0monnakoda:
if you have nothing meaningful to say ,observe quietly

You should take your own advice.

GetUmad: Guy you're on point.
Imagine since I got here (Iraq) family and friends back home have been disturbing me.

Disturbing you to enter syria ko

sauer:

(1) Sometimes it really amazes me how Nigerians think. If the reason you don't stray too far from family members is because you don't know "Who Will be Who", then I insist on accusing you of the exact thing you seem to accuse others of. How pathetic we can be as Nigerians!

(2) So, you expect that in the future you should be able to curry favour from a family member who probably cheats or perhaps doesn't even cheat their way to fame and fortune?
Please stop! "Not knowing who will be who" shouldn't be your slogan when associating with people. Be yourself first

(1) Good one Bro. I understand where you are coming from. But what I "guess" you did was misinterprete my point as a form of disloyalty on my path towards friends & family members. NO ! NO ! NO!

In fact, let me point this out: If the main reason for my 'questionable' (please note) relationship with family members should be because "I dont know who will be who" , then why should I call myself a family with them?.....In brief, Im just as guilty as a disloyal Lucifer in the family if i base my relationship on that !

In essence, what I trully implied in my earlier point quoted by you was that, whether through thick or thin, my friends will still continue be my friends....And family will still be family. In other words, the same 'strenght' of relationship that prequelled between us will still continue to be, and I say WITH ALL SINCERERITY OF HEART , will definitely get better as time & distance pulls us together.
HOPE YOU FEEL ME BRO?

(2) As you saw in my earlier post, the strenght of my relationship is what will determine my level of interaction with any of my family members, be it the RICH, the AVERAGE or the POOR one !!

As a son of a polygamous Dad, there are a handful of Big boys & Men in the family of my Dad's 2nd wife. When I mean Big , i mean BIG !! .... But I state to you categorically, THAT WE DONT RELATE!

To cut the whole story short, Disloyalty towards your own is one of the worst things that can ever be of you as a human (depending on how scenario or situation present itself). I dont think at this point in my life, in this 21st century, I have to hobnob foolishly with insincere intentions , especially towards a blood of mine. Never !

HOPE YOU GET ME BRO?

..(and thanks for your advice anyway. It jerked me in bit)

GustavoFring:

So many things wrong with your story mate.

1.) He cannot pay a mortgage and be renting at the same time
2.) Why is he buying a car and paying the attendant taxes/dues while on a security man's lowly salary? Highly unlikely to happen in real life.
3.) I know people who work as cleaners,security men, etc who still own homes.In the UK AND Naija. It CAN be done.

I know its a fictional account, but stop trying to portray the struggle as harder than it actually is.

clapham:

Please, get it right, all am saying is, if you have and you can spare little give because Sainburys advert says 'every little help' that is if you have,if not let them know.

simple simple

.

It's not that simple. It depends on many factors:
(i) Your background.
(ii) How kind-hearted and trusting you are.
(iii) Personal circumstance in diaspora.
Etc.
It doesn't matter how much you explain the situation, if you have 4 unemployed graduates or 5 siblings at university and no dad, they are not going to listen to your moaning from diaspora.

A colleague got a phone call from junior sister in Naija:
Phone rings
Sister: Ah, Bwoda wind has blown the roof off the first flat o!
Colleague: When?
Sister: Just last night o. Infact the parlour if full of water from the rain o.
Colleague: have you removed things to the other flat?
Sister: Yes, but we need to get carpenter to do the roof quick or else the damage will be much because in this July rain is falling the whole day.
Colleague: How much will fix it?
Sister: hmmmm, we can manage xyz Naira. In fact I asked a carpenter to come have a look and he quoted pqr Naira but i can price it down to xyz naira.
Colleague: Ok I will WU the money today.

In fact the roof was totally intact and could lat another 10 years or more. The sister pocketed the money.

Days later, my colleague called the niece who lives in the first flat (alleged to be flooded) to ask how she was coping.
The niece was taken aback. She was comfortably watching TV in that same parlour. It was just fraud.

About a year later, she got a relative to call same brother that she has had a serious accident and doctors have asked for lots of money to save her life.

Meanwhile she was enjoying owambe up and down in town.

@bigdiva, if you can afford to come do MSc in UK, it's unlikely you're from same Ketu "face-me-I-punch-you" background like Ayo.

Over 70% of Naija families cannot afford it. It is people like Ayo who pay school fees, medical bills, funeral, marriage, feeding and allow many relatives to move into brand new houses instead of being tennants.

juman: One nigeria problem.

