Winneygirl: This thread hasn't gone down well.
I just think what she's saying is for wives to pay a little more attention to their husbands outlook.
After many years together and a number of kids, it may be hard cleaning up after the kids and checking to make sure he's shaved,no rumpled shirts etc.
.
A little attention in this regard from time to time should not hurt.

in which universe does a woman check to see if a man is shaved, or a man wait for a woman to remind him to shave?

must you swallow everything you read on nl, or are you the op.

i just dont know where seun gets yall, from mamagee to onila to this buttheadlicious.

una too many for here.

@OP, seeing as you can't help but empathise the 'plight' of married men, why not extend your humanitarian gesture of 'concern' to ALL married men?

I mean, why stop at your boss? What about your average roadside mechanic? Molue driver? Wheelbarrow pushed at the market? Hmmm?

Try to be more inclusive. Trust me, you'll be doing us married women a big favour, since we obviously haven't got a clue on how to 'maintain' our overgrown baby husbands.

Talk about taking Panadol for someone else's headache.

Mtcheew.

@op; sincerely, sincerely, i mean i want to be sincere with you...............YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR........for...........
1. Following another woman's husband to a salon.
2. Buying a new shirt for another woman's husband at the place of his work, not as a gift but as a makeover, pray, tell me, where and how did you expect the man to tell his wife he got the shirt from or you expected him to go home and start fighting with his wife for failing to wear neat shirt on him(since to you he is a baby).
3. Being judgemental on the wife, do you know whether the woman complained before he left home and didn't answer her? Do you know whether the woman wasn't around on those days he came to office unkempt? Do you know whether the man usually and intentionally comes to office that way because he needs your attention and because he knows that you are not the type that do mind your business.
4. For calling your boss a baby who does not know how to look good and an untidy and unkempt man. Maybe, you dont know the implication of what you are doing, i just pray you won't get sacked one day with the excuse that you call and refer to your boss as a baby and a dirty pig.



Now, let me ask a question................ Can you proudly tell your boss' wife everything she failed to do to her hubby which you have helped her to do in the office?

If you cant; then it means you have overstepped your boundary and it is better for you to start retracing your steps.
May God help you. Amen.

If this story is true, then @ops try and stop that. You have gone too far. What's your interest in that? What are you driven at? You want him to notice you or what? To compare you with the wife, so as to c fault in her or what? You should have notice if he take his bath or not so as to take care of that too. Dnt worry by the time you are married, you will no what marriage is all about. Ppl like you are the ones that will later complain that your husbby turn you to house help. My dear,almost everyone that comment on your thread against your action, which shows its wrong. We all cnt be against you if you are doing the right tin. So face your job.

Efemena_xy: @OP, seeing as you can't help but empathise the 'plight' of married men, why not extend your humanitarian gesture of 'concern' to ALL married men?

I mean, why stop at your boss? What about your average roadside mechanic? Molue driver? Wheelbarrow pushed at the market? Hmmm?

Try to be more inclusive. Trust me, you'll be doing us married women a big favour, since we obviously haven't got a clue on how to 'maintain' our overgrown baby husbands.

Talk about taking Panadol for someone else's headache.

Mtcheew.

Seconded!

My own 2kobo.

@ Op..and you actually think you are making sense with this your post.

It seems you have lots of free time in your hands at work for you to start noticing every detail on your boss and even take him out for grooming..na wa o.

You had better face your work and life before somebody breaks your head or swear for you..haba! You really have gone overboard. And to imagine the man sef, dey follow you go salon and all that..these our men sha.

Shebi e remain small wey you sef go join league of married women, that's when you go knw wat's up..don't worry I'l" be looking out for your post when you come back on here complaining.

Home wrecker radarada
#and she actually thinks she's making a point sha! ..o ga o!

