I am not Nigerian so I do not really understand this...perhaps it is not a Nigerian thing, perhaps it is.

I expressed my feelings for a Naija babe. She then expressed her feelings for me...all by text. We know each other. I have stayed with her and her family.

She then began calling me very early in the morning. 4am...then 6am.

I have been asleep so have never answered.

This is confusing. Is it because she now wants to talk to me without her family listening? Or is she just pretending to have feelings for me to keep my attention...calling in the morning to show her interest (whilst knowing that I will not answer).

Confused.

Or she is testing me? She wants to know how much I feel for her?

Why don't you just tell her that it's a bad time for you to talk? She could just be excited. No need to complicate

I just guess I am a little confused at the moment. I expressed myself and she said "[my name]: I lvu u".

I will be upset if she is just playing with my heart.

Perhaps I need to cool off again. This is the first time she has opened up about her feelings for me. I cannot understand her.

comot for road jooor!!!! Attn seeka.

Is she aware of the time difference?

I'm sure she wanted to let you know she's back from her midnight flight

From the other thread to this, you have shown yourself to be very confused and to add to it, you are making the confusion worse by reading extra meaning to every thing or words she says.

It is not the time of call you should be confuse about but the content of the call.

Trust and openness is needed to build a relationship not suspicions. Some Naija babes may be excited at the prospect of an Oyinbo being her bf but the excitement has nothing to do with whether she truly love you or not, that one is purely based on your everyday growth with her.
The excitement should not be mistaken for desperation in most case or because you are Oyinbo, it is the same feelings a girl get when approach by 2face and the likes or even the hottest guy in her Street.

Stop assuming and get close to her, develop relationship, make her a bit angry to see her attitude at the edge.

Or else leave her and concentrate on what brought you to Naija in the first instance

TrickofTech: I just guess I am a little confused at the moment. I expressed myself and she said "[my name]: I lvu u".

I will be upset if she is just playing with my heart.

Perhaps I need to cool off again. This is the first time she has opened up about her feelings for me. I cannot understand her.

OGA, pack well joooor!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mscheeewwww

ITbomb: From the other thread to this, you have shown yourself to be very confused and to add to it, you are making the confusion worse by reading extra meaning to every thing or words she says.

It is not the time of call you should be confuse about but the content of the call.

Trust and openness is needed to build a relationship not suspicions. Some Naija babes may be excited at the prospect of an Oyinbo being her bf but the excitement has nothing to do with whether she truly love you or not, that one is purely based on your everyday growth with her.
The excitement should not be mistaken for desperation in most case or because you are Oyinbo, it is the same feelings a girl get when approach by 2face and the likes or even the hottest guy in her Street.

Stop assuming and get close to her, develop relationship, make her a bit angry to see her attitude at the edge.

Or else leave her and concentrate on what brought you to Naija in the first instance

I tire for this confused guy o,he shd learn d art of communication and openness abeg.what stops him frm discussing this he put out here with her? Besides love is verb shown by wat u do,nt wat u say..any1 can be moved and say "I love u" smh mr trickoftech she doesn't Love u,she is attractd by d prospect of relocatn abroad to live and mayb a better life...#fact

Man, where are you from? @OP

What you should be sharing with your lover is what you are sharing with us.

Do you want me to tell you what she means when i dont know her. Do you take me for a suit sayer or prophet of fortune ??

@ Op, As a studnt.I'm d typ dat's alwz busy wt my studies.It gt to a time dt my rummates were doubtin,if I'm a Ghost/normal Human Being.wakin up by 2.a.m,Cookn,eatn,bathn,readn b4 5am.I always leave d rum by 5am 2read n dis is d only free time i can call my BF,bt he alwz complain abt dis.Evn wen he called somtimes.I'm too busy to pick his calls nt 4cheatin sake,bt tis jst because of d vision/pasion i av 4my studies.I decided 2change it to 11pm dat I'l b tru wit my daily work.He mentioned dis statemnt again.Bt it wz an embarrasmnt 2me.I tried 2explain bt he dnt accept.so I changed,n evrytin is goin on well
@OP,ur Gf may b too busy 2call u durin d daytime.den try n sit her down to ask 4d main reason 4dis.I must tell u dis,tis nt easy for a serious Minded Girl 2combine both Educatn wit Relatnship.One wil definitely affects d oda.She may nt want 2gt distracted durin daytime,I knw she definitely av Wot she's aimin at in life.Pls dnt brk d relatnship because of dat.Pls try n settle tins amicably wit urselves..

