Coming from a broken home,
Does it affect the chances of future romance.

Will the experiences from the past affect the romantic future?

The emotional turmoil faced by most children from broken homes will leave nasty ass footprints in many things they do. Sometimes it can hurt their love life, and sometimes they can mold their experience into a mirror that helps them prosper. It just depends on who it is.

Definitely.

I am more courteous of women that come from broken homes because I have seen a pattern.

i dont think it should,
ure a product of your past but shouldnt let that affect the future.

Pray tell, what pattern could this be.

My parents being seperate dosnt mean i want the same for myself
or is it somewhere embedded that i dont know about?

SENATOR JD:

i don't think it should,
ure a product of your past but shouldnt let that affect the future.

it's not in your countrol.  your past has a funny way of shaping your future.

@ post

Yes. people from broken homes can be affected one way or the other. especially in thier Romance life

Gamine:

Pray tell, what pattern could this be.

My parents being seperate dosnt mean i want the same for myself[/b]or is it somewhere embedded that i don't know about?

That's quite true when you experience the effects first hand you do what you can to stop your children go through it. Strangely enough the cycle tends to repeat it self with some people?

Sagamite:

Definitely.

I am more courteous of women that come from broken homes because I have seen a [b]pattern.

What pattern?

Gamine:

Pray tell, what pattern could this be.

My parents being seperate dosnt mean i want the same for myself
or is it somewhere embedded that i don't know about?

Agama, a lot of people don't want the same for themselves.  But what do you do if heavy depression, loneliness, daily fights are the norm in the type of family you grew up in? Those things will be the fuel that drive your interaction with others. It will take some professional psychological help to get your head set straight.

CH3COO:

it's not in your countrol.  your past has a funny way of shaping your future.

not really . . . its in your control and its up to the individual if he/she want the past to creep up or if he/she want to use that experience and become a stronger person

personally it does not affect ur romantic future, if it does then i'll say the person is using that as an excuse

@Acid,
Agama?

Professional psychological treatment,
omo it sounds like someone may be in big trouble!

@tboy
What sort of excuse could this be,

tboy1:

not really . . . its in your control and its up to the individual if he/she want the past to creep up or if he/she want to use that experience and become a stronger person

personally it does not affect your romantic future, if it does then i'll say the person is using that as an excuse

You do know how strong and invasive human emotions can be right? Take the example of love, people know how stupid they get when they fall in love but have arguably no way to avoid the stupidity. When strong emotions become your thoughts they are all you can think about. you will live and breathe their curse. Unless you find a way to get out of it by figuring ways to seek help, or if you're fortunate enough to be surrounded by the right people you may succeed. If not it will be a tough battle to win alone. It's in your control to a certain extent I admit that.

Gamine:


@tboy
What sort of excuse could this be,

A guy can start whoopin his babe's ass and when you later ask him why, the punk could always come up wit some stuffs like:  " I grew up in a home where my father was very abusive " or the other way round " I grew up in a home where my mother did not respect my dad and she was very abusive "

A girl could be in so many relationships and very promiscuous and when you ask her why, she could be like " i always wanted a father figure, cus i never had one" or some shit like that - i have heard a girl say this

CH3COO:

You do know how strong and invasive human emotions can be right? Take the example of love, people know how stupid they get when they fall in love but have arguably no way to avoid the stupidity. When strong emotions become your thoughts they are all you can think about. you will live and breathe their curse. Unless you find a way to get out of it by figuring ways to seek help, or if you're fortunate enough to be surrounded by the right people you may succeed. If not it will be a tough battle to win alone. It's in your control to a certain extent I admit that.

who says people get stupid when they fall in love?
back to topic
its definitely in ones control, we make the choices that affects our future, so coming from a broken home means your romantic life would be affected? i dnt think so.
its all a matter of what i consider ok or not

tboy1:

A guy can start whoopin his babe's ass and when you later ask him why, the punk could always come up wit some stuffs like: " I grew up in a home where my father was very abusive " or the other way round " I grew up in a home where my mother did not respect my and and was very abusive "

A girl could be in so many relationships and very promiscuous and why you ask her, she could be like " i always wanted a father figure, cus i never had one" or some shit like that - i have heard a girl say this

u sure right dude, excuses just to justify actions

CH3COO:

You do know how strong and invasive human emotions can be right? Take the example of love, people know how stupid they get when they fall in love but have arguably no way to avoid the stupidity. When strong emotions become your thoughts they are all you can think about. you will live and breathe their curse. Unless you find a way to get out of it by figuring ways to seek help, or if you're fortunate enough to be surrounded by the right people you may succeed. If not it will be a tough battle to win alone. It's in your control to a certain extent I admit that.

From personaly experience i went though a serious broken home and i saw some foul shit- im currently not in speaking terms with my DAD  . . . but thats my own personal story and i'll tell you that you either allow all those emotions creep up or you're stong enough to shut it out(maybe not completely, but you'll make sure it does not affect anything you do-  either work, relationship etc )

Gamine:

@Acid,
Agama?

