Flew to Chennai, India with a thick overall thinking everywhere "abroad" is cold...came out from the airport and felt like I was stuffed in an oven. I saw 'tambhis' sleeping on the floor everywhere thinking they were goats only to see one turn and yawn at me, I almost turned back into the airport to ask the pilot about where he dropped me.

Lodged in the Millenium hotel, Dubai...got into my room and saw the TV, Air Conditioner and lights all switched off. Didn't know that there was an electronic slot in the wall that I had to insert my room card so as to put them on automatically. The temperature outside was over 50 degrees celsius. Was too embarrassed to go down almost 30 floors via lift to ask for help for fear of being labelled a plank. Had to weather the storm for hours on end till a friend came to bail me out.

In School in Glasgow, went to the Co-operative store to buy stuff, paid and was asked if I needed a 'cash-back' about 10 times on a loop, didn't know what to say, told 'em I would come back for it...hehe.

In London, a few hours after the Tories' protest had ended at the Wembley stadium in February/March 2011, it was time to go home, but I got lost in the maze of the London Underground, and also forgot the name of the station I was supposed to exit from. Started trekking to nowhere. After about 4 hours of moving by Bakerloo, Paddington trains, found myself back in Wembley Central, less than a kilometre from Wembley Stadium AGAIN. Hellish.

*Frankly, there are so many hilarious, stupid examples to describe but I'd stick to just those to keep things short and sweet*

Its the best thread in Nairaland so far
Rotflmao

Ops this is a wonderful thread and it keeps most of us laughing.Thank you for making my Monday a great one...and shout to the Mod as well for placing this FP.

nopecin: My first nyt abroad when I woke up d next morning I started greeting my people in d house good morning but they didn't respond and my friend came to me and say "u think say nah 9ja u dey" u just tell dem hello.


The second thing was that I went to shoprite to but somtin dem I pay and d cashier gave me change I was like u no go give me lylon and d lady was just looking at me I now took d lylon and she ask me to pay I said for what I tot it was a joke, then I turn back am move before I know the security stop me and accuse me of stealing plastic I reply did u see any plastics in my hand not knowing lylon is called (plastic). I phoned my freind and tell him guy imagine dey tell me make I pay for lylon dem e laugh and say to me u think say 9ja b dis, I was so embarrassed.

hahahahahahahahaha laff wan kill me...

Went out with friends to eat at subway, never eaten there before so i use style dey my guy back, they see wetin him the order, as e reach my turn, all those their things name to hard to pronounce, na so i ask for chicken and turkey together inside my italian bread, with cheese and tuna. When e reach drink, them just only give me cup i come the find the vending machine, meanwhile e just d beside me, na so i go press for ice, ice almost full my cup, na just small coke i fit add untop. i come even forget to carry straw and cover for the cup, nobe small ice cubes i chop that day o as i d try drink my icy coke!! After i finish chop reach house i purge for 2 weeks. i finsh 2 roll of tissue paper. E bin no funny at all.

IamDebola: Well, as for me.
I tried to cross the road not knowing that I have to follow the zebra crossing. Or move close to the traffic light and press the button on the traffic light so that cars will stop for me and I'll stylishly cross the road.
.
.
I just want to cross from any angle like Naija wey u go just cross from anywhere, thank God sai the big bus no jam me!

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My first time in their big buses, when I entered, the conductor [Well dressed beautiful lady] came to me, then I payed her.
.
.
When I was about to alight, I don't know how to, in the sense that, I have been looking at everyone in the bus, nobody said a thing or raised a finger unlike naija wey pple go just dey shout from the back seat Owa, Owa. I almost called the conductor to tell her that I'll be alighting at the next bus-stop then I discovered a button right at the lower end of my seat, I don't even know what the button stands for, maybe it's for emergency or anything.. I just pressed it, after pressing it, something signaled to the driver that there is passenger who wish to alight at the next bus-stop.. Next thing I know was that the bus stopped...

