critique101: intimidate her.shout at her.
REmind her that you are the husband.

Threaten to leave her if she tries it again.



Spend late nights outside, don't eat her food for a week. Spend most of your time away from home for a week. And don't smile for a week


If she becomes nicer to you, pretend to still b annoyed.

This came from a woman!!!!!! speechless mehn

So where will he be eating for the one week or spending the time since he is away from home? In the club or with another woman!!!!!!

NA CAPITAL WOW FOR THIS KIND OF MENTALITY

Nashville:

Not sure you need to remind him of this as we are all trying to earn more.

Poster this is tricky and honestly if care is not taken can ruin your marriage. First of all, your wife also needs to be respected. You mentioned that anytime you try to control her, she will say that her money is also there. May you should stop controlling her too. The fact that the husband is the head of the wife does not mean he should just order her around. How can you be fighting your wife over TV? Cant one of you record it and then watch it later? You are the head of the family so focus on the big things and provide direction for the family not fight over remote control. You are a big brother and even a father to her. I am a man and I dont do that. I will rather watch my own later but that itself is not a sign of weakness and you should remember that. Sometimes conceeding to your spouse is not a sign of weakness, it may even be a sign of headship as you are saying - I am bigger than that.

Having said that, your wife's behaviour is not ideal. A good wife should never talk like that as it seems she is rubbing her money in your face and that is not good. I will advice you to teach her. And the word is teach. Let her know that it is wrong to do what she is doing. Let her understand that both of you are one and the same and who bought what, should not matter and it is a clear sign of disrespect for her to say such things to you. I will also advice that you buy things you can afford and stop forcing her to contribute. If you can't afford it, then dont buy it but reduce the number of times you want her to contribute. Women look to men for leadership and you can still provide that leadership even if you earn less. Do the needful as you deem fit and leave her money for her. My prayer for you is that God will give you a better job so that this does not continue for too long because it is not the best.

God bless you for this

@op pls stop trying to control her. She is not a toy that you are holding the remote control.

She is a human being to be loved and cherished like you vowed to on your wedding day.


Have you considered what may be making her angry and consequently disrespctful? What responsible family man comes home at 4am?? The money you spent popping champagne in the club can be channeled to better use in the home!!!

I will be angry too if i had to cook, clean, take care of the children, do night shift alone while my husband parties away in the club, do all wifely things and stil have to do husbandly things like contribute half to the projects at home..

Your wife is not a stay at home wife neither is she superwoman.......she is clearly bursting her ass off for the family....be considerate too and help out in the house including with the children....you can help feed them, bath them in the night, etc instead of hanging out with your friends clubbing. doesnt make you less of a man

May God give you understanding

@ OP it looks like ur papa no tell you this, In African culture,it is the responsibility of the man to provide for his family. Stop asking your wife for her money if you want your respect. When was the last time you gave her money for her braids or are you the afterall she makes money type. Give her money for food,stop letting her pay for it. Let her contribute willingly if she wants but dont force her. If you continue like this you will also lose your children respect.

@ op, pls let ur wife be. Some men are very lazy to work thus depending on the wife's salary especially when they know the wife earns more than them. you don't have enough to give her for food but you have money to go to club. Are you sure you don't womanize? for Heaven's sake what is a married man with two kids doing late at night and also clubbing? There is something you are not telling us that I know. im sure your wife knows you keep extra marital affairs. im not taking sides with her but one thing is certain, no right thinking woman will treat her husband like this if there is nothing wrong from your side. perhaps you might have treated her badly too when you have more than enough to throw around. Lastly, some men feel intimidated when they know their wife earns more than them. My candid advise to you is to make your marriage work for the sake of your kids and make ammends where necessary. Involving your mother inlaw to settle dispute between you and your wife is not it, pls put an end to it immediately and let God be in control of your home cos you and your wife seems not to be giving God a chance in your home and affairs.

amarula:

If you were not married I would have begged you to marry me. This just sums it up. The teach part killed me...

Thanks and I am also married...

You dumped her at home with your kids,go clubbing with God knows who and where,and you came back expecting a welcoming wife,are you ok at all ,why didn't you make the clubbing arrangement for both of you??or you think that hers is to babysit and yours is to club??

