coogar:

his objective is to take care of his wife got me laughing - why can't a feminist take care of herself? maybe he's not interested in rushing to have kids yet or is there a law that says a woman must start popping babies out a month after her wedding?

chaircover:

why cant she add value to him too?

If she adds her 60-70k to his 60-70k is that not 120-140K per month?

Will she be adding 60-70k and still be sent back to the village?

We cant have our cake and eat it.

kulyie: o,so in your own world,they dont plan ahead of time. For example is it not when the woman is pregnant they start buying baby things,abi is it when she has delivered,mr husband will start rushing around to buy baby cloth,towel,feeder etc.i didnt know when you about to marry,you wont plan ahead for your future and put things in place.

Yes,we cant see ahead of the future,at least no one knows what will happen tomorrow but at least plan for tomorrow so that when the wind blows,you still have something hanging on.

I also encourage women to be financially INDEPENDENT,MARRIED OR NOT MARRIED.it is very possible to be financially independent while adding value to your partner.

chaircover:

https://www.nairaland.com/1558990/need-wife-get-married-2014#20310020

coogar:

that's the definition of feminism.

kulyie: feminism is not selfishness or a one way road mister!
Go back,take a deep breadth,swallow a cold glass of water,read and comprehend my post again,jeez!

coogar:

that's the definition of feminism.



you have 2 choices.....

find a young man that is just starting so you guys can build together. most marriages started with both parties struggling financially to pull things.

the alternative is to find a billionaire who would treat you like crap & send you to the village. you have told us he's very rich & he's spoilt for exotic choices of women. you didn't help him build his fortunes so he could care less about you.


kulyie - option 1 or 2?

Slasha!:
Even though it sounds funny and embarrasing,I think he did a good a thing in sending them their living daughter to re-train than inviting them to bury her un-trained corpse after giving her a life-taking beating

coogar:

kulyie the feminist.

kulyie: coogar,take it easy,i am not ileobatojo

i am saying it should be a mutual relationship were both partners put whatever they have down to make things work,i am not for one person giving it all while the other is a leech who sucks the man dry neither am i saying a woman cannot go for a starter

my point is why cant he be a little more patient,let him be established,then with the little he has,he can put down and with the little she has,she too can add,that way,they add value to each other till they become great.mr a impacted in the life of mrs b,mrs b also impacted in the life of mr a.when mr a is down financially,she should give a helping hand,when mrs b too is down,he too should give a hand but the guy should just chill a little.

chaircover:

Having children and getting married are 2 different things

My children did not start school the day I married

I have shared on this forum before . . when my husband and I first got married we struggled financially . . .many new couples do struggle and they grow together. Many rich people you see today started off with humble beginnings. Many lived in rented flats before building their own houses.

I saw a good hardworking man with potential; If were to have looked at his pocket then, then I would have lost one of the best blessings in my life.

I repeat a good hardworking man earning 60-70K has every right to get married . . .to a good woman sef and any woman who throws that away simply because of what his wages are today is making a great mistake.

chaircover:

So a man earning 60K-70k a month should not marry . . . .

Then you now wonder why a man earning 5 million a month man cannot send the woman back home to her parents when he is fed up of her. . .

Sisi Kulyie dont let real hard core feminists see what you wrote o!

coogar:

what's this supposed to mean?



and this is the reason we are saying your advice was flawed. 1 + 1 = 2. if his wife adds little to his own little, they would get by. if the poster you advised is a woman, you wouldn't advise her to work a bit more before marrying - that's the hypocrisy we are talking about.



except that you wouldn't have advised a woman to work a bit more before considering marriage, would you?

chaircover:
The problem with this section is that there is a lot of gender bashing and a lot of "them" and "us" and sometimes we loose track of reality. There is nothing called gender equality and the earlier we get over that the easier it will be for everyone. A man had an affair in the open and he is patted on the back; a woman tries the same thing and she is called a whorre.

kulyie: both a man and a woman should get themselves established INDIVIDUALLY before they can impact in each other as a couple,thats my POINT!

chaircover:

I am trying to correlate your post with my post that you quoted but I am struggling . . . .

Firstly not all men are good and not all men are bad . . .same goes for women.

The problem with this section is that there is a lot of gender bashing and a lot of "them" and "us" and sometimes we loose track of reality. There is nothing called gender equality and the earlier we get over that the easier it will be for everyone. A man had an affair in the open and he is patted on the back; a woman tries the same thing and she is called a whorre.

Was it luck that led me to a good man? maybe yes, maybe no, but what i do know is that we have both made our own share of sacrifices and continue to do so.

When I share my experiences on here, it is not to "show off"; infact I play a lot of things down. My aim is for people to be able to pick one or two things up and gain from it for good. I dont like seeing people unhappy in their relationships.

No marriage is a bed of roses, and if both parties want to have a happy marriage they both have to sacrifice a lot. Its never always black and white and I can reel off heaps of story's where married couples are not following the norm, such as women holding the financial fort while the man goes back to school or men holding the home fort while the wife works

kmcutez: I swear for nigeria to move forward, we need to kill 99% of the men, and leave the remaining 1% that can be salvaged to repopulate the land.

