Really missd diz story mach bur fnk God m hia.LAGOS CITY hia we com.

Flow.......wer u dae na

mhen dis tori sweet pass womanliness.foxyflow you are da missile,flow baba you be the hurricane..make una cum continue Asap

LAGOS!! Centre of excellence. If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere, they say.

Truth be told, the city is very harsh, anyone that comes to do "sme-sme" in the city will be referred to as; "you come Lagos come look Uche face". I wonder what is in Uche's face that attracts people.

"sme-sme" is a Lagos slang said to refer to a Lazy fellow.


From the masterpieces of Lekki peninsula, to the high rise buildings of CMS, to the countless streets of Ikeja, to the graveyard streets of Ikoyi, to the hustle and bustle of Oshodi the central nervous system of Lagos, to the "bend down select" market of Yaba, to the Industrial areas of Apapa, so had we toured for nothing but for sightseeing.

If you reside in Lagos, you should notice i didn't mention two most Popular places. Two Places that makes Lagos the second most Popular city in Africa. One is popular because it is heaven for the Rich, while the other is popular because it is hell for the Poor.


Who can guess?


Your guess is as good as mine. The two places are Victoria Island and Ajegunle; V.I and AJ for short.



"Attai you dey mad, no be you say make we lodge for Oriental Hotel, now our money don finish and we never deliver the Coco to General Kolawole" I said as we drove pass Silverbird Galleria.

The same Galleria we went to watch a "movie" with two beautiful Ladies we met at club 10; a club owned by the Nigerian footballer Jay Jay Okocha.

Guess the Movie we watched at the Galleria?

SHREK! A cartoon series.

The Ladies were like: "we love watching cartoons", "Shrek is an interesting cartoon", and since Shrek was the "movie" premiering at the Galleria, we had no choice but to watch the boring cartoon.

Well, it was boring to Me and Attai, and i could tell it was also boring to the Ladies that pretended they loved it.



"shut up your mouth there! No be you say make we carry those girls go Silverbird Galleria?" Attai attacked.

We had spent all our life savings lodging in Oriental Hotel, Watching Shrek in Silverbird Galleria, Clubbing at Club 10, picking some clothes in Yaba "bend down select" like the true ghetto boys we were.

"bend down select" is not the name of an expensive boutique in Lagos, on the contrary, it is the name of where you buy cheap clothes. The prices of such clothes could be as cheap as 150naira each. If one is lucky, he/she could get a quality Kalvin Klein T-shirt for 200naira, that is only if the "quality" Kalvin Klein T-shirt is made in USA; United states of Aba.


All our money was gone!!

Gone!!

And we had spent just 3days in Lagos.




"now we go dey count bridge for Lagos" I said.

"how we go dey count bridge for Lagos, we be Census Officers?" Attai said.

Since Attai was a JJC in Lagos, he wasn't familiar with Lagos slangs, to "count bridge for Lagos" one must not be a National Census Commisions Officer, it means one came to Lagos to pass time. And JJC means Journey just come; that is a first timer in Lagos.

Attai was a JJC, i wasn't, i had been to Lagos severally to Visit my friend Kareem. Whenever i came to see Kareem, it was either to sell or buy Groundnut and Chicken lap, sometimes Kareem tutored me in "Agberoism".

Define Agberoism? You would ask.

Agberoism is the study of Man an his environment; like Social Studies, the difference between Social Studies and Agberoism is that unlike Social Studies Agberoism is strictly for Thugs.

If Agberoism101 was a course in the University of Thuggery, Kareem was my lecturer. He thought me how to be a serious minded Agbero.

If a person that studied Economics is called Economist, then a person that studied Agberoism is called Agbero. From year one in the University of Thuggery Kareem taught me Agberoism101 to Agberoism404 in final year.

A proffesional Thug, that was who Kareem was.



"we no get problem na, shebi your friend Kareem say make we come stay with am for him house" Attai thought we were going to stay in a penthouse, he never knew what AJ city in Lagos stood for.

"ehnnnn! Na there we go stay till on Thursday wey we go deliver the Coco to General Kolawole" I said as we drove pass the street close to Tolu Medical centre is AJ; a stone throw from Kareem's house.

Meanwhile 30kg of Coco was hid under the driver's seat of our car where i sat driving.


General Kolawole stayed in Ojo Military Cantonment, and when we called him last he told us the security in the Cantonment's enterance was so tight. He said since they caught a guy that claimed he was a Colonel's C'.ocaine boy, the Cantonment Authority had bought four Snoop Dogs that sniffs their Nose ransacking every Vehicle that goes into the Cantonment, even Pedestrians.


