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I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by LadySophie(f): 12:46pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
Hello fellow Nairalanders, good day to you all. Please I need your candid advise with constructive criticism from mature minds.I met this guy during my NYSC, we were just mere acquaintance then, nothing amorous existed between us until I rounded up my service year and left. He was a batch A Corper while I was a Batch C that precedes his batch. While back in Lagos after my service, 8months later, I got a call from this guy who professed his true love and genuine feelings towards me and he wanted nothing else but marriage. I don,t like to be rushed for anything, so i told him that we should be friends. Reluctantly , he accepted, but kept pressurizing me to accept him as my fiance, but i was skeptical cos i just didnt feel right within me to marry a man younger than me ( 5yrs difference)! Besides, am mother of a 14years old boy, ( lost my hussy at 26). Now,it's been 4years and he still hasn't given up on me even after telling him am a mother and older than him! I feel he is too young to be a stepfather to 14yrs asides this, from my interaction with him, I noticed that I'm more exposed and experienced than he is.I prefer a man who is much older to be a stepfather and who is more knowledgeable and has more exposure,experience so that i can look up to him as my master! This guy is going crazy about me and am feeling sorry for him but my decision to put him a friendzone still stands, nothing sexual is existing btw us. He lives in a different state, his parents and siblings are all aware of our friendship, sometimes i speak with his mum. Apart from age difference, he is a greatest fan of T.B Joshua and hopes to becomes a member of his church some day and that is the last place i want to be, am Catholic. Please your advice would be genuinely appreciated. |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by baralatie(m): 1:05pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
@OP! WOW!u av a handful! Best dnt answer any of his cals! |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by tellwisdom: 1:15pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
You don't need any advise young woman. If you don't want him for marriage, but only for friendship, tell him. I might choose to tell you something contrary to your wants which is against the law of Kabumbulumboo . #Just respect your wants Re-edit your subject 1 Like |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by FBICIA(m): 1:27pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
Rule no3: Don't marry out of pity 2 Likes |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by lorialuv(f): 1:40pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
FBI/CIA: My point exactly, don't marry outta pity, be serious and tell him ur mind.. And also limit ur interractions wit him and his family.. Goodluck! |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by Nobody: 1:49pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
U have said it all,why do u want us to advice you again. A matured lady like u shud knw hw to keep him off. You are leading him on,you better stop it and ask him to get a life. Keeping him on the frndzone is nt advisable,dnt be selfish. 2 Likes |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by specialguest(f): 1:57pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
From your post i can deduce two facts. 1) you are not comfortable with his denomination 2) you do not think he is matured enough to handle a wife and a step son I consider these two enough reasons not to get married to any guy sentiments aside. Above all pray about it and search within your heart , your answers lies there. |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by Nobody: 1:59pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
baralatie: @OP!Truly |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by Nobody: 2:18pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
judging by the rule that you don't serve when you are older than 30 you should be around 28 at most when you served since you are 5 years older the guy should be around 28-5=23yo 4 years later you are now about 28+4=32 the guy is around 23+4=27 if your child is now 14, you had your baby when you were around, 32-14=18yo.....maybe 17 going to eighteen when you were serving your child was around 14-4=10 years my point is a 27 (in love) year old guy with a job plus the child's mothers little financial input and love should be able to take care of the child and family unless there is something else hidden you have not told us if you can do it at 17/18 yrs, and at 28yrs alone while the child was 10, now that you have a 27yo guy to help out and a child at 14...is now a teen, it should get a lil easier for you unless there is something else hidden you have not told us I am not into that every body must be married by all means stuff, but if you are a girl and single mom and willing to marry 28+4=32 yrs...you are not getting younger unless there is something else hidden you have not told us judging by numbers you can marry him cos age is nothing but a number but judging emotionally, this cant be calculated.....if its not there just let him go but I feel like you have left something important out cos judging by numbers only this story doesn't add up...no pun intended 8 Likes |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by Jazz247: 2:44pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
