₦airaland Forum

Welcome, Guest: Join Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 2,007,476 members, 4,254,959 topics. Date: Wednesday, 23 May 2018 at 04:32 AM

Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight - Family - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight (47432 Views)

Things Parents Should Never Say Around Kids / 10 Things Never To Say To Your Child / Kneeling Down To Beg Your Spouse After A Fight. (1) (2) (3) (4)

(0) (1) (2) (3) (4) (Reply) (Go Down)

Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by sammyademola: 9:51pm On Aug 09, 2013
Every couple argues, but these words will turn a spat into an all-out-war. Here, the phrases to avoid, and what to do if one passes your lips because hey, it happens.

"I want a divorce"
In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say things you don't mean, but every expert we spoke with agreed that this statement can't easily be taken back-no matter how many times you apologize or swear you didn't mean it. "Statements like 'I'm done with this' or 'I'm leaving' breed insecurity," explains Judi Cinéas, a marriage and family therapist based in Palm Beach, FL. "I always tell clients that this should only be said if you're ready to sign the papers." So what happens if it slips? Apologize and explain that it will never happen again, but know it might be awhile before your partner fully trusts you. And it also may be time for you to do some soul-searching. If you truly blurted it out in a fit of rage, it could be helpful to work through your anger with a professional. But if you said it because it's on your mind, that's indicative of much deeper issues than the argument du jour.


"I'm not mad"
So why are you rolling your eyes, slamming doors, and grunting one-word responses to his questions? Because you don't want to be mad, which isn't quite the same thing as not being mad. "Shutting down and trying to ignore our emotions is an incredibly common reaction to conflict," says Lisa Bahar, a marriage and family therapist in Newport Beach, CA. "We want to be accepted and not have people upset with us." Not only that, but sometimes it's hard to know why you're so annoyed-or you might feel silly explaining why his failure to text that he's running late created this reaction, especially if you haven't cared in the past. If you find yourself tongue-tied when your temper flares, it's fine to take a break and talk when you've cooled down-even if it's just to let him know how confused you feel.

"You're just like your father"
Chances are, you're not saying this because they both do magic tricks or make amazing pancakes-you're saying it to hurt him, and you know it. But this is a low blow for a few reasons. First, by comparing him to his dad, you're expressing that you're no longer seeing him for him. "Everyone wants to be seen as an individual," reminds Cinéas. Second, he likely has tried hard to avoid whatever trait you're bringing up, which will immediately put him on the defensive and ratchet up the emotional stakes in an argument.

"You're such a jerk/coward/expletive of choice"
Weirdly, name-calling triggers the same vulnerabilities as negatively comparing him with someone else-you're telling him that you no longer see him as an individual, says Amy Johnson, Ph.D., a psychologist and life coach in Detroit. "Not only that, but name-calling is a definite sign that your emotions are coloring the situation to the point where nothing constructive will occur. Fighting while you're in that state is like fighting while you're drunk, or on an hour of sleep-it won't make anything better." Instead, give yourself time to calm down by telling your guy you're going to grab coffee and will be back in an hour. And come home when you say you will-if you don't, they'll be more anger, warns Cinéas.



"Look, now the baby is upset, too"
Once the crying starts, it looks like you've got the guilt card on lock-but experts warn that it's a dirty hand to play, even if it does make you seem like the victor in the spat. "One person cannot have an argument," reminds Cinéas. If the baby's wailing, it's a sign both of you are getting riled up. Call a truce, calm down the baby-and yourself-and then begin talking through things calmly. Also, if your kids are older, don't claim you're not fighting if it's clear that you are. Instead, let them know you both lost your tempers, but that you still love each other, and you will work it out, because you always do in the end.

"You did the same thing last time"
Little disagreements become big ones when we bring them up over and over again, reminds Cinéas. "When you've forgiven someone for something, that means that you can't use it as ammunition in a current disagreement." If you find you're continually circling around the same tiny arguments, it could be a sign you should do something different. If he always forgets to wipe down the counters, he's not doing it because he wants a fight-he may not see the mess you do. The easiest option: Take over counter duty and trade him a chore he won't skip.

"You're always late"
Stewing because he arrived nearly half an hour past the time you were supposed to meet for dinner, again? Well, blurting this out makes it even more likely this will happen the next time, says Bahar. Instead of accusing him-or making it sound like he'll never change-let him know why it's important to you that he be on time, like that you don't want to spend part of your date night in conversation with the waiter. Then, try to enjoy the evening. Later, when neither of you is agitated, you can work together to figure out how to avoid lateness being an issue in the future (i.e. texting him at the moment you need him to leave rather than expecting he'll arrive at the time you suggest).

Related: The 8 Biggest Male Insecurities

"Why are you mad?"
He grunts one-word answers when you ask how his day was, and from the angry way he searches for a snack, it seems like he's ready to have a serious blowout with the fridge. But the more you push, the more likely you'll find yourself in a fight that wasn't there to begin with. "People lash out at those they're closest to, and sometimes their moods have nothing to do with our behavior," Cinéas says. That's not to say you should just let him take out his bad mood on you-and if he's often like this, you and he need to have a serious talk about how he handles his anger-but if he's in the occasional bad mood when he gets home from work, or after his team loses a big game, it's fine to give him a wide berth. If he seems fine a few hours later, drop the subject-once he's over it, there's no reason you should hang on.