As for the money issue you are having with her,A man takes pride in his properties,dont force her to contribute to buy a tea cup . A mere Tv set even need her contribution for you to purchase it .tell the whole truth about these your complaints because you don't seem like a good husband to me.she might not be an angel but I think you bring out the demon in her.

critique101:

Bad advice. Marriage is 4 better 4 worse.

Always make sure you make a good choice!

not anymore, my marriage will never be for worse, if it does, I'll know my way out.

I hardly do this but I decided to go through our op' past posts and came up with this

ikuoma4rea: Why is my wife always after me making an oath or swear not having an thing with other girls.ℓ̊ know am guilty as charged but its makes me sick for married guys that do such hw do u manage it with Ur wife wen confronted.she just wants to be sure ℓ̊ will nt effect her.wen ℓ̊ lied to keep d marriage and making her not to fill bad.any implications at later date.its making me sick.she has to stop that wen u don't do dat to her then no peace or closeness to home.

You abandon your family to go clubbing till early hours of the morning, cheat on your wife, make her carry out most of the financial heavy-lifting YET expect her to respect you? She may be taking her disrespect for you a bit too far but you should know that you caused it. You have to do away with your clubbing and philandering and try to earn the respect of your wife again. Its not going to be easy but its achievable. Remember, you have growing children.

A cheating husband coming to seek advice ? ? i won't curse though am tempted to, i hope your wife is wise enough to start keeping all her money to herself because she ll need it when you finally ruin your marriage ! ! i knew you were no good .seriously,she is respecting you more than you deserve . Some men are just unbelievable, you can't control yourself,yet you expect to control your wife,i fear for you

I knew it!!!! There is no smoke without fire

.

Boss you are wrong.
1. you go clubbing without your wife? with friends that you have no vows to perform.
I would appreciate if you stopped going out @ night and take care of your wife. hang out during the daytime. From all indications you earn enough to fuel your own desires, am younger and unmarried but I cannot support you in anyway. Controlling the woman will be easier if you reason with her, but from all indications you have locked her with marriage and you want to lock up her income too. Haba bros....

Chai, this story is touching..

All i can say is 'it shall be well'

The best thing a youngman shud do in this life is to hustle and make money..if u do that successfully, your wife, inlaws, ur brothers,sisters,mother,father,pastor,police,neighbor,kids,etc will all have regard for you.

So, just work harder.

dis is exactly the kinda tin dat happens in d homes of most women who re financially independent..i thought that was wat most guys wanted....

@op u re d man of d house en u married her not d other way round so take control..if she likes let her earn millions u re still her husband..well maybe u should ve a heart to heart talk with her... who knows? she might change her attitude.

Was this thread initially posted in another section? I asked because the kind of responses and advice on the first page are unbelievable and terrible.
Anyway op check yourself very well. You club, you cheat on your wife, you like controlling her, you made it mandatory for her to shoulder some financial responsibilities in the house and you have absolutely no respect for her and your marriage AND YOU EXPECT HER TO RESPECT YOU?
This is not about her earning more than you, its about the way you have been treating your wife and the fact that you are destroying your marriage with your own hands..........

op you are the man of the house....you dont need to shout, bully or harass the woman to establish this fact . you keep making reference to the fact that she earns more than you...and its obvious that you are not comfortable with it, but let me ask you , who is she making the money for ...its you and your family......now women are res-ponders they ll definitely respond to anything good or evil you do to them if you treat em well you get good treatment and vise versa. its said that a happy wife equals a happy home. respect is earned not demanded.if you want her to respect you you have to respect her. you re a man, a primary provider and i think thats what you should be not always involving her in simple expenses like buying a tv set. be the MAN of the house not the roommate. you can both sit down and discuss family expenses.....like in my house mum earns more but she handled only feeding and domestic upkeep while dad handled the school fees, cars maintenance, bills, house maintainance and vacations. now major projects like building projects are financed from a joint account where each of them contribute a certain percentage then if one of em is broke they borrow from the other to meet up these obligations and always pay back in due course...i never saw my dad come home to be told that there is no money for food and he doesnt give her money for upkeep but he sure does spoil her silly. if you can develope an organised pattern where everyone has a role exclusively i think it will help.map out roles and always take the heavier task. never say she earns more so she should shoulder the heavier responsibilities or put eyes into how she spends her money cos she is the woman. she ll de definately be saving the excess for family emergencies. see the family as a football team where everyone has a specific role to play and you as the team captain have to display leadership and maturity. best done by example....you can never see a warrior king riding behind his army in battle...he is always in front leading the campagin and you see that his men would always repect him and even die for him ......always note that women see the husbands funds as OUR money and see thiers as MY money, so once in a while treat her good and spoil her a little.....,,, goodluck

xynerise: Some women get carried away when they earn higher than their husbands. But you need to remember you are still the head of the family.

