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Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. - Family - Nairaland

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Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by shericoco661(f): 6:38am On Oct 06, 2013
Am a married woman with two kids,a boy and a girl.when i gave birth to my baby girl my husband ex-girl came to my house.She is married with two kids.that faithful day when she came,i was in the kitchen preparing meal.Fortunately,the girl was my school mate in secondary school.immediately she saw me she told my husband that she knows me too well in school.meanwhile i like to stay on my own then.After telling my husband how i behaved in school then.she then came into my kitchen and opened my fridge,entered all the rooms in my house including my husband's bedroom.i wasnt happy with her attitude that very day.when she was about to go,my husband saw her off.when he came back i was tellin him about the girl's behaviour he then said that he didn't see anything wrong in what she did.then i decided to tell him that i don't want to see her in my house again.what he told me was that she is our family friend.she used to call my husband and am not happy about that.it's true that my husband don't use to hide anything from me but i can't take it just like that.i love my husband and kids.pls advice me on what to do.
Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by Illuminatus(m): 7:04am On Oct 06, 2013
shericoco661: Am a married woman with two kids,a boy and a girl.when i gave birth to my baby girl my husband ex-girl came to my house.She is married with two kids.that faithful day when she came,i was in the kitchen preparing meal.Fortunately,the girl was my school mate in secondary school.immediately she saw me she told my husband that she knows me too well in school.meanwhile i like to stay on my own then.After telling my husband how i behaved in school then.she then came into my kitchen and opened my fridge,entered all the rooms in my house including my husband's bedroom.i wasnt happy with her attitude that very day.when she was about to go,my husband saw her off.when he came back i was tellin him about the girl's behaviour he then said that he didn't see anything wrong in what she did.then i decided to tell him that i don't want to see her in my house again.what he told me was that she is our family friend.she used to call my husband and am not happy about that.it's true that my husband don't use to hide anything from me but i can't take it just like that.i love my husband and kids.pls advice me on what to do.
Did he tell you non explicable that she was his ex girlfriend? If he did, then it's unusual that she's now your FAMILY FRIEND. But that doesn't mean that it's weird. My main concern is the way you said she went into all the rooms. Did you know that she was your husband's best pal before she visited? Even if you did, the way she gave herself express access to EVERYTHING is chilling. Maybe you shouldn't have given your husband the ultimatum. You could talk to him and ask him to explain his relationship with her. If he's as open as you claim, he'll tell you about it which will make feel a little better. But tell him that her access is also frightening. Well, good lucksmiley

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Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by dahmie2013: 7:05am On Oct 06, 2013
grin grin grin! Family friend or Second Wife?
Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by shericoco661(f): 7:16am On Oct 06, 2013
Illuminatus:
Did he tell you non explicable that she was his ex girlfriend? If he did, then it's unusual that she's now your FAMILY FRIEND. But that doesn't mean that it's weird. My main concern is the way you said she went into all the rooms. Did you know that she was your husband's best pal before she visited? Even if you did, the way she gave herself express access to EVERYTHING is chilling. Maybe you shouldn't have given your husband the ultimatum. You could talk to him and ask him to explain his relationship with her. If he's as open as you claim, he'll tell you about it which will make feel a little better. But tell him that her access is also frightening. Well, good lucksmiley
yes he told me everything.
Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by Illuminatus(m): 7:42am On Oct 06, 2013
Well, talk to him again. Tell him that it makes you uncomfortable that she has permission to troll through the house. I'm sure he wouldn't like it if a guy came to your house and tell him that you're his friend and do what his ex did.
Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by achyc2002(m): 7:47am On Oct 06, 2013
Trust first. If u trust ur husband and believe in what he can do and what he can't, then the whole thing is solved. The lady in question may be an agent of destruction, u need to apply wisdom and don't be carried away by what she does.
But still, always talk to your husband calmly abt it.
Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by mozonto(m): 7:49am On Oct 06, 2013
A man has no right in another man´s house

