Normally when you are in a lift/elevator... nature demands you shouldn't talk... But hey.. you could cheat nature if you:

1)Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2) Shake the person's hand when he/she enter the lift.

3) Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.

4) Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

5) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!".

6) Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

7) Sell Girl Scout cookies.

On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

9) Shave.

10) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

11) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

12) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off

13) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

14) Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

15) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

16) One word: Flatulence!

17) On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

18) Do Tai Chi exercises.

19) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

20) When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, motion sickness!"

21) Give religious tracts to each passenger.

22) Meow occasionally.

23) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

24) Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

25) Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

26) Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

27) Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

28) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

29) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

30) Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"

31) Leave a box between the doors.

32) Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

33) Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

34) Start a sing-along.

35) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

36) Play the harmonica.

37) Say "Ding!" at each floor.

38) Lean against the button panel.

39) Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

40) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

41) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

42) Bring a chair along.

43) Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

44) Blow spit bubbles.

45) Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

46) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

47) Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

48) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

49) Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

50) Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."

51) Announce to the person stood next to you "I really need the toilet. Can I use your bag?"

52) Ask the other passengers "Wouldn't be great if this lift were to plumment to the floor, what do you think will happen?"

53) Petend to get your leg stuck in the door as it closes

53) Without letting anyone see, press the emergency stop button. Act surprised and start talking to yourself "its ok, it wasnt your fault you killed your family. It was SATAN, damm you SATAN! DAMN YOU!!!" Then press the stop button again and act as if nothing has happened.

54) Scratch yourself excessively saying "f*cking headlice. They're all over me. I knew I shouldn't have played with that dog so much"

55) Set out a pinic set on the floor and suggest to the other passengers to join you in afternoon tea

56) Break wind and blame it on the person next to you

57) Pretend your are a repair man here to fix the lift. Wait untill its busy and tell everyone to get out of the lift. You get in, get your paper out and sit and relax

58) Start to talk about your sexlife. Tell them that all of your three children were concived in this very lift. And point and say "it was up against that wall"

59) Have sex with your imaginary friend

60) Say you have just won the lottery and you are on your way to collect your winnings. See how many people are listening to you

61) As the lift descends, shout "Bombs away!"

62) Offer to polish their shoes. When they say no, tell them you need the money to feed your ten starving children back home in Estonia

63) Hand out leaflets - "what to do when the lift cable breaks. The ten tips that will keep your body in one pice (although these tips will not save your life, it will make the rescue a bit cleaner, and we wont have to spend ages cleaning the blood of the walls) Hope you will live to do it again!"

64) Perform a striptease

65) Act surprised when it starts to move and say "THE GROUND IS FALLING!"

66) Fake an orgasam when the lift starts to move. Announce that it was your best ever

67) Let your mobile phone ring - don't anwser it.

68) Walk in to the lift with a clear bottle of apple juice. Start drinking and say "ah, theres nothing like your own urine to quench your first. Does anyone want some?"

69) Say "this new g-sring is really starting to hurt." Then attempt to adjust it.

70) Walk into the lift and say "this reminds me of being burried alive. Ah those were the days"

71) Suggest to the other passengers that you all should play a game of twister. Then get out the board and lie it on the floor

72)Paint the walls of the lift.

73) On entering, ask the passengers "Will you be my fwiend?". Burst into tears if they say no.

74) Stop the lift and say "twenty years in prison for murdering the whole family, and I get stuck in a lift after being out for two hours. Just my luck!"

75) Get back to nature - go in naked

76) Pretend to be the pilot of the lift, speach into a headset "this is lift number 1, ready for decent to 1st floor. Waiting for permission to depart, over"

77) Announce in a computer like voice "this lift will self destruct in 5 4 3 2 .....oh heres my floor"

78) Serve tea and coffee

79) Take shoes off before entering, Look shocked and disgusted when the others dont

80) Act like the sergent of the lift. Order people around. Tell them to get in line.

81) Suggest to the other people that your should play musical statues. Bring a tape recorder along too

82) Teach the people french. Dont let them leave till they get it right

83) As you are coming to the end of the journey, get enmotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.

84) Insist, the lift ride costs £2.50

85) Describe in detail, how you're "hung like a horse"

86) Pretend to be a flight attendant (particularly affective if you are dressed like one), instruct the passengers on what to do in an emergency

87) Yodel

88) Bring out a magnifying glass, closey inspect the other passengers skin and say "ooh, look at your pores"

89) Sing "I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves" Over and over again.

90) Ask the others "Do you mind if I do my eminem impression?", then bring out a chainsaw and a mask.

91) Try breakdancing

92) Bring out a fake toy gun and shout to the person next to you "you lookin' at me?"

93) Challenge the guy stood next to you to a "thumb war".

94) Explain your ideas of world domination to the wall.

95) Force people to read to Kama Sutra while asking "do you wanna try this one?"

96) Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "it is time..."

97) Pretend to see a spider, repeatedly and violently stamp on the floor while screaming "Die you bastard, die DIIEEE!"

98) While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

99) If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

100) Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.

101) Explain to the passengers that this lift looks the same as the ones on all the other floors.

102) Re-enact scenes from a movie where someone climbs out through the roof.

103) Tell people their clothes are stuck in the lift door, when the look round and see it isn't, apologise, then 5 seconds later say it again in exactly the same tone of voice.

104) Strip naked and ask if 'your' (not my) bum looks big in this dress.

105) Release cockroaches and rats or doves.

106) Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.

107) Point a fire extinguisher at the door as it opens and a passenger tries to enter, ready, aim, and bend the nozzle round and cover yourself with foam.

108) Blast out some heavy metal music (Rammstein or Disturbed oughtta do the trick) sing along, while headbanging.

109) Dress up as a bellboy and ask them what floor they want and press the wrong one. When they try to correct you, spit,"are you trying to say i cant do my job?!'

110) Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.

I had nothing to do so i decided to read jokes. I found some funny out of those, so i pasted it all.

whew . . .that took a long time to read. but it was fun


favorites in no particular order:

Hand out leaflets - "what to do when the lift cable breaks. The ten tips that will keep your body in one pice (although these tips will not save your life, it will make the rescue a bit cleaner, and we wont have to spend ages cleaning the blood of the walls) Hope you will live to do it again!"

Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off

Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

Start to talk about your sexlife. Tell them that all of your three children were concived in this very lift. And point and say "it was up against that wall"

While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

Wesley, it's the year 2005 and you have 2005 post count. hehe

hahahahahha. i have weired post numbers today.

Like the 1990 one uh?

yes. i want to get a 666 one but i guess that's too late now.

haha.. tooo late! Why 666?

it's not a regular number. that's why.

Nice ones

WesleyanA:

it's not a regular number. that's why.

I wont buy that. U had better tell us why..so d church would know where to direct their prayer darts

buhahhahahahaha. you're funny layi.

Man, I just love this! It really cracked me up big time!

yeah, nice one
Cheers

I love the list Hot Angel. It's Kool.

read some of it, lmao

hehehe

rofmlo

hot-angel my sister i gbadu your gomex the stuff sweet no be small kip it on girlllllllllllllllll.

spirit

Unnecessarily long

if you try this in Naija, na yaba left straight o!

Hahahahaha yeye pipus.

Dis Op no get work sha...

Wariisdis?