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Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? - Culture - Nairaland

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Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by CongoleseQueen: 5:30am On Jul 02, 2014
Marriage has an important significance in every society. In African societies, there are three marriage ceremonies, traditional, court and white. The traditional marriage is the most important of all three. It’s not just a celebration of unbinding love between two individuals – it’s the creation of a deep union between two families and communities.

Before the celebration of most traditional marriages, the groom’s family must present the bride’s family with goods, as requested by the elders in her clan. Money, property, shoes, clothes, food, jewelry, electronics and other accessories are examples of some of these goods. They often vary, depending on each family.

As an individual who was raised in a home centered around culture, I fully understand the importance of traditional practices. However, I have struggled with grasping the reasoning behind some of these practices. I recall having a conversation with a friend about the process of traditional marriage. She once told her mom that she was not interested in receiving a bride price. She is all for having a traditional wedding, but refuses to participate in a ceremony that she feels is unnecessary. Her mom was certainly not pleased with her request. In fact, she informed her that it wasn’t a decision that lied in her hands. It had already been decided for her the moment she was born. While I do see where her mother is coming from, I don’t think she should be forced to adhere to a custom that doesn’t apply to her as an individual. If anything, it should be a choice.

Personally, I want to have a traditional wedding because I want to celebrate my culture. But I do not agree with some of the details associated with having a traditional marriage. I am on the fence about my family demanding a bride price. I am just not sure where I stand on that particular issue. I am more induced by the celebratory and cultural aspect of a traditional marriage. Afterall, isn’t that what truly matters?

I fully get the symbolism behind receiving a bride price. It is a practice that has been in place for centuries. However, is it still relevant to our society? I know that this statement will probably give every tribal chief a panic attack, but it is a valid question. Everytime I think of the bride price, I remember the song “Matata Ya Mwasi Na Mobali Esila Te (Marital Problems Will Never End)”, where Franco Luambo sings, “soki na keyi ko traiter ba affaire, nazongi na lingi na pema, akomi ko tuna nga, ozalaki wapi? O uti wapi? Ba lobaki boye — mwasi na bala na mosolo, nani a pesi ye authorisation a tuna nga epayi na uti?” He is pretty much saying that a woman he married (paid for) is not authorized to ask him any questions regarding his whereabouts. It is a reminder that I am being purchased by someone.

In 2004, activists from Nigeria, Uganda, Kenya, Tanzania, Senegal, Ghana, Rwanda and South Africa gathered in Kampala for the International Bride Price Conference to discuss ways of eliminating its practice in Africa. Quite frankly, I don’t think it is a good idea to get rid of it completely. I simply think that people should not be forced to participate. It should be optional.

A single African country can have anywhere from five to two hundred tribes, and each tribe carries its own customs. With so many rituals in place, individuals who come from the same country, but belong to different tribes, are not encouraged to marry. This is not a progressive way of thinking. If these traditions aren’t creating unified sense of belonging, why are Africans still holding on to them?

Scandal Actress, Kerry Washington, recently had a child with a Nigerian man. Due to her husband’s tradition, they had to wait eight days before naming their child. In his culture, a child is named in an official naming ceremony a week after birth. During a conversation with a Nigerian friend, I mentioned that story, and he had no idea such a tradition ever existed. According to him, these things vary from tribe to tribe. This is an issue found throughout the entire continent. Each tribe or ethnic group holds on to its own customs and refuses to welcome or appreciate those found in other regions.

For many Africans, the rise of inter-tribe and inter-Africa marriages is a sign that tribal disputes have ended. That’s like saying, inter-religion marriages have ended religious wars and disputes. It couldn’t be further from the truth. Tribal fighting is still an ongoing problem in Africa. Africans are still committing atrocious acts of violence towards one another due to tribal differences. A friend of mine once said that Africans are always complaining about how badly they were treated by Europeans, but refuse to acknowledge the fact that they are doing the same thing to each other.


Inter-tribe and inter-Africa marriages are becoming more popular due to Western influence. Most Western societies encourage cultural diversity and tolerance. Africans who have been exposed to it tend to become more open. The average African, living within the borders of Africa, would prefer to marry a person from their tribe. In fact, they have zero interest in knowing what goes on in other regions.

South Africa was listed as one of the world’s most multilingual countries. The average South African can speak or understand all of the country’s main languages. This is a great strategy towards creating a sense of unity and belonging within its frontier. It is a fantastic way of promoting cultural diversity.

In conclusion, before we start advocating for a “united Africa”, let’s first encourage a “united Congo”, “united Nigeria”, “united Sudan” and so forth. Africans love culture. That is what makes our continent so beautiful. However, it’s very difficult to genuinely appreciate the culture when it is playing key role in dividing our people. Africans hold traditional practices very close to their hearts, as they have been passed on from generation to generation. Change is not something most of us are quick to accept, but if we are working towards a unified and progressive Africa, accepting cultural diversity and tolerance is the right way forward.

source: http://afri-culture.com/african-traditions-in-todays-society-is-it-time-to-put-an-end-to-traditional-wedding-rites/

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Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by ITbomb(m): 6:35am On Jul 02, 2014
Rubbish, instead let's fine a way and stop white wedding, after the traditional wedding, the priest or Pastor should pray for the couple at the reception then they go and get registered at the court.

