who is this mad man??with the level of insanities you are spewing here, there is no doubt the shame should be heaped on your daft skull.

Simply because you have no self-worth, you want the whole Nairaland to excuse your RUBBISH talk. Young lady, I'm so NOT your mate. And you can scream all you want, but do a background check on me like I did on you, and you'll SHUT your mouth for people with better inputs to respond. Imagine the wicked advice she wants our young married ladies to follow in their in-law's house Even from this your last comment, every one can TRULY SEE who you are.

P.S Don't bother to reply. We know your type - Ojuju Calabar!

product_ad:

Simply because you have no self-worth, you want the whole Nairaland to excuse your RUBBISH talk. Young lady, I'm so NOT your mate. And you scream all you want, but do a background on me like I did on you, and you SHUT your mouth for people with better inputs to respond.

P.S Don't bother to reply. We know your type - Ojuju Calabar!

Why don't you start acting your age since you know you are not my mate,you are unbelievably f * * lish for a man.What time do you have to cater for your mental condition if you have so much time to spare ransacking profile ??What useful input do you think you are making here??i suppose an idi*t like you also qualifies for a man ? ? Better kill your self and end it all,this torment you are leading is no life.




How can one be so frustrated?sorry e hear . The goat can even hear sounds from printed pages .Imagine an adult saying Ojuju calabar,do you have any idea how stupid that soundsThe balls hanging between your legs is really better off in Iya Basira's stew pot

Does the "We" constitute of the committee of imbeciles you recruited to like the incoherent insanities you are spewing??

@byvan What's wrong in calling you Ojuju Calabar. After all you also called him a mad man. Ojuju Calabar means someone that scares people away. You sef go look for trouble, why did u call him a mad man? Some women sef, na wah

byvan: Does the "We" constitute of the committee of imbeciles you recruited to like the incoherent insanities you are spewing??

Ojuju Calabarrr Vivian is 1000x better than you. In all she said, she never wavered from the sincere view of the story. You and Efemena_xy took the story RIGHT IN OUR PRESENCE and TWISTED it just to make a senseless point of how wicked you are inside. Tufiakwaaa

Whoever married you must be in serious COMA right now.
P.S That's if people like you can stay in a husband's house without causing trouble. Big Shame!

michaelbiz: What's wrong in calling you Ojuju Calabar. After all you also called him a mad man. Ojuju Calabar means someone that scares people away. You sef go look for trouble, why did u call him a mad man? Some women sef, na wah

Can't you comprehend English?i never said being called Ojuju calabar is wrong,i said it sounds silly coming from a full grown man,are you the chairman of the committeei mean the committee of imbeciles?

product_ad:

Ojuju Calabarrr Vivian is 1000x better than you. In all she said, she never wavered from the sincere view of the story. You took the story RIGHT IN OUR PRESENCE and TWISTED it just to make a senseless point of how wicked you are inside. Tufiakwaaa

Whoever married you must be in serious COMA right now.
P.S That's if people like you can stay in a husband's house without causing trouble. Big Shame!

CEO imbeciles/demented men association of Nigeria,as I do not wish to devote my time responding to your unentertaining Gibberish, i humbly dedicate T.S Elliot's "hollomen"to you,NL's oldest fool.

vivianc: She has no idea whaT she is Talking about, she just made Those Things up. Go back and read that posT very well.

And I Think the wives here have formed a formidable clique based on sentiments, and the sentimenTs becloud Their reasoning. They are now representaTives of wives' race and noT the human race. I have watched with keen interest how they support whatever a wife does irrespective of how good or bad the acT is and I think it is wrong.

I love The wives and mothers here, and I respect them but sometimes The advice They give here is absurd and makes here un-conducive for young or would be wives.

That's my Take...... I'm ouTTa here.

He he he.

Are you saying there is a cabal like one poster alleged some years ago?

Vivian will be laughing wherever she is right now.
Abeg @ojuju. Make we hear word jare!
I support @vivianc and @product_ad.
They helped us to discover the REAL CONTEXT of why the poster felt bad. Obviously, we all agree he has to distance himself.
If you have similar or divergent views, please make una talk oooh. We are all learning from each other.

@chairman committee of imbeciles and the CEO imbeciles /demented men association of Nigeria,you guys have plagued this thread with your irksome drool,hence sane people are reluctant to comment.


@Vivian,i hope this imbeciles are not asking you out,nothing good will come out of their roach infested skulls.

Funny Vivianc you have been mentioning haven't even said hello to you,who wants to associate with a retard anyway ?and yes she has been reading from the side walk dumbos

Please stop taking us back, your wahala is tooo much @ojuju

Nothing like entertainment from a clique of ret*rded men while fumbling with the pots

Haaa! Ojuju Calabar, you are still here when I've sold two cars already in Autos section? Hahaha. I don't usually comment on Nairaland, but your excesses were too much.

@michael I didn't tell you, she scares people away, you were the one that even discovered it yourself. I didn't call her Ojuju Calabar for nothing.
She is a pregnant corper posted to Imo state, she started a thread at the beginning of this year that annoyed the moderator, the thread was CLOSED recently, I guess you guys can see it's not worth it following any advice from this lady.

Final Advice Before I Go Quiet:
Ladies, if you love your children's future, you better treat your in-laws well. I'm giving you this advice as a grown man, I know some of you feel the poster was crossing his boundary, but imagine if the guy was the younger brother of the woman - will she not even give him EXTRA MEAT if he needed more?

She won't even stop there. She will convince her husband to make sure the guy moves in there (because obviously this boy too loves and misses the good times with his dear uncle).
Whether or not you like the boy, he is a blood relation.
Do you know what that means Hmmm #smh

PLEAAASE!!! Don't follow inexperienced people to destroy good relationship.
Tomorrow, your children may just end up without helpers simply because of a plate of rice. A word is enough for the wise. Hmmm.


And FYI, sister know-it-all, vivian would not be bought over by your cheap "patronizing" comment.