Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,195,601 members, 7,958,842 topics. Date: Thursday, 26 September 2024 at 05:06 AM |
Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter (27100 Views)
A Father's Marriage Application Form For Her Daughter / My Rules If U Must Date My Beautiful Daughter / Application For Permission To Date My Daughter (2) (3) (4)
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (Reply) (Go Down)
Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by jummiee(f): 10:05pm On Jul 12, 2008 |
Hi Nairalanders, Saw this online, had a good laff and just had to share with u, dont know if u seen this before, if not, enjoy ]The following was written by a father to his daugher's potential boyfriend APPLICATION FORM FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from a doctor of my choice. NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________ HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA Grid_____________ INCOME TAX FILE NUMBER _________________ DRIVERS LICENCE ________________ BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________ HOME ADDRESS_______________________ STATE___________ POSTCODE______ Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ Number of years they have been married ______________________________ If less than your age, explain ____________________________________________________________________ ACCESSORIES SECTION: A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No C. A waterbed? __Yes __No D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No E. A tattoo? __Yes __No F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? (IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.) ESSAY SECTION: In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you? ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you? ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you? ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ REFERENCES SECTION: Church you attend ___________________________________________________ How often you attend ________________________________________________ When would be the best time to interview your: Father? _____________ Mother?_____________ Priest or Pastor? _____________ SHORT-ANSWER SECTION: Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely all answers are confidential. A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: ______________________________________________________________ B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: ______________________________________________________________ C: A woman's place is in the: ______________________________________________________________ D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: ______________________________________________________________ E. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _______________________________ ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ F: When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is: ______________________________________________________________ G: What is the current going rate of a motel room? __________________________ I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, INDIGENOUS AUSTRALIAN BULL ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE and RED HOT POKERS _________________________________________________________ Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, slowpoke!) _______________________________ ________________________________ Mother's Signature Father's Signature _______________________________ ________________________________ Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State or Federal Government Representative _______________________________ (Their stamp goes here ) Notary Public Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write, If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (You might watch your back) To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating. Daddy's Rules for Dating Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy): Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a carton of beer, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.' Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Sydney Harbour Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool, places where there is darkness, places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies that feature chain saws are okay. Cricket games are okay, Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine 1 Like |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 10:15pm On Jul 12, 2008 |
Haba this joke too long haa,very annoying |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by benjay1(m): 10:18pm On Jul 12, 2008 |
Na wao, even if na Jamb exam person dey take. @Poster If you can't drive your point home in very few lines, don't bother. Very stale |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by tufe(m): 4:08pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
**quickly downloads form to give anyone that wishes to date my younger sister** |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by coolykdat(m): 4:32pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
tufe: **collects form, squeezes it and throws it into the thrashcan.** Your sister no worth the trouble. 1 Like |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 4:44pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
**hiss** |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by tufe(m): 5:05pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
@cooly yeah, just like ur mum aint right |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 5:08pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
@Tufe ** Hiss** |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by tufe(m): 5:13pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
mofo, ur time wud soon be up. bloody arse wipe |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 5:15pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
@tufe MOFO , whats that ?dolapo |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by benjay1(m): 5:16pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
coolykdat: LOL |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by tufe(m): 5:19pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
ben u sef don dey advertise closeup |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by coolykdat(m): 5:21pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
tufe: My guy, u don't wanna go there. I'm da king of momma jokes aiight |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 5:24pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
See trouble how many king dey for this ground ? na wa oooo **hiss** King 1 kobo |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by tufe(m): 5:27pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
@cooly then i think i sure wud love to go there. wanna see if there's someone man enuff to face me. bring it on.i'll go first (with the simple ones) Your mama's so short, i can see her feet in her driver's licence |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by coolykdat(m): 5:30pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
@ tufe Yo mama so skinny she turned on her side and dissapeared! |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by tufe(m): 5:34pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
your momma's so dumb, she had to cut a branch from a tree to become a brach manager |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 5:37pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
Im sure your location show you are sick, na clinic you dey tru tru |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by coolykdat(m): 5:41pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
@ Tufe Yo mamma so dumb she stuck the phone up her ass and thought she was making a booty call. |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 5:44pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
Nice one there Booty call |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by tufe(m): 5:46pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
i like that you momma so dumb, she took her driving lessons with a male dog on top of her |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by coolykdat(m): 5:48pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
Yo mama so stupid she had a glass door with a peephole in it. Beat that u scum! Ha ha ha! |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 5:51pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
stop im dying over here |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by benjay1(m): 5:51pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
Keep on going guyz, i am really cracking down here. |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 5:54pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
You dey crack ? u never die ? Hiss* |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by coolykdat(m): 5:59pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
Tufe where u dey I'm just startin o! Yo mama so stupid she traded in her car for gas money! |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 6:03pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
Dada no fit fight but e get younger bro wey strong tufe where u dey ? Your boss dey find you ? |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by benjay1(m): 6:09pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
@Tufe and coolykdat CTRL C . . . CTRL V, but its still nice to read em. |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 6:12pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
@Ben you come dey form Judge Chuwku for the house ? **HISS** |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by coolykdat(m): 6:14pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
ben~jay: Ben if na trouble u dey find I dey here o! **turns to face ben** |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 6:20pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
Cooly u dey vex quick oo |
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by benjay1(m): 6:21pm On Jul 13, 2008 |
@coolykdat Abi i dey lie ? |
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (Reply)
Pictures.. Latest Edition Of The 2015 Range ;D ;D ;D / Funny Pictures Of The Day (photo) / Hilarious: Types Of Fighters we have
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 39 |