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Im getting engaged really soon and im freaking out, im not exactly sure why, i dont know if my boyfriend really cares, sometims he says I LOVE U as if he's being forced to say it, he ex called him d other day and he went out to pick up d call, and i followed him , then h started making signs wiv his hand 4 me to go away, and when he wuz done wiv the call he came in and started shouting at me, he said iv got no respect 4 him and all that, i really dont know what to do , he keeps saying he lovs me and he wants to marry me, but i cnt stand what he does sometimes, he is soo soo disorganised, i do everyfhing, but i dont fhink he appreciates anyfhing, plss what should i do

@ poster,

if the guy acts like a jerk most times, why would you still want to get engaged to him?Telling you he loves you without more is simplly not enough. For now, he does not seem to respect your feelings. I suggest you still hang in there and really think hard before doing something you may regret later.

So how did u guys manage to get this far in the relationship when this is the way he's been behaving?

I suggest you better sit him down and have a very good face to face converation about whether he really wants to continue this relationship and what it is that is bothering him.

Coz you don't want to have kids then leaves u as a single mum to rejoin his ex abi?

a guy who is still in contact with his ex n is taking out his agression out on the woman he claims to love, is not ready to settle down, hun you don't wanna be in that kind of marriage, cuz men will never change, if you are scared then don't do it, follow ur instinct cuz it will always be right

don't marry a guy who can't answer his calls when you are around,because if you do that marriage will be one hell for you,marriage is trust in one word.use your head my sis.

I'd leave this guy, and fast.

The secrecy is a different issue, but I'm more concerned about his aggression.

If you think he will change after the marriage for the better, think again. If anything the secret convos will get worse and his att. will get worse. He will feel that once he puts that ring on your finger that he owns you.

I hope you make the right decison for you. Are you being pressured to make this decison? How old are you? How old is he?

Do not EVER marry anyone, if your gut instinct is telling you not to. I don't believe he is serious, I mean look at the way he is acting toward the woman he "claims" to love. Hes aggressive, rude, and inconsiderate of your feelings. Tell me how you all got to the point of marriage if he has been behaving like this? Are you thinking he will somehow change? Like sistawoman said, you will only be deceiving yourself if you think that. So please, think twice about all of this and please do not do anything that you will regret. Because the way hes acting, he seems like he is holding on to you but will dump you if his ex gives him the slightest indication that she wants him back. Again do not be deceived.

Getting engaged? You should be excited and happy - on top of the world, and really looking forward to it, NOT SCARED. Pause and think.

from the way he acts towards you I believe that he doesnt love you. Trust me when I say that in love if you are not sure of the person to the core then dont even think of going on with it. You can only find hurt and pain at the end of this tunnel. So rethink and get on with your life there is someone special out there that is meant for you.

marshana:

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I'm getting engaged really soon and im freaking out, im not exactly sure why

''i don't know if my boyfriend really cares"
"sometims he says 'I LOVE You' as if he's being forced to say it"
"he ex called him d other day and he went out to pick up d call. . . he started making signs with his hand 4 me to go away"
"i cnt stand what he does sometimes"
"i don't fhink he appreciates me anyfhing"

Now you know why you're freaking out--because of the reasons you listed in your post.
Obviously you've done the analysis. Stay with him if you think you can cope with him--bear in mind that no one is perfect, but hoping he'll change after marriage may be a tall dream.

Just curious. . . are you getting engaged or having an engagement party??

@ poster walk away while u can,
don't get hooked on to a marriage that would make you wish each day for an early death.

I wonder how\why someone would have second thoughts about something like this! Soo u need nairalanders before u know what's safe and what's not!??

*hiss* It's just soo annoying. Can u not reason and make a right decision about something soo clear?? How old are u!?? 

marshana:


''i don't know if my boyfriend really cares"
"sometims he says 'I LOVE You' as if he's being forced to say it"
"he ex called him d other day and he went out to pick up d call. . . he started making signs with his hand 4 me to go away"
"i cnt stand what he does sometimes"
"i don't fhink he appreciates anyfhing

I will advice you to MARRY HIM!

u still need more advice??
I wonder why people are wasting their time . . .

