"Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy stuff we don't need." ------- Tyler Durden (Fight Club)



In this article, we are going to go beyound the stereotypical masculine traits like strength, dominance, aggression, protector, provider, etc. (Even teenagers possess all that stuff )

We are going to talk about ELITE Manliness - what it really means to be a man to the FULL.

And we'll be charting the terrain, the internal workings, of an elite masculine mind. The cartography of manliness if you may. Or a journey THROUGH the center of a man.


Many of us guys are under the very persistent illusion that it is all about the money. That a man becomes a man the moment he rakes up a huge pile of cash in the bank. That what makes a man worthy is the amount of money he has in the bank; and the wealth of resources at his disposal.


But in truth, becoming a man is not really a becoming...but an unfoldment, a discovery, an unlocking of an innate potentiality. And this has absolutely nothing to do with cowrie shells!


Sure, you can make a very compelling argument that money is it. That the simple possession of money earns you 'respect'; that money gets the girls and that money adds to you and 'completes' you as a man. Cmon! What else can you possibly say? Isn't this fact so obvious?

Haba!, this 'argument' don end even before e begin.


Well, I used to think so too.

But with a little investigation, a little probing and a little experiencing; this house of misinformation immediately crumbles like a house of cards.

Every observant person will bear witness to the countless number of adult males who act like kids, men who behave like women and several contemptible 'money-miss-roads' who dole out cash like vending machines without 'effect'.

Even, are attributes like drive, persistence, perseverance and vision - central to success in any enterprise - not subsets of the #1 core elite masculine trait of SELF-TRUST? (mentioned below).


At a point in history, the Earth was the centre of the Solar System...and everything else, including the Sun revolved around it. Or so we thought. This 'FACT' was a no-brainer. You didn't need a rocket scientist to tell you that this was so. You wake up in the morning and the sun is out your kitchen window. And in the evening it sinks below the horizon, out the view of your front porch.


To even dispute this, you would either be a blind, thick-headed idíot or a dangerous heretic.

Well today, we think differently. However, we still use expressions like sun-set & sun-rise for the apparent movement of the sun. Moral: sometimes things are not what they appear to be.


Am not completely knocking on money here. It's certainly a useful tool...but a tool nevertheless. It is like a hoe, pliers or a lawn-mower. It is not the real thing. A hammer doesn't a carpenter make and a scalpel doesn't make you a surgeon either.


Sure, if I didn't have at least a basic subsistence, I wouldn't even have access to the internet to post this - or have food to fuel my body.

But there's so much more to one's substance as a man than the mere possession of money.


Below are the core attributes I believe to be at the very heart of what 'being a man' truly is:



#1. SELF-TRUST: This is actually a more accurate description of what CONFIDENCE really is. Not being loud or ostentatious. But unwavering self-belief.

Self-trust is what a warrior finds when he fights a battle and survives. Self-trust is what an artiste taps into when he steps on stage before an expectant crowd - and knows that he will deliver. It is what a song-writer feels when he pens a song in the middle of the night - and believes with certainty that this song which just took form in his heart is good enough for everybody.


Society is in a conspiracy of sorts to rob you of your innate strength, your basic vitality and your natural self-belief as a man.

Society will turn you into a great engineer, a wonderful architect and a fine doctor...but it will destroy the fabric of your masculinity. It will turn you into a validation seeking zombie; a follower instead of the leader that you are.

Self-trust is the attribute you unlock when you climb an Everest. It is the hidden trait you discover when you go against the grain or when you shoulder responsibility.

Self-trust comes from stepping up.



#2. AUTHENTICITY: Being authentic means being your self to the hilt. Not trying to modify who you are or your actions because of how other people will perceive you.

You achieve an alignment between your thoughts, words and actions.

You don't apologize for your desires as a man. You bend over every chic if that is what pleases you. You say what truly feel without minding whose ox is gored. You wear what you want to wear because it is what you like.

You order fufu when everyone is eating rice and taking ice cream - because you love fufu. You don't tell tall-tales of how you slew dragons and rode dinosaurs or how you are the owner of British Petroleum - simply because it is not true.

You do whatever because it is what you want to do - not from a place of narcissism or insensitivity. Of course you're also sensitive and don't go out of your way to offend. But you also know that it's inevitable, that some people are not just gonna like you either way.

They even killed Jesus!



#3. AUTONOMY: Your sense of who you are becomes autonomous. Your sense of identity becomes COMPLETELY independent of external sources. You stop looking out-ward for a definition of yourself.

Even if you're placed in the middle of a filled 90,000-capacity stadium, and everyone choruses in unison that you're an idíot, that you're good-for-nothing or that you are a móron - it wouldn't hit...BECAUSE...you hold yourself to a higher standard than anyone else would. AND because you hold your opinion of yourself, by yourself on a far higher scale than anyone else.

You disconnect yourself completely from the matrix. The matrix of societal expectations, the matrix of conformity. The matrix of moving unquestioningly with the herd.


We live in an unthinking society of mindless zombies. We are all more or less like programmed robots, mechanically responding to external stimuli with no individual thought whatsoever. We have no strong convictions of our own. We always go with the public consensus.


You use the phone you do because OTHER people think it is cool. You wear the clothes you wear because OTHER people think it is cool. You drive the car you do because OTHER people rep it. Your house is built to the taste of 500 million others.

But just ONE man in a moment of originality came up with that 'cool' stuff you now identify with.

Who decides what is cool sef?

I'll quote a favourite author of mine here, Ralph Waldo Emerson (In his Essay 'Self Reliance' - one of the damn finest piece of writing on the ENTIRE planet - every human being should really read that...and internalize it):

"It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.

