You can sign up for more rude surprises if you so wish afterall marriage is a thing of choice

OP please read Steve Harvey's act like a lady think like a man and read about how to handle mama's boy


Thank me later.

dorosola: OP please read Steve Harvey's act like a lady think like a man and read about how to handle mama's boy


Thank me later.

Please how did she handle mamas boy

I don't think you should ignore your feelings, yes you should be understanding about his mom's illness but he should not have kept building a house you will both live in after the wedding from you. A house is too major a decision for him to keep you in the dark, you feel sad because you know what he did is not right with you.

Five years of knowing you and how you feel about building a house in that compound then he blanks you and begins a building without informing you. This feels like avoiding any conversation about it and quietly strong arming you to do as he feels best so if you go ahead without thrashing this issue out expect more and more of this in the future. I would equally be sad.

You need to communicate how unhappy and alone you feel when he is making decisions that affect the both of you as if your feelings are unimportant to him, you also need to be certain you can accept your opinions being overlooked in the marriage however speak with him first about the house and every other thing you wrote. You don't trust this man has your back and you cannot be watching your back like you are single when in a marriage it will just build a mountain of resentment in your heart.

Tell him you are unhappy about what he has done. The thing though is he may be building that house outside of what you both have planned. Since you are not yet married to him, he does have a right to do what he wants with his money. When you are both married, you can both come together and build the one you want to build together. The fact that you don't want the location does not mean he should not develop his land. Your strong objection may have caused him to be secretive about it.

The big issue here is the third parties involved in the relationship. I think you should communicate with him and tell him how you feel. I don't think this is an issue that cannot be resolved. Although, there are obviously some trust issues here and the guy probably has paranoia of some sort too. Just tell him that, that behavior is unacceptable and watch him closely.

The mother is terminally ill, meaning she is not likely to live too long. I don't see how being a mama's boy will affect ur marriage if ur MIL is unlikely to be around.
As for building a house, u are lucky ur man is responsible enough to invest his income. Many men are busy wasting their's on women and wine. Madam, u have no problem.

aisha2: The guy has a land in his village, You come in dictating for him where to buy land. Do you know the cost of land in town? How much are you going to contribute to the venture and fund your own advice?

What is wrong with us ladies really?
We have twisted our minds so much and created problems for our selves.

The man and his family seem okay from your other explanations, you are the paraniod one who has already created a problem in hermind and fed her fear to the man who may not have enough money to buy another land now and so has to secretely start building on the one he has something you both should have been doing.

Is it not this family upbringing that made this man the man he is today? If they were a terrible domineering family would you even enjoy the love and peace you currently enjoy?



Is it not this same family that keeps him grounded?

Like I said while I had my own place my husband lived with his parents till we got our own place, I never asked why or even make it an issue and one day he told me himself. With the resources at his disposal and the kind of city we live in, Living alone would have turned him into a



nightmare as there is so much drugs, cheap se-x and what have you in that circle not that he couldnt affford it and its the money saved from not renting that funded part of our investment.

Stop steroetyping people abeg. This is a good man, deal with your own fear and stop making him panic over a non- existant problem jare.


When men dont give us trouble by womanising, drinking and acting out we start looking for how to manufacture trouble

Like I said,earlier stages of our rship was very challenging cos he was a serious mama's boy, he changed when he moved out of his parents house which was quite a battle, in fact his plan was for us to get married and live there so when I resisted he reported me to mama and it caused quite a strain in our Rship cos she said I want to separate her son from her, I don't want to go into details cos we have moved past that, and gradually my man started changing and I truly appreciate it, I just have that deap seated fear in me that when we move back close to his family those attitudes would spring up again, his family are nice but if you give them room they may abuse it, they are quite controlling, I am not against him visiting his mom he goes to his to his village every day from work,but I am just hurt that I am always the last to know and yet i am to be his wife, I heard every major decision he is taking from mom it is not fair! And if I had not gone till now, I still wldnt have known, does he wants to surprise me when the building is completed, Though he has apologized. Besides both our offices are very far from the village, there is no electricity and the roads are horrible , it is just not comfortable at all so why suffer because he wants to stay close to ma! I have my own life to live my life should not revolve around another..And to buy another land in town with good road and electricity we are equal to the task by God's grace we are both working.

andromida: I don't think you should ignore your feelings, yes you should be understanding about his mom's illness but he should not have kept building a house you will both live in after the wedding from you. A house is too major a decision for him to keep you in the dark, you feel sad because you know what he did is not right with you.

Five years of knowing you and how you feel about building a house in that compound then he blanks you and begins a building without informing you. This feels like avoiding any conversation about it and quietly strong arming you to do as he feels best so if you go ahead without thrashing this issue out expect more and more of this in the future. I would equally be sad.

