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Stats: 1,992,310 members, 4,202,644 topics. Date: Monday, 23 April 2018 at 02:34 AM
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Nobody: 6:21am On Nov 12, 2013|
Now, lets see how the hell she is going to take this secret of yours.
*laughing in Elvish*
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Royver(m): 9:20am On Nov 12, 2013|
@ishilove@nkpume iko more nairaland elders!
You are welcome ma, sir. Pls sit down. Make I bring kola?
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Royver(m): 10:08am On Nov 12, 2013|
JeffreyJamez: Ah!!! Where have I beeen o o o oAm humbled sir.
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Royver(m): 10:27am On Nov 12, 2013|
iamteaser: This is cool I swear. Don't just abandon this story o. One question tho, what do you mean by "wings"?Literally, wings. Like the ones you see on angels in mediaeval art. The psychiatrist asked the same question. And he had teaser written on his T-shirt. But that's in a later chapter.
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Nimen(m): 11:19am On Nov 12, 2013|
Royver: @chistar and stand thanks!I can't, can only send e-mail
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Royver(m): 11:43am On Nov 12, 2013|
Nimen: I can't, can only send e-mailKk send me an email then. Nice story u have there.
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by DEllaluv(f): 12:06pm On Nov 12, 2013|
Woww...y I no see ds story since
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Ishilove: 12:16pm On Nov 12, 2013|
Very interesting story, Royver. I like stories that deal with the supernatural, because whether we accept it or not, the spiritual controls the physical.
I have a few observations. I'm using my mobile phone so I can't highlight the parts I will touch, but since you're the writer, I know you will be able to pinpoint them easily.
The first meeting with Nina, Chuks describes her lips as "glorious brown lips". True, as negroes our lips are brown and light pink (fair complexioned folks), but the confusion (for me) is "Why did the lips look brown?" What made them nice looking? Is it the shape or the paint on them? Did they have gloss on them? What made them glorious?
You let us know the lips are glorious, but you didn't tell us what made them glorious. You need to let us know what makes those gaddem lips different from Iya Kpomo's lips
In the church scene, the narrator states that he didn't like going to church because he ended up being the one to cast out demons. Now this statement caused me to raise a shaggy eyebrow.
We have been told that Chuks is a seer, but nowhere did the narrator mention that he had the gift of casting out demons. Being a seer and having the anointing to cast out demons are two different gifts. In other words, Chuks is a deliverance minister since he can cast out demons. Apostle Paul stated that we have different gifts;prophecy, teaching, healing etc, "There are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit gives them: 1Cor 12 vs 4. " Hence if Chuks can cast out demons by the power of God, then you should have stated it clearly and not bring it in without preamble, or as a side-note. Let the readers know clearly that the protagonist has other gifts (the key word is CLEARLY)
The Fire. You have made several references to fire. You need to paint a clearer picture of the kinds of fire in the story. The fire that lights up a person when they see the object of their desire is different from the kind that will engulf someone under a supernatural influence. The fire at the church scene would have done with more elaboration. It won't be the first time Chuks will be seeing someone in flames, so by now he should be able to differentiate between the fire of God and the fire of the devil, like the one coming out of the pastor's bottle of abracadabra.
This is where the elaboration should have come in. For example, The devil's fire is a bleak red with dark spots in it, God's fire has a golden halo around it etc etc.
Details details details. . .
Alter- Altar. Alter is a verb which means to 'change', 'tamper with' or 'distort'. So the proper noun is 'altar'.
Remember that as writers, we paint words with pictures so we have to be very meticulous in detail, no matter how tiny. Nothing too over-fleshy, though, but necessarily detailed.
Also be consistent with formatting. Space your work well so that it will be tidy and not cumbersome for the readers.
Keep it up, you've got nowhere to go but the top
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Ishilove: 12:48pm On Nov 12, 2013|
Royver: @ishilove@nkpume iko :omore nairaland elders!Elder ke? Abeg o, I am still a learner like you. Lol
Please pass me the calabash of palmy, make manpikin use am stepdown as we await more scintillating updates.