A man returns late from work somewhat tired

he probably gets carried away spending time with wifey then they sleep off

next morning it's time for work

then he discoveres there's no clean shirt left

he stays calm without even trying to raise an issue and probably tells full time housewife to help him wash some others

then he puts on some other shirt and goes to work

in as much as I think the op went too far going with him to the salon, I still think her message should not be ignored

why do women think they're the only ones to be pampered all the time?

Men need that too once in a while

now you all should quit ranting and take the advice

You think he's a man and therefore needs no attention right ?

If you don't take care of him then someone else May

Imanuelle: A man returns late from work somewhat tired

he probably gets carried away spending time with wifey then they sleep off

next morning it's time for work

then he discoveres there's no clean shirt left

he stays calm without even trying to raise an issue and probably tells full time housewife to help him wash some others

then he puts on some other shirt and goes to work

in as much as I think the op went too far going with him to the salon, I still think her message should not be ignored

why do women think they're the only ones to be pampered all the time?

Men need that too once in a while

now you all should quit ranting and take the advice

You think he's a man and therefore needs no attention right ?

If you don't take care of him then someone else May

And pray tell me why she has to care for another woman's man? How does it affect her paycheck? Did the boss complain? Does she even know if the man is just plain dirty and has refused his wife's efforts to making him clean? What's her freaking business?

She has no justifiable reason.

You just don't go out and start blaming the wife for whatever. Women don suffer for dis world whr we dey. And to think that she's a woman herself. Still smh sha..

Op, mind your business

I clean this,I wash that...you don't know d step his wife ill take if she is aware of wats happening

Take the advice by posters above.

I don laugh tire this morning!

Poster don hear am!

Next time, u should pls mind ya biz.
U really went far!
It seems ur boss gat no balls at all hence he would have warned u sternly for meddling in an affair that's obviously not ur biz or he is seriously eyeing u and u r providing him d needed atmosphere to plunge in or something fishy is already going on!

Ur bobo no do u?
Let d man be jare!

Have u been to his house before?
If u r really interested in helping him groom himself, get close to the wife, simple.
For boycotting the wife to get to d man, u r already trying to distabilise that union.
Lady, retract ur step.

Imanuelle: A man returns late from work somewhat tired

he probably gets carried away spending time with wifey then they sleep off

next morning it's time for work

then he discoveres there's no clean shirt left

he stays calm without even trying to raise an issue and probably tells full time housewife to help him wash some others

then he puts on some other shirt and goes to work

in as much as I think the op went too far going with him to the salon, I still think her message should not be ignored

why do women think they're the only ones to be pampered all the time?

Men need that too once in a while

now you all should quit ranting and take the advice

You think he's a man and therefore needs no attention right ?

If you don't take care of him then someone else May

My dear, even as a newly married,I don't do hubby's clothes then.
Why do u work if u can't put ur money to better use?
How much is washing machine?
Dry cleaners nko?
See d way u put it as if to say wives r slaves!
Nawaa for some pple o!
U wan kill me cos I'm married?
No way!
Its a union and all hands must be on deck to make it work!
Didn't ur pastor say so on ur wedding day?
Marriage is meant to be enjoyed!

I don't know why everyone's getting worked up . I don't see anything wrong in what the OP did. Who knows? she probably just saved the company by getting him to wear a clean shirt!

And please just because someone takes an action different from what you are accustomed to gives you no right to make scathing or abusive remarks, especially if you have some sort of "following"?

Jeez! What's wrong in buying a shirt for a man/ accompanying him to the salon? Must everything start and end in extra-marital affairs with you lot? Some people can still have good relationships with other people WITHOUT escalating to other dimensions.

Her advice is simple: Married women, take better care of your husbands.

Off topic: There seems to be a "gang" on family threads. This is not good for open discussions. Once one of them takes a stand, the rest align. It's a pity that one of these "gang" members complained of being an outsider a while ago.

ayde:

And pray tell me why she has to care for another woman's man? How does it affect her paycheck? Did the boss complain? Does she even know if the man is just plain dirty and has refused his wife's efforts to making him clean? What's her freaking business?

She has no justifiable reason.

