cococandy:


I hear you

Look at some of the black men Black America is giving society.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naUvrPbRz2M

cococandy:


@bold, yet it is the black men who won't let us hear for 'provision' they provide to their own kids and it is them who make more noise about what a lady has to offer or bring to the table.

Thank god say you know they are the even more prone to disappoint when it comes to being responsible. More prone to leaving strings of kids in their wake than others (maybe rivaled by Mexicans )

I wonder what all the noise is about.

One thing I like about sagamite is that he says things as it is. I don't agree with everything he says but I found out that most things I don't agree with him probably has to do with him saying it a little bit too real without reservation. Like when he said about happily and contentedly married people, I always thought they were very happily married people that I knew but after his arguement, I actually started thinking if people were actually just contented. What do you think coco?

Sagamite:


Look at some of the black men Black America is giving society.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naUvrPbRz2M

That map guy no get work.

Just funny.

Sagamite:


If I find the woman I described above, maybe that miracle will happen.

Sagamite, please don't answer if you don't want to but do you tell women you are with that you are not so into marriage. I think it will be good if you let them know so they can make an informed decision.

I think it's relative.

Depends on you as a person, where you're coming from and what your expectations were. If you find your life after marriage to be better because of the kind of person you married and how well they fit your ideas of a good spouse. You will be happy with your marriage.

Maybe because I don't expect too much from people. Always have been like that since I was a kid, I find I'm very easy to please. So I cross from contentment to happiness relatively easy.

I think that's why they say happiness is a choice. As I don't expect too much from a partner just that he respects and is faithful to me, and of course be a responsible partner. I think I've made the decision to be happy without realizing it.

I don't think any other garnish would make it better than the basics being right.

People who end up disappointed after marriage are usually so because their expectations haven't been met and in some cases it's because they expect too much.

Like the marriage was supposed to solve all the problems in the other spheres of their life.

babygirlfl:



One thing I like about sagamite is that he says things as it is. I don't agree with everything he says but I found out that most things I don't agree with him probably has to do with him saying it a little bit too real without reservation. Like when he said about happily and contentedly married people, I always thought they were very happily married people that I knew but after his arguement, I actually started thinking if people were actually just contented. What do you think coco?

cococandy:
I think it's relative.

Depends on you as a person, where you're coming from and what your expectations were. If you find your life after marriage to be better because of the kind of person you married and how well they fit your ideas of a good spouse. You will be happy with your marriage.

Maybe because I don't expect too much from people. Always have been like that since I was a kid, I find I'm very easy to please. So I cross from contentment to happiness relatively easy.

I think that's why they say happiness is a choice. As I don't expect too much from a partner just that he respects and is faithful to me, and of course be a responsible partner. I think I've made the decision to be happy without realizing it.

I don't think any other garnish would make it better than the basics being right.

People who end up disappointed after marriage are usually so because their expectations haven't been met and in some cases it's because they expect too much.

Like the marriage was supposed to solve all the problems in the other spheres of their life.

Ok makes sense.

babygirlfl:

One thing I like about sagamite is that he says things as it is. I don't agree with everything he says but I found out that most things I don't agree with him probably has to do with him saying it a little bit too real without reservation. Like when he said about happily and contentedly married people, I always thought they were very happily married people that I knew but after his arguement, I actually started thinking if people were actually just contented. What do you think coco?

Absolutely, fckingly, brilliantly said.

Look, I am a serious and proficient social observer. Maybe that is why it is hard for me to do things like marriage, because I am very aware and see all the faulty lines and I am not willing to bury my head in the sand to conform.

The things I say are the truth, factual, straight to the point and un-sugarcoated. I keep it GANGSTER!

And I know sometimes it even get ladies on NL that like me a bit antsy that I am saying it.

As you said, it is not because I am wrong, it is because I am blunt that is getting to them a bit.

But the fact there remains, I keep it gangster because I want people to start thinking.

Everything I do on NL is to get people to start thinking. Thinking mostly differently.

cococandy:
I think it's relative.

Depends on you as a person, where you're coming from and what your expectations were. If you find your life after marriage to be better because of the kind of person you married and how well they fit your ideas of a good spouse. You will be happy with your marriage.

Maybe because I don't expect too much from people. Always have been like that since I was a kid, I find I'm very easy to please. So I cross from contentment to happiness relatively easy.

I think that's why they say happiness is a choice. As I don't expect too much from a partner just that he respects and is faithful to me, and of course be a responsible partner. I think I've made the decision to be happy without realizing it.