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I went to a shopping mall, after I don buy plenty things and I was about to check-out, I payed and I was expecting them to help me pack my stuffs inside nylon.. Na the price of Nylon dem tell me next.. Then I was like, So I have to to pay for nylon after all these stuffs wey I buy..
.
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But now I'm a baddo!
I laugh at first timer doing silly things..
No be small thing sha..

the difference between them and us is that , what we call laziness, to them its wisdom. Life is easy for those that choose to make it easy. Why cut a tree with a blunt cutlass. Apply wisdom.

I remember some years ago when I wanted to cross the road at a traffic light here in Southern California. I didn't press the button on the pole before crossing. It was my brother-in-law who pulled me back, telling me that every pedestrian has to press the button before crossing.

CFCfan: I remember some years ago when I wanted to cross the road at a traffic light here in Southern California. I didn't press the button on the pole before crossing. It was my brother-in-law who pulled me back, telling me that every pedestrian has to press the button before crossing.

your brother in-law na still bush man because if the light turn red you can cross. you just have to pay attention to the time left on the crossing light.

many people just de lie here. I go drop my own now

A lot of funny stuff

Na after training oyinbo took me out for dinner ooo.
Na so the oyinbo requested for drink, me way no sabi anything, the server asked. what about you, I told her "same thing"
She brought the wine and l drank, after 5 minutes my eyes dey turn.
Oyinbo say make we start going, i know feel stand

Matthew briggs: Went on a business trip to the Uk my first time.

1. I arrived at heathrow, i took the underground train service via piccadilly line and arrived at straford. I then proceeded to take a black cab. men as I balance inside the cab, the man started driving

I asked him how much he told me the couter will decided ... oboy as the jouney progress my mind no rest... i just dey watch as the couter dey count... as e dey move i dey automatically convert am to naira kai...

We con jamb go slow. Mehn i begin dey sweat after he knak me bill for that trip. I stayed away from black cabs. I chose buses and subway all the way.

One tip I could give is to always tell & INSIST the cab driver turns the engine off in traffic. Although, most of the drivers don't like doing this because as the engine keeps running in traffic with no additional distance travelled, the counter continues (additional cost of 'time').
Be warned!

Make me sef talk my own.
First time in the UK for masters, i was the first of four flatmates to get to our apartment. When I ran the tap in the kitchen and my room, the water was very cold. I slept that day without having my bath. Next day, I ran the tap, same cold water. Short story sha...didnt have my bath for four days because I didnt know I have to turn on the water heater(it was in the kitchen) for all the taps in the flat...when a German flatmate arrived and did it...i was so happy...i spent almost an hour in the bathroom.

When I first travelled I was always jumping queues when ever I went shopping and it was time to pay. U know in naija it doesn't matter if u came first, u just scream at the shop attendant and ask for your bill, so I thought it would be the same there. Lol. The guys at the till gently told the the queue was around the corner pls!

I was hungry and searched for a restaurant and finally settled for one. There was no rice in their menu so I settled for burger (meal). I mentioned my choice to the cashier at the counter and he turned his back at me and laughed for so long. He kept asking for my choice and he kept laughing. Had to write it on a paper before I understood he was laughing at my accent.

danmyboy: I was hungry and searched for a restaurant and finally settled for one. There was no rice in their menu so I settled for burger (meal). I mentioned my choice to the cashier at the counter and he turned his back at me and laughed for so long. He kept asking for my choice and he kept laughing. Had to write it on a paper before I understood he was laughing at my accent.