Was the marriage an arranged marriage?

Oga please don't generalize....The issue here is personal.

@op,i think your wife is keeping bad company as friends,you are the man so take control of your home.Watch the kind of friends your wife keep and also you guys have to work on your communication.Always make out time to talk to her and explain things to her.I believe that you guys courted before marriage.So stand up and build your home the way you want it.I hate it when some women always report small issues to their mother and their mother interfering in their family matter instead of cautioning their kids.
Also talk to your MIL let her understand with due respect that your family problem is your problem that you dont need third parties both from your side and your wife side.
Talk to her and above all pray for her to realize her mistakes and change.

Cheers

ikuoma4rea: My wife just developed an attitude that is quite disturbing.just because l get her involved in any project in the house by contributing her own share because she works so that we can get something better for the family. Anytime time l control her she says stuffs like after all my money was involved. but her income is more than mine but l ensure that the rent and running of the house is been handled by me except for the cooking that sometimes l just give her what l have to add to what she has. l could not watch a program just because she was watching a program and when l insisted she disconnected the television set and left with the cord to her room after all l joined my own money in purchasing the television set. she is always against me going to club and hanging out with friends,did that last nite and when l got home she refused to open the door and l had to put a call to the mum before she opened the door at 4am. she is working and earns more than l do but can't l have peace in my own house without her throwing tantrums on me even without been worried about our neighbors.what do l do to have my freedom and respect back because l don't get any respect from her anymore.little things she tells the mum and she calls to start advising me which l find uncomfortable .confused right now.we have 2 kids now.need good advice.

Thank God you asked for 'good advice' because that is what I will give you

@ bolded 1: Why do you want to control your wife?

@ bolded 2: Your wife was watching a TV program and you wanted to change it? How will you feel if your wife decided to change the TV program you were watching?

@bolded 3: You expect your wife to hug you when you come in by 4:00am? What responsible married man comes home to his family by 4:00am? How would you feel if your wife strolls home by 12:00am from a friend's party or the club? How happy will you feel if your wife always wants to go to club and hang out with the boys?

Oga, you need to change and learn what it means to love your wife.

From your posts, you are really the cause of the problems in your home. Put yourself in your wife's shoes and think of how you will feel if she treats you the way you treat her. Learn to compromise as the home belongs to both of you. If she cannot watch the program she likes in her home, where would she watch it? In the club?

You also need to learn how to be responsible. Responsible people do not nightcrawl either single or married! When do you play with your family? When you are rushing to work in the mornings or when you are trying to sleep?

Oga, you are called to lead your home and not rule. A leader leads by example. Whatever you want your wife to do for you, start by doing it to her first.

I am very sure that you will like your wife to come home by 2:00am or change the TV or not care about your feelings.

Change and see the difference in your home.

it is well with your home.

fabulousdame: dis is exactly the kinda tin dat happens in d homes of most women who re financially independent..i thought that was wat most guys wanted....

@op u re d man of d house en u married her not d other way round so take control..if she likes let her earn millions u re still her husband..well maybe u should ve a heart to heart talk with her... who knows? she might change her attitude.

Are you listening to yourself at all?

So if your husband changes the TV station, comes home by 4:00am and tries to control you, it is ok when you are financially dependent on him?

bukatyne:

Are you listening to yourself at all?

