From msn.com


Not trying to change each other

Maybe you wish he folded his socks, or that he would chat it up with your friends without prompting. But, his inability to notice hair in the sink may stem from the laid-back personality that drew you to him in the first place. "One of the things we see with happy couples is that they know their partner's differences, and have pretty much stopped trying to change the other person," says Darren Wilk, a certified Gottman Couples Therapist with a private practice in Vancouver, British Columbia. "Rather than trying to fight their partner's personality style, they instead focus on each other's strengths."

Framing your demands as favors

Whether you want him to unload the dishwasher more often or pay closer attention to the kids, your partner will be more likely to change his behavior if he feels like he'll get relationship brownie points. "Throw it out there like a favor. Present it like 'here is the recipe for what will make me happy,' because everyone wants to make their partner feel happy," says Wilk. "When you present your needs, present them as what you do want rather than what you don't want." Instead of saying, "I hate when you have to have everything scheduled," try saying, "I would love to have a day where we can just be spontaneous."

Vocalizing your appreciation


Giving your partner positive reinforcement sounds like a no-brainer, but couples often forget to do it.

"Relationship expert Gottman's research found that in everyday life, happy couples have 20 positive moments, such as a shared look, compliment, or affectionate touch, to every negative moment," says Wilk.

Tell him something positive three times a day, and be specific. Instead of saying, "You're a good dad," tell him why. "You're a good dad because you helped our daughter with that puzzle, which I never would have had the patience to do."

Focusing on the positive
Unhappy couples are stuck in a negative state of mind," says Wilk. "You will always find what you look for. If you look for stuff that bugs you and that your partner is doing wrong, you will find it every day. If you look at what your partner is doing it right, you'll find it everyday."

It's a choice to flip your mindset, so when you find yourself getting annoyed, visualize something he does that makes your heart flutter to halt the negative thought circuit.

Taking trips down memory lane
"Happy couples tend to rewrite history by glossing over the bad stuff and focusing on the happy times," says Wilk. By reliving memories out loud to your partner, it actually changes your mindset, and how you view him and think about your relationship. Try this exercise whenever your feel your relationship needs a boost: Go over the highlights of when you were first dating, or rehearse the best moments of your relationship (such as the day you had an impromptu picnic in the park during your lunch hour, or that surprise anniversary date he took you on) to uncover buried memories.

Never siding with the enemy
"Sometimes what affair-proofs a relationship is simply being there when your partner needs to vent, and having their back without trying to fix the problem," says Wilk. "People want someone to listen to them. The key is to be supportive, and never take the side of the person he's venting about, even if you can see where that person is coming from. For example, if he is upset that his boss took away a contract and gave it to someone else in the office, now is not the time to say, "Well, maybe you didn't put your best effort in." Right now he needs his feelings validated, and to hear you say, "That must have been really hard." Happy couples know when to bite their tongues.

Not getting too comfortable
rust, security, and commitment are key elements in any relationship, but having them doesn't mean you can treat your relationship as rock-solid, and stop trying.
"Relationships are a fragile ecosystem, and that's why there is a 50 percent divorce rate," says Wilk. "Happy couples keep dating, telling each other they look great, and doing things together."

Having rituals of connection
"It's not only about having a date night, but happy couples seem to do a lot of mundane things together," says Wilk. "They have little habits that they decide to do together, whether it be sitting down to pay the bills once a month or folding laundry."
We say, anything to make that pile of dirty clothes feel more manageable.


Knowing your partner's calls for attention

Happy couples are mindful of those little moves their partners do for attention. When Gottman's team studied 120 newlyweds in his Love Lab, they discovered that couples who stayed married six years later were paying attention to these bids for connection 86 percent of the time, compared to only 33 percent of the time for those who later divorced.

So, look out for the little things, and respond to his need to connect. Like if you're grocery shopping and he casually mentions that he hasn't had Fruit Loops since he was a kid, throw them in the cart for him to show that you care.