@rigormortis I love your analytical explanation. Op should just tell us that the guy performance on bed is below average. Age is not a barrier. |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by Les: 2:51pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
I'll not comment till the next 10years. 1 Like |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by Nobody: 2:53pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by LadySophie(f): 3:29pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
chidyhels: U have said it all,why do u want us to advice you again. I'm not leading him on at all. He is the one who seem unable to walk away, to let go. I am a very principled and sincere person especially when it concerns to matters of the heart. I hate playing with people's emotion and i have spelt it out to him to the extent of being insolent towards him which i regret. He always compares any girl he meets with my standard and according to him, ( he comes back to give me analysis of any girl he meets ) they always fall short of his expectations. I hate cutting friends off my contact cos i see that as being rude and heartless. I am of the belief that he thinks well of me and loves me to want to marry me, even though i feel he is not right for me, i should at least reciprocate is goodwill by being friendly with him but firmly mark the boundary. Not picking his calls, to me is rude and that is the last impression i want anyone to have about me. 1 Like |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by baralatie(m): 3:43pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
LadySophie:eh!beta cut the contact,stop the contract,move away 4rm hs tract unles u want to keep him intact.i |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by Pretyangel25(f): 3:47pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
Open up 2 him that you can't marry him so he can find his way |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by ITbomb(m): 3:48pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
When is Nigeria match showing. I bet 10k for Nigeria , pls everybody help me pray for those . Back to topic, sit him down and tell him exactly what u r telling us now. If he insist then , ride him down. |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by LadySophie(f): 3:49pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
lorialuv: I have told him my candid mind on several occasion, but he believes that quitters never won ! I am not thinking of marrying him either cos as a young guy, i believe it is not right for him to begin his marital journey with baggage of responsibilities. Though, I am working and my son doesnt lack anything he needs cos his ( my son's) paternal uncles and aunties are in charge of his needs. |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by LadySophie(f): 3:53pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
Jazz247: @rigormortis We never had sex and he is not your typical kind of guy who would want to do that before marriage. He looks young, well built and virile and i don't think he would be found wanting in that department though. |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by LadySophie(f): 4:05pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
rigormortis: judging by the rule that you don't serve when you are older than 30 Dear Rigormortis, there is nothing hidden again, i have bared it all. Finance is not my problem here, not that am so rich though. I am working and he is also working. My son's upkeep has been the responsibility of his paternal family so that if i choose not to contribute to his upkeep, he lacks nothing. I want a man i can look up to, not someone whom i will always have to give corrections and control. I will want my man to always take the lead, while i follow and i will be comfortable when this man is older. |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by LadySophie(f): 4:09pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
tellwisdom: You don't need any advise young woman. If you don't want him for marriage, but only for friendship, tell him. Please how will you want me to re-phrase it dear? |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by LadySophie(f): 4:12pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
ITbomb: When is Nigeria match showing.I don't have a heart to ride people down |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by solomon111(m): 4:22pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
Age is nothing but numbers. The guy is an adult and has probably weighed out the pros and cons. So before i go further with my advice, i would like to ask you a question. Do you love him enough to marry him if he were older than you? 1 Like |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by tellwisdom: 4:22pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
LadySophie: Tell me you just re-edited it |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by LadySophie(f): 4:31pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
specialguest: From your post i can deduce two facts. He is not a member of S.C.O.A.N but he is T.B Joshua's greatest fan. He hopes to become a member someday and want me to follow his decisions.even when I'm vehemently refusing his proposition. He is matured enough to handle the responsibilities, but i will not want to saddle such a young man with such responsibility. My main concern is the age difference , otherwise , he is ok in aspects. I believe in the future, he will be singing a different song, with not so pleasant tone and i will be at the receiving end |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by ITbomb(m): 4:38pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