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Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by Illuminatus(m): 7:59am On Oct 06, 2013
mozonto: A man has no right in another man´s house
Just as no woman has no (your word, not mine) in another woman's house.
Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by Bigcake: 8:06am On Oct 06, 2013
Op if u have hot water pls use it wisely on her face. She is sleeping wit ur husband and perhaps trying to move in hence the reason why she inspected every corner of the house. And to prove it all, ur belove husband saw nothing wrong in her moving round d house. Pls secure ur marriage now else u will cry like a baby wen she succeeds. One question, can u also bring ur ex to move round d house in dat manner?
Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by Bigcake: 8:07am On Oct 06, 2013
Op if u have hot water pls use it wisely on her face. She is sleeping wit ur husband and perhaps trying to move in hence the reason why she inspected every corner of the house. And to prove it all, ur belove husband saw nothing wrong in her moving round d house. Op does ur house look like an amusement park or museum? Pls secure ur marriage now else u will cry like a baby wen she succeeds. One question, can u also bring ur ex to move round d house in dat manner?
Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by skyscraperTM(m): 8:08am On Oct 06, 2013
there is really nothinq wronq with your husband keepinq his ex- as a friend (not family friend), only mature people breaks relationship and still retain some level of friendship. but the part that qot me sliqhtly irritated is the way she went about enterinq your rooms. the kitchen is quite manageable but not your husband's bed. visitors are meant to sit at the parlour at all times whether or not she was your hubby's ex-'s. my advice is that you sit down your husband and talk some sense into him, he should know that he`s a married man and ouqht to respect your feelinq and opinions. it also depends on the level of trust you have for him else you should keep a watchinq eye on him to avoid stories that touch|
Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by skyscraperTM(m): 8:10am On Oct 06, 2013
Bigcake: Op if u have hot water pls use it wisely on her face. She is sleeping wit ur husband and perhaps trying to move in hence the reason why she inspected every corner of the house. And to prove it all, ur belove husband saw nothing wrong in her moving round d house. Op does ur house look like an amusement park or museum? Pls secure ur marriage now else u will cry like a baby wen she succeeds. One question, can u also bring ur ex to move round d house in dat manner?
wise comment! but that hot water part is not advisable o¡
Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by freecocoa(f): 8:23am On Oct 06, 2013
I don't see anything wrong in still being friends with one's ex provided boundaries are known and respected.

OP you sound like a very possessive person(not judging) please don't see any woman that comes near your hubby as a threat, such mindset no good at all, though that lady was wrong to go into all the rooms in your house, then again it depends on her level of maturity and understanding, it might actually be a harmless visit.

Just talk to your hubby calmly telling him you don't like his female visitors roaming about the house.

P.S Okafor's law doesn't apply to all exs.

1 Like

Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by Nobody: 8:46am On Oct 06, 2013
achyc2002: Trust first. If u trust ur husband and believe in what he can do and what he can't, then the whole thing is solved. The lady in question may be an agent of destruction, u need to apply wisdom and don't be carried away by what she does.
But still, always talk to your husband calmly abt it.
this has absolutely notin to do wit trust my friend! This is total disrespect to the wife! Hogwash!

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Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by Cashio(m): 9:28am On Oct 06, 2013
Bigcake: Op if u have hot water pls use it wisely on her face. She is sleeping wit ur husband and perhaps trying to move in hence the reason why she inspected every corner of the house. And to prove it all, ur belove husband saw nothing wrong in her moving round d house. Pls secure ur marriage now else u will cry like a baby wen she succeeds. One question, can u also bring ur ex to move round d house in dat manner?
wrong idea. Acting anything stupid will further complicate the whole situation. What if they are not having any affair?.
Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by Tinkybabe(f): 9:29am On Oct 06, 2013
freecocoa: then again it depends on her level of maturity and understanding, it might actually be a harmless visit.

.

I don't think there's an excuse whatsoever for what the ex did.She went over the board.What I can infer from the OP's post is that they don't have a connection,doubt if they talk in fact. Her action was a show of gross disrespect to the OP and quite frankly I wouldn't relate OP's outburst to possessiveness.