Solution to nigerians problem is dividing this senseless country.

No to one nigeria.

what is this one saying?

^^^

Though this story has some iota of truth in it, its not really as bad as most make it seem. And truth be told not all families are like Ayo's many are like Diva's.
Besides if a person is wise he can live a very comfortable life in a place like Uk yet still have savings to take care of other stuff.

Ayo's job as a security officer is paid way higher than minimum wage if he has his SIA license and unlike most other jobs he is needed to work at least 9hrs, 5 to 7days a week. If he is modest and gets a moderately affordable flat at a convinient distance from work, shops for groceries at reduced to clear hours daily, depends on the cheaper bus or train monthly ticket service 4 transport, goes clothes shopping at 50 to 75% off during each seasonal sales period he would find life a lot easier.

Mind u, if u calculate the average Naija nepa bill, plus daily generator fueling cost 4 home and work, monthly costs of getting water into your house added to tenament rates, land use charges, personal security cost as well as Estate utility costs u will realize that the UK bills people cry about is not as bad as they say if u factor the ammount the people are making here and there.

Also note that healthcare in Uk is free as well as school fees for d kids to high school level.

Phder:
Which part of "No" do you not understand? The "N"? or the "O"?

ok.

Are you related to Ayo by any chance?

AMERICAN LIFE
---------'''''''------'''''''---'''''
You come to America, young and dashing, on full scholarship, finish school, get a great job, marry a glamorous spouse, have cute children and retire at a young age with a great pension, portfolio and posture.
…And live happily ever after. Yes champ; rub it in.
For the rest of you, life abroad is a crest of trajectories. You come into America, by air, by sea, or via a midnight sneak-in across the Mexican border; fooling the Minute Men and Lou Dobbs all at once. You come to school, to join your spouse, to work after winning the Green Card Lottery, or to raise your hand at the airport and claim persecution in your own country because you are a Mormon as well as a leader in MEND.
You behold America the beautiful. The triple-decker burgers and the giant cup of coke and cars that are wider than your village road and you wonder what took you so long to get here. You get on with schooling.
For now any cheap school will do. You study the things people who came before you say brings money – the things Americans do not want to study- to prepare you for the job Americans do not want to do. You hear nursing, bloody nursing. You say, bring it on. You get on with marriage - the convenience marriage- discovering that you married three persons at once; the person you thought you married, the person your spouse really is and the person your spouse becomes because you got married in this America. For work, you do anything for a dollar; fast food restaurant, drive a cab, guard the parking lot of company executives younger than you, even care for the disabled, breaking your back to pay the bills.
Then reality hits. The dollar is not adding up. There's more going out than coming in. Time is running. Letters, emails and phone calls are enveloping you from home. School is done; where is the job? Your accent is a problem. Racism is real. You're finally squeezed in a Corporate job at last. Work place politics really sucks. Meanwhile, the American spouse is gone but your residency is established. Now where do you find someone to marry for real? A Blind date? E-harmony.com? Town Conventions? What of picking up someone from your village? But these are all packages which content you cannot ascertain. Somehow, you settle with one. Honeymoon over, now what is the state of the marriage? First mission accomplished, now what next?
You start a house in your village. A big house. You sink in any money you can get. Some of it goes to the house but most of it goes to your family member who is supervising the construction. It costs more than it will to buy a comparable house in America. You afraid to calculate how many days you will sleep in this house in your life time. You say, Tufiakwa. It will not be your portion. You need to do it not just because everyone is doing it – your daddy is demanding it. He's asking you to wipe away the shame on the family's face.
Your daddy dies. Your dentist extracts a tooth.
Then America begins to reveal itself quietly. Oh tribalism again; discrimination at the work place. Your head touches the virtual ceiling for immigrants. You now understand affirmative action. Kids come but housemaids are tagged slavery, who will care for them? Now you have day care, mortgage, after school sport activities, mid-life career crisis, more phone calls from home, and marital problems. If only some of these can wait. You can call marital problems by its real name- money problems entangled with control problems, decision making disagreements, tasks and privileges, status problems and in-law problems. Maybe you will stay home with the kids. Maybe your mother will come and help … and incense your spouse.