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Royver(m): 3:27pm On Nov 12, 2013|
Ishilove: Very interesting story, Royver. I like stories that deal with the supernatural, because whether we accept it or not, the spiritual controls the physical.Aha! I talk am...I know say as una don dey come I gat to sit up! Thanks for your insightful comments ma. Pls allow me to explain a few things here.
Chuks does not view himself as a seer, neither does he have any ambitions on being a deliverance minister. He was simply born with an ability due to a certain oversight in the spirit realm. Even though I said he "casts out demons" I didn't mean it in the pentecostal sense per se. Its more like, they know who he is and so can't play any tricks on him or he reveals their powers thus rendering said powers useless. Like the pastor with the oil, he didn't really cast out a demon but he gave the pastor encouragement and kind of showed him the way. Thus the pastor freeing himself from the bondage his wife was leading him into. Thus a kind of "casting out" was done.
However...something else might have remained with chuks apart from his spiritual sight...something even chuks knows nothing about. Stay tuned!
As for the fire, yeah, that was an oversight. The fire of lust like from the woman when chuks was a child encompasses the entire body and is a blood red flame. That in the church was more orange like and kind of superficial in nature, i.e burning only on the surface and not within(for those of you who still want to visualize it ).
As for the typos, na phone I dey use so sometimes I go just tire. .The other corrections are all duly noted. Thanks so much!
*brings out more fresh palmie from the fridge*
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Ishilove: 4:07pm On Nov 12, 2013|
Royver:Okay, but I still feel that whether or not Chuks views himself as seer, by the virtue of the impression given to us through his narration, he is a seer. A person who sees what others can't see is a seer. Seers, however have different levels.
I am digressing too far. Let me shut it and just enjoy the story
However, pay attention to details. Write as if you are writing to people at the otherside of the earth who don't have means of communicating with you the writer. Leave us gasping for more!!!
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Ishilove: 4:11pm On Nov 12, 2013|
And lest I forget, try to inculcate the morphology of the fires into story. It makes it more vivid that way..
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by JeffreyJamez(m): 4:15pm On Nov 12, 2013|
Wa se re!!! I don learn one or 2 things from madam ishilove!!
*runs to update own story*
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Royver(m): 5:25pm On Nov 13, 2013|
Her head was still rested firmly on my shoulder. She hadn't moved a muscle and for a moment I thought she hadn't heard. I loved the way she scented, her perfume was sweet and soft just like her skin which was right now rubbing against mine. Her body was warm against mine, just as it had been on the day we kissed. I cherished these moments, all the more so as I risked losing it all in a few moments...
"What did you say?" She asked, her head still on my shoulder. I wished I could see the look on her face, so I could gauge what her reaction was going to be like. I raised her up and held her by the shoulders so that she was looking straight at me. Her features were, well, blank.
"I said, I see things that others do not see. Things that nobody, actually, should be allowed to see."
"You mean, you hallucinate?"
"No I don't hallucinate," I paused. This was going to be difficult to explain. "I kind of see into the spirit realm, or third dimention, or whatever you want to call it. Everyone has that ability, only, not on this side of the veil."
"The veil? What are you talking about?" She was beginning to get alarmed.
"The spirit world is divided from this one by a veil. Look, forget the intricate details, what you need to know is that I see things that make me able to read people, know their problems or gifts, and sometimes help them out when I can."
"Like the pastor the other day?" She asked
"Like the pastor the other day." I affirmed. "He was doing fetish things with the oil he was using on the people he was praying for, only that I could see he really didn't want to do it but rather his wife pushed him into it. You know, a miracle here, a manifestation there, and his congregation would swell. But I saw into him and realised he didn't want anything to do with it. So I pretended to go for prayers and instead advised him to stop. He was grateful. Hence the thank you. "
She listened on in silence. She had this look on her face like, ooooooh, so that was what that was all about. I watched her for a while longer wondering what she would say next. When she said it I wasn't too surprised.