After all said!Nothing might be between she and your husband,she might just be a froward and forward person. I'll suggest you discuss with your husband,diplomatically expressing your displeasure at her forwardness.
Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by Cashio(m): 9:36am On Oct 06, 2013
Op,discuss the issue with ur hubby(but not in a harsh manner). Make him understand how uneasy u feel with her(his ex) around. How unsafe it is for the family at large cos he might be compelled to fall for her once again...it's totally risky my dear but don't act as though u've lost ur sense of reasoning.
Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by shericoco661(f): 9:46am On Oct 06, 2013
Bigcake: Op if u have hot water pls use it wisely on her face. She is sleeping wit ur husband and perhaps trying to move in hence the reason why she inspected every corner of the house. And to prove it all, ur belove husband saw nothing wrong in her moving round d house. Pls secure ur marriage now else u will cry like a baby wen she succeeds. One question, can u also bring ur ex to move round d house in dat manner?
No can't
Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by Tuntheycr7: 11:10am On Oct 06, 2013
So far you aint convnient wt her visit pls xplian to ya hubby and chekin d nook and cranny of ya house its a sign of disrespect. If care isnt takin d next time she wud b in ya house u wud jux find her takin a nap of ya hubby bed bt jux take it easy tho.
Ikan ti a ko ni fe ni olowo ati talika lati ma nko.....

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Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by Nobody: 12:20pm On Oct 06, 2013
Try and get to know her by being a friendly family friend too,so you wud be able to know where she lives with her husband.If you are deceptive like me,believe me bullshit wud soon stop.
Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by Nobody: 12:31pm On Oct 06, 2013
freecocoa: I don't see anything wrong in still being friends with one's ex provided boundaries are known and respected.

OP you sound like a very possessive person(not judging) please don't see any woman that comes near your hubby as a threat, such mindset no good at all, though that lady was wrong to go into all the rooms in your house, then again it depends on her level of maturity and understanding, it might actually be a harmless visit.

Just talk to your hubby calmly telling him you don't like his female visitors roaming about the house.

P.S Okafor's law doesn't apply to all exs.


That lady knows exactly what she is doing!She doesn't have any right to go beyond the sitting room.It's so unfair.Her ex is a married man with kids and so,boundaries must be respected!She diesnt need to be told that.

I pray make my husband ex come for my house!My house!My husband no go fit even try consult me at all.As for the ex,I go cool down dey form friendly only to find out where she lives.

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Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by Nobody: 3:29pm On Oct 06, 2013
Slice off this cancer before it ravages your home, you have no business being friends with your husband's ex,what ll you people have to talk about?his anatomy? There is nothing matured about a married person keeping in touch with exes,exes belong to the past and should remain there.I do not know the softie method to solve this,its obvious you are on the soft side . Why didn't you just tell her outrightly"hey,its rude to roam around that way in people's homes,can you kindly go back to the sitting ",looking at your eyes, she wouldn't dare object.Are you sure you know everything about this relationship of theirs undecided


I mean how do you stand and watch your hubby's ex entering into every bedroom in your own home ? ? why ll she be in your home in the first place.Your hubby really need his thinking cap on here, how will he feel if you invite your ex over too ? ? He actually saw her off after the visit?? shocked damn ! ! that's rubbish.However you decide to do it,let this rubbish stop before it becomes 8legged,i don talk my own.

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Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by Nobody: 3:52pm On Oct 06, 2013
byvan: Slice off this cancer before it ravages your home, you have no business being friends with your husband's ex,what ll you people have to talk about?his anatomy? There is nothing matured about a married person keeping in touch with exes,exes belong to the past and should remain there.I do not know the softie method to solve this,its obvious you are on the soft side . Why didn't you just tell her outrightly"hey,its rude to roam around that way in people's homes,can you kindly go back to the sitting ",looking at your eyes, she wouldn't dare object.Are you sure you know everything about this relationship of theirs undecided

I mean how do you stand and watch your hubby's ex entering into every bedroom in your own home ? ? why ll she be in your home in the first place.Your hubby really need his thinking cap on here, how will he feel if you invite your ex over too ? ? He actually saw her off after the visit?? shocked damn ! ! that's rubbish.However you decide to do it,let this rubbish stop before it becomes 8legged,i don talk my own.


I completely agree with you. In fact the husband sef is very disrespectful. Didn't you guys go for marriage counseling? How can he invite his ex to your house, let her visit every room and even see her off. It may be ok if someone was showing her around but not an ex. Please OP, tell your husband you do not like it at all. Tell him it is rude and disrespectful and there is nothing mature about it. How would he feel if you also invited your ex to see the house?