General Kolawole also told us he had a plan, that something would be sent to us that would make delivering the Coco to him easier.


That "something" shouldn't fetch us a bucket full of tears, i prayed.


I just prayed.

Foxy na your turn o

Foxy! can i call you that? Fire down my brother.

Remember one rule is left unsaid; Rule 7. No forget how we talk am oh.

STILL U FOXY.
STILL I FLOW.

"Flow, since Kareem na your friend, oya come drive this car."

I shouted at Flow for the umpteenth time. I was already mad at him for saying I made the decisions that made us as cashless as a man feigning to be a beggar in Abuja. When I had brought the idea, it had seemed like the best idea ever with Flow singing my praise. I had performed a head dance to the tune he was singing.

We had our bags packed in the boot of the car while our chicken laps were neatly concealed in our pockets. We were in Lagos and taking chances could land you in hell quicker than a bullet from Boko Haram gun.

"Just dey drive make I dey direct you."

The ever lazy Flow replied me, picking pieces of suya he had bought from an aboki with his fingers. Instead of spitting out the suya, he was busy consuming it. Who would blame him, I mused, irritated at his action.

"See, I no want wahala o, make I no go speed pass junction wey we go enter."

I screamed at him. I was screaming because our car stereo was at its highest. I was almost becoming deaf but as a practicing big boy, I chillaxed.

"See as you dey complain like say no be me drive the car the last time wey be say Alhaji give us the car new new."

Flow replied, looking at his face in the mirror.

"That thing na driving them dey call am? You wey nearly end my life"

I said vividly remembering the beatings I had received that fateful night. If only I could turn back the hands of time.

"Oya come this side make I collect wheel for your hand."

I parked at the side of the road, oblivious of the fact that there was a "no parking" sign hanging above me.

"Open the door make you come down na"

I shouted at Flow.

"No, make we exchange"

He replied.

"Na who go follow under and who go follow up?"

I asked him.

"Make we just exchange jor, I look like say I wan gay your nyash?"

He asked me laughing. Maybe, just maybe, he had foreseen it because as soon as we started the exchange, there was a tap on the glass of the car. We paused, with Flow's weight squeezing me, his hand had pressed my ba'lls to the chair and it felt painful.

"Flowwwww...."

My voice had reduced to a squeal.

"You wan kill me?"

I shouted.

"Sorry"

He said curtly and we swapped positions immediately.

The tap came again from the driver's side. A shadow had blocked the light. Flow wound the glass which was tinted black down a little bit to hear whatever the person outside was yelling.

"We are latsma officials and you are under arrest."

I was shocked. Arrested for parking a car. Before I could reply the man, think up a defense or make any move, Flow had fired the car up, accelerating outside their grip. He dodged cars like James Bond until we got to the high way.

"Flow, na who be those people na?"

I asked a stupid question like I was not there when they introduced themselves.

"Na people wey governor send make them come welcome us"

He replied.

"If to say them catch us, we for carry our car bail ourselves."

Flow said as he caught me looking confused. It dawned on me that Lagos really had so many things I needed to learn. I leaned back and closed my eyes, thinking of the mansion Flow was driving us to. The same mansion owned by his friend, Kareem.

Foxy_Flow:

The story continues.

Foxy don't update in a haste because u want ur fans to be happy. Cool down and avoid mistakes. I know nobody is above mistakes, but it seems you didn't assimilate my last update. Your last update was really a shadow of your real self. MY 2KOBO.

"Attai"

Flow had woken me up with a slight slap on the face.

"Na your papa face you just slap"

I said to him gently as I opened my eyes.

"But na you feel the pain na"

He countered. Flow always had something to say so I never got to really make him angry with my words.

"We don reach abeg, stand up"

He said as he opened the door. I stretched and yawned, smacking my lips in the process. I had inclined the seat so I was seeing only the roof of the car and the sky. I sat up slowly, something I should never had been in a hurry to do. I stared at poverty, poverty stared back at me. Poverty I had left a long time ago had come to make its abode in Lagos.

"Jesus!"

I was startled. Flow had slammed the door of the boot shut. I turned to see him making his way to my side. He tapped at the window, then opened the door.

"We don reach na, abi na here you go sleep?"

Flow asked. I was really not in a hurry to get down from the car. I was still in luxury and any attempt to bring my leg outside and step it on the ground will backfire me back to poverty.

"Flow, na wetin be this?"