"So what do you see when you look at me?" She asked.
"You have beautiful wings."
She looked at me a while and then registered shock and surprise as realization dawned on her. "That's what you said the day we met! You weren't looking at my boobs!"
I laughed and she laughed as well. It was amazing! If it had been a white chick she would have probably told me to go and see a psychiatrist. But I guess Africans and especially Nigerians were a little more accommodating when it came to supernatural issues. Or maybe it was just her personality. I was relieved though that she seemed to be taking this revelation rather well. however I still had something I needed to tell her.
"There's something else," I said. I had since let go of her shoulder and she had relaxed into the chair. But now she sat up curiously.
"Your wings. They are tied pretty tight with golden chains. I have honestly not seen that before and was wondering what it meant."
Her eyes widened and she impulsively looked at her shoulders as if to see if she could spot anything.
"I honestly don't know o, this is the first time someone is telling me that I have wings talkless of chained wings. Can't you find out for me? Do they look heavy? Maybe they are my sins?"
I shook my head. I had thought of that before but it didn't male sense somehow and besides I would have seen it on someone else by now. Unforgiven sins usually appeared like dull grey rusting chains tied around a heavy ball of steel and attached to the ankles of the ones who carried them. They weren't beautiful or shiny in any way. This golden chain however seemed tobe both a blessing and a curse to her. A thought came to mind and I voiced it out.
"What if it has to do with the relationship you are in? Maybe your decision, being a selfless one, is what makes the chains golden. Its a good decision but self limiting. What do you think."
As I explained, her countenance became sad. She said nothing but tears came to her eyes. I can't stand seeing ladies cry, it does something to me, makes me feel helpless somewhat. So I brought her close to me and hugged her, offering as much emotional support as I could. She stayed in my arms for a while but then suddenly pushed me away.
"No! That can't be it! You don't understand, you're just using the information I gave you to make things up so you'll score points with me. Well I'm not falling for it!"
She got up and started to gather her things. I watched her, my mouth open in surprise. Weren't we just laughing a while ago? What had I said to warrant this? why was she hot one moment and extremely cold the next? The chains around her wings appeared even more tight today than it had been yesterday and i wondered why i hadnt noticed it before. I suddenly remembered something.
"What happened last night?" I asked.
"Huh? None of your business!" She retorted.
"You called him, didn't you? You are going to meet him soon, maybe even agree to go ahead with the pact even though there seems no logical reason for it!" I had raised my voice a little. "You are about making a huge mistake!"
"Its none of your business!" She repeated hotly.
I threw my hands up in exasperation. In a way she was right, it wasn't any of my business. I was letting the feelings I had for her cloud my judgement.
She saw that I had become quiet and stopped fidgeting.
"I'm sorry. Maybe I over reacted there a little. Its just, its complicated. His father has been very good to me and my family."
I closed my eyes and said nothing.
"His father has agreed to come and see my guardians." She said suddenly. " He is coming with his dad to my place tomorrow so we can discuss a few things."
"I see," I said, "well, far be it from me to play the devil's advocate in this scenario. The truth of the matter is I've fallen in love with you. I wake up in the morning everyday with the hope that I'll see you smile, or laugh or just talk. Everything about you is beautiful to me"
"Chuks..." She said.
"Please dear, let me finish. I'm not really one for putting my feelings out there but I have to let you know this. Its becoming obvious to me that you may not feel the same way. Still I can't let you go knowing that you're getting yourself into a situation that will hurt you. That's why I'm trying to make it my business. If you don't want me fine, but don't sign off the rest of your life to a guy you don't love just because you made a kid promise some years ago."
She sighed and sat down again. We were quiet for a while and I could hear the gentle rumble of thunder.