You just don't go out and start blaming the wife for whatever. Women don suffer for dis world whr we dey. And to think that she's a woman herself. Still smh sha..

i did blame her for the extremism

But I'm still saying women should take the advice

yellowpawpaw:
My dear, even as a newly married,I don't do hubby's clothes then.
Why do u work if u can't put ur money to better use?
How much is washing machine?
Dry cleaners nko?
See d way u put it as if to say wives r slaves!
Nawaa for some pple o!
U wan kill me cos I'm married?
No way!
Its a union and all hands must be on deck to make it work!
Didn't ur pastor say so on ur wedding day?
Marriage is meant to be enjoyed!

so washing your husbands clothes = slavery ?

Really ??

aniffy4eva: I don't know why everyone's getting worked up . I don't see anything wrong in what the OP did. Who knows? she probably just saved the company by getting him to wear a clean shirt!

And please just because someone takes an action different from what you are accustomed to gives you no right to make scathing or abusive remarks, especially if you have some sort of "following"?

Jeez! What's wrong in buying a shirt for a man/ accompanying him to the salon? Must everything start and end in extra-marital affairs with you lot? Some people can still have good relationships with other people WITHOUT escalating to other dimensions.

Her advice is simple: Married women, take better care of your husbands.

Off topic: There seems to be a "gang" on family threads. This is not good for open discussions. Once one of them takes a stand, the rest align. It's a pity that one of these "gang" members complained of being an outsider a while ago.

we are not saying we dont get her message but all we, me specifically is saying is that, she shouldn't have gone to the extent she went, how will she feel if someone else do what she did to that her boss to her hubby. How does she want the wife to feel when ho got home with another shirt, does she want to cause chaos in that marriage? Is the boss' wife aware of everything she has been doing to him at workplace?
I'm always of "do unto others what you want them do unto you"



and if you are conversant with this section of the forum, no married woman will kick against taking care of their hubby, except she doesn't love him or the man refuse to heed to advice.
May God help us all.

aniffy4eva: I don't know why everyone's getting worked up . I don't see anything wrong in what the OP did. Who knows? she probably just saved the company by getting him to wear a clean shirt!

And please just because someone takes an action different from what you are accustomed to gives you no right to make scathing or abusive remarks, especially if you have some sort of "following"?

Jeez! What's wrong in buying a shirt for a man/ accompanying him to the salon? Must everything start and end in extra-marital affairs with you lot? Some people can still have good relationships with other people WITHOUT escalating to other dimensions.

Her advice is simple: Married women, take better care of your husbands.

Off topic: There seems to be a "gang" on family threads. This is not good for open discussions. Once one of them takes a stand, the rest align. It's a pity that one of these "gang" members complained of being an outsider a while ago.

thanks a million

The fact that most girls out there play games with their bosses shouldn't be reason enough to conclude that every kind gesture is a husband snatching tactic

I'm waiting for chaircover to respond

And I'm quite disappointed at those already insulting the op

Sometimes we need to look at the message and let the messenger be.

OP, you need to understand that there is a limit a third-party can interfere in a marriage. Your boss may be looking unkempt always and may not be connected to the wife's non-nonchalant or uncaring attitude. Except you have all the facts and details about his home can you make the deduction that his wife neglected him and left him to look like a dirty pig.

Does it happen everyday or its an occasional thing? If it is occasional, it is understandable and if it is a daily occurrence, it could be a reflection of the marriage or the man is dirty himself. There are some physical signs you see to know that there are problems in the home of some people. If its not a function of problems in his marriage, then your boss is a dirty person and there is nothing anybody can do (even his wife) to redeem him from dirtiness except he changes himself.

As much as I understand your innocent intention, you need to be cautioned on the ways you are going about this business of concern for your boss. Do not think the posters rebuking you hate you or think you have ulterior motive, they are experienced married people and they know the end result of the journey you started. Hence, they are scared for you. What a child can't see standing up, an elder sees sitting down from afar. You have to keep to your boundaries in your work place.