eeewise: I tire for this confused guy o,he shd learn d art of communication and openness abeg.what stops him frm discussing this he put out here with her? Besides love is verb shown by wat u do,nt wat u say..any1 can be moved and say "I love u" smh mr trickoftech she doesn't Love u,she is attractd by d prospect of relocatn abroad to live and mayb a better life...#fact

"I should have learnt the art of communication already"...well I haven't #fact

As I have said in other posts...I haven't date for a long time and I do not have much experience with it. Are you saying that because of this...I do not deserve the relationship? Everyone has to start somewhere.

For a start I have been open and honest. I have told her how I feel, why I like her, what I am hoping and aiming for. She has said nothing...besides I love you. I have shown my love in deeds too...which I will not go into.

I have tried communicating...it is her lack of communication that is causing the issues. She wants me to do all the chasing, all the talking, all the communicating...while she drops a few things here and there.

-----------------------------

My confusion is whether she a.) genuinely loves me for ME, my character...not my race or background

OR b.) she wants to have a better life at any cost...even if it involves getting involved with someone she does not particularly like (i.e. she is lying and manipulating me).


Posters have suggested that I just ask her. REALLY? Do you think if you asked a liar and manipulator if they were lying and manipulating...they would admit it?

Either way I have messaged her some of my concerns. That I pray she wants me and not my attention and that I want someone who is serious, that I do not like being played with.

We have yet to talk about it.

Abeg, free this my sister jare

You've not started dating her, you already see her as a liar/manipulator

Raabish

I guess what confuses me is HER lack of openness. I know men are supposed to take the risks and express how they feel. I have done plenty of this...but if there is NO feedback...there is no difference between someone just talking at a woman who is not interested and someone who is talking to a woman who is shy or unconvinced yet.

She has said things like:

"I want you to return"
"I luv you"
"I cannot wait forever to marry"
"I like your character"

etc.

She has questioned me on whether I would marry a Yoruba girl.
_______________________________

She told me that tru love was about thinking of the other person all the time. By her definition, I truly love her. That is not an issue. I have spent a lot of time and effort proving this to her, convincing her. Perhaps this is only right.

But surely I deserve some back too! Where is her conviction and strongly held belief that she wants me! Am I supposed to believe it from the little that she has already said?!!! She has chased me. But was that chasing for attention...to feel good because an oyinbo is trying to court her...or is it because she genuinely wants me.

Again I suppose I could ask her.

joromi: Abeg, free this my sister jare

You've not started dating her, you already see her as a liar/manipulator

Raabish

Dating by telephone and text...across continents. Is this real dating abi?

Are you real oyibo, picture or it didnt happen...

just imagine..

2buff: Why don't you just tell her that it's a bad time for you to talk? She could just be excited. No need to complicate

bros thanks 4 ur comment,we bound to b excited in d beginning of a new relationship and if d gal jst bone dz same guy will complain d gal is forming.some guys are a piece of work to deal with

Trickoftech.... I have told you before to sort yourself out, the nature of your relationship involves risk and you should have tot of that before going into this.

It pains me that all u think of in this relationship is negative. You think it was easy for her to admit and agree to start something serious with you considering how tribalistic. Nigerians can be. You feel she's after your race " lol....I wonder if your a decendant of christ......

Guy! here lies wat you have always wanted, you need to help her help you achieve that, she is as scared as you are, but you are the man here so be the man.

Okay. It is not as if I want to argue with everyone here on Nairaland. I came here for your advice, not just because I think it could help, but because I assumed that you guys are mostly Nigerian. If I even need to say all of this again, yes I am a real oyinbo, yes all of this did really happen. I know that I am not particularly great at all this. I know I do not have a lot of experience with dating and courting western women let alone Nigerian women. Women are women, I understand that, but there will be cultural differences, which is why I came here.