I don't think any other garnish would make it better than the basics being right.

People who end up disappointed after marriage are usually so because their expectations haven't been met and in some cases it's because they expect too much.

Like the marriage was supposed to solve all the problems in the other spheres of their life.

Very well said.

The highlighted is where many women are doomed.

I remember one NL married woman I was advising offline because she was worried about a risk with who she married (they have a very unconventional courtship) that she would be happier if she lived her life not basing her happiness on him or his actions. So if he eventually comes out good, lovely. If not, it has less impact.

I don't base my happiness on women. What ever they do, I find it quite easy to brush it off.

Another thing is that I have a mindset that is set to me knowing I do not own anyone. They are indepedent adults that can do whatever they want at anytime. All this "We are married, so I kind of own you" is just pure rubbish. They can leave at anytime.

My happiness is mainly focused on what I can do for myself. One other thing that makes it easy to stay unmarried.

cococandy:
I think it's relative.

Depends on you as a person, where you're coming from and what your expectations were. If you find your life after marriage to be better because of the kind of person you married and how well they fit your ideas of a good spouse. You will be happy with your marriage.

Maybe because I don't expect too much from people. Always have been like that since I was a kid, I find I'm very easy to please. So I cross from contentment to happiness relatively easy.

I think that's why they say happiness is a choice. As I don't expect too much from a partner just that he respects and is faithful to me, and of course be a responsible partner. I think I've made the decision to be happy without realizing it.

I don't think any other garnish would make it better than the basics being right.

People who end up disappointed after marriage are usually so because their expectations haven't been met and in some cases it's because they expect too much.

Like the marriage was supposed to solve all the problems in the other spheres of their life.

Totally totally agree with this. Describes my outlook to life and marriage in general.

I think placing the burden of your 'happiness' on another person's shoulders is such an enormous ask for anyone. To me sef that term 'I am happy' is so subjective.

I heard there is a institute that researches happiness in the UK Sebi there was even a research that said Nigerians are one of the 'happiest' people in the world.

babygirlfl:


Sagamite, please don't answer if you don't want to but do you tell women you are with that you are not so into marriage. I think it will be good if you let them know so they can make an informed decision.

That really depends.

If I just met a woman, of course I would not tell her such a thing. What advantage does it give me? Why will I release information that is more likely to be disadvanteguous?

Women don't volunteer information that is to their disadvantage. I am like that too with them.

If it is after a while that I have met her and we have "had a good time". If she is:

- A girl that is just average, hopeless or bad, I don't tell her. If she asked, I will tell her I will marry eventually or even looking for it.

- A nice girl and/or one I feel potential of long-term things are possible, I will let her know my reservations about marriage. What I don't like about it. And the conditions under which I can engage in it.

I manage my information to my advantage. No be only women fit do that.

damiso:


Totally totally agree with this. Describes my outlook to life and marriage in general.

I think placing the burden of your 'happiness' on another person's shoulders is such an enormous ask for anyone. To me sef that term 'I am happy' is so subjective.

I heard there is a institute that researches happiness in the UK Sebi there was even a research that said Nigerians are one of the 'happiest' people in the world.

Hahaha. There may be some truth to that.

How else would you describe the willingness to party and owambe and have fun in the face of collapsing infrastructure and low standard of living?

damiso:


Totally totally agree with this. Describes my outlook to life and marriage in general.

I think placing the burden of your 'happiness' on another person's shoulders is such an enormous ask for anyone. To me sef that term 'I am happy' is so subjective.

I heard there is a institute that researches happiness in the UK Sebi there was even a research that said Nigerians are one of the 'happiest' people in the world.

And I think this is what the problem is and that is why so many people are frustrated and unhappy.
Marriage does not complete half a person
Be comfortable & happy with who you are and anything added is a bonus
Sometimes I dont even know what I want, so how can I expect my husband to fulfil all these needs?
Sometimes I go shopping for a bag and come back with a dress
All this airy fairy this of what a partner can do for you is very misleading
you need to be in a good place yourself to even be a good husband or wife to someone.
Happy though is a personal thing and can be very different for people. I can be happy by you just saying good morning to me, whilst some people need breakfast in bed to be happy.

Sagamite:


Absolutely, fckingly, brilliantly said.

Look, I am a serious and proficient social observer. Maybe that is why it is hard for me to do things like marriage, because I am very aware and see all the faulty lines and I am not willing to bury my head in the sand to conform.

The things I say are the truth, factual, straight to the point and un-sugarcoated. I keep it GANGSTER!