So if your husband changes the TV station, comes home by 4:00am and tries to control you, it is ok when you are financially dependent on him?

i'm not saying she should depend on her husband financially, i'm stating d fact dat it's a problem for most ladies and it makes dem feel in control.. it wasnt cool dat he changed or wanted to change d tv station buh wat she did was not d right approach..unpluging d cord en taking it to her room? dat was rude... she should ve handled it in a better way... marriage is not bondage so if d guy needs time to hangout wit his friends, he should do it except if he has other motives... this kinda tins suffocate people in marriages.. i mean even wen i'm married i'd love to ve ladies night out wit my friends en my hubby needs to understand dat(well dats about trust) d op might not ve used d word control right buh u should understand wat he meant(he is not trying to boss her around)
so please i know exactly wat i'm saying en if u ve a diff view, dats totally ur concern en ur own way of tinking...

fabulousdame:
i'm not saying she should depend on her husband financially, i'm stating d fact dat it's a problem for most ladies and it makes dem feel in control.. it wasnt cool dat he changed or wanted to change d tv station buh wat she did was not d right approach..unpluging d cord en taking it to her room? dat was rude... she should ve handled it in a better way... marriage is not bondage so if d guy needs time to hangout wit his friends, he should do it except if he has other motives... this kinda tins suffocate people in marriages.. i mean even wen i'm married i'd love to ve ladies night out wit my friends en my hubby needs to understand dat(well dats about trust) d op might not ve used d word control right buh u should understand wat he meant(he is not trying to boss her around)
so please i know exactly wat i'm saying en if u ve a diff view, dats totally ur concern en ur own way of tinking...

As you like it

fabulousdame:
d op might not ve used d word control right buh u should understand wat he meant(he is not trying to boss her around)
...

You are in his mind right? To know exactly what he meant....pls check the dictionary for the meaning of the word 'control'.....read his first post again then maybe just maybe you can explain better how you know what he meant

addictiv: op you are the man of the house....you dont need to shout, bully or harass the woman to establish this fact . you keep making reference to the fact that she earns more than you...and its obvious that you are not comfortable with it, but let me ask you , who is she making the money for ...its you and your family......now women are res-ponders they ll definitely respond to anything good or evil you do to them if you treat em well you get good treatment and vise versa. its said that a happy wife equals a happy home. respect is earned not demanded.if you want her to respect you you have to respect her. you re a man, a primary provider and i think thats what you should be not always involving her in simple expenses like buying a tv set. be the MAN of the house not the roommate. you can both sit down and discuss family expenses.....like in my house mum earns more but she handled only feeding and domestic upkeep while dad handled the school fees, cars maintenance, bills, house maintainance and vacations. now major projects like building projects are financed from a joint account where each of them contribute a certain percentage then if one of em is broke they borrow from the other to meet up these obligations and always pay back in due course...i never saw my dad come home to be told that there is no money for food and he doesnt give her money for upkeep but he sure does spoil her silly. if you can develope an organised pattern where everyone has a role exclusively i think it will help.map out roles and always take the heavier task.never say she earns more so she should shoulder the heavier responsibilities or put eyes into how she spends her money cos she is the woman. she ll de definately be saving the excess for family emergencies. see the family as a football team where everyone has a specific role to play and you as the team captain have to display leadership and maturity. best done by example....you can never see a warrior king riding behind his army in battle...he is always in front leading the campagin and you see that his men would always repect him and even die for him ......always note that women see the husbands funds as OUR money and see thiers as MY money, so once in a while treat her good and spoil her a little.....,,, goodluck

The highlighted explains Op's problem. Dude is just insecure and trying to frustrate his wife, and he ends up being the frustrated one.

Until men like OP learn to free their minds and stop feeling unnecesarily insecure the moment their wives start earning more than they do, this whining will not stop.

Btw, hug your wife for me Op, tell her I said her head dey there. I like women who know how to handle irresponsible cheats like you, who wouldn't allow you walk over them..

Go and work on yourself.

favored gal:

You are in his mind right? To know exactly what he meant....pls check the dictionary for the meaning of the word 'control'.....read his first post again then maybe just maybe you can explain better how you know what he meant

duh....i know d meaning of control en maybe if u read d post again, u will get wat d op is trying to say en wat ihe really meant..he just used d wrong word..

critique101: I feel you.
This is the main set back in a marriage where the wife has more money than the guy. It seems you are a soft hearted person that is why your wife is taking advantage of you.

To overcome this problem, you need tobring out the man in you.

When next she does that, (take cord or insult you), intimidate her.shout at her.
REmind her that you are the husband.

Threaten to leave her if she tries it again.

Tell her if she can't share with you or respect you, you will leave her so she can watch it alone.