LadySophie:Then I guess you have the heart to subject two souls to a life of regret and frustration. . See the scenerio You have not given him enough reason to back out. To tell him that you are a mother and older means nothing to him as he has probably weighed all those things and concluded that age is not a problem. Tell him the truth that this is beyond age issue , that it is a psychology issue which will prevent you from respecting him and doing your duties as a wife to him. Tell him you need an older man to respect that without respect the marriage will be frustrated , insist that you respect him as a very loving friend but you just cant translate that respect to him as a husband. Finally , tell him you need your son to marry a younger girl as his father had married her, as such you would not set a wrong precedent for your son. It may sound hard and harsh but it will prevent future regret and even elevate your relationship as a true friend to him. . If he still insist, then do the needful . But remember that you have reached your peak in attractiveness and declining , while the guy is just entering to era of ravaging sexual hormones. Prepare to get him a junior wife when your strength no longer matches with his energy and demands |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by LadySophie(f): 4:53pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
solomon111: Age is nothing but numbers. Yes a zillion times! He is a great guy! I'm just not comfortable with the age difference cos in my widest marriage fantasies,. I have never imagined myself with someone younger as a husband.It is his persistence made me to seek other people's views. |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by LadySophie(f): 5:06pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
ITbomb: Thanks for the advice. I have handled it the best ways i could to deter him: sometime ago, i reacted and he stopped calling for almost a year, but later he renewed his chase again.My mind is already made up though, I'm seeking other people's opinions to be sure that I'm not being heartless. Maybe I should draw his attention to nairaland so that he can read these views. |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by iropelebe(m): 5:16pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
This is my only problem with you ladies. This is a young man who has everything bright for him and he is ready to be there for you,he is aware of everything you are and yet chose to stay,the truth is you can't be that sexy enough to take him away from younger single women,this is enough to tell you that he loves you genuinely. He isn't a golddigger neither diid is potray himself as a snitch so what is your problem? You listed two reasons: I. you are older ii. He is not of your faith. Let me tell you dear,the summary of everything is that you do not love him and you see yourself above him and you can't bow to him. Age isn't maturity,you can go for an older man who wouldn't be a good father figure to your child,he will have his own responsibilities as well cos there's every possibility that a man older than you are would be divorced,widowed or married with kids. Sit yourself down and think deeply of what you actually want. A younger man who is willing to accept you for whom you are neglecting other younger women or an older man with extra responsibilities? Reason well and don't miss the opportunity it comes only once in a while. There are enough single ladies in their late twenties still searching for a man to propose to them not to talk of you who is a mother of a 14year old,widow and in your mid thirties. 5 Likes |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by Nobody: 5:23pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
LadySophie: then its left to you and your heart........but if my calculations are correct and the guy loves you. then at 27 believe me he is no longer a baby for him to have given you his family members number and disregarded your age even shows a certain amount of maturity get to know him better on the personality level and fix a date to hang out with him.......if it goes well fix another date about two months time to hang out with him, yourself and your kid. if it works out then ..........do the NEEDFUL |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by baralatie(m): 5:25pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
LadySophie:this is a big,wrong answer!u answer should be'I NEVA LUV U,LEAVE ME ALONE!' Or u say'U CAL THIS NO AGAIN I'L MAK U REGRET' |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by thorpido(m): 5:28pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
Well seems you can't marry him cos your heart is not there including other factors of age,responsibility,maturity,a child etc. He seems to be infatuated by your maturity and experience(what I call Usher Raymond factor).I don't think he's matured enough to handle what he wants to get into. Let him go by winding him down.Give him less attention and hardly pick his calls.It may seem rude cos I think you have a nice heart but it's good for him.As long as he gets your attention,his infatuation won't go away and it's not helping him. |
Re: I'm Older Than He is , But He Is Hell Bent On Marrying Me! by baralatie(m): 5:36pm On Nov 05, 2013 |
thorpido: Well seems you can't marry him cos your heart is not there including other factors of age,responsibility,maturity,a child etc. tel5 am! |
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