And I know sometimes it even get ladies on NL that like me a bit antsy that I am saying it.

As you said, it is not because I am wrong, it is because I am blunt that is getting to them a bit.

But the fact there remains, I keep it gangster because I want people to start thinking.

Everything I do on NL is to get people to start thinking. Thinking mostly differently.

You definitely made me think with that post about married couples and the dimension Cococandy brought to it too made a lot of sense. I have learnt something from you both.

babygirlfl:


You definitely made me think with that post about married couples and the dimension Cococandy brought to it too made a lot of sense. I have learnt something from you both.

damiso:


Totally totally agree with this. Describes my outlook to life and marriage in general.

I think placing the burden of your 'happiness' on another person's shoulders is such an enormous ask for anyone. To me sef that term 'I am happy' is so subjective.

I heard there is a institute that researches happiness in the UK Sebi there was even a research that said Nigerians are one of the 'happiest' people in the world.

@ bolded very true. Someone could be unhappy that they can't get a holiday while someone that just got a meal could be happy they got a meal.

Sagamite:


That really depends.

If I just met a woman, of course I would not tell her such a thing. What advantage does it give me? Why will I release information that is more likely to be disadvanteguous?

Women don't volunteer information that is to their disadvantage. I am like that too with them.

If it is after a while that I have met her and we have "had a good time". If she is:

- A girl that is just average, hopeless or bad, I don't tell her. If she asked, I will tell her I will marry eventually or even looking for it.

- A nice girl and/or one I feel potential of long-term things are possible, I will let her know my reservations about marriage. What I don't like about it. And the conditions under which I can engage in it.

I manage my information to my advantage. No be only women fit do that.

Ok

cococandy:


Hahaha. There may be some truth to that.

How else would you describe the willingness to party and owambe and have fun in the face of collapsing infrastructure and low standard of living?

Maybe as a way of escaping reality and just living in the moment ? Perhaps? am just aloud here. Because on the flip side some countries/people with high standard of living and standard infrastructure are said to be miserable. I read a survey that said UK children are one of the unhappiest children in the world (one can't even keep up with all these research). Factors like bullying,peer pressure were taken into consideration and this might not be an issue for a child facing other challenges like food,access to education etc.

That's why I said Happiness is such s subjective term and a happy marriage meab different things to different people. Some people can NEVER be happy in a marriage with financial challenges while some couples tend to even come out stronger and closer in those same challenges.

I still had that argument with my mum this morning and she said I am beggining to think like a Brit.quit expecting too much from people if they pull through pleasant surprise. This does not mean that I don't expect my husband to treat me well but he is not the sole source of my happiness. Even my children are not.

Sagamite has replied

Your choice lady can do most of those things herself.

Re happiness:

I believe your spouse's job is to make you happy. (For both parties)

Yes, you should be complete as a person before venturing into marriage because it helps you appreciat your spouse's efforts at making it work. Your spouse also cannot make you fulfilled in all spheres of your life.

But martially? It is our jobs to make each other happy.

damiso:


Maybe as a way of escaping reality and just living in the moment ? Perhaps? am just aloud here. Because on the flip side some countries/people with high standard of living and standard infrastructure are said to be miserable. I read a survey that said UK children are one of the unhappiest children in the world (one can't even keep up with all these research). Factors like bullying,peer pressure were taken into consideration and this might not be an issue for a child facing other challenges like food,access to education etc.

That's why I said Happiness is such s subjective term and a happy marriage meab different things to different people. Some people can NEVER be happy in a marriage with financial challenges while some couples tend to even come out stronger and closer in those same challenges.

I still had that argument with my mum this morning and she said I am beggining to think like a Brit.quit expecting too much from people if they pull through pleasant surprise. This does not mean that I don't expect my husband to treat me well but he is not the sole source of my happiness. Even my children are not.

They are being painted and taught a perfect world.

A world where they are the kings and queens and everything should revolve around them.

A world where they are the most beautiful thing ever.

A world where they have all the rights but no responsibilities.

A world where parents must shower them with presents and toys at Xmas, birthday and other parts of the year.

A world where they can be instant celebrities tomorrow and be seen as fabulous.

Why?

Because they are special just by the virtue of them being who they are and existing as kids.

And when all these does not come through, and is unlikely to, as they grow up, they are not attaining their aspirations and expectations.

In Nigeria, kids know they are lucky to be alive, lucky to have something to eat tonight, lucky to go to school, lucky to get a job, lucky to etc.

This is often emphasised with the repeated social pressures to go and thank some imaginary Superfly, All-powerful God for these luck.