ROTFLMAO, I can imagine this (many have fallen for this, not just you) including pronunciations of woolwich, greenwich (greatest when they say 'green wish' or if you are very lucky 'green witch') & the likes even Newcastle (Neuwcastool)......let your imagination flow bruv.
Non-stop laughter m8.....sure the guy would have asked you over & over....even called his colleague to ask you for 'maximum effect' & you went
'Gud aftunoon, I (said I) want to buy BORGA' pronunciation-wise with a hint of frustration.
This really cracked me up......
Cheers m8 & thanks for helping start my day

olumidazz: I remember for up to 10 days each time I wake up I go rush pick my cloths go iron thinking of nepa immidiately after which I will remember nepa no dey 4 atlanta.

na so e be oh.

i was on holiday towards the end of summer and i was not so comfortable sharing the bed with my cousin(Host). so after two days i decided to spread the duvet on the floor since it was summer and it was not so cold . o boy when it was like 1 a.m come see cold , i just dey shake, na beg i beg my cousin to sleep on the bed o.

I remember stepping into a store to buy a bottle of Jack Daniels, packaged the drink and stepped out after paying up.

Having covered some few distance away from the store, I heard the Indian store man calling me back. I turned and walked back to him.

"Hey man, you didnt take your change"- forcing dozens of coins(all kinds of sizes and weights) into my hands.

I waz like- "what tha 4k!!!! You called me back for 4king COINS!!!!" - Cant even remember when last I saw coins.

My friend that was with me just said- "Oboi if u no want make you give me- this alone go cover bus tickets".

I never knew coins get value.

First week,

Holding up the queue to get into the bus trying to sort out which coin is which to pay (can do it with my eyes closed now)

Lmaooooo best thread ever, i remember when my uncle visited us back in 2007, he could not figure out how to turn the hot water on. For three days he came out the shower shaking like he saw a ghost in there.

Laughin to anytin a white man/lady tells u,jst because u dnt get wat he/she is sayin..........i remember my 1st time in newyork,i was walkin thru d streets,admirin d city and smilin sheeplishly to evrytin i see....den i bumped into 2 small oyibo kids(abt 7yrs of age) dey wia tryin to carry a table bigger dan dem into a mall.....i cum say mak i spk american english na...i said to dem "hey small boys ,dat table is bigger dan u guys,get someone bigger to help u carry it"....omo if u c as d boys tak luk me lyk say i d swallow frog...den 1 of dem said to me..."look dude,cnt u atleast show us some respect,dnt call us small boys,call us young men..." i jst d smile d luk dem cos i no understand wetin he talk.....................


Anoda silly tin i did was in a french cafe(eatry),i payed $3 and had my meal,wen i finished,i was still mopin at oda ppl eatin,den d waiter nw walked up to me and asked me if i needed more...den i answered him yes bt dat i dnt av anoda moni,he nw said dat d 1st moni i payed covers evrytin i'll eat dia,except i wish to carry d food out,den i'll pay 4 d packagin....i nw ordered chicken and lots of food......,i was eatin lyk a cow,evry1 was jst starin at me,som whr smilin,odas wia shakin dia head in dismay....na dat time shame cum start d catch me.....hahhahaahaha...evry1 has a 1st tym...bt nw i b pro...chairman....anytim i c newbies mis behavin i'd laf and somtims correct dem.....

Abbott: Make me sef talk my own.
First time in the UK for masters, i was the first of four flatmates to get to our apartment. When I ran the tap in the kitchen and my room, the water was very cold. I slept that day without having my bath. Next day, I ran the tap, same cold water. Short story sha...didnt have my bath for four days because I didnt know I have to turn on the water heater(it was in the kitchen) for all the taps in the flat...when a German flatmate arrived and did it...i was so happy...i spent almost an hour in the bathroom.

Remembered! I bought a bucket before the german came in, I thought I would use the kettle to boil water, pour it in and mix with cold water too....i did that once, the day he arrived I think.

Sloganz: Lmaooooo best thread ever, i remember when my uncle visited us back in 2007, he could not figure out how to turn the hot water on. For three days he came out the shower shaking like he saw a ghost in there.