"You need to talk to me right now"
In all likelihood, you're texting or e-mailing this instead of speaking it. But if you're both in different spots and you feel like a fight is brewing, the best thing you can do is hold your thoughts-at least until you can talk face-to-face. Why? Well, for one, neither of you has a sense of what else is competing for the other's attention-like, say, his sister or your boss-and because of that, you can majorly misread each other's intentions. For example, you may think a half-hour without a response means he's ignoring you, but he could actually just be in a meeting. "Agreeing not to fight over email or text is best because then you can work out what you want to say when you get face-to-face, at which point you should both have calmed down a bit," says Dr. Johnson.

"This is all your fault
"He was the one who said it was fine to get to the airport an hour before takeoff. You wanted to give yourselves two hours, just in case. Now you've both missed your flight. You're furious, but it's not like he's thrilled either. So instead of placing the blame on him, figure out first what you can do to solve the problem, then explain how his behavior made you feel. Saying something like, "I felt like you weren't listening to me, and it was easier to go along with your idea, but I wish I'd spoken up," shows you accept your responsibility in the situation, and also carves a path for a constructive conversation about how to avoid these issues in the future.

By Anna Davies

6 Likes

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by neily(f): 9:56pm On Aug 09, 2013
After all u don't even satisfy me in bed, i was just faking all those sounds.

34 Likes

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by sammyademola: 10:00pm On Aug 09, 2013
neily: After all u don't even satisfy me in bed, i was just faking all those sounds.
I missed that out. Thanks for the addition.

3 Likes

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by Nobody: 10:12pm On Aug 09, 2013
neily: After all u don't even satisfy me in bed, i was just faking all those sounds.

ur tin sef is alredi slack, I wonder if I'm the only landlord

37 Likes

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by baby124: 10:21pm On Aug 09, 2013
neily: After all u don't even satisfy me in bed, i was just faking all those sounds.
mitwitdot:

ur tin sef is alredi slack, I wonder if I'm the only landlord

LMAO. imagine these two married. No wonder some people beat themselves to coma. rotflmao.

32 Likes

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by Enegod(m): 10:21pm On Aug 09, 2013
nice write-up
Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by neily(f): 10:21pm On Aug 09, 2013
mitwitdot:

ur tin sef is alredi slack, I wonder if I'm the only landlord
of course you are not the landlord cos u cannot afford it. I can understand your anger thats why u resort to name calling.
Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by vivianc(f): 10:28pm On Aug 09, 2013
"I don't care, so suit yourself."

3 Likes

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by majalisa(m): 11:19pm On Aug 09, 2013
neily:
of course you are not the landlord cos u cannot afford it. I can understand your anger thats why u resort to name calling.
yet i have the C of O,só how culd i not afford it?i am only angry dat i invested on a salvaged property that has no 3rd Hand value

29 Likes 1 Share

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by Kanwulia: 12:04am On Aug 10, 2013
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!! cheesy
Toooooo late and still very much in LUST!!!! cool
Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by RoyalRoy(m): 6:34am On Aug 10, 2013
"Go To Hell"

"You Coward"


"You will never change"

"Lazy Ass"

"You Are Nothing but a Fool"

"I Curse the day I met you"


Words that can make a man wanna end it all.!!

2 Likes

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by Nobody: 8:04am On Aug 10, 2013
You are not a man - this statement can annoy most men if their wives tell them during a fight

You will kill me today - women are fond of saying this during a fight with their spouse. If im come kill you nko?

I will poison your food - a friend once said this to her husband during a fight and that was the end of the man eating her food.

6 Likes

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by greatgod2012(f): 8:52am On Aug 10, 2013
The truth is that anger is like madness, and any words uttered during that period can ignite fire, so it's better to keep mute or walk away when angry than to utter words that will easily be made reference to in the future or words that can break up a home.
May God help us all.

7 Likes

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by greatgod2012(f): 8:58am On Aug 10, 2013
berem: You are not a man - this statement can annoy most men if their wives tell them during a fight

You will kill me today - women are fond of saying this during a fight with their spouse. If im come kill you nko?

I will poison your food - a friend once said this to her husband during a fight and that was the end of the man eating her food.


Imagine!
How can someone say such a thing
Poisoning is not to be played with at all, even if its me, I won't eat in that house o. Who want to die. That woman will have to beg and beg before the man's relatives can believe it was just a mere threat or words spoken out of anger.
We all have to learn to control our tongue whether we are angry or not. Self control is one of the things that differentiate us from animals. Anyone who can't control his/her tongue is nothing but a........
May God help us all.

2 Likes

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by Nobody: 9:15am On Aug 10, 2013

2 Likes

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by vivianc(f): 9:23am On Aug 10, 2013
Verbal abuse scares the hell outta me, geez!