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Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by iamord(m): 6:38am On Jul 02, 2014
I must say africa is loosing its place as the time goes by.. You blame it on the attitude of the black people..u see one reason why we don't move forward is because we are afraid of change.. All races have passed through what we r going through.. Some modified and threw out the ones that r not needed so as to customize the tradition for this generation and beyond.. But we over here.. Just like it that way .. Africa has lost its place in time..this time a lot of family members see the bride price as a chance to amass wealth.. And can kill for that.. A lot of irregularities go unchecked..and now the irregularities have become Part of the present tradition.. This is because black leaders and majority of the people are not intelligent enough to understand that there has to be reforms in all sectors of culture and traditions. to make it conform with present day .we lack vision..and very soon.. All history will be wiped out cos we don't learn

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Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by Nobody: 6:57am On Jul 02, 2014
senseless thread..

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Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by hydeka: 7:09am On Jul 02, 2014
Op, you will have to wait till the next century.

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Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by Nobody: 7:09am On Jul 02, 2014
mtscheeew!! spewing shiit after wasting all your money on expired weeds.
if white men engaged to nigerian girls can come all the way from obodo-oyinbo to perform traditional rite, how much more you.

just tell nairaland that you want contribution for your wedding.

43 Likes

Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by aboyaji(m): 7:12am On Jul 02, 2014
could you imagine in december 2013, one of my cousins was having her traditional marriage and the village people were requesting a sum of 50k from her husband and when i asked, i was told that its their rite. That the money will be shared to the villagers. This money is being charged right there on the D-day. If him no bring am, katakata go dey for the traditional marriage o. bleep marriage rites

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Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by dustydee: 7:14am On Jul 02, 2014
@OP,
If you have no problem buying a gold or diamond ring why should you have a problem paying bride price? What you should be against is not the practice but those greedy people who demand excessive bride price. For me after traditional wedding, every other thing na giara .

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Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by Anugod(f): 7:14am On Jul 02, 2014
In my place, we don't accept bride price.
The husband to be and his people will take a covered bowl of kolanuts to the elders (with money placed on top of the kolanuts). The elders will call the bride to be and ask her if they are permitted to eat the kolanuts, because if they do, the marriage is sealed as they cannot vomit the swallowed kolanuts.
However, they return the money because they do not wish to sell their daughter.

17 Likes

Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by Realdeals(m): 7:17am On Jul 02, 2014
Scandal Actress, Kerry Washington, recently had a child with a Nigerian man. Due to her husband’s tradition, they had to wait eight days before naming their child. In his culture, a child is named in an official naming ceremony a week after birth. During a conversation with a Nigerian friend, I mentioned that story, and he had no idea such a tradition ever existed. According to him, these things vary from tribe to tribe. This is an issue found throughout the entire continent. Each tribe or ethnic group holds on to its own customs and refuses to welcome or appreciate those found in other regions.
What is bad in this, must we always adopt the white mentality, why can we do things the way we want? why can't the white adopt our own way of life?
RUBBISH!!!

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Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by Cecediva(f): 7:18am On Jul 02, 2014
NONSENSE THREAD!

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Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by zeb04(f): 7:18am On Jul 02, 2014
I will prefer no white wedding....I don't even no why pple waste money doing that shit

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Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by OkikiOluwa1(m): 7:18am On Jul 02, 2014
ITbomb: Rubbish, instead let's fine a way and stop white wedding, after the traditional wedding, the priest or Pastor should pray for the couple at the reception then they go and get registered at the court.
The Op is a confused human. He/she should be specific on what he/she's talking about...
Is it that collecting bride price is wrong?
or
Collecting excess bride price is wrong?
or
People should abolish traditional marriage rites or make it optional!
CongoleseQueen: .
Human beans, your thread get as it be o!
What are you clamoring for?
Is it that collecting bride price is wrong?
or
Collecting excess bride price is wrong?
or
People should abolish traditional marriage rites or make it optional!
Which one?
1st Bullet
Do you know that its not all tribes that now make bride price mandatory?
Do you know that the only thing wrong in collecting bride is if it becomes excessive. And also when the bride's family depend on it for a living.
This is caused by greedy & inconsiderable families. If every family is not greedy, bride price & marriage rites ll be easy.
Like you v said, bride price should be optional & be moderate. After all the bride is not a commodity that's for sale.
Last Bullet
The major thing causing problems nowadays is when a man chose to do traditional wedding & white wedding.
Anybody that's not financially strong should not be made to do the two. And that goes with the bride's family.

Court wedding came when marriages began to encounter modern problems. I m not against it.

But I m personally against white wedding.
If a traditional marriage is done, they should call a Pastor to bless the union & go to reception asap. It's a waste of time & resources to schedule another date or time in order to go to Church & do white wedding. What are they doing in church that they can't do during the traditional wedding?
Is it not to read marriage vows, sing hymns & do other things. They can be done during the traditional marriage.
Enough said.