It is not like I have many people to talk to about it. I have mentioned it to my friends and they are all of the assumption that she is trying to play me. That she is not interested in me, that it will end badly. That all she cares about is coming to the west. People can be very judgmental. Even trying to mention this to my family will get the same reaction. They will all tell me to "be careful" and not to trust her. But they do not know her, they have not lived with her. I feel as if I can trust her, that I want to trust her. But to me, love is about mutual respect and valuing the other person for who they are, not what they can give me (or what I think they can give me). I am so much more than an oyinbo, just as I know that she is so much more than a black woman...or Nigerian. I don't care about skin color of background (wealth)...I DESPERATELY want to know that she feels the same. But how do I ask her that kind of thing? Will she understand what I mean?

I am not longer with her....I do not see her face to face on a day to day basis anymore. But I still have strong feelings for her. I would move on but I want to fight for her, it turns out that she says she has the same feelings for me. She has chased me also.

I know the answer. I have to do something...if I really love her, I need to do something to ensure that we are together. But noone on this forum seems to understand how worried I am about taking that risk and committing. It is such a huge thing, to tell my family that I have found someone, to relocate, to change my life. I would feel a lot better about the whole thing if she would just talk to me and open up about how she feels and what she wants...what she expects from all this. Because I know...and I have told her. I want to be with her, romantically, aiming towards a long lasting, mutually loving, faithful relationship. I want children and a family.

I will continue to talk to her and try and work it out.

TrickofTech: Okay. It is not as if I want to argue with everyone here on Nairaland. I came here for your advice, not just because I think it could help, but because I assumed that you guys are mostly Nigerian. If I even need to say all of this again, yes I am a real oyinbo, yes all of this did really happen. I know that I am not particularly great at all this. I know I do not have a lot of experience with dating and courting western women let alone Nigerian women. Women are women, I understand that, but there will be cultural differences, which is why I came here.

It is not like I have many people to talk to about it. I have mentioned it to my friends and they are all of the assumption that she is trying to play me. That she is not interested in me, that it will end badly. That all she cares about is coming to the west. People can be very judgmental. Even trying to mention this to my family will get the same reaction. They will all tell me to "be careful" and not to trust her. But they do not know her, they have not lived with her. I feel as if I can trust her, that I want to trust her. But to me, love is about mutual respect and valuing the other person for who they are, not what they can give me (or what I think they can give me). I am so much more than an oyinbo, just as I know that she is so much more than a black woman...or Nigerian. I don't care about skin color of background (wealth)...I DESPERATELY want to know that she feels the same. But how do I ask her that kind of thing? Will she understand what I mean?

I am not longer with her....I do not see her face to face on a day to day basis anymore. But I still have strong feelings for her. I would move on but I want to fight for her, it turns out that she says she has the same feelings for me. She has chased me also.

I know the answer. I have to do something...if I really love her, I need to do something to ensure that we are together. But noone on this forum seems to understand how worried I am about taking that risk and committing. It is such a huge thing, to tell my family that I have found someone, to relocate, to change my life. I would feel a lot better about the whole thing if she would just talk to me and open up about how she feels and what she wants...what she expects from all this. Because I know...and I have told her. I want to be with her, romantically, aiming towards a long lasting, mutually loving, faithful relationship. I want children and a family.

I will continue to talk to her and try and work it out.

well I think u shdnt make a decision to relocate at all,u shdnt make a decision to settle for her YET this things takes time,decisions that affects 20yrs of ur life needs lots of prayers and soul searching.if I personally live in d uk and am stable in terms of job and co I wudnt leave all dat for a girl to relocate.d woman is suppose to relocate not u.d truth u can never knw her true intention by few calls.what u need is PATIENCE!!!!! Jst let tinz flow and see we're it ends.its too early to b talkin abt longterm commitment cos u stayd in her house

I want to put up my toughs thou a bit scattered...if I went on a vacation to d uk and stayd wit a girl that I later "liked"..I will definately tell her my feelings as u did but I will also invest time communicating with her via social media whatsapp,BBM,facebk chat,viber, and co ,when communicating with her I wil be particular to knw her underlying feelings,motives,toughs..pples characters are revealed in phases.out of d abundance of d heart d mouth speaks and u get to knw pples heart by wat they hav been saying

.u knw on blackberry chat or whatsapp u can chat wit her for 5hrs .pples intentions will always be revealed via communication .also I wil now save up money and come again for another vacation and propose marriage in person after seeing her a second time.she calls u at night becos of d time zone difference!not every1 is enligthened to knw dat.wen she calls u its daytime in nigeria.life is abt taking chances so I advise u buy her a whatsapp enabled phone."Abt 9000 or blackberry abt 12000 minimum and chat and chat and chat and chat.as u spend quality time chatn u wil begin to resolve all ur differences and get answers to ur questions