1 Like

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by RoyalRoy(m): 10:32am On Aug 10, 2013
vivianc: Verbal abuse scares the hell outta me, geez!

A lot of people don't weigh their words before saying it.
I will never call anybody "names" I cannot accept.
I don't take words lightly....if u say terrible things during anger....I believe its your thoughts all the while!!!
I don't & rarely accept ur apology afterwards!!!
I have been fooled with crocodile tears before.....now am "crocodile tears proof"!!

11 Likes

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by Nobody: 10:34am On Aug 10, 2013
greatgod2012:


Imagine!
How can someone say such a thing
Poisoning is not to be played with at all, even if its me, I won't eat in that house o. Who want to die. That woman will have to beg and beg before the man's relatives can believe it was just a mere threat or words spoken out of anger.
We all have to learn to control our tongue whether we are angry or not. Self control is one of the things that differentiate us from animals. Anyone who can't control his/her tongue is nothing but a........
May God help us all.
My sister na so! up till now, my friend's husband doesn't eat her food. after begging and begging, all to no avail!
Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by RoyalRoy(m): 10:42am On Aug 10, 2013
berem: My sister na so! up till now, my friend's husband doesn't eat her food. after begging and begging, all to no avail!

Lolllz....why will he eat her food?

Death wey suppose kill person, wey come open ur cap instead.....na big warning e dey give so...!!!

I won't blame him or join anybody to beg him!!!
Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by Nobody: 10:56am On Aug 10, 2013
Lo @ u will kill me today!

Women get mouth eh!

Imagine me telling hubby" u will kill me today"
Hv u guys seen an angry man?
Very mean!
I will only say that under one condition; I'm very close to d door and no hinderance on my way if he want to descend on me! 100 metres shuttle all d way!
Who wan die?

2 Likes

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by Nobody: 11:14am On Aug 10, 2013
Royal Roy: "Go To Hell"

"You Coward"


"You will never change"

"Lazy Ass"

"You Are Nothing but a Fool"



Words that can make a man wanna end it all.!!

Really??!! The list above can make you end your relationship??

Dude check yourself, you're battling with deeper issues undecided

2 Likes

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by RoyalRoy(m): 11:25am On Aug 10, 2013
*Shollypopz:


Really??!! The list above can make you end your relationship??

Dude check yourself, you're battling with deeper issues undecided


For Your Mind!!!!

Guess u are familiar & okay with such phrases!

2 Likes

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by Nobody: 11:27am On Aug 10, 2013
yellowpawpaw: Lo @ u will kill me today!

Women get mouth eh!

Imagine me telling hubby" u will kill me today"
Hv u guys seen an angry man?
Very mean!
I will only say that under one condition; I'm very close to d door and no hinderance on my way if he want to descend on me! 100 metres shuttle all d way!
Who wan die?
ha-ha! any woman who tells him husband "you will kill me today",she's obviously holding the man by his shirt or trousers. grin

3 Likes

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by Nobody: 11:46am On Aug 10, 2013
Royal Roy:

For Your Mind!!!!

Guess u familiar with such phrases!
I find your unnecessary use of exclamation marks funny, calm down dude grin

Yes, I'm familiar with some 'cos' I sometime use them when I'm not mad.
These are regular insults which can very well be true. They do not hit below the belt, you appear as one who has his head stuck far up his a*ss

1 Like

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by vivianc(f): 11:54am On Aug 10, 2013
Its not just a woman's thing, a lot of guys are verbally abusive too.

4 Likes

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by Nobody: 12:02pm On Aug 10, 2013
Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by sammyademola: 5:19am On Aug 11, 2013
greatgod2012:


Imagine!
How can someone say such a thing
Poisoning is not to be played with at all, even if its me, I won't eat in that house o. Who want to die. That woman will have to beg and beg before the man's relatives can believe it was just a mere threat or words spoken out of anger.
We all have to learn to control our tongue whether we are angry or not. Self control is one of the things that differentiate us from animals. Anyone who can't control his/her tongue is nothing but a........
May God help us all.
Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by drake2005: 6:14pm On Aug 12, 2013
Why all these wahala. Just remain single and enjoy this life.

1 Like

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by Lordave: 6:15pm On Aug 12, 2013
Royal Roy: "Go To Hell"

"You Coward"


"You will never change"

"Lazy Ass"

"You Are Nothing but a Fool"

"I Curse the day I met you"


Words that can make a man wanna end it all.!!
these ones na curse?
I like my wife.
Na bottle, plank, monday hammer and pestle we take dey curse.

1 Like

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by Nobody: 6:16pm On Aug 12, 2013
I will stop saying such!!

2 Likes

Re: Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight by MsSteph(f): 6:17pm On Aug 12, 2013
B4 d break up I will mke sure his atm card is wit me b4 I break up dat day

(0) (1) (2) (3) (4) (Reply)

This Lady Has Been Missing For 445 Days Now (photo) / "I Never Believed I Would Marry An Illiterate" - Abuja Based Lady Reveals. Photo / Man Catches His Childless Wife Having Sex With Customer To Get Pregnant

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (0) (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2018 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 155
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.