You don't think she needs any liberty?
Phew.
She you go marry one day?
It's ok.

Meanwhile is the man allowed any liberty at all?

eighTHREAD: obey and trust the right decisions of her husband. Duty goes with gender roles and also supporting the family. Her rights are to be loved by her husband, not to be cheated and abused etc. As for liberty, I don't think she needs any as the word liberty can be misunderstood unless you want to give me an instance. I think she should conform to the kind of liberty marriage brings and that which it restricts.

Godmystrength: So what happens to the wrong decisions? disobey them?

if he tells you to kill one of your children which is wrong, you should disobey him. If he tells you to steal, disobey him. I mean, anything that makes you go against the law should be kicked against even if they are encouraged by him. But ladies of nowadays want to even disobey the right decisions, some of them do becos they find it above their logical comprehension and doesn't appeal to their emotions while others do because they are just plain stupid.

cococandy: You don't think she needs any liberty?
Phew.
She you go marry one day?
It's ok.

Meanwhile is the man allowed any liberty at all?

pls, what kind of liberty are you talking about? Is it the type that has her do things without her husband's consent? Maybe she can be free to commit adultery which is a form of liberty too. Abeg explain your liberty

eighTHREAD: obey and trust the right decisions of her husband. Duty goes with gender roles and also supporting the family. Her rights are to be loved by her husband, not to be cheated and abused etc. As for liberty, I don't think she needs any as the word liberty can be misunderstood unless you want to give me an instance. I think she should conform to the kind of liberty marriage brings and that which it restricts.

Ok what you are talking about here is an ideal situation and in life there are hardly any ideal situations. Obey and trust the right decisions of her husband. What if the husband is making a wrong decision? And remember in marriage wrong decisions affect the whole family not just one person. Let me cite an example, a friend have to move out of her house because of flooding and her husband decided they will stay with his family. My friend said over her dead body knowing fully well that her husband's people are lay abouts and 6 of his brothers live with their parents in squalid conditions. Instead she borrowed money and paid for another place. Is that a bad wife? Or a mother that was protecting her children from potential abuse as all the "uncles" are jobless and we all know about the idle mind and the devil.

You said a woman's rights are to be loved and not cheated on or abused. Do you know that most women in Nigeria are cheated on or abused by their husbands? I worked in the medical field and I saw countless women given HIV and other STD's by men who are supposed to love them? As a student in UNILAG I encountered numerous married man looking for affairs and I can bet you they won't use condoms.

As for the liberties, do you know that many many men do not want their wives to work? Is that one of the liberties I should not have? A lot of the time this thing of refusing a woman to work is so the man can have absolute power over his wife. Believe me it's not a thing of love as he who controls the purse is the Lord and master. Why would a man take away my earning power? If the man should die, what happens to the family? The wife starts selling roasted corn?

As a woman do I have the liberty to have a night out with my friends? Men go on boys nights out every time do I have that liberty too? As a woman do I have the liberty over my body? Are there nights I can say, I'm not really in the mood to have sex, or do I get raped if I'm not down. Example, a colleague was in the hospital battling cancer, her husband comes in and asks if she's feeling better and she said "a bit". The man proceeds to have forceful sex with a cancer patient on her death bed because she feels "a bit" better. Is that right? Oh she died less than a month later, that's how bad he condition was.

Do I as a woman have the liberty to dress as I please? Do do I always have to wear long mary