Jman06: You are just a brainless little child. Imbe!

coogar:

kulyie & her female army are trying to correct that inequality. from next year, a woman that has an affair openly would be getting patted on the back for a mission well carried out.



nice!

coogar:

kulyie & her female army are trying to correct that inequality. from next year, a woman that has an affair openly would be getting patted on the back for a mission well carried out.



nice!

kulyie: so you can be cool like this? where you come put your gentle manly behaviour when you dey behave like aggressive lion

chaircover:

I am trying to correlate your post with my post that you quoted but I am struggling . . . .

Firstly not all men are good and not all men are bad . . .same goes for women.

The problem with this section is that there is a lot of gender bashing and a lot of "them" and "us" and sometimes we loose track of reality. There is nothing called gender equality and the earlier we get over that the easier it will be for everyone. A man had an affair in the open and he is patted on the back; a woman tries the same thing and she is called a whorre.

Was it luck that led me to a good man? maybe yes, maybe no, but what i do know is that we have both made our own share of sacrifices and continue to do so.

When I share my experiences on here, it is not to "show off"; infact I play a lot of things down. My aim is for people to be able to pick one or two things up and gain from it for good. I dont like seeing people unhappy in their relationships.

No marriage is a bed of roses, and if both parties want to have a happy marriage they both have to sacrifice a lot. Its never always black and white and I can reel off heaps of story's where married couples are not following the norm, such as women holding the financial fort while the man goes back to school or men holding the home fort while the wife works

A woman just said this @bold *dancing kukere*

greatly interesting!

coogar:

stop that child's play, biko.
cool ke? you are lucky my team won tonight. i was hoping i would take your feminist soul out of your body tonight but your day of reckoning is nigh!

chaircover:


Sorry if I come accorss as a show off as that is not the intention, certainly not to faceless individuals who will pass me in the street and not recognise me. Just this evening I admitted that when I first got married we struggled financially. I say it as it is and I share real life experiences and I see things through my own spectacles.

If you also read my posts very carefully I am not really talking to people already in marriages, I am actually talking to people who are about to take the plunge. They are the ones who are most vulnerable.

I dont cry over split milk . . what is done is done. I go the step forward of looking at the root of the problem and tacking it from there. In this particular case the woman is already in the village. No matter what we say, she is already there and the deed done.
My initial post if I remember correctly was to advise women and men to learn the art of effective communication and my subsequent posts were over Kulyie comments about a man earning N60k which she has since clarified.

we all have different styles and views of things. I share with people what worked/works for us. By all means share what works for you. People with then pick what works for them assuming that they pick anything at all.

chaircover:

I am trying to correlate your post with my post that you quoted but I am struggling . . . .

Firstly not all men are good and not all men are bad . . .same goes for women.

The problem with this section is that there is a lot of gender bashing and a lot of "them" and "us" and sometimes we loose track of reality. There is nothing called gender equality and the earlier we get over that the easier it will be for everyone. A man had an affair in the open and he is patted on the back; a woman tries the same thing and she is called a whorre.

Was it luck that led me to a good man? maybe yes, maybe no, but what i do know is that we have both made our own share of sacrifices and continue to do so.

When I share my experiences on here, it is not to "show off"; infact I play a lot of things down. My aim is for people to be able to pick one or two things up and gain from it for good. I dont like seeing people unhappy in their relationships.

No marriage is a bed of roses, and if both parties want to have a happy marriage they both have to sacrifice a lot. Its never always black and white and I can reel off heaps of story's where married couples are not following the norm, such as women holding the financial fort while the man goes back to school or men holding the home fort while the wife works

chaircover:

I am trying to correlate your post with my post that you quoted but I am struggling . . . .

Firstly not all men are good and not all men are bad . . .same goes for women.

The problem with this section is that there is a lot of gender bashing and a lot of "them" and "us" and sometimes we loose track of reality. There is nothing called gender equality and the earlier we get over that the easier it will be for everyone. A man had an affair in the open and he is patted on the back; a woman tries the same thing and she is called a whorre.

Was it luck that led me to a good man? maybe yes, maybe no, but what i do know is that we have both made our own share of sacrifices and continue to do so.

When I share my experiences on here, it is not to "show off"; infact I play a lot of things down. My aim is for people to be able to pick one or two things up and gain from it for good. I dont like seeing people unhappy in their relationships.

No marriage is a bed of roses, and if both parties want to have a happy marriage they both have to sacrifice a lot. Its never always black and white and I can reel off heaps of story's where married couples are not following the norm, such as women holding the financial fort while the man goes back to school or men holding the home fort while the wife works

chaircover:

sha let ileoba catch you there frolicking with coogar

chaircover:

I am trying to correlate your post with my post that you quoted but I am struggling . . . .

Firstly not all men are good and not all men are bad . . .same goes for women.

The problem with this section is that there is a lot of gender bashing and a lot of "them" and "us" and sometimes we loose track of reality. There is nothing called gender equality and the earlier we get over that the easier it will be for everyone. A man had an affair in the open and he is patted on the back; a woman tries the same thing and she is called a whorre.

Was it luck that led me to a good man? maybe yes, maybe no, but what i do know is that we have both made our own share of sacrifices and continue to do so.

When I share my experiences on here, it is not to "show off"; infact I play a lot of things down. My aim is for people to be able to pick one or two things up and gain from it for good. I dont like seeing people unhappy in their relationships.

No marriage is a bed of roses, and if both parties want to have a happy marriage they both have to sacrifice a lot. Its never always black and white and I can reel off heaps of story's where married couples are not following the norm, such as women holding the financial fort while the man goes back to school or men holding the home fort while the wife works