"It seems like it's going to rain." She said. I nodded absent mindedly. This was definitely not how I intended spending my Saturday. The atmosphere in my room was tense and glum and I suddenly felt sick of the whole thing.
"Screw this, I'm taking you out." I said.
"What? When?" She asked, taken aback. I got up and yanked her to her feet. I felt her exhale as I drew her close to me. Those lips, those lovely eyes...perfect gentleman, perfect gentleman....
"There's a nice spot a few yards away called 'Sadi's place.' I said. 'They sell the best barbacued fish this side of Lagos. We are going there now."
"But, the rain," she said hesitantly.
"It's an indoor place and they have taxi for charter in case we want to go anywhere from there. Come on, it beats sitting around here moping, abi?"
She laughed then and agreed. I wore my shoes and we went out the door
"You know, maybe you should come along to my place, maybe tomorrow," She said as we were going. "You'll get to know my house and you'll meet Obi. You'll see his not a bad guy at all. A bit glum, but not bad."
"Let's see how today goes first", I said. I wasn't particularly thrilled about meeting my competition but it was an opportunity to know her place so why not? And besides, maybe I could read him, and see if there was anything that required me worrying more about Nina.
6 Likes 1 Share
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by princesa(f): 9:29pm On Nov 13, 2013|
And it gets even hotter...
1 Like 1 Share
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Royver(m): 9:57pm On Nov 13, 2013|
princesa: And it gets even hotter...Hello Mi'lady.
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Nimen(m): 10:28pm On Nov 13, 2013|
Did you get ma e-mail? I'm dying to post this on fb
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Queenxstar(f): 11:50pm On Nov 13, 2013|
Love It's uniqueness.
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Nobody: 6:24am On Nov 14, 2013|
princesa: And it gets even hotter...
You've landed here too. Lol
Come sit close to me dear *shifts a lil for her*
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by losprince(m): 10:47am On Nov 14, 2013|
Npkume Iko:no dude she came in with me...
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Royver(m): 12:08pm On Nov 14, 2013|
Nimen: Did you get ma e-mail? I'm dying to post this on fbOk av replied ur mail. Send me ur Facebook link.
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Royver(m): 12:13pm On Nov 14, 2013|
Queen xstar: Love It's uniqueness.
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Nobody: 1:19pm On Nov 14, 2013|
This is crazy!
I mean, crazy with a capital "C"
Good job, sire.
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Nimen(m): 1:37pm On Nov 14, 2013|
Austeenx: What the...
no you're crazy
*to my thugs* this one dey go yaba left
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Nimen(m): 4:22pm On Nov 14, 2013|
https://m.facebook.com/david.livingstone.3785?_e_pi_=7%2CPAGE_ID10%2C3272160951 can't send it to your e-mail
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by princesa(f): 4:49pm On Nov 14, 2013|
it don't matter who i came with, i can sit inbetween you both, iko brings popcorn and los brings coke
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Kslib(m): 5:12pm On Nov 14, 2013|
Nice!! I am enjoying it!!
Lets see what Obi holds inside!!
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by losprince(m): 5:15pm On Nov 14, 2013|
princesa:DEAL! as long as i get to buy the expensive things
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Royver(m): 7:53pm On Nov 14, 2013|
Austeenx: What the...
And it might get even crazier! Welcome bros. Have a seat. There's popcorn and shawarma at the corner if you want some.
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by MightyFortress: 10:34pm On Nov 14, 2013|
On my way home from church, I saw a man with bat wings, and horns!! Who mite he be?
OP, more!! Fire dey go!
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by Nobody: 10:44pm On Nov 14, 2013|
|Re: I See Things Others Do Not See... by zube01(m): 11:18pm On Nov 14, 2013|
otipoju: I once had a friend who could see clearly with his third eye...what he used to say then was so scary and similar to yours that I secretly never wanted mine to be opened. Ill rather sense than see....how's the third eye opened?
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