You have told him once, twice or many times about his untidiness, that should be enough and you need not take it upon yourself as the wife. That is going too far. Except you have a look-good department in your office and you are part of it, that takes care of the boss outlook, I don't think there was a need for you to follow the boss to the salon. Let not your good intentions be taken for evil. If you know the wife, why not with this innocent concern talk to her and if possible let her understand how the members of staff feel with his look. Probably change will come and it will save you of the stress of monitoring his dressing.

Your intention may be innocent but trust me, this is how emotional bonding starts. If you continue at this rate with him, you both are potential candidates for infidelity. Understand your boundaries and keep to it. You also never can tell if this is a trick he is playing to get your attention. The end result may not be palatable.

@All, although the OP didn't pass her message across well and went too far, she actually has a point. Let's be attentive to our spouses and for the men, let's listen to the ladies when they criticize our wears. I know some men are stubborn and can't handle their wives helping them look good, they prefer the girl in the office to correct their dressing than their wives.

God bless everybody's home

@op

Please advice him to get a washing machine

I'm sure he can afford it.

First of all, let me point out the fact that there are different types of relationships between a Boss and subordinate depending on how well they relate and the Boss' temperament. The OP has studied her boss well and knows the kind of person he is before showing gestures to him.


It is not every work environment that goes with high handedness and fear as obtained in most companies in Nigeria, so, the OP might be able to talk to her boss like an elder brother.


When I was in the Bank, my immediate boss used to fumble with his tie and I always tell him that, "Sir, you didn't do your tie well". He would remove it and say, "Ok, do it for me" with a smile. Infact, every morning he will ask me if it is okay and we will both smile after the answer. He also asks me about colour combinations too and he changes anyone that doesn't match from his car. This is because, I know the kind of person he is and we flow well even though we aren't too close. Isn't that surprising?


Having said that, women generally hate to hear the truth and are usually belligerent when told the truth. The OP is giving a lil advice to women to take good care of their husbands by assessing him before going to work (which is not too much to ask of) but most of them turned blind eyes to the main issue and started castigating the OP's gestures to her boss. Some people can be senseless(no apologies), one ediat was even talking about her English. Yes, the OP could have soft pedalled in her approach but her points has been clearly stated. If you like listen, if you like don't listen and wait until your marriage crumbles like a pack of cards.


Well, in my own family, my mum assesses dad every morning and every time. She even helps to comb/ brush his hair and helps with the best combination of clothes. Before you quote this and say nonsense, let me point out the fact that my dad dresses well on his own and very neatly too, so, you can imagine the outcome when assessed. Superb!!! When he is away and mum is around, she washes, starch and irons his clothes. Infact, such gestures are usually a surprise package cos he will be looking for his dirty clothes when he comes back only for him to open the wardrobe and see a total transformation. How will a man feel and treat his wife if that was done to him? Won't he be appreciative? Nothing less than three people have asked my dad in my presence the question, "who is your drycleaner?". He will smile and say he doesn't have one that his wife helps him. They always wished they had that kind of wife and some even calls to acknowledge the fact that they see her handwork on dad and some joke about it too when they see and dad is always smiling and saying 'thank you my dear' and same thing goes to every member of the family.....my sisters won't even allow me wear a cloth twice even if it isn't dirty and if their clothing is a lil bit tight too, I suggest a change and so on and so forth.


It is a fact that, "LOVE" is one thing that is fast fading in most homes and some marriages are crumbling due to this. Don't put your frustrations on the OP rather, try and make corrections if yours is failing. I am a man and YES those lil things count and brings respect and love in the family.

@bellong, thank you, sure, she has a good message which should be followed but all im saying is that she went to the extreme in showing her concern.
May God help us all.

greatgod2012:
we are not saying we dont get her message but all we, me specifically is saying is that, she shouldn't have gone to the extent she went, how will she feel if someone else do what she did to that her boss to her hubby. How does she want the wife to feel when ho got home with another shirt, does she want to cause chaos in that marriage? Is the boss' wife aware of everything she has been doing to him at workplace? I'm always of "do unto others what you want them do unto you"

and if you are conversant with this section of the forum, no married woman will kick against taking care of their hubby, except she doesn't love him or the man refuse to heed to advice.May God help us all.

