lucrownt: U can't believe dis, there is no any cinema in Ilorin....

Vickii Ro:
No probs,as long as I can bring my husband Two kids along.
So wat do u say?

zizman: [img]http://2.bp..com/-nRfuk-J1ZDA/UQ7zNf9NWUI/AAAAAAAAASE/4BiF_jgLAoY/s280/silverbird-cinemas-victoria-island-lagos-nigeria.jpg[/img]

Since those who run this country have decided that you will not enjoy any form of entertainment in your own home by constantly ensuring that power supply remains an illusion, going out is your only consolation and the cinema has thus become an integral part of your existence.
You know what they say about when you’re in Rome, right? Well, should you choose to go to the cinema around here, please be advised to obey these golden rules:
Inside the Cinema Halls…

BRING FOOD! EVERYONE in the cinema hall will be eating something. The smacking of lips seems to be a prerequisite of cinema attendance. Security at Naija cinemas is so slack that you can smuggle a cow’s thigh in. I once sat beside someone who had a bowl of Amala and goat meat! Feel free to bring your starch and banga, or fufu and Oha soup. When you are done, remember to smack your lips loudly and comment on the food, to everyone’s hearing, of course.

BRING A DRINK – If you are a guy and you are seeing a chic flick with the (in)significant other, smuggle some Vodka or Henni in a juice pack to help through the gloom. If not, just bring a straw with whatever drink you are bringing. When you have almost finished the drink, take a long drag with the straw and make a nuisance of yourself with the accompanying sound. Don’t worry, everyone else would be doing the same!

SPEAK UP! – What’s the point of a movie without commentary? Share your observations and opinions with all those who are unfortunate enough to have bought a ticket to see the same film as you: “Ah, don’t go there! The bad guy is waiting o!” “Kill him jo!” “Ah, no now (sob! Sob!!) don’t leave her now…” You will not be the only one speaking up so be as loud as possible.

KEEP YOUR LIPS TO YOURSELF – Kissing is universally accepted as a part of the cinema experience. However, if you sit in a Naija cinema anywhere within the sights of members of the National Association of Currently Unattached Female Citizens (NACUFC), you may get an earful should your lips venture forth: “What? Is it that bad? Can’t they wait till they get home? And it’s not as if they are in love like that o; yeye show-off! People who are truly in love don’t PDA. Psssssew!! Rubbish! Abeg! See see, they don’t even know how to kiss sef; is he going to swallow her tongue?!

KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF – After eating his popcorn off his date’s cleavage, a friend of mine decided to venture further with his hands. He had depended on the darkness of the cinema hall for cover but clearly underestimated the presence of ‘men of God’ in everything Nigerian. A hand grabbed his advancing fingers from behind and declared in a clerical voice: “You shall come forth but no further. Salvation is better than earthly desires!” You may hold hands, or sling your hands across shoulders, but that’s about it!


Outside the Cinema Halls

PAY TOILET TAX – After sitting through a 2hr movie, using the restrooms is always a good idea. If you are male and you go to the male convenience, please go there with some money. You will be welcome by about four cleaners who will hail you as if you are their long lost brother. They will sing your praises while you pee. They will be ready to help with the soap when you want to wash your hands. These otherwise personal acts will be rudely interrupted by these tax collectors and all through their praise-singing, there would be an underlined firmness to their request. Ignore them at your own peril. While cases of physical assaults have not been reported to us, it is just smarter to give the boys something.

DO NOT TOAST, UNLESS… – Unless you see a certified birth certificate or a sworn affidavit, do not toast any female within the walls of Silverbird or Genesis Deluxe. Looks are very deceptive and I guess you do not really want to ask your 13 year old niece’s friend out. Forget that they look developed and ready; they are kids! On the other hand, do not be deceived by the body-hugging clothes, tight jeans and flimsy tops; things are going south beneath them. So, unless you like being handled by a young-babe-wannabe cougar, you are advised to demand for certification

Mishydoo: Cant forget d day I chyked my babe.i took her to genesis cinema Ph.....The COLD eh! Tried drawing closer to her, u kw to tap some...u kw...but wsnt able to get close enuf sake of dat f.king demarcation /seat handles between d seats.All thru d movie I wsnt watching...jst tryin to remuv d gaddam seat handle!!! Ruined d whole ting fr me....wish I went with a scredriver or hammer!

whitecat007: It used to be a weekly ritual for me when what is now known as Fork n Screen used to be backlot, also the AMC at Phipps, you could sit and watch wi y h peace of mind, but after what happened in a movie theater recently, you can't pay me to there. I have since replaced it with a gigantic screen TV at home and even have plans to go bigger for the holiday season.

tchidi: I once smuggled boiled corn into the cinema!!!