So Nigerian kids have little expectations and see most things as a bonus to breathing.

What most people don't realise and I have observed from my studying life is that virtually EVERYTHING that upsets you is hinged on "expectations not being met".

If you are expecting something to happen, you are less likely to be upset when it happens. The more certainty you attribute to it happening, the less it will pain you.

Being aware of that has made me a very happy man.

bukatyne:
Sagamite has replied

Your choice lady can do most of those things herself.

Re happiness:

I believe your spouse's job is to make you happy. (For both parties)

Yes, you should be complete as a person before venturing into marriage because it helps you appreciat your spouse's efforts at making it work. Your spouse also cannot make you fulfilled in all spheres of your life.

But martially? It is our jobs to make each other happy.

Yes
However one needs to be a "reasonably easily happyified" person before you get married or the man/woman will be doing everything to make one happy & with no appreciation and it will be so frustrating.
Have you met a negative person before?
OMG they dont see any good in anything
These kinds of people just drain.
You cant make them happy cos they cant be happy.
Thats just the way they are.

Damiso, sagamite has spoken my opinion/response about your last post.

It's truly hinged on expectations

Sagamite:


They are being painted and taught a perfect world.

A world where they are the kings and queens and everything should revolve around them.

A world where they are the most beautiful thing ever.

A world where they have all the rights but no responsibilities.

A world where parents must shower them with presents and toys at Xmas, birthday and other parts of the year.

A world where they can be instant celebrities tomorrow and be seen as fabulous.

Why?

Because they are special just by the virtue of them being who they are and existing as kids.

And when all these does not come through, and is unlikely to, as they grow up, they are not attaining their aspirations and expectations.

In Nigeria, kids know they are lucky to be alive, lucky to have something to eat tonight, lucky to go to school, lucky to get a job, lucky to etc.

This is often emphasised with the repeated social pressures to go and thank some imaginary Superfly, All-powerful God for these luck.

So Nigerian kids have little expectations and see most things as a bonus to breathing.

What most people don't realise and I have observed from my studying life is that virtually EVERYTHING that upsets you is hinged on "expectations not being met".

If you are expecting something to happen, you are less likely to be upset when it happens. The more certainty you attribute to it happening, the less it will pain you.

Being aware of that has made me a very happy man.

You are very right .

One of the key things that leads to unhappiness is expectations. I try to manage my expectations and not put people into a box so to speak on what I feel they 'should' do for me. It's a trait I inherited from my father and my mum really reminds me of it 'you are definitely your fathers daughter'. I know no one is truly ever self reliant but I really view most things that anyone gives me as gift and not something I should take for granted.

I will give an example. I was unemployed for a while and my husband was taking care of ALL(ok most) the big ticket bills. I wanted to do a course and I was saving towards it.One day my husband told me that he had put some money into my account and I should go ahead to pay for it. I was soooo happy and i kept saying thank you in short I told everyone to thank him for me. He said I was embarassing me with the thank yous and that if he did not as my husband who should? I got his point but in my head I was already feeling I am the one who wants to do a course, as it is he is more or less footing my bills(ok he lives in the house as well but if was not married won't I support myself) so I really did not in my head think he HAD to do it . I honestly would not have resented him not paying those fees.

I know people who will say its his responsibility as doing the course could increase my earning potential and husbands are meant to help their wives grow. That is true also but sincerely and I am not being insincere here I did not feel entitled to those fees just cos he is my husband. I was happy that he helped out but I also would not have been unhappy if he did not.

damiso:


You are very right .

One of the key things that leads to unhappiness is expectations. I try to manage my expectations and not put people into a box so to speak on what I feel they 'should' do for me. It's a trait I inherited from my father and my mum really reminds me of it 'you are definitely your fathers daughter'. I know no one is truly ever self reliant but I really view most things that anyone gives me as gift and not something I should take for granted.

I will give an example. I was unemployed for a while and my husband was taking care of ALL(ok most) the big ticket bills. I wanted to do a course and I was saving towards it.One day my husband told me that he had put some money into my account and I should go ahead to pay for it. I was soooo happy and i kept saying thank you in short I told everyone to thank him for me. He said I was embarassing me with the thank yous and that if he did not as my husband who should? I got his point but in my head I was already feeling I am the one who wants to do a course, as it is he is more or less footing my bills(ok he lives in the house as well but if was not married won't I support myself) so I really did not in my head think he HAD to do it . I honestly would not have resented him not paying those fees.