My email eeewise@hotmail.com INCASE to chat or smetn so we talk.but one way To KNW IF SHE for real is ""START TELLING HER ABT UR DECISION TO RELOCATE TO NIGERIA AND STAY PERMANENTLY.abt d lack of a good job,taxes and co in d uk.always projecting u staying in nigeria permanently.1,if she loves u for real she wil flow along with u.encourage u to come and be willing to stay with u anywere even if it means forgetin living in d west. 2,if she is in love with d idea of staying in d west[uk] she wil always object u coming to settle in nigeria permanently and talk u into stayn n d uk or look for a way to escape frm u.....................NB on anoder note.. if u really love her u shd also b proud to show her to ur family and friends

eeewise: My email eeewise@hotmail.com INCASE to chat or smetn so we talk.but one way To KNW IF SHE for real is ""START TELLING HER ABT UR DECISION TO RELOCATE TO NIGERIA AND STAY PERMANENTLY.abt d lack of a good job,taxes and co in d uk.always projecting u staying in nigeria permanently.1,if she loves u for real she wil flow along with u.encourage u to come and be willing to stay with u anywere even if it means forgetin living in d west. 2,if she is in love with d idea of staying in d west[uk] she wil always object u coming to settle in nigeria permanently and talk u into stayn n d uk or look for a way to escape frm u.....................NB on anoder note.. if u really love her u shd also b proud to show her to ur family and friends

I understand. I will email you ewise. When she was expressing some interest and mentioning travelling and finding a partner, I jokingly suggested that I would like to move out to Nigeria (more as a test) while in Nigeria. Her reaction was "no". In my head I decided at that point that she was after relocating rather than me. Then as time wore on and in phone calls, she has expressed a bigger desire for me to return, rather than coming to my country.

So I don't know.

I would be proud to show her to my family...and when it comes down to it, I would side with her if they couldn't accept it, because I do love her. But you cannot deny the cultural differences. Also, I value what my family think. They are going to tell me to be careful, they are going to doubt her intentions, they are unlikely to support me in my decision and agree with it. This is why I myself need to trust her fully, because I would be telling my family that they are WRONG about the situation and that I trust her. I want to know that I am making the right choice and taking a risk that is worth taking...which I think is only natural.

You again always bout this naija babe
Are you trying to tell me that over the years of creating threads about her , your still confused
You ned help

ivyy: You again always bout this naija babe
Are you trying to tell me that over the years of creating threads about her , your still confused
You ned help

Permanently confused. I am sorry that I cannot read her mind abi! Perhaps you have a super power that I do not know about. It has taken 9 months for her to tell me that she loved me. I took a while but I was open and honest about how I felt towards her long before she said this.

And people accuse me of not communicating! smh. I am not very good at this sort of thing. I guess I kind of expected her to be upfront and honest about her feelings once I had.

I cannot read women's minds...particularly when they are thousands of miles away and communicating by text and telephone. I also have not been in a relationship for years. So give me a break.

Why is it okay for women to play games, to be confused, to not know what they want, to keep men guessing, to hide their feelings...but not men? It just pisses me off. I want a proper conversation with her...being romantic is fine, but when is she actually going to start engaging in conversation about where we go from here. Smh.

Whoever said "attention seeker" is right. In a blink of an eye...it has ended. I texted her this evening. She instantly flashed me. I thought she wanted to chat...I called and she blocked my calls twice.

Now I understand. Now I see. The calls at night...she knew that I would not respond. She knew that I would assume that she wanted to talk to me, but that I had missed her. She wants my attention...not me.

How could she do this to me? God it hurts so much. This is not rejection, she told me that she loved me. She is deliberately playing with my feelings. Why would you say that to someone?

I have asked her not to contact me anymore. God I thought she was something that she is not. Reality hurts and the reality is that she is not serious...but she is happy to mess about with my heart for fun.
_________________________________________

If I ever post on here again...can someone please remind me not to get involved with her. Does she enjoy hurting people or something? Does she enjoy the power? God. I have blocked everything, facebook, phone, I don't want anything to do with her again.

Sorry again for my endless posts.

I got there in the end.