Krystalxxx: thanks very mmuch bettermike,im sure this will help

bettermike: You keep missing the point, dont you? Look, YOU ARE NOT SICK. And are you sure you didnt come here to join a pity party? Last i checked, even the title of this our thread say a whole lot. (a thread for those SUFFERING from...). TO SAY YOU ARE SUFFERING MEANS YOU ARE DECLARING YOURSELF A WEAKLING (PLAYING VICTIM). You wont get very far with that believe me. THIS WORLD WAS NOT BUILT FOR VICTIMS BUT VICTORS! Remember the saying "survival of the fittest"? WHAT WE SHOULD BE DOING HERE IS EMPATHIZING WITH OURSELVES AND then SOLVING OUR PROBLEMS TOGETHER. Would you like me to say this all over again? Now, lets hear our problems, cry together and solve the sucker! Together.

bettermike: I asked you not to take offence. Whats wrong with you?

Big.game:
Not everybody suffering from depression is a weakling, i myself decided to visit this thread not for sympathy but cause i knew it would be nice talking to others who has experienced the same illness as myself. Please, No pity parties.
It would be better if Some sort of group like say on whatsapp, bbm or hangouts is created. There are somethings not worth revealing on a public forum.

Krystalxxx: hi im new here please but i think this is a really useful thread. I have a problem ive bin battling with and havent gotten over. I always hoped i would get married as a virgin but unfortunately i lost my virginitylast month and i feel so unhappy about it. I wasnt forced but i wasnt happy. I have a very critical and possesive mother who always tricks me into trusting her with my issues but when i tell her all she does is to condemn me. When i felt so bad about my virginity that i even told her to help me commit suicide she tricked me into telling her but once i told her she condemned me completely,and let me know im useless. I stopped telling my boyfriend how bad i feel bcuz he just gets mad at me. Im alone with my depression and now my mom is just extra possesive. Please how do i get through this. Im twenty one.

bettermike: So there you have it guys. GIVING UP FOR TOO LONG LEADS TO A PERMANENTLY LOW SEROTONIN LEVEL (which further reveals itself in low energy level and the other symptoms). LIKE I SAID, WHAT ANY DEPRESSED PERSON NEEDS IS HABIT CHANGE. Gooogle mosttimes only shows you what you want to see: not what you need to see. BTW, the source of the info above will be available when you ask.

bettermike: Depressionkills, Tbken, Mckayzee, everybody; Krystalxxx needs our hug & advice o. Anyways Krystal, sorry to hear about your issue with your bf and mom plus the emotions from losing your virginity before marraige. We understand your problem. Ok? Dont worry, IT IS ONLY A TEMPORARY EMOTION. It will fade away with time and you'll be fine. No need to hate your mom (she loves you so much). And about your bf, well i think he's just carried away. He'll be back to his senses soon (hopefully). Its not easy to be concerned and not be possesive or mad. What i think you might need for now though is someone to talk to. SOMEONE THAT WILL NOT JUDGE YOU WHEN YOU SPEAK. Oh, if wishes were horses.... ALSO, YOU MIGHT NEED SOMETHING TO KEEP YOU BUSY FOR NOW IF YOU CAN. So hey, no worries dearie, you'll be fine. K?

bettermike: You keep missing the point, dont you? Look, YOU ARE NOT SICK. And are you sure you didnt come here to join a pity party? Last i checked, even the title of this our thread say a whole lot. (a thread for those SUFFERING from...). TO SAY YOU ARE SUFFERING MEANS YOU ARE DECLARING YOURSELF A WEAKLING (PLAYING VICTIM). You wont get very far with that believe me. THIS WORLD WAS NOT BUILT FOR VICTIMS BUT VICTORS! Remember the saying "survival of the fittest"? WHAT WE SHOULD BE DOING HERE IS EMPATHIZING WITH OURSELVES AND then SOLVING OUR PROBLEMS TOGETHER. Would you like me to say this all over again? Now, lets hear our problems, cry together and solve the sucker! Together.

depressionkills:

Ummm WOW
To be honest, I dont know if you will like my advise or not because I am not religious at all and very free-spirited so I see absolutely nothing wrong with happy sex before marriage Many religious people may disagree but that is my stance because I see nothing wrong with exploring one's body and sexuality
So for me I see nothing wrong in you having sex. However, I find it wrong for both your mum and your boyfriend to take advantage of you emotionally I cant even believe that she would tell you that you are 'useless' or make you feel that way. YOU ARE NOT USELESS. PLEASE DONT BELIEVE THAT FOR A SECOND, THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO GO AROUND, HURT, MURDER, ABUSE OTHERS WITHOUT REMORSE. YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG TO ANYBODY, HOW COULD YOU BE USELESS?? Well it is simply a 'mistake' WE ALL MAKE SOME, BECAUSE WE ARE ALL IMPERFECT THAT IS WHY WE ARE HUMAN. Trust and believe that your worth as a person is not wrapped up in your virginity and anyone who reduce you to that doesn't love you for you.

It is quite clear that you are a people-pleaser, a person who tries to make everybody around her happy and sometimes forget about herself. Well this is what I get about what you wrote and often, people take advantage of you. Your boyfriend has sex with you but doesnt want to support you emotionally. Your mother want you to tell you everything, yet condemn you when you lay your trust in her.

You seem not to be able to say no to people and fix boundaries. Dont worry I am like that in some respect too, it is not a fault of character in itself. You cant say no to your boyfriend. You cant say no to your mum. And sometimes, their wishes come and clash. Put all of that aside for a minute and ask yourself, what do you want. Pause and listen to your inner wishes and put aside what people think of you because ultimately, it is YOUR life and no one's else. Not even your mum's I know it is going to be hard at first and you will have difficulties reprogramming the way you think but you need to give your inner voice a chance. I am not telling you to become an inconsiderate brat that cares about no one else but at the moment it seems that you have completely shut yourself down for others. You need to fix that and it will take time, be patient and be kind to yourself.