I asked, my eyes open and burning with a heating anger.

"Na where you carry us land after we flex our money"

Flow said unconcerned.

"No dey repeat that talk. Na me and you spend the money moreover na you wey carry the money dey gamble self na im make us poor like this."

I fired at him. On the first day of our arrival at the hotel, Flow had gone downstairs from our room. He said he needed to drink. He had come back up 15 minutes later to come and break a news to me. He had discovered that Casinos was being operated in the hotel.

"Attai, me I be poker lord"

He had said excitedly.

"You sure, if you no win any money now, you know say we go hear am abi?"

I had asked him. Alhaji had collected our ATM cards from us so we would spend money judicially. Our cellphones too was swapped to a new one which could only call him and our contact. It had only his number and our contact on the phones. We were big men in a bigger city.

"No worry, I dey on top of this game"

He had boasted. I had accompanied him to the casino where a huge chunk of our money was wasted. Flow threw money around and attracted a lot of attention to us. The end result was me sitting down in the car and staring at Flow hard in the face.

"Oya no vex. We no go too stay here na. We just 3 days to stay and you go enjoy am"

Flow said trying to sound convincing.

I had no option than to step down from the vehicle after all, I was also brought up in a ghetto. I adjusted my cloth, picked up my bag which Flow had dropped in front of me and followed him. He had parked in front of a house that looked like a century old. Water was flowing past it and a long wooden board was laid on it to aid people get in and out of the house.

"Flow, na which part of Lagos be this self?"

I asked as we got to the door leading into the compound.

"Na AJ be this"

He replied.

"AJ na person name?"

I asked confused.

"No, we dey Ajegunle"

He replied. I am doomed, I screamed in my head. The same Ajegunle I had been hearing about was going to become my abode for days to come. We crossed the passage into one of the dirtiest compound I had laid my two na'ked eyes upon. The whole environment looked like a dump site. The compound had 10 rooms facing each other. That is a total of 20 rooms. At the extreme end, a man came out of one of the rooms tying only towel and entered into one of the two rooms that looked detached from the rest. He had a pail with him. I concluded that was the bathroom and toilet. I was really in a ghetto.

"My mannest man"

Somebody screamed in a coarse voice. I turned to see a black dude putting on a dirty brown singlet with smiling at us. He was putting on his slippers and at the same time walking towards us. His face looked like a mask, not because it was a mask but because he had cuts and scars everywhere. His teeth appeared to have been re-arranged by a supernatural force.

"K to the A to the R to the E to the E to the M"

Flow screamed, performing a funny dance.

"Ahhhh.... Ore mi, oju we... Weerreee"

The so-called Kareem shouted.

I was left out, my mouth opened wide. I just met a real thug.


TO BE CONTINUED...!!!

Una no dey comment abi?

Oga foxy and flow, i don show... Bring more updates jare

i don laff taya.... make i no die o

I don drop my comment. Una too gud jare!


™ƺƔcιεмεηт®

#following#

This story is the bomb.

Lol, I have been away for so long, this is a nice way in welcoming me back.

Thanks Foxy and Flow

Nice one foxy et flow.............. Unu do well. Unu bam.

keep it coming guyz, you da guddest.

whao! I just bumped onto this, i dont know flow is at it.
My daily dose of humour is now guranteed again. . . Keep on flowing. and foxy, i see u

Foxy_Flow: Thanks for reading.... Endorse this topic so it will make the front page.

https://www.nairaland.com/1387874/naija-thug-life-foxy-flow1759

^^^ Is the link of the story...


Thanks....

Peace out!

when you
run so fast to get somewhere,
you miss half of the fun of
getting there.foxy cul down lets enjoy smal bfor floodin and derealin by multitude.abeqx3

Foxy_Flow:


Coffins for sale

chai, i weave am na ghost mode i dey
...... una no dey c me

Abeg na who write that first update on page 1? Shey na foxy or flow? Which kain small pikin writtin be dis sef? Dis story is not literature& if the page one is anything 2go by, I doubt if I will go beyond page one.
I no read again abeg

*unfollows thread*

MoltenMagma: Abeg na who write that first update on page 1? Shey na foxy or flow? Which kain small pikin writtin be dis sef? Dis story is not literature& if the page one is anything 2go by, I doubt if I will go beyond page one.
I no read again abeg

*unfollows thread*

Ok... your opinion though..Carry on foxy nd flow..we got ur back

"Kareem you say me and Attai go stay for the first junction and you go stay for the other junction" I said to Kareem after we left the "Paraga" joint where we drowned ourselves with Paraga.