With caning banished, you raise teens with your hands tied to your back. Marital problems persist because as your fortune falls that of your spouse rises. You have done your calculation. Something has to give. You try selling real estate. You prepare taxes. You sell insurance. You run out of contacts. You buy cars from the auction and ship them home. You get duped by friends and family. Nothing is adding up. Fast insurance fraud deals? You try other businesses on the side, but total dedication is needed. You quit your job entirely and start a business. Cleaning business. Staffing business. Medical equipment. Home Health business. Escort service. Oh, these taxes, running costs, government paper works and lack of patronage by your own people.
Marital problems persist. You wish you had married the lover you left in Nigeria to come to America. You take the divorce option. Half of your wealth is wiped out. Now rages the battle for visitation rights, alimony and child support. You're estranged from the kids because of the stories your spouse made up against you to win custody. But you keep paying up. You have no option. You start afresh. A new apartment.
Maybe a new spouse? No, that can wait. Your classmate at home becomes the CEO of a multinational company. A chieftaincy title follows and you wonder what happened to you.
You consider a fast 419 advance fee fraud deal. You remember those acquaintances still doing time in US prisons. You hold off. You dream of a contract from the government at home. You write a proposal. You get in touch with an old classmate who has done well.
Home looks attractive. The people you left behind are doing better. You conveniently forget the majority who are not making ends meet. You are overwhelmed. High blood pressure is diagnosed. High cholesterol. Heart problems. Another tooth is extracted. You join the gym. You stay away from garri and farina. You join a church. You can be a pastor too, but you don't like that lifestyle of pretending to be what you're not. Life is no more fun. You go home, dabble in business, in politics, in entertainment.
You are burnt. You return. You start afresh.
No, you won't take the divorce option. You will manage. You will live like roommates, until the kids are grown and are out of the house. You will wait for retirement. You need just ten more years. At 56, with social security plus pension pay and 401K, you can go to the village, if kidnappers permit, and enjoy your old age. And start afresh. Maybe marry anew. Maybe teach in a college in Nigeria. Yeah! You register for a PhD with an online college.
Your Mummy dies. Your dentist extracts another tooth. Your doctor suggests knee and hip replacement. Your shrink prescribes Prozac.
In spite of your wahala, the children grow. The girls do well in school. The boys go from four-year colleges to two- year colleges, in between gang membership and police troubles. The boys marry White girls. The girls marry African-Americans. You're glad the girls did not get pregnant out of wedlock. You thank God the boys did not throw a coming out party to announce that they are gay. One lives in Arizona and another in Hawaii. Your house is empty, calls come on holidays only.
It is now time to really go home. But what about managing the diabetes? Do you trust the doctors at home to handle your dialysis? Your medication cocktail will be hard to find at home. Daddy and Mummy are dead. You have to make new friends again. The ones you used to have are now strangers to you. Your spouse refuses to go with you. Spouse cannot deal with the sound of electric generators, untreated well water, Afor Igwe meat without an FDA inspection tag.
You retire. You sell the big house and move into a small condo. When you cannot wipe your behind, you go from the condo to a nursing home.
Your children are too busy to have you share their homes. They visit every presidential election year. Once again, you think of going home but no, it is rather too late for that. The twelfth tooth is gone. You now take more pills than the teeth in your mouth.
So you stay until your autopsy is ready. Your townsfolk contribute money to ship you home. As your coffin lands in Lagos, your relations who have gathered to receive you for the last time mutter in between breaths, Tufiakwa. Yes, the same tufiakwa that you said the time you read the article called `This American Life'.
Oh, about your kids, well, some of them went home with your body. Those few times you cleaned your bank account to take them home paid off.
They watch as sand lands on your coffin. One even remembered how to say, `Kedu'. They leave soon after. They will come back one more time – when they accompany your ex on the final journey home.

By RUDOLF OGOO OKONKWO

Abeg must u travel abroad for greener pastures.. When u can be a king in ur country u will go and be doing slavery abroad... If their disturbing u change ur number for a while don't u know that some Nigerians are ignorant... They think once ur abroad u are a billionaire..

Very touching essay. I always love Rudolf Okonkwo's writing back at Nigeriaworld.
Really summed life in the West real good.
May all our cups continue to overflow with goodness.

faithin9ja: AMERICAN LIFE


By RUDOLF OGOO OKONKWO

mimicue:
Abeg must u travel abroad for greener pastures.. When u can be a king in ur country u will go and be doing slavery abroad... If their disturbing u change ur number for a while don't u know that some Nigerians are ignorant... They think once ur abroad u are a billionaire..

how many Nigerians can afford not to go abroad?