This is precisely my point. Who determines the extent? I'm pretty impressed that she's very concerned about the image of the company and will not let her boss spoil it because of his "marital issues". The fact that she didn't mention anything about contacting the wife also shows that she isn't being meddlesome.

My main challenge with this thread, and largely the forum, is that there seems to be an ideal that we expect everyone to ascribe to just because we do. About being conversant with this section, trust me, i've been around for a while... No be by number of posts o.

Excellent answer Mr B!
At least from a man's perspective.

To d person asking whether washing hubby's clothes equals slavery,
My dear, as u make ur bed, so u will lie on it. What works for me might not work for u.chikena


*Work continues*

bellong has said it all...

we should ease up on the ganging up once in a while..

Lmao. See pot calling kettle black. Shuuuushhh already

aniffy4eva:

This is precisely my point. Who determines the extent? I'm pretty impressed that she's very concerned about the image of the company and will not let her boss spoil it because of his "marital issues". The fact that she didn't mention anything about contacting the wife also shows that she isn't being meddlesome.

My main challenge with this thread, and largely the forum, is that there seems to be an ideal that we expect everyone to ascribe to just because we do. About being conversant with this section, trust me, i've been around for a while... No be by number of posts o.

Nawaa for this ur analysis.
The thing get as ebi!

Let me tell u one thing, any woman or man that gets closer to a married person w'out d knowledge of the spouse is brewing trouble. Very serious trouble.
Its a complex picture.
God help her the wife is not mike tyson type or the type that can easily pour acid, I bet u on d day of reckoning she will get that in full cos she asked for it.
That is a prof ground. Behave professionally.

Anybody can ascribe any meaning to her actions.

How did u know that she is trying to maintain d company image?
Nawaa o!

aniffy4eva:

This is precisely my point. Who determines the extent? I'm pretty impressed that she's very concerned about the image of the company and will not let her boss spoil it because of his "marital issues". The fact that she didn't mention anything about contacting the wife also shows that she isn't being meddlesome.

My main challenge with this thread, and largely the forum, is [b]that there seems to be an ideal that we expect everyone to ascribe to [/b]just because we do. About being conversant with this section, trust me, i've been around for a while... No be by number of posts o.

When in Rome, we behave like the Romans and when in Nigeria, we must behave like Nigerians... You cannot exclude cultural practices from people irrespective of race and gender.

Now, let's talk like Nigerians. The poster does not know what is going in the man's home and she doesn't even have an idea if the wife have been accusing her husband of infidelity. Someone who knows the woman sees the OP going to the salon with the husband, the wife's suspicion is thereby confirmed that the husband is cheating on him. Ordinarily, in any part of the world, how many single girls go with married man to salon in the name of helping out? I understand cultural practices of few countries I have read about, I know they do not take that as platonic relationship.
She can buy the man a shirt, that's not a big deal if it is a present on a different day. But for the man changing cloth and going back home in a different shirt, trust me, the wife will ask when he bought the shirt. Except he lies to her, no woman will take it lightly with you for receiving a shirt from a single girl in the office. There is no way you can defend it that nothing is going on, not even someone under suspicion.

The girl may be innocently putting herself in trouble for her extreme action. I do not support her outright condemnation for her attitude but she needs caution in her actions so as to save her face too. She cannot withstand the violence of an angry and hurtful housewife.

biolabee: bellong has said it all...

we should ease up on the ganging up once in a while..

Biolabee what is ganging up here?
Ok, lady pls continue with ur good work. U can extend it to other dirty males in ya office or outside ya office.
U r doing well,pls keep it up.

[/i]

bellong: Sometimes we need to look at the message and let the messenger be.