Doing the little things
"When it comes to relationship satisfaction, you can't just ride on the big things like, 'I don't drink, I pay the bills, I don't beat you, we went to Hawaii last year,'" says Wilk. "This stuff is not really what keeps couples happy in their daily lives."

What really matters is all the small stuff that adds up, such as being there for each other when one needs to vent, or noticing when he needs a hug, or making him his favorite meal just because. "It's also giving up on the idea that you have to feel in love all the time. Marriage is about trust and commitment and knowing each other," says Wilk. "That's what love is."

http://living.msn.com/love-relationships/love-sex/the-10-habits-that-keep-marriages-strong-1

oldest institution on earth

till then ni

Hi..im new on this webcite. how can i be the fest to coment?

GoodFaith: From msn.com


Not trying to change each other

I disagree a little with this:: Change is not always bad and is what we all should strive towards. The problem in Marriage is how do you effect that change. I have a saying that a wise woman/man in a marriage is that man who is able to create a change without being forceful or harsh about it. Please stop with the nagging, ultimatums, e.t.c.. Be subtle about it. Learn how to get things done without much stress.. The happy couples are those that have mastered this art.

GoodFaith: Framing your demands as favors

Spot on:: Always make demands in the form of a favor and when its not done, try not to make a big deal out of it. Make ur partner realize that you are pained this favor you asked for was not done and move on..

GoodFaith: Vocalizing your appreciation

Hmm..:: I would tweak this a little bit.. Appreciation should be vocalized, but when you do it too much (like 3 times daily as suggested in the article, it becomes too much).. But always remember to say thanks. Always remember to show that you appreciate the effort for anything. Thanks babe, Thanks honey. Wow! you are the best.. Stuff like that..

GoodFaith: Focusing on the positive

Well Said:: Bang on the money.. I will say be solution driven, rather than on the problem. Focus on the negative with a mind to solving it, rather than just only focusing on the negative. I say these because some negatoves are just too much to overlook just like that. When addressing a negative, make sure you are proffering solutions to these negatives rather than just itemizing them.

GoodFaith: Taking trips down memory lane

Word:: Always remember the good times (which is always the early times like the pre-dating period, dating period, honeymoon period.. Always remember the good times. Also remember the hurdles that you both have overcome together in the past.. Very important.

GoodFaith: Never siding with the enemy

GBAM:: In the words of Michael Corleone to his brother Fredo in the movie Godfather, he said "Fredo, you're my older brother, and I love you. But don't ever take sides with anyone against the Family again. Ever." Very important. There is that period when all you have to do is keep mute and just be supportive, caring and on their side. Especially in the heat of the moment. You can later present your opinion later when things have cooled off, but never leave your partner alone in any conflict, wether of interest or .......

Never side with anyone.. ANYONE!! Including your family, your mother, your siblings, NOBODY!!! Your partner is right, until the both of you are alone. Dont forget this rule...

GoodFaith: Not getting too comfortable

Very true:: Every couple needs to learn this lesson.. NEVER GET COMFORTABLE.. To the men, you have got to keep it together. Pot bellies need to be worked out, stay sharp, look good, Dress nice, trim your beards regularly, dress well, use fragrances, e.t.c keep pushing. Maintain the lifestyle of a single man without the extra-marital 'sex'.
Women, you also cant afford to get comfortable.. Your competition out there are working double time. They are thin, fit, wear good hair, wear make-up, dress sharp and sexy, and will do those things you take for granted like; Suck your husbands D!*k, smooch him, make love to him in the weirdest positions, massage his ego and alot more. You cant afford to slip up at all.. I know you have responsibilities et al, but if you must win in this game, you have got to stay on your toes..

As a couple, you cant afford to slip.. Take local vacations to unknown destinations, go see a movie, keep the relationship interesting. Be spontaneous, be adventourous, live free.. Enjoy each other. Dont get comfortable.. Interest would die fast and you will also age faster..