Your post reminded of the first time my uncle came visiting as well, late autumn/early winter. There was a day he got served a slightly hot cornish pasty & a cuppa because it was cold outside...... Some days later, he came over & requested for 'that sausage roll thing' & was told its name. From that day he started calling it something that sounded like 'paris spere spere' because he couldn't remember the name.
Now whenever he visits, we know to serve him cornish pasties before he even asks for any other thing. Luv him to bits tho....

speaking of uncles. My uncle traveled to England in the 80's to stay but when the plan landed and he got to immigration, they started asking him questions. Mind you before he left our house my mother and father practiced the questions with him. The most basic questions of which is how long do you plan to stay.
My uncle walks up to immigration, after all the other questions the man behind the window then asked him how long do you plan to stay. My uncle then answered 24hrs the man asked him again how long do you plan to stay? he responded 24hrs the man then said well your 24hrs are almost up so we would hold you here until the 24hrs runs out. That is how my uncle got deported. When my father went to pick him up at the airport, he couldn't find him. He then started searching frantically for him. when he finally found him, he was walking down the street. My father then asked him where he was going and he responded by saying he was going to find an ocean to jump in to kill himself because he realized the mistake he made

Emperor_adrian: Laughin to anytin a white man/lady tells u,jst because u dnt get wat he/she is sayin..........i remember my 1st time in newyork,i was walkin thru d streets,admirin d city and smilin sheeplishly to evrytin i see....den i bumped into 2 small oyibo kids(abt 7yrs of age) dey wia tryin to carry a table bigger dan dem into a mall.....i cum say mak i spk american english na...i said to dem "hey small boys ,dat table is bigger dan u guys,get someone bigger to help u carry it"....omo if u c as d boys tak luk me lyk say i d swallow frog...den 1 of dem said to me..."look dude,cnt u atleast show us some respect,dnt call us small boys,call us young men..." i jst d smile d luk dem cos i no understand wetin he talk.....................


Anoda silly tin i did was in a french cafe(eatry),i payed $3 and had my meal,wen i finished,i was still mopin at oda ppl eatin,den d waiter nw walked up to me and asked me if i needed more...den i answered him yes bt dat i dnt av anoda moni,he nw said dat d 1st moni i payed covers evrytin i'll eat dia,except i wish to carry d food out,den i'll pay 4 d packagin....i nw ordered chicken and lots of food......,i was eatin lyk a cow,evry1 was jst starin at me,som whr smilin,odas wia shakin dia head in dismay....na dat time shame cum start d catch me.....hahhahaahaha...evry1 has a 1st tym...bt nw i b pro...chairman....anytim i c newbies mis behavin i'd laf and somtims correct dem.....

lwkmd

Many people commenting on here just keep mentioning london london na wa o...

Godson201333: Many people commenting on here just keep mentioning london london na wa o...

London na backyard now, 6 hrs u don reach.

my ears became so dehydrated my german host applied engine oil to lubricate them after a maiden half a day trip in an aircraft.
it worked wonders

i still blame the weather of the fall of 2008 as the culprit. it was down to 8c in the day and 3c at night.
it was my first in an aircraft

u no no say na there be capital of niger ni.i dey wait to see german crew ship in there own comedy.how your end and school?

Godson201333: Many people commenting on here just keep mentioning london london na wa o...

my first day in germany was very funny.inside airport i was just showing my admission letter to everybody looking for direction to my school.they just keep on saying keine english (i cant speak english)..................i just dey laugh my self until police advice me take taxi ohhh..chai...70(15000k)euro for 1 hour journey.
as i carry my 10kg of semo for head na so i dey push my travelling bag ooh.at the centre of my city i locate a very beautiful turkish restaurant immediately the guy mention reis i said yes thats exactly what i want,oboy come see rice,fear go grip u.after paying 16 euro i visit the toilet more than baba suwe while in ndlea custody.anyday i pass that restaurant na cause i dey cause them ohhh.cos now its now i just realise the value of that money.