OP, you need to understand that there is a limit a third-party can interfere in a marriage. Your boss may be looking unkempt always and may not be connected to the wife's non-nonchalant or uncaring attitude. Except you have all the facts and details about his home can you make the deduction that his wife neglected him and left him to look like a dirty pig.

Does it happen everyday or its an occasional thing? If it is occasional, it is understandable and if it is a daily occurrence, it could be a reflection of the marriage or the man is dirty himself. There are some physical signs you see to know that there are problems in the home of some people. If its not a function of problems in his marriage, then your boss is a dirty person and there is nothing anybody can do (even his wife) to redeem him from dirtiness except he changes himself.

As much as I understand your innocent intention, you need to be cautioned on the ways you are going about this business of concern for your boss. Do not think the posters rebuking you hate you or think you have ulterior motive, they are experienced married people and they know the end result of the journey you started. Hence, they are scared for you. What a child can't see standing up, an elder sees sitting down from afar. You have to keep to your boundaries in your work place.

You have told him once, twice or many times about his untidiness, that should be enough and you need not take it upon yourself as the wife. That is going too far. Except you have a look-good department in your office and you are part of it, that takes care of the boss outlook, I don't think there was a need for you to follow the boss to the salon. Let not your good intentions be taken for evil. If you know the wife, why not with this innocent concern talk to her and if possible let her understand how the members of staff feel with his look. Probably change will come and it will save you of the stress of monitoring his dressing.

Your intention may be innocent but trust me, this is how emotional bonding starts. If you continue at this rate with him, you both are potential candidates for infidelity. Understand your boundaries and keep to it. You also never can tell if this is a trick he is playing to get your attention. The end result may not be palatable.

@All, although the OP didn't pass her message across well and went too far, she actually has a point. Let's be attentive to our spouses and for the men, let's listen to the ladies when they criticize our wears. I know some men are stubborn and can't handle their wives helping them look good, they prefer the girl in the office to correct their dressing than their wives.

God bless everybody's home

With due respect to all contributors to this topic, this is the most intelligent answer to the OP. i sincerely hope single ladies and married women will keep this advise in their innermost heart during the lifespan of their marital life......THE WOMAN IS THE HEART OF THE HOME, AND THE MAN THE HEAD OF THE HOME.....WHEN THE HEART FALLS, THE HEAD CAN NEVER STAND....

bellong:
When in Rome, we behave like the Romans and when in Nigeria, we must behave like Nigerians... You cannot exclude cultural practices from people irrespective of race and gender.

Now, let's talk like Nigerians. The poster does not know what is going in the man's home and she doesn't even have an idea if the wife have been accusing her husband of infidelity. Someone who knows the woman sees the OP going to the salon with the husband, the wife's suspicion is thereby confirmed that the husband is cheating on him. Ordinarily, in any part of the world, how many single girls go with married man to salon in the name of helping out? I understand cultural practices of few countries I have read about, I know they do not take that as platonic relationship.
She can buy the man a shirt, that's not a big deal if it is a present on a different day. But for the man changing cloth and going back home in a different shirt, trust me, the wife will ask when he bought the shirt. Except he lies to her, no woman will take it lightly with you for receiving a shirt from a single girl in the office. There is no way you can defend it that nothing is going on, not even someone under suspicion.

The girl may be innocently putting herself in trouble for her extreme action. I do not support her outright condemnation for her attitude but she needs caution in her actions so as to save her face too. She cannot withstand the violence of an angry and hurtful housewife.

Assumptions! Assumptions!! Assumptions!!!
Then again, this is the kind of stuff Nigerians love to gobble.

I rest my case.

yellowpawpaw:
Biolabee what is ganging up here?
Ok, lady pls continue with ur good work. U can extend it to other dirty males in ya office or outside ya office.
U r doing well,pls keep it up.

to extend to the other agberos,,,, hahaha
now u are being funny ypp... frankly she should leave the man alone.. but i get her frustration
She may have taken it as a personal point to ensire her hubby is sharply dressed...