God bless the inventors of the female handbag!! Amen...

adaobi123:



Bush girl !!

Dap07:
Y not? as long as they have their own tickets..

rudedough:

You obviously don't know what you just did to us who live abroad , now i'm salivating and i wont be able to sleep tonight. Chai, fufu and Oha soup

Vickii Ro:
B4 nko
So what movie r we goin 2 see?
I only do horror,cartoons,chick flicks nd indian movies.Jst so u knw

lucrownt: U can't believe dis, there is no any cinema in Ilorin....

KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF – After eating his popcorn off his date’s cleavage, a friend of mine decided to venture further with his hands. He had depended on the darkness of the cinema hall for cover but clearly underestimated the presence of ‘men of God’ in everything Nigerian. A hand grabbed his advancing fingers from behind and declared in a clerical voice: “You shall come forth but no further. Salvation is better than earthly desires!” You may hold hands, or sling your hands across shoulders, but that’s about it!

Temismith: I D♡ИŦ went to cinimans

kinxlee: My experience has to do with meeting the "over developed kids" once at ikeja mall, I totally forgot it was summer holiday and the cinema was jam packed met a lot of girls who look hot and were putting on things that would make a man's HOTDOG firm, I approached one we had an interesting conversation, I collected her number called her after a wk told her that I wanna hangout, only for her to tell me that her mum does not allow her to go out without the company of her elder sibling, I then asked her how old is the elder sister she told me she is 16 and she is 14, omo I delete her no sharp sharp, b4 them go accuse me of child abuse, but if u see her boobs and backside. Woooow!!!!!

Vivly: The people who bring snacks to the cinema are those that don't want to spend N800 on popcorn and soft drink. They rather buy N50 popcorn and bottled coke outside and smuggle it inside

adaobi123:

Really ?

HARDDON:

do help a brother out:

please what is the difference btw the N800's and N50 Pcorn?

TRUTH.is.IDGAF:
Guilty of Smuggling vodka/alcohol especially when me and my boys are having guys movie out --- I hate being in a dark room with bunch of strangers but vodka works

"I went to see [b]Captain Philip[\b]" the other day holy cow I swear I've never been in one that many white people in my life

Never been to Movies in Nigeria but I promise you I will baptize any a.hole making ish noise around me with soda or whatever I'm drinking.

desdichando: Me too!!!when dd I last c that combo

cool_chux: I remember a particular day I went to see My Name Is Khan @ d Galleria, then I think it just came out. Waiting @ d hall entrance, I realised I was d only black person in d midst of so many Indians. As i began to feel intimidated, I noticed one beautiful Indian teenage girl stealing looks at me, so i tot to myself, "dude, here's a chance ooo...don't dull!." I moved closer to where she was standing, but before I could utter a word to chat her up, an elderly Indian man looked sternly @ me and said something in Indian to her. Those who heard wat d man said also looked in my direction, gosh I felt embarrassed when I realised dat was probably d babe's father. I didn't say a word to soul until I got home dat day!

Damolee:
There's a difference....dat of N800 is POPCORN while dat of N50 is GUGURU

PAY TOILET TAX – After sitting through a 2hr movie, using the restrooms is always a good idea. If you are male and you go to the male convenience, please go there with some money. You will be welcome by about four cleaners who will hail you as if you are their long lost brother. They will sing your praises while you pee. They will be ready to help with the soap when you want to wash your hands. These otherwise personal acts will be rudely interrupted by these tax collectors and all through their praise-singing, there would be an underlined firmness to their request. Ignore them at your own peril. While cases of physical assaults have not been reported to us, it is just smarter to give the boys something.

Mishydoo: Cant forget d day I chyked my babe.i took her to genesis cinema Ph.....The COLD eh! Tried drawing closer to her, u kw to tap some...u kw...but wsnt able to get close enuf sake of dat f.king demarcation /seat handles between d seats.All thru d movie I wsnt watching...jst tryin to remuv d gaddam seat handle!!! Ruined d whole ting fr me....wish I went with a scredriver or hammer!