@Poster Pls do not neglect/silence the small voice and feeling these are the early warning signs in a relationship. If he can't put a smile and happiness on your face then wait till you are sure but with the way things are going according to you pause and think Good luck

rubi:

@Poster Please do not neglect/silence the small voice and feeling these are the early warning signs in a relationship. If he can't put a smile and happiness on your face then wait till you are sure but with the way things are going according to you pause and think Good luck

hear this person oooo.

@ poster any doubts at all in your mind about this man,abeg wave him goodbye and move on.
Ordinary engagement,you're already asking for advise
what will you do when the actual marriage begins?
Please don't get engaged and move on.
You obviously have doubts about it.
It's not worth it.

then h started making signs with his hand 4 me to go away, and when he wuz done with the call he came in and started shouting at me, he said iv got no respect 4 him and all that,

It's only people hiding stuff that behave in this way. Please tell him you're not built for this kind of hassles and move on.

Fucking Back-out NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

@post
i believe your just a fraud coz u only have one post and u haven.t been active since the day u joined nairaland

manmustwac:

@post
i believe your just a fraud because u only have one post and u haven.t been active since the day u joined nairaland

meaning what sir what if she is the type that does not have the time to always come online?

I always say "Doubt Means DON"T", don't get engaged just yet. . . . .

mafolayomi:

meaning what sir what if she is the type that does not have the time to always come online?

you can't come to nairaland with a serious problem like this and not have time to come and check the advice we.ve been giving

Better run

Poster, i guess yur probly reading the replies under a diff name. anyways a word(s) is enuff for the wise if yu r one. but make i just add say make yu no eyes wide open (shut) ener fire, because you go wound o. best wishes on yur forthcoming engagement cacellation.

my dear, i understan what u are going through,i am just in the same sistuation right now, my known my boyfriend for 8yrs now, now that am not sure if he loves me now that am getting engage to him, the fact is that i've got a better qualification and a better job than him. i actually earn *10 of his income. I also need a advice from u all. I am 28yrs already. pls help.

[color=Black][/color]please dont marry dis guy,he doesn't love.ask God to direct you so that u don't make mistakes dat u will regret.my mum always say dat d worst mistake a person can do is to marry d wrong person.pls think twice.

Don't u have a mind of ur own, do u want to suffer for the rest of ur precious life, u can see it written bodly, do not attempt, yet, u still wanna think about it
s it desperation or what, u think no oda man wud come ur way or wetin, abegi, leave am jareI remember during the early period of my relationship, my fiance's ex usually call him regularly, she dey UK, I guess that UK dey shark am(the lady) wella, so my guy will pick it and they will talk on phone, me I never say anything o, trust now, smart girl.
U know what I did, at times, I will just set my phone to silence and pretend as if am receiving a call from my ex, then my guy go dey vex, I told him dat if u know u don't like this, den u shud know I also don't like u receiving calls from ur ex, guess what he did, the next time the ex called him, he first told me to pick the call, I said no, pick it, then when he picked, he told the lady that see, I appreciate ur calls and also appreciate the first that u still wants us to be close friends even after our relationship as gone sour, but please, u will have to stop calling me cos ur call is affecting my relationship and am not ready to loose my lady, dia was a long pause from the lady , then she just dropped the call without saying anything.
The next day, the lady deleted my fiance's name from her facebook friend's list fast fast, since den, she didnt call until after our introduction ceremony that she sent a mail congratulating my fiance,
So my dear, if he can pick his ex calls and still be bold enough to shout at u, then, he is not good enough for u

U are nt ready to be engaged n ur toyfriend isn't ready to engage u yet. By the tym both of u are ready,if ever it's going to be both of u,no one 'll teach u nt to be scared n no one 'll teach him to be extra-nice,even if it's pretence.