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Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by greatgod2012(f): 4:08pm On Oct 06, 2013
Nashville:

I completely agree with you. In fact the husband sef is very disrespectful. Didn't you guys go for marriage counseling? How can he invite his ex to your house, let her visit every room and even see her off. It may be ok if someone was showing her around but not an ex. Please OP, tell your husband you do not like it at all. Tell him it is rude and disrespectful and there is nothing mature about it. How would he feel if you also invited your ex to see the house?


God bless you my brother!
Thank God this is coming from a man.
God bless your marriage.



@op, ask your hubby if you're free to bring in your ex as a family friend, and see his reaction, then start from there.
May God help you and all of us.
Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by jumzzy448: 5:03pm On Oct 06, 2013
What rubbish!!!!!!
This shows your husband doesn't respect your feelings at all. Sit him down and let him know how you feel. I wonder why you didn't even call her to order when she was inspecting all your rooms. In fact tell your husband not to ever bring his ex home again or else you will be forced to do something silly and nasty.

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Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by Pampers: 5:07pm On Oct 06, 2013
Wat was she looking for. She rude. She's upto somthing. Be ware!!! Old firewood dey quick catch fire!!! Old lovers get along in time!!!

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Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by Nobody: 5:33pm On Oct 06, 2013

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Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by aadetoyin(f): 9:36pm On Oct 06, 2013
Ur hubby doesn't respect u at all. Before I even invite my friends home I check first with hubby not to talk of Ex.

And that Ex of his get for body, why would she go to all the rooms as if its her apartment.
U still ve to let hubby know that u wouldn't appreciate another visit from the lady and if she has to she beta stays strictly in the living room.
However there is no problem with having ur hubby's ex as a family friend but it depends on how they broke up(so that they won't start running things behind u), how they now relate and even at that there should be limits.

Am friends with my Ex and his family but I don't visit their home without my hubby. Even though the wife is all nice n friendly I still dey respect myself and I only entered their room on the day of their baby's christening because the lady said I should come in. If not, wetin I dey find up and down.

There has to be limits. Shikena
Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by Nobody: 11:28pm On Oct 06, 2013
Tinkybabe:

I don't think there's an excuse whatsoever for what the ex did.She went over the board.What I can infer from the OP's post is that they don't have a connection,doubt if they talk in fact. Her action was a show of gross disrespect to the OP and quite frankly I wouldn't relate OP's outburst to possessiveness.

After all said!Nothing might be between she and your husband,she might just be a froward and forward person. I'll suggest you discuss with your husband,diplomatically expressing your displeasure at her forwardness.

Yea, I don't get where freecocoa got the idea that OP is possessive. Possessive in what way? Another woman, scratch that, her husband's ex, came into her home and disrespected her (the wife) and she's calling the wife possessive. OP didn't even have an outburst, but just expressing concern for what happen, just like any married woman would.

4 Likes

Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by Nobody: 11:34pm On Oct 06, 2013
Pardon me, but I'm still at a loss as to how she came to start going from room to room in your house. She just up and started roaming your house for no reason or was your husband showing her around the house?
Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by Nobody: 11:58pm On Oct 06, 2013
My own take:

The ex, she's got nerves. She told your husband how you behaved in school, went to the kitchen to open your fridge, then entered all the rooms in your house, including your husband's bedroom?". She crossed the line on every count. And your husband told you he didn't see anything wrong with any of that? Tell your husband you are not comfortable with her coming over. BUT if she wants to come over again, there would be rules and she must follow them. Otherwise, she would no longer be welcomed. What rubbish! Anyone with courtesy knows you don't go into someone else's home and do those things and definitely not their bedroom. Someone who feels they have some type of authority would behave the way she did. What sort of authority does she have in your home? If your husband does not take your side, something's going on. It doesn't matter that she's married with two kids, something could still be going on between them. Many married people have affairs with one another. Apart from that, how she behaved in your home was totally disrespectful. Who does she think she is? Don't let another woman come into your home and destroy it.

And if she's now all of a sudden a family friend, like your husband says, she should be visiting with her own husband and/or two kids, not coming to your house alone, playing mrs busybody. Besides, if she's now a family friend, both you and your husband should be okay with it, not just him alone. In a marriage, any new development should be discussed and both of you should be on the same page. I hope your husband is being faithful.

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Re: Pls Advice Me Can My Husband Ex-girl Be Our Family Friend. by Nobody: 6:24am On Oct 07, 2013

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