10 Likes

Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by youngice(m): 7:19am On Jul 02, 2014
na small money
Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by mhizbanega(f): 7:19am On Jul 02, 2014
Anugod: In my place, we don't accept bride price
What do you guys accept then, groom price?? undecided ¤ ¤

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Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by Zahrabinnta(f): 7:19am On Jul 02, 2014
Yes,the bride price aspect is meaningless,traditional weddings are great and all but when money is being exchanged over a human head it makes some men think that they own the wife.

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Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by saints2(f): 7:19am On Jul 02, 2014
I quite understand your points, but I see no reason why we should abolish our way of lives, values and what makes us unique all in the name of modernalization, instead I think we should abolish the white wedding instead.

3 Likes

Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by shaggy007(m): 7:20am On Jul 02, 2014
ITbomb: Rubbish, instead let's fine a way and stop white wedding, after the traditional wedding, the priest or Pastor should pray for the couple at the reception then they go and get registered at the court.

I love you for this statement, #NoHomo.
Imagine a Nigerian advocating stopping traditional marriage? What a doofus.

You don't know that there's an extent you'll disrespect your traditions, even the whites will have less regard for you.

These are the little things that make us unique and envied by the whites.

White wedding ko, black wedding ni.

27 Likes

Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by DesChyko: 7:21am On Jul 02, 2014
Rather, the exhorbitant demand should be hashed.
But the traditional rites should not be scrapped for any reasons. It's our identity.
Or, would we rather trade this for the traditions of others.
How do muslims wed, by the way?

1 Like

Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by kevoh(m): 7:21am On Jul 02, 2014
Bla Bla Bla from the author of that post angry . Throw away White Wedding instead we don't need it.

7 Likes

Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by Tic4tac(m): 7:23am On Jul 02, 2014
This is complete Rubbish joor... Y sld we always adopt d white man's system.. I tire OOO

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Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by ednut1(m): 7:24am On Jul 02, 2014
smh. take aways a mans culture and religion den he will never go forward. the indians rejected most of the white mans culture and way of life. see where they are today. we the mumu africans see where we are today wit copy copy. say no to neo colonialism

7 Likes

Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by rman: 7:24am On Jul 02, 2014
The last paragraph makes sense......
Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by Nobody: 7:24am On Jul 02, 2014
grin grin...owuite

2 Likes

Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by Anugod(f): 7:25am On Jul 02, 2014
mhizbanega: What do you guys accept then, groom price?? undecided ¤ ¤
Nah. Read again. I modified to explain better.
Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by cooljude(m): 7:26am On Jul 02, 2014
I totally disagree with your view. When marrying, you are marrying from that communitty and family. You know that traditional marriage rite is the main marriage ceremony in Nigeria followed by your court marriage before your white wedding. If you talked about eliminating white wedding, that is understandable. Very soon you guys would have a conference on why Africa should be speaking its local languages since it tend to bring disunity or why must we be named Ngozi, Ade, Musa instead of western names like john, Luke, jane.

7 Likes

Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by Olumidzti(m): 7:26am On Jul 02, 2014
The only problem I have is that many pastors believe you shouldn't have sex with your wife after traditional wedding, not until after church service. Isn't traditional wedding valid? Doing both is tautology for me. We should be able to do one of the two & be fine. But the op is even more focused on bride price which makes the thread complicated. Op, bride price should be scrapped? Or traditional wedding should be scrapped?

1 Like

Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by sebyluv(m): 7:28am On Jul 02, 2014
This is sooooo true. I don't think d traditional rites shud b necessary anymore. If we have decided to embrace d xtian or muslim religion as most of us have, den our religious rite shud b enuf. it doesn't even make sense dat after d trad, couples r still not allowed by dr churches to have sex until dey r wedded in church. Away with all ds Senseless Trad rites and on with our Simple Church weddings.

1 Like

Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by mhizbanega(f): 7:28am On Jul 02, 2014
Anugod:
Nah. Read again. I modified to explain better.
Oh, okay!! Where are you from?

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Re: Africa: Is It Time To Put An End To Traditional Wedding Rites? by delishpot: 7:29am On Jul 02, 2014
Chei men, we are an interesting bunch. We are ready for bills to allow us marry more wives without a partners consent, we say we are africans and as such we have the right to practice poligamy but, we are not africans enough to pay bride price. When it comes to such we remember the world is scientific and not cave man.
Women, una don enter am. Men no dey remember daughters when e reach konji matter o. See, dem forget say this war means say them go give their daughters away without bride price (Which they are ready to do as long as tgey have new nyansh to boink too) men go trade their mama for new va jayjay.
LolI I was even thinking they will fight to keep traditional wedding sef maybe just try to reduce the cost. Where I come from bride price is 10k if you no fit raise 10k why you want marry?
Men, men, na where sweet una naim una dey balance. Women just sidon dey look. You better insist on having your bride price paid o, if its abolished naim be say chicken go cheap pass una and men will just go and pick new wife evey week.

4 Likes

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