GoodFaith: Having rituals of connection

Rituals Kwa:: Nna I no follow for rituals matter o... iKid, iKid..

Yup! This is necessary as well.. Rituals from simple things like following a television series together, to even going to the gym together. It has to be something you both enjoy, both can do and is interactive..

No go do Juju rituals o!! My hand no dey that wan..

GoodFaith: Knowing your partner's calls for attention

Nna, Odikwa very very necessary o:: Know her attention calls like the back of your hands.. Know her well, not just attention call, her moods. Know when she is ovulating, know when she is mensurating, know when she is stressed, know when she is H0rny, know your partner.. Same for women.. Know your man.

GoodFaith: Doing the little things

O!! The little things:: Its always the littel things that makes the biggest difference.. Always the little things. Example: Do her underwear and clothe laundry. Nigerian women can die for this.. Its a big shocker for them. Buy them flowers.. Yes! Just buy your wife flowers for no reason or occasion and see her light up like a tree.. Take up some of her responsibilities, make dinner for her one weekend, take her on an expected trip or vacation, do the house chores, little things like that.. They go a long way. Very long way..


SEX!! SEX!!! SEX!!!!:: A sexually unhappy couple is doomed.. Sex is the ultimate problem solver. No sex, no relationship.


http://OkijaJuju.com/love-relationships/love-sex/the-10-habits-that-keep-marriages-strong-[/quote]

Hmmmm the best tin that keep a good marriage is to dey satisfy am on bed well and dey lick that tin cos if u no lick am if anoda person lick am for u she's gone..#fact

Will comment wen I'm 28...

money nd sex dats all

Good! Anyway, I am nt in a relationship, still searching.

We know this.. But then, couples throng to court to fill divorce forms. something must be wrong somewhere in our society.

Giving her vitamin D regularly nd vitamin M always

[quote author=faamo419]Hmmmm the best tin that keep a good marriage is to dey satisfy........ Nyama

Iceslizer: Hi..im new on this webcite. how can i be the fest to coment?

Smh.. uve been infected.

Iceslizer: Hi..im new on this webcite. how can i be the fest to coment?

by stayin here all day and waitin for d next post to pop up

Up into a well first, bring a picture of yourself in it, then you will be tagged by the OP. he will notify you when a new thread starts.

Hurry up. before others take the lead.

Pure undiluted Friendship.

Respect and gratitude does it for me.

Oyibo. Make wuna no 4get how okonwo de take love him wives dem o 4 Things Fall Apart. TOO MUCH PAMPERING D MAKE WOMAN MISBEHAVE.

Another very crucial point is: THE FEAR OF GOD
When they all fear God and are true children of Jesus Christ, they know that they should never cheat on each other, delibrately offend one another, take each other for granted, they must forgive quickly without allowing the devil to step in, pray together as it is also said " A family that prays together stays together". Their confidence and hope is in God and not on each other for joy, happiness and fulfilment as they are mere mortals who could offend themselve.

Mutual respect and understanding what u both like and dislike kips the marriage intact.And ladies,dnt nose around ur hubby cos men hate to be monitored.

despite having all this manual for successful marriage,why do we still have high rate of divorce?

i just dey read dey read dey read dey go wetin i dey read i no even know...guez its another trash to my senses

kodred: Giving her vitamin D regularly nd vitamin M always

nicrle
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on point

Op you forgot lots of naked saturday rituals.. Wil definitely have those when i get married

LEvuls: i just dey read dey read dey read dey go wetin i dey read i no even know...guez its another trash to my senses

u sure

Marriage must really be difficult.imagine doing things that you never thought you will do and for one person in the name of love
Between op,you just comtinued saying he,him,what of she,her,common we deserve some of the recipe,if not you change it to"how to keep a man,,,married to you"huh

Impromptu sex!
Don't plan intimate time, grab yourself at different corners of the house (when the kids are not there), do a lot of pre-intimacy.
say "I LOVE YOU" and mean it. Appreciate it when you enjoy it, scream, shout e.t.c