Tell her there are women out there who will gladly take her place and who will respect you.

If you don't do this, she will frustrate your life and reduce your lifespan. Be wise. She is not the first woman to have more than her husband so why shouldn't she respect you?

After shouting at her, form that you have vexed. Spend late nights outside, don't eat her food for a week. Spend most of your time away from home for a week. And don't smile for her.

She will be shocked to see this side of you. And she will think. How many men will want to marry a mother of 2

put a password on your phone.


If she becomes nicer to you, pretend to still b annoyed. For a week then gradually start eating her food.

You need to let her know that you mean everthing you have said.

Marriage is for better for worse. You have to make it work. In your wife's case, you have to teach her a lesson or else you are doomed n will grow old b4 your time

I am very surprised that this is coming from a woman . . . I'll be even more surprised if you are married.

Seriously, if OP's wife were your sister, will you still give this advise?

Did you even read his own post before coming up with this crap

I never believed that women encourage abuse but from this post, I'm becoming a believer . . .

ikuoma4rea: My wife just developed an attitude that is quite disturbing.just because l get her involved in any project in the house by contributing her own share because she works so that we can get something better for the family.Anytime time l control her she says stuffs like after all my money was involved.but her income is more than mine but l ensure that the rent and running of the house is been handled by me except for the cooking that sometimes l just give her what l have to add to what she has.l could not watch a program just because she was watching a program and when l insisted she disconnected the television set and left with the cord to her room after all l joined my own money in purchasing the television set.she is always against me going to club and hanging out with friends,did that last nite and when l got home she refused to open the door and l had to put a call to the mum before she opened the door at 4am.she is working and earns more than l do but can't l have peace in my own house without her throwing tantrums on me even without been worried about our neighbors.what do l do to have my freedom and respect back because l don't get any respect from her anymore.little things she tells the mum and she calls to start advising me which l find uncomfortable .confused right now.we have 2 kids now.need good advice.

The bolded is the root of your problem mr. man, not your wife's income.

Why would you want to 'control' an adult? Don't you know how that can backfire?

If you are so keen to be a man then be a complete man and pay all the bills nah.

The woman is not only your wife but also your nanny, your housekeeper and your co-breadwinner . . . . and yet you still want to have your way all the time.

When you see your wife watching a program, why will you insist on changing channels? Cant you ask politely like a normal human being or wait for her to finish her program before you watch yours


Marriage is a compromise, she's already compromising by picking up your bills, the least you can do is show her a little respect . . .

Kanwulia: From your post alone, it is obvious why YOU ARE DYING SLOWLY!
You are a CONTROL FREAK. . .
Like A TYPICAL Nigerian man. . .YOU HAVE NEVER LEARNED TO WORK AS A TEAM PLAYER. . .even when you ain't gat a 'skid' of 'crap' to show in your 'draws'!

Women or children ARE NOT CATTLE. . . to be controlled!

May you not die by your own EVIL machinations. . . AMEN!!!

God bless you jare! I've been reading a lot of crap posts so far on this thread and wondering if no one else read the same story as I did. Why would I respect someone who orders me to put off the TV, that I'm watching? Who does that? So that's how to be a man now? Ordering your wife to put off the tv? Waltzing home at 4 am and expecting her to roll out a red carpet for you? And on top of this you force her to contribute her money and you want to control her? What do you think she is? A robot? You are the one that needs to adjust your attitude!! Your wife is not to be controlled!

Ah! Thank God! Just read through the second page and see that there are many more correct comments here! Kudos to all that have told this OP what's up!

StateOfMind:

Btw, hug your wife for me Op, tell her I said her head dey there. I like women who know how to handle irresponsible cheats like you, who wouldn't allow you walk over them..

Go and work on yourself.

Thank you!

All these children masquerading as men that believe being the head of the home means doing what ever the hell you want all the while your wife's lips should be perpetually glued to your feet. Thank God for this wife jare, some would have come to NL to open an annoying thread about what they should do!

ileobatojo:

Thank you!

All these children masquerading as men that believe being the head of the home means doing what ever the hell you want all the while your wife's lips should be perpetually glued to your feet. Thank God for this wife jare, some would have come to NL to open an annoying thread about what they should do!

Abi o! Fresh air , and we need many more of Op's wife to handle boys like OP .