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Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter - Jokes Etc - Nairaland

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Want To Date My Beautiful Daughter??? Forms Are Out. / My Rules If U Must Date My Beautiful Daughter / Application For Permission To Date My Daughter (1) (2) (3) (4)

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Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by jummiee(f): 10:05pm On Jul 12, 2008
Hi Nairalanders,

Saw this online, had a good laff and just had to share with u, dont know if u seen this before,  if not, enjoy grin



]The following was written by a father to his daugher's potential boyfriend


APPLICATION FORM FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER


NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from a doctor of my choice.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA Grid_____________

INCOME TAX FILE NUMBER _________________ DRIVERS LICENCE ________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ STATE___________ POSTCODE______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
____________________________________________________________________




ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

Father? _____________

Mother?_____________

Priest or Pastor? _____________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

______________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _______________________________

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

F: When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

______________________________________________________________

G: What is the current going rate of a motel room? __________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
INDIGENOUS AUSTRALIAN BULL ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION,
CHINESE WATER TORTURE and RED HOT POKERS

_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, slowpoke!)


_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State or Federal Government Representative
_______________________________ (Their stamp goes here )
Notary Public

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-intimate.
Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write,  If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (You might watch your back)

To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating.



Daddy's Rules for Dating
Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy):

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a carton of beer, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Sydney Harbour Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool, places where there is darkness, places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic or intimate themes are to be avoided; movies that feature chain saws are okay. Cricket games are okay, Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 10:15pm On Jul 12, 2008
Haba this joke too long haa,very annoying grin
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by benjay1(m): 10:18pm On Jul 12, 2008
Na wao, even if na Jamb exam person dey take.
@Poster If you can't drive your point home in very few lines, don't bother.

Very stale angry
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by tufe(m): 4:08pm On Jul 13, 2008
**quickly downloads form to give anyone that wishes to date my younger sister**
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by coolykdat(m): 4:32pm On Jul 13, 2008
tufe:

**quickly downloads form to give anyone that wishes to date my younger sister**

**collects form, squeezes it and throws it into the thrashcan.**

Your sister no worth the trouble.

grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 4:44pm On Jul 13, 2008
**hiss**
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by tufe(m): 5:05pm On Jul 13, 2008
@cooly

yeah, just like ur mum aint right
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 5:08pm On Jul 13, 2008
@Tufe ** Hiss**
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by tufe(m): 5:13pm On Jul 13, 2008
mofo, ur time wud soon be up.

bloody Bottom wipe
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 5:15pm On Jul 13, 2008
@tufe MOFO , whats that ?dolapo
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by benjay1(m): 5:16pm On Jul 13, 2008
coolykdat:

**collects form, squeezes it and throws it into the thrashcan.**

Your sister no worth the trouble.

grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin

LOL    grin
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by tufe(m): 5:19pm On Jul 13, 2008
ben u sef don dey advertise closeup cheesy
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by coolykdat(m): 5:21pm On Jul 13, 2008
tufe:

@cooly

yeah, just like your mum aint right

My guy, u don't wanna go there.

I'm da king of momma jokes aiight

angry
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 5:24pm On Jul 13, 2008
See trouble how many king dey for this ground ? na wa oooo **hiss** King 1 kobo shocked
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by tufe(m): 5:27pm On Jul 13, 2008
@cooly

then i think i sure wud love to go there.

wanna see if there's someone man enuff to face me. bring it on.i'll go first (with the simple ones)

Your mama's so short, i can see her feet in her driver's licence  wink
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by coolykdat(m): 5:30pm On Jul 13, 2008
@ tufe Yo mama so skinny she turned on her side and dissapeared!
cheesy
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by tufe(m): 5:34pm On Jul 13, 2008
your momma's so dumb, she had to cut a branch from a tree to become a brach manager cheesy
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 5:37pm On Jul 13, 2008
Im sure your location show you are sick, na clinic you dey tru tru
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by coolykdat(m): 5:41pm On Jul 13, 2008
@ Tufe

Yo mamma so dumb she stuck the phone up her Bottom and thought she was making a booty call.
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 5:44pm On Jul 13, 2008
Nice one there Booty call
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by tufe(m): 5:46pm On Jul 13, 2008
i like that cheesy


you momma so dumb, she took her driving lessons with a male dog on top of her
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by coolykdat(m): 5:48pm On Jul 13, 2008
Yo mama so silly she had a glass door with a peephole in it.

Beat that u scum!

Ha ha ha!

cheesy
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 5:51pm On Jul 13, 2008
stop im dying over here
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by benjay1(m): 5:51pm On Jul 13, 2008
Keep on going guyz, i am really cracking down here.
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 5:54pm On Jul 13, 2008
You dey crack ? u never die ?

Hiss*
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by coolykdat(m): 5:59pm On Jul 13, 2008
Tufe where u dey I'm just startin o!

Yo mama so silly she traded in her car for gas money!

cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 6:03pm On Jul 13, 2008
Dada no fit fight but e get younger bro wey strong tufe where u dey ? Your boss dey find you ?
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by benjay1(m): 6:09pm On Jul 13, 2008
@Tufe and coolykdat CTRL C . . . CTRL V, but its still nice to read em. grin
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 6:12pm On Jul 13, 2008
@Ben you come dey form Judge Chuwku for the house ?

**HISS**
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by coolykdat(m): 6:14pm On Jul 13, 2008
ben~jay:

@Tufe and coolykdat CTRL C . . . CTRL V, but its still nice to read em. grin

Ben if na trouble u dey find I dey here o!

**turns to face ben**
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by Kays1(m): 6:20pm On Jul 13, 2008
Cooly u dey vex quick oo
Re: Application Form For Permission To Date My Daughter by benjay1(m): 6:21pm On Jul 13, 2008
@coolykdat Abi i dey lie ?

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