You need to communicate how unhappy and alone you feel when he is making decisions that affect the both of you as if your feelings are unimportant to him, you also need to be certain you can accept your opinions being overlooked in the marriage however speak with him first about the house and every other thing you wrote. You don't trust this man has your back and you cannot be watching your back like you are single when in a marriage it will just build a mountain of resentment in your heart.

Thanks a lot, for your contribution if he has a bad day for eg, and he comes home I could sense it from his demeanor he would be very quiet, I would ask him if he is fine, I hope u r ok? Over and over he would be like nothing! And maybe if he can't bottle up his feelings he would be like he has to go to the village, if I want to follow him he wld say don't worry I wld be back ( so unlike him that wants me to go to the village 247) then he would go home and pour out his heart to his parents and come back home and put on a brave face, and u can see how relieved he would be, I feel so left out that he can't tell me when he is hurting but I tell him everything he knows me in and out. I want to share in his pain also and when I told him he said ok has noted it but he is still doing it.

aisha2: I lost my mother to cancer, I was in my final year at university when she was ill. I moved out of the hostel to care for her. Most days I had to be forced off to school to write my final exams. I didnt mind having an extra year, all I wanted was to be close to her and do all it takes to make her all better.
Only God knows how I passed my finals as all my concern then was to help her scratch her body when itching, massage her pain, give her sponge bathes, carry her and love her. Even though we had hired care givers I felt I could do it better.
Till today I thank God for that opportunity as that was all I could give her back for all her love, care and sacrifices, she wasnt around to get my first salary or any thing but joy is that I did my best for her when she was ill.

May God help any silly boyfriend then who would have complained that I was spending to much time with her or call me a "Mummys girl".

So sorry for your loss dear! thanks for your contribution

There is no perfect man or woman check to see if u can live d rest of ur life with his weakness/strength, if yes go ahead wit ur rship. No one is a complete package really success in marriage is by God's grace pray abt it too

xtassie:

Thanks a lot, for your contribution if he has a bad day for eg, and he comes home I could sense it from his demeanor he would be very quiet, I would ask him if he is fine, I hope u r ok? Over and over he would be like nothing! And maybe if he can't bottle up his feelings he would be like he has to go to the village, if I want to follow him he wld say don't worry I wld be back ( so unlike him that wants me to go to the village 247) then he would go home and pour out his heart to his parents and come back home and put on a brave face, and u can see how relieved he would be, I feel so left out that he can't tell me when he is hurting but I tell him everything he knows me in and out. I want to share in his pain also and when I told him he said ok has noted it but he is still doing it.

His bond with his parents is strong and there is nothing wrong with that its just you guys have been together for this long and planning to be together for the rest of your lives so you will like to be his go to person which is natural.

The thing is not to get into competitive mode with his parents you cannot talk him into trusting you neither can you talk him into bonding with you i feel you may need to give him space and let him come to you if he wants to,so if you've been asking him about everything in his life just stop. The house and all allow him to mind his business. I know how hard it is to be cool when you want to know everything now but this can come across to some men as controlling and make them keep to themselves. Everyone is unique in how they act and interact in a relationship and since you want to be his wife let him set the pace of how he wants to interact with you BUT you have an obligation to speak out whenever you feel uncomfortable with whatever you are uncomfortable with it is your life too!

About moving to the village with no electricity and terrible roads when you can easily have better, sister your concerns are very valid abeg discuss this out.

I
think he's doing dat becos it seems u don't always support his
ideas.don't insist on ur own ideas...encourage him when his doing
something good,give ur opinion but don't force it.ur man may not want u
controlling him

Xtassy your fears are alright and not exactly selfish. Your man has a habit of keeping you in the oblivion if you or persive you will disagree wt his decisions(which automatically wil affect you). You must correct this now or forever live wt your seated fears manifest. Good news is he can change for good like he did before. You must take a 'firm' stand wt option 2 below to bring this change or fover live wt option 1. your man knows he can get away wt his actions cos you repeatedly condoned it. First i still like you to have firm hearty talk wt your man, tell him that he must let you in on all his plans hencefort if you are going to be his wife, reassuring him that even where you do not agree you will not stop him but only state your disagreement stand so that he can be free to make you aware of his plans. Then give him option 2 below should you go wt it(thnk its the better). Now here is option 1- be prepared to live wt your fears if you go to d village after your wedding as your man will get worse wt his habit for obvious reasons n by then you wil have too much to loose to evoke a postive change. Option 2- this might b tough for you, let your man atleast rent or provide a place for you two in town before your wedding must proceed otherwise back off. This will jerk him to reality of your existence in his life. If he does nt accept 2 above leave him or live wt d situations as it is till death do part you. Choose wt your mind n not your emotions so as not to b sorry later.