The objection to conforming to usages that have become dead to you is that it scatters your force. It loses your time and blurs the impression of your character. If you maintain a dead church, contribute to a dead Bible society, vote with a great party either for the government or against it, spread your table like base housekeepers — under all these screens I have difficulty to detect the precise man you are..."

#4. Non-attachment: You deeply understand that everything on this temporal plane is fleeting, ephemeral, transient. And that every circumstance, good/bad, is merely a different face of the same impermanent coin.

You treat all 'your possessions' with the same levity and lightness with which you will treat even the finest sand-castle you've built by the beach.

It is never yours. You do not stay behind to guard it. You do not build a fence around it; and you do not take it home either. The sand was there when you came...and it will be there long after you're gone - so will your car, house, land and everything else . They're all just temporary playthings.

You do not fuse your identity with things. Anything.

You will not be diminished in any way (I hope) if your skyscraper sand-castle gets washed away by the tides. It is also equally ridiculous to feel diminished when your other temporary playthings dissolve, get taken away or just go the way of all physical forms.


You feel exactly the same way the day you have N7k and the day you have N7 billion. ...sure, there could be the surface excitement that you can now get more done and have more experiences. But it's actually just like the surface ripples on a very calm lake.

Not like "I Am now the f*cking sh*t, am now richer than everyone, everybody else is an ant compared to me...and I am now ENHANCED" - you see?

It's cool to hustle when it's time to hustle, but you also have a certain detachment from the outcome of your hustle. You're happy when you lose and also happy when you win. You don't 'kill' yourself over the outcome of your endeavours.


And you're the same the day when everyone thinks you're the shít, and exactly the same when everyone thinks you're full of shít. You're the same on the days women chase you down and the day they all run away from you.

And finally, you're not 'attached' to any work, any relationship, any union, any friendship any interaction or any outcome. You give your 'all' in all these, but you also perfectly understand that they all could come to an end at any moment. And you go jejely pack your load go.

this actually makes a whole lot of sense. thumbs up poster

applause. Not just nice but invaluable. Thanks brother

criuze: applause. Not just nice but invaluable. Thanks brother

is you a man?? madam wetin consign yu with this one?

nice one..front page plss

Someone rebut options 3 and 4 or modify at the very least, so I don't hv to do it

I wonder why the title is, "What it Really Means To Be A Man" when the same thing can be said for, "What it Really Means To Be A Woman"?

sholypopz: Someone rebut option 3 and 4 or modify, at least.

I wonder why the title is, "What it Really Means To Be A Man" when the same thing can be said for, "What it Really Means To Be A Woman"?

cuz it was written by a man with, men in mind, with the purpose of the enlightenment of men for the underlying goal of equipping men to become the effective leaders that society expects them to be.

AncientJerk:

cuz it was written by a man with, men in mind, with the purpose of the enlightenment of men for the underlying goal of equipping men to become the effective leaders that society expects them to be.

LOL, cuz it was written by a man or bcuz he had men in mind?? I should discredit all that has been written by male biologists/psychologists about the female gender, how dare they write anything about the opposite gender?!

No need being an a*ss, I get your point.

'

Genius

It's been a long time coming!

Wow, can't believe someone ever had the same opinion as I on this subject. Good points raised Richfella.

Wherever this thread may end up, I just want y'all to know that I was here. Hehe!

AncientJerk:

is you a man?? madam wetin consign yu with this one?

Lol, plenty my brother. Although I had men in mind, this equally applies to women. It's about a 'coming of age' for any human being.

sholypopz:
I wonder why the title is, "What it Really Means To Be A Man" when the same thing can be said for, "What it Really Means To Be A Woman"?

You guys have historically had a way of reading yourselves in .

On the other hand, I've never been a woman, but I figure it's not so hard . Just breeze into the nearest boutique. Buy a mini-skirt, a pair of heels, lip-gloss and some nice Brazilian weave...and you're in business!

crackhaus: Wow, can't believe someone ever had the same opinion as I on this subject. Good points raised Richfella.

Wherever this thread may end up, I just want y'all to know that I was here. Hehe!

Abi

To be a man is to understand and respect the power of choice.

Having ur third leg so ACTIVE

Which kind long talk be this one abi na indian film

Too Long Op ; Didnt Read

Having ur third leg so ACTIVE makes U a MAN

Akpors was addicted to
masturbating
One day he was driving
his lorry along the road,
all of a sudden he was
in the mood to masturbate, he couldn't
help it
he den packed his lorry
up the hill and jump
down and hide beside
his lorry then he started
started masturbating.
he
was enjoying it and was
doing it with his eyes
close. suddenly a police man
saw him from a
distance
and shouted and asked,
Police man........hey mr
man what are u doing there ?
Akpors replied with a
his eyes closed..... am
trying
to check the oil in my
lorry Police man replied..... oh
pls if u finished checking
the oil please check the
brake too
Akpor ask.... why ?
Police man replied...... Cos your lorry has rolled
down to the next
street.


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Should i go and live in a cave for 25 years from my life time to be called a man? look, how you impact whats around you makes you a man, not necessarily the dummies around you.

You deserve the nobel peace prize for patience if you read this post from top to bottom. The menace of copy and paste.

Nice write up. Great points. But I have a problem believing the OP can do all that he stated in his posts.

It resonates! Man know thy self. Lol at the fufu example. Iam guilty. It took me time to understand and start accepting that non atachment. Iam a far more better human now.

Well 4rm my own point view to dis issue, when you talk of man, every male adult is a man so far u'r above 20s. But when it comes to men, oh boy ur impact in someone life is most important.

kennygee: You deserve the nobel peace prize for patience if you read this post from top to bottom. The menace of copy and paste.

I just did..

Oya where is my nobel peace prize?

summary plz