Expert advice on getting to know yourself and
potential partners.

Forget “The Rules." Stop believing “He’s just
not into you." In fact, skip all the self-help
confusion that instructs you on how to morph
yourself into the perfect match for Mr. (or
Ms.) Right.
People who are genuinely happy with their
romantic choices spend more energy working
on their own self-development than on
appearing a certain way to attract love.
Instead of focusing on playing the game to
entice a partner, put your focus on these five
principles and, over time, the right match for
you will present itself:

1. Understand yourself, sexually and
emotionally. If you have not done the work of
understanding yourself emotionally and
sexually, you will enter romantic relationships
from an emotionally dependent place. You
may have the unrealistic hope that someone
else will know how to understand you and
make you happy—even when you, yourself,
may not know. Directly communicating to your
partners about your emotions and your sexual
side is important; hoping others will intuitively
perceive who you are emotionally and what
you need sexually is a fantasy. Make a
conscious effort to become aware of your
ongoing emotional reactions to the people
and events in your life. Observe and label your
emotional reactions. Reflect on your feelings
and talk with people about how you feel or
what you are noticing about yourself, without
expecting them to put you back together
again.

2. Believe what people show and say about
themselves. It is common when attracted to
someone to want to rationalize their poor
behavior. If someone treats you with
disrespect or chronically lets you down, take
this as data about whom he or she is as a
person. If you try to talk with someone and he
or she dismisses you or rationalizes
mistreatment of you, take this seriously; this
may not be a suitable match. If a man says
he is not looking for “anything serious” or he
needs a lot of “space,” let him go. This person
is not in the same place you are and may not
want the same things you want. Believe what
people communicate about themselves . If they
are acting immaturely or disrespectfully, or
saying things that hurt you, move on. It is not
your job to show someone a better way; it is
your job to work on growing as a person.

3. Avoid "sextimacy." As I describe in Having
Sex, Wanting Intimacy, sextimacy is a cycle of
working to achieve emotional intimacy
through hastened sex . If you are hoping that a
sexual relationship will eventually lead to a
more emotionally intimate or committed
relationship, cease and desist: Research
shows relationships that start with sex before
emotional intimacy is present typically do not
become committed unions. You will spend
your time hoping and working to get someone
to change or "step up to the plate" when you
could be putting your energy into growing as
a person and finding someone who likes the
person you have become.

4. Separate psychologically from your parents.
This is no easy task and many think they have
done so when, in reality, they have not. As an
adult, if you continue to allow your parents to
meet all of your emotional needs then you
siphon off some of the energy that needs to go
into your romantic attachments. As much as
possible, little by little, work to be independent
of your parents. This does not mean you can’t
enjoy their company, spend time with them,
and share what you wish with them about
your life. It does mean: Work to become
comfortable making your own decisions.

Excessively asking for their opinion,
reassurance, or guidance, or allowing them to
control your life means you are not living for
yourself. And if you allow your parents to
continually do the heavy lifting for you, then
you will not be a whole person when the right
match presents itself. Entering into a romantic
relationship believing that the person is going
to take care of you in the way your parents
have can turn a healthy match into a toxic
one. You have to be in control of your own life,
self-aware of your goals, needs and emotions.

5. Put yourself in new situations. A popular
idea holds that in order to find the right
partner one must first work alone on self-
improvement—"I just need to do me for a
while." In my experience, when women do this,
they put themselves in arbitrary exile, where
they feel sad and out of touch. With such a
vague goal of "working on myself,"
enlightenment eludes and isolation
compounds the misery. Work on yourself
through developing greater emotional and
sexual self-awareness. At the same time, you
need new relationships with romantic partners
and friends to truly know yourself. Each dating
experience provides you with in-the-moment
information about your preferences,
weaknesses and strengths. If you continue to
think and do the same things that you have
always thought and experienced, you will
remain stuck. Your brain has an extraordinary
ability to adapt and grow—if you allow it. For
the brain to grow you have to give it new
stimulation and new experiences that
challenge you on some level. Perhaps there
are things that you like or have wanted to try
but have been afraid to do so. As long as they
reflect your genuine interest, work through the
anxiety and put yourself in novel situations
where you may meet different kinds of people
and experience other aspects of your
personality.

Source: Jill P. Weber, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist
and author of Having Sex, Wanting Intimacy—
Why Women Settle for One-Sided
Relationships.

OK

I can't read this meen, summary

This is actually very nice.

Ploy: I can't read this meen, summary

have you ever read a book completely??

Ploy: I can't read this meen, summary

A piece of advice for you bro; leave this 'showcasing of a lazy-reading attitude' to the girls. This is a forum, and what we do here is read.
Even if you can't read long articles, keep it to yourself.