Why men want respect and women love

When couples enter into conflict, the bottom line is that they have unmet primary needs. The way God wired man and woman creates in them two basic or primary needs. These are love and respect. When these needs are not met, there is regular friction in the home. This is because when the need of a wife for love, and the need of a husband for respect are not met, they get defensive.

Come to think of it, in our day to day life, when we have unmet needs, we become touchy. What would not irritate us ordinarily becomes a high point of complaint; thus, leaving us frustrated and behaving irrationally. This is the same thing that happens between husband and wives. When her need for love is not met, she becomes difficult and fights back as a way of getting that need met. Likewise, when the husband’s need for respect is not met, he becomes difficult and ready to make life unbearable for his wife.

Why does a wife feel so strong about love and a husband feels that strong about respect? In marital relationship, if the marriage will be successful, the husband and wife need to understand the fact that God has wired men to desire respect from his wife, while the wife is wired to desire love from her husband. That they feel so strong about love and respect is not their fault, God wired them like that.

Love does something to the soul of a wife and respect does something to the soul of a husband. This is the primary drive in both man and woman. It energizes them for optimum performance. According to Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, in his book Love and Respect, “It means that while both need love and respect, women want love far more than respect, and men want respect far more than love.”

When a wife feels unloved and a husband feels disrespected, it leads to serious conflict of interests. This is because it engenders reactions towards each other. Thus, they end up quarrelling more often because both of them have unmet needs for which they hold each other responsible. This is the way Dr. Emerson Eggerichs further explained it: “A good analogy is water and food. We need both to survive, but we live longer without food than without water. For men, love is like food and respect is like water.” It follows likewise for women, respect is like food and love is like water.

A man would rather live with a wife who respects but does not love him than live with a wife who loves but does not respect him. The same goes for a woman; she would rather live with a man who loves her, but does not respect her, than with a man who respects her, but does not love her. To them – man and woman – they would rather have one and do away with the other, if the two cannot be available. So this is the crux of conflicts between husband and wife.

To avoid constant conflicts in marriage, husbands and wives must show themselves love and respect in ways that are meaningful to each other. This is what will help them overcome the never ending circle of conflicts in marriage. How to achieve this will be our focus next week.

How couples react when their primary need of love and respect are not met
The wife begins to nag and criticize the husband for not caring lovingly for her. To her, love means having the most important place in his heart. When this is threatened or she feels she is not occupying that first place in his heart. She starts nagging and the husband starts feeling disrespected by her.

On the other hand, the husband begins to act moody or in unloving ways to protest his not being respected by her. The problem with such reaction by husband and wife is that, it makes it difficult for them to meet each other’s primary needs of love and respect. This is because when a husband feels disrespected, it becomes hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

http://www.tribune.com.ng/news2013/index.php/en/component/k2/item/17651-why-men-want-respect-and-women-love.html

This is a crass gibberish and baloney.
What makes you think that men want respect alone. What kind of woolly and grim conclusion is that.
I'm a man and I NEED LOVE TOO. So the need for love is neither exclusive nor peculiar to women.
Hacked off...

Serendipity: This is a crass gibberish and baloney.
What makes you think that men want respect alone. What kind of woolly and grim conclusion is that.
I'm a man and I NEED LOVE TOO. So the need for love is neither exclusive nor peculiar to women.
Hacked off...

Ooooooh thank goodness I didn't waste time reading all of that!

Serendipity: This is a crass gibberish and baloney.
What makes you think that men want respect alone. What kind of woolly and grim conclusion is that.
I'm a man and I NEED LOVE TOO. So the need for love is neither exclusive nor peculiar to women.
Hacked off...

And as a woman, I WANT RESPECT TOO!
Any man that cannot respect me is on a loooooonnnnnng tin!
I guess it's safe to assume that op is still a learner.

hum