I know how hard it is to say no to others. But you have to understand that every-time you say yes to others and silence your inner self, you are basically saying no to yourself. And right now, you need to affirm yourself, you should rather say no to others and yes to yourself that the other way around. Do you mind me asking? You wanted to please your boyfriend right?? And you later regretted because you betrayed your own beliefs right?? Dont worry, it is OK, now you are hurting a lot but time will heal those wounds. You made a mistake that is all *HUG* Mistake are indispensable for us to learn and be better

Well that is one of the first lesson of adulthood: Pleasing people doesn't guarantee their love and support. I felt like you are a very loving and fragile person who need to be loved immensely that is why you are trying to please everybody. Well, LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL. And anybody that attach condition to that, is only in for themselves and not for you.

Maybe you should write to yourself, try and explore your inner self and even from a religious point of view, if Jesus himself was able to welcome and love Mary Magdalene why shouldn't you forgive yourself? Jesus would forgive you so who is anybody else to condemn you? Do you follow Jesus or other humans?

Big.game:
Is it that you do it unconsciously, or you work really hard to sound ANNOYING

Like i said before, i am no weakling. Yes i experience depressed moments of highs and lows, and in as much as i would love to move on with my life and pretend like nothing is wrong, it doesn't change the truth about how i feel depressed every now and then.

That is why i came to this thread, and believe me you are making me regret it.

Krystalxxx: thankyou so much,i'll try this...

bettermike: Am going to add a few things to what Depressionkills told you.

depressionkills:
mike, i know you are here, i wont let you run away without answering those questions
[size=70pt]mike i see you [/size]

depressionkills:

Wow Mike, I am surprised, it that you being NICE to someone and not judging them.
I didnt know you could speak with so much wisdom I think I will have to take a snapshot of this comment to always remind myself that EVERYTHING is POSSIBLE.
I knew there was a tender little beating heart under all this harshness.
Mike, who hurt you and made you so tough??
When was the last time you cried?
Do you even cry??
When was the last time you hug someone and told them you loved them??
Are you afraid of being perceived as soft?
Are you afraid of love?
Are you afraid of your feelings?
Mike, what happened to you?? I knwo you have been dodging this question for sometimes now??

bettermike: Now, here's the thing. I think you're right to feel bad because you got yourself disvirgined. Truth is, is better to stay without sex than let your sex life ruin your tomorrow. Am not a religious person but i agree with this aspect of the bible.

Krystalxxx: thankyou so much,i'll try this...

depressionkills:
you are welcome
im sorry if i may have sound harsh toward you mum and your boyfriend though but sometimes it is important to DO YOU
Dont ever let anyone pressure you into having sex

bettermike: Truth is, i havnt loved anyone in a long time. I find it very hard to love anyone because am trying to protect myself. Everyone is just so deceitful. No one truely cares about the other person. Everyone is just self centred. I CANT LOVE THOSE I CANT TRUST.

bettermike: Truth is, i havnt loved anyone in a long time. I find it very hard to love anyone because am trying to protect myself. Everyone is just so deceitful. No one truely cares about the other person. Everyone is just self centred. I CANT LOVE THOSE I CANT TRUST.

bettermike: For example, ladies wanting to be with a man because they wanna marry. Rather than wanting to be with the man because she wants to be with only him. You get? Am not afraid of love. I just dont think it exists anymore. And do i cry? Well, Men shouldnt cry (atleast that what i believe). And to your other questions,......i'll rather not pour my life out here. Any other place, but NOT HERE. Send me a mail if you can. K?

depressionkills:

I knew it!! I knew it!!
But if you think like that you will never be able to build emotional bridge with anyone and remain lonely
There are people who care, you know, and who are ready to be sincere. I think most people think like you and they keep their guards up thinking they will all be hurt but everybody just want to open up and connect
I now understand why you cut yourself off from others' feelings, you fear to be overwhelmed by them. You seem to be so terrified by sadness for a certain reason when it is part of life.
Even I, has difficulties trust others and I have severe trust issues too but I just realized that as long as I close off myself, I miss so much of life. Imagine missing on your soulmate because you are afraid of loving. How never having that deep connection with others. This is why I am now an open book and I dont care I try to be as sincere as possible towards others and people now.
I am sure there are people you love a lot and who love you a lot and with whom you can share everything I have my sister and my dad.
I mean you just cant be so negative

Big.game:
Is it that you do it unconsciously, or you work really hard to sound ANNOYING

Like i said before, i am no weakling. Yes i experience depressed moments of highs and lows, and in as much as i would love to move on with my life and pretend like nothing is wrong, it doesn't change the truth about how i feel depressed every now and then.

That is why i came to this thread, and believe me you are making me regret it.

Krystalxxx: well,i understand this part very well. All i got for my 'sacrifice' was the blame(lol)..as in,i did it myself. So getting pressured..no i cant blame anyone. I realise im just responsible for whatever happens to me.thanks again

bettermike: The amount of emotion you invest in something determines the amount of hurt you'll feel if that thing shocks you negatively. I believe the only point i'll ever be quite emotional about someone or something is when am 1001% sure AM GOING TO BE SAFE. Sleep is finally here. Do take care of yourself. K?

depressionkills:
K
ill try and email you next week since Im visiting SA in 2 days and I procrastinate like a sloth. I should even be here I should be packing
I AM SO EXICTED

bettermike: I apologise.

No p bro. One Love to everybody here