I know people who will say its his responsibility as doing the course could increase my earning potential and husbands are meant to help their wives grow. That is true also but sincerely and I am not being insincere here I did not feel entitled to those fees just cos he is my husband. I was happy that he helped out but I also would not have been unhappy if he did not.

Now this is the attitude that will make me happy as a man and spur me to want to be giving more and doing more for her.

Not some ediot that would look at me and be fuming that I should live my life trying to make her happy and it is her birthright.

What I would not like though, just like your husband, is the repeated "thank yous". I don't even need or look for one from girls. Just the body-language and smile of appreciation is enough. Thank yous are just a bit too embarassing especially after it is said more than once, you become speechless and don't know how to respond anymore.

Sagamite:


Now this is the attitude that will make me happy as a man and spur me to want to be giving more and doing more for her.

Not some ediot that would look at me and be fuming that I should live my life trying to make her happy and it is her birthright.

What I would not like though, just like your husband, is the repeated "thank yous". I don't even need or look for one from girls. Just the body-language and smile of appreciation is enough. Thank yous are just a bit too embarassing especially after it is said more than once, you become speechless and don't know how to respond anymore.

I know that now. I have found more 'interesting ' ways to say thank you

I know these clips would interest you women on girls night out.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARsN5MftEA0


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2dw3AyNzdk


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfdlIMlPmuA


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTzKY_DOBpo



See me flowing on a thread for girly discussions, and all these yeye women would still be asking me what I bring to the table.

Dem no know say I am a great conversationalist when I choose to talk. (Some women love to talk too much especially when they enjoy my conversations)

Sagamite:


Now this is the attitude that will make me happy as a man and spur me to want to be giving more and doing more for her.

Not some ediot that would look at me and be fuming that I should live my life trying to make her happy and it is her birthright.

What I would not like though, just like your husband, is the repeated "thank yous". I don't even need or look for one from girls. Just the body-language and smile of appreciation is enough. Thank yous are just a bit too embarassing especially after it is said more than once, you become speechless and don't know how to respond anymore.

So there must be a thousand more girls like Damiso, who will say thank you only once, or will not even bother saying it sef, we need to find them ASAP.

Saga, there are plenty of them even in Sagamu. Cast you net far and wide!

Sagamite:
I know these clips would interest you women on girls night out.

See me flowing on a thread for girly discussions, and all these yeye women would still be asking me what I bring to the table.

Dem no know say I am a great conversationalist when I choose to talk. (Some women love to talk too much especially when they enjoy my conversations)

apparently, you are a gentleman when you choose to be.

But yes, ladies love men that gist with them, not those that sleep off during bedtime gist and yet will swear they heard everything you said like someone in my house

Kimoni:


apparently, you are a gentleman when you choose to be.

But yes, ladies love men that gist with them, not those that sleep off during bedtime gist and yet will swear they heard everything you said like someone in my house

Most women I gist with get enthralled, because I have what is called arcane knowledge.

So I find it very easy to have good and intellectual conversations.

But to have this knowledge, you have to acquire it. So I do like my solitude too. My time to myself reading/watching this, that and everything.

Kimoni:

So there must be a thousand more girls like Damiso, who will say thank you only once, or will not even bother saying it sef, we need to find them ASAP.
Saga, there are plenty of them even in Sagamu. Cast you net far and wide!

They should buy a net and come and cast it over me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaZFOx9Xwcc

Sagamite:
I know these clips would interest you women on girls night out.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARsN5MftEA0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=

http://www.youtube.com/w



See me flowing on a thread for girly discussions, and all these yeye women would still be asking me what I bring to the table.

Dem no know say I am a great conversationalist when I choose to talk. (Some women love to talk too much especially when they enjoy my conversations)

This first video is so touching. Aww.
I could totally see myself being that kind of mom.

And the little girl is so adorable.
When I was little, my greatest fear too was for my mom to die.
Now I know it will happen someday but still not prepared for it to ever happen.

Continues watching.
You don give me work this morning

Sagamite:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaZFOx9Xwcc

Sagamite get out of here.
You gon make me cry.

Don't tell me after seeing these folks, you don't want to urgently find that your missing rib?

tearoses:


Yes
However one needs to be a "reasonably easily happyified" person before you get married or the man/woman will be doing everything to make one happy & with no appreciation and it will be so frustrating.
Have you met a negative person before?
OMG they dont see any good in anything
These kinds of people just drain.
You cant make them happy cos they cant be happy.
Thats just the way they are.

I 100% agree with you

Some people are emotional baskets.