"yes na, abi you dey fear?" said Kareem.

One funny thing about my friend Kareem was how he walked.

Kareem's walking step was very funny. He always walked with both fist clung and placed close to his chest. When i asked him why he walked that way, his response was: "you no know say i dey set blow incase fight start, so i go fit blow fast-fast".

I will not forget the day Kareem fought with another Agbero, the guy beat the living day light out of Kareem that at the end of the fight he kept saying; "Flow my eye don comot!! Help me pick my eye!! E dey for ground".

And, trust me na!! My response was; "where your eye na? I no see am oh!! Abi the guy don carry am go?"


"but u know say this my friend na JJC, him no sabi do the work" I told Kareem.

"ehnn You go teach am na" Kareem replied. He meant i should give Attai "on the job" training.

I was a bit scared because unlike the last time i came, i wasn't putting on Agbero Uniform, i was on mufti.

Oh yeah!! Are you surprised? Agberos in Lagos have Uniform, they even have association that is recognized by the State Government. The money gotten daily is handed over to the Leader of Agbero in that Area; who will in turn deliver it to the appropriate authorities. Fortunately or unfortunately, Kareem happened to be the Leader in that Area.

"but Kareem since you be Oga for this place, give one of us your uniform make we wear na" I suggested.

"you no know say our oga kpatakpata for this zone go come? And if him come see say i no wear uniform, i don get wahala be that oh" Kareem stated.

"help us arrange two uniform na, like you take arrange one for me the last time wey i come" I said to Kareem and i saw Attai nodded.

"okay i go try" Kareem promised, a promise he never kept.


Few minutes later, We were at another Paraga joint, this time not drinking Paraga but Monkey tail.

Monkey tail is not a mixture gotten from soaked tails of Monkeys, it is gotten when anything that comes to the mind of the seller is soaked in Ogogoro; sometimes Igboh is soaked in Ogorogo to produce Monkey tail, other times Paw Paw roots are soaked, few a times dried pepper is soaked; little wonder the mixture burns the drinker down to his/her a'.ss.

Legend has it that Monkey tail is a perfect elixir for waist pain.


"Kamoru bawo ni, shey ejii dada?" Kareem shook hands with a guy that came to seat with us, the guy was putting on Agbero uniform. Then two other Agbero came, and we left for our duty posts after recieving instructions from Kareem our Boss.


I was very tipsy. I saw Vehicles as Trees and Humans as Horses.

"Attai na only me and you dey here, how this job be be say we go dey stop buses wey carry passengers, na 50naira we go dey collect for their hand, no dull yourself oh!" That was the only instruction i gave Attai, i wished it sank into his very thick skull.



30minutes had gone.

Attai was really catching up well with the job, i could tell, maybe it was because he was s'kunk drunk, or maybe not.


"Owo da!!" I yelled at a bus conductor.

"staff joko si inu bus!!" He replied.

Interpret: there is staff in the bus. (Yoruba people pls pardon my spelling. Abi una don forget say na me be IBO BOY WEY LIKE YORUBA?)

"staff kini?" I had totally forgotten that a bus containing "staff" was free from our extortion. Staff are what Uniform men are called.

I glanced into the bus to see two young men on green facecaps and green boots that didn't look to me like Army boots, and since they weren't putting on Army uniforms, i said; "Boys scout ni jor".

"Awoah ni oh!!" The bus conductor argued. Awoah is the name Soldiers are called by bus conductors.

"funmi lowo jor, awon Boys scout ni" I yelled.

"Attai block this bus, them no go move, na Boys scout them dey call Awoah" I yelled. As "obedient" as Attai, he did as i instructed.


The next thing i heard was; "kpooooaaar!!" thunder on my cheek, followed by lightening to my eyes.


"who be Boys scout!" I heard with my left ear because my right ear was instantly blocked as a plank landed on it.

"Awoah make una no vex, i think say una be Boys scout oh" They continued beating me.

"Flow make i go call Kareem come" That was the only help Attai could render.

"go quick oh! Na die i dey so oh!" I cried.

The Soldiers beat me so mercilessly that i prayed Kareem would quickly come and plead on my behalf.

A minute of endless beating had gone.
"ejor Awoah!" I heard Kareem pleaded.

"na this guy sell fake Gold watch for us that day" I heard one of the Soldiers said.

"no be me oh" I said, but as i saw the Soldiers chasing Kareem, it dawned on me i wasn't the one they were referring to.