Professional psychological treatment,
omo it sounds like someone may be in big trouble!

Agama ke? No dey mind me abeg.


Let me provide you with this list of concerns I found on the net about children of divorced parents.

http://www.amazon.com/Coast-Family-Romance-Nora-Johnsondp/0743234472+brokenhomes+affect+child%27s+romance

- Teenagers in single-parent families and in blended families are three times more likely to need psychological help within a given year. (Peter Hill “Recent Advances in Selected Aspects of Adolescent Development” Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry 1993)

- Compared to children from homes disrupted by death, children from divorced homes have more psychological problems. (Robert E. Emery, Marriage, Divorce and Children’s Adjustment” Sage Publications, 1988)

That statistic is truly amazing, isn’t it? But let me continue on…here are are some more shocking statistics on the effect of divorce on children…

- Children living with both biological parents are 20 to 35 percent more physically healthy than children from broken homes. (Dawson, “Family Structure and Children’s Health and Well-being” Journal of Marriage and the Family)

- Most victims of child molestation come from single-parent households or are the children of drug ring members. (Los Angles Times 16 September 1985 The Garbage Generation)

- A Child in a female-headed home is 10 times more likely to be beaten or murdered. (The Legal Beagle, July 1984, from “The Garbage Generation”)

- The study of children six years after a parental marriage breakup revealed that even after all that time, these children tended to be “lonely, unhappy, anxious and insecure”. (Wallerstein “The Long-Term Effects of Divorce on Children” Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 1991)

- Children of divorce are four times more likely to report problems with peers and friends than children whose parents have kept their marriages intact. (Tysse, Burnett, “Moral Dilemmas of Early Adolescents of Divorced and Intact Families. Journal of Early Adolescence 1993)

- Children of divorce, particularly boys, tend to be more aggressive toward others than those children whose parents did not divorce. (Emery, “Marriage, Divorce and Children’s Adjustment, 1988)

- Children of divorce are at a greater risk to experience injury, asthma, headaches and speech defects than children whose parents have remained married. (Dawson, “Family Structure and Children’s Health and Well Being” National Health Interview Survey on Child Health, Journal of Marriage and the Family)

- People who come from broken homes are almost twice as likely to attempt suicide than those who do not come from broken homes. (Velez-Cohen, “Suicidal Behavior and Ideation in a Community Sample of Children” Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 1988)

SENATOR JD:

who says people get stupid when they fall in love?
back to topic
its definitely in ones control, we make the choices that affects our future, so coming from a broken home means your romantic life would be affected? i dnt think so.
its all a matter of what i consider ok or not
u sure right dude, excuses just to justify actions

Unless you're a martian you should know that people do the oddest things when in love --- not all people of course.
We don't always make the choices that affect our future.  sometimes our parents make these choices for us before we ever have a chance to say "no this isn't what I want".


The hidden effects of a broken home are nothing to laugh about. It's never always as easy as "it's their choice."

A broken home could have both positive and negative effect depending on how you respond to it?

On one hand, you will be more cautious about jumping into a marriage just because you feel "in love".
On the other hand, you may not have any idea about how a healthy marriage is supposed to look like.

Yeah i guess you're kind of right. I have been a bit unfavorable to the positive side of it.

a broken home gives u
an edge 2 do beta ok
cos am an example
nd each day i pray dat
my kids wont go thru it.
somtimes dis thins just happen

CH3COO:

Unless you're a martian you should know that people do the oddest things when in love --- not all people of course.
We don't always make the choices that affect our future.  sometimes our parents make these choices for us before we ever have a chance to say "no this isn't what I want".
The hidden effects of a broken home are nothing to laugh about. It's never always as easy as "it's their choice."

yeah parents do when one was much younger,
now i dnt think my parents would make a choice on an issue am not comfortable with and i would accept. the older one gets the more wiser one should be as well(exceptions exist)
the hidden effects are there alright, but it shouldnt tell on ones future home.
i come from a home where we never really had a rapor with our dad(career person and quiet person) growing up till of late. but i promised myself that i would be involved as much as possible by God's grace in my kids growing up days.
of course like tboy said i can always justify my not being involved with my kids cos such was my case can't i?

SENATOR JD:

yeah parents do when one was much younger,
now i dnt think my parents would make a choice on an issue am not comfortable with and i would accept. the older one gets the more wiser one should be as well(exceptions exist)
the hidden effects are there alright, but it shouldnt tell on ones future home.
i come from a home where we never really had a rapor with our dad(career person and quiet person) growing up till of late. but i promised myself that i would be involved as much as possible by God's grace in my kids growing up days.
of course like tboy said i can always justify my not being involved with my kids because such was my case can't i?

Well it contradicts what you said about the individuals getting to make the decisions themselves.  Even as adults it is not always the case.  Do arranged marriages ring a bell to you?  It could fly with you but not always with others.  We all stem from different parts of the world and experience separate customs.  The evidence is there that it tells on the future home.  It can go either way . . . your argument is logical and I agree that for the purpose of healthy living it shouldn't be allowed to tell on your future home.   As is the case currently and has always been, it tells on the home and the impact may be positive or negative, or even both. Logic isn't always enough to cure mental damage.

CH3COO:

Well it contradicts what you said about the individuals getting to make the decisions themselves. Even as adults it is not always the case. Do arranged marriages ring a bell to you? It could fly with you but not always with others. We all stem from different parts of the world and experience separate customs. The evidence is there that it tells on the future home. It can go either way . . . your argument is logical and I agree that for the purpose of healthy living it shouldn't be allowed to tell on your future home. As is the case currently and has always been, it tells on the home and the impact may be positive or negative, or even both. Logic isn't always enough to cure mental damage.

yeah arranged marriages happens in most nations, even here.
i guess ine just has to decide on which part would creep up in ones home, logic may not be a sufficient but at least a neccessary condition in curing the mental damages.
like u rightly said and seun it can go either way, its all up to d individual(s) at the end of it.

from one point of view we cud say yes becos there is always d tendency of that fear which somtimes is unconscious to restrict u from givin ur all cos in ur subconscious u are scared u wud break up too or hav a broken home and ur kids wud hav the same kind of problem u had and there wud b dis stigma of dont hang around this person cos she wont stay not wife material and the rest and so on. u reali cant trust wholeheartedly anyone/tin and worse of all yourself.
wat is the rltnship wit no trust in it? i wont be able to cope.
now the other angle to it wud it affect? we will say no because one those are ur parents not u and as christains havin accepted christ old tins are passed away and behold all tins new u are redeemed from every bondage or curse of the law or anytin dat its not of christ and christ has peace and unity so do we so we cant have broken homes why cos God said so and we not jus believe it we say it and we know we have power in our tongue so we choose life and enjoy its fruits.
this is wat christ does to us

Seun:

A broken home could have both positive and negative effect depending on how you respond to it?

On one hand, you will be more cautious about jumping into a marriage just because you feel "in love".
On the other hand, you may not have any idea about how a healthy marriage is supposed to look like.

Good point. Also, I would add that even if you do not know how a healthy marriage is supposed to look like , you should know what leads to an unhealthy one and stay away from such behaviour.

It is really important that I jopin this discussion because I am presently going thru some "experience" at the moment.

Broken homes are bad especially for ladies and that means we guys have to shine our eyes very well.

I am abt to break up a relationship of long years because she behaves combative which I see is a spillover from her broken home. Saying "sorry" is an issue, she has never consoled me actively on any issue, she flares up at me in public e.t.c

My heart is really broken because I wasnt seeing sb else but she displayed her attitude to my parents and they are not in support of us getting married.

I'm still in Love but my future matters,

dewaledeyi:

It is really important that I jopin this discussion because I am presently going through some "experience" at the moment.
Broken homes are bad especially for ladies and that means we guys have to shine our eyes very well.
I am about to break up a relationship of long years because she behaves combative which I see is a spillover from her broken home. Saying "sorry" is an issue, she has never consoled me actively on any issue, she flares up at me in public e.t.c
My heart is really broken because I wasnt seeing sb else but she displayed her attitude to my parents and they are not in support of us getting married.
I'm still in Love but my future matters,

feel for u dude and wish ya d best in subsequent one(s).
thats probably one case out of many that made a choice as regards how such issues(broken homes) would affect their relationships.
i believe it all comes down to what one would allow to hold in ones relationship and future. like u rightly said ur future matters over and above present love.

it sure can. its not enuff to not want to repeat same trend. Question is what steps have u taken to make sure u dont fall into the same pattern. believe me, you dont wish away scars, u treat them and hope and pray they go away. Encouraging thing is, they do go away most tyms. u could be a product of a broken home and not have many issues to deal with if ur parents did well to shield u from all the wahala and der own troubles.  but when u grow up in a civil war situation, there must be scars and it takes conscise and concerted efforts to heal d wound.

i am a product of a civil war of a home. even though i have good knowledge of what i want and want not, there are tyms i see familiar(scary) patterns. am still working on me. But its a good thing cos av come to realise that most great men are products of adversity. It started from bible tyms. so am proud of where am coming from.

like many have said, its up to you to decide how it affects you but on one hand one has to also realise that it has the power to do so negatively. what has happened has indeed happened & thru no fault of yours, your home is broken. . .

shape up & move on with life, your future is in your hands

It all depends on the person involved

am a victim but I dont think am praying for that again in my love life

1, I dont double date
2, I dont put woman first
3, I can't even think of lovin another person except my Girl

The bottom line is: even those that comes from solid homes have broken marriage
like I said above it depend on the person involve

It all depends on how you want to live your life.
If you allow the mistake of your folks to affect you, one will live with the nagative side of it.

The bottom line is: even those that comes from solid homes have broken marriage
like I said above it depend on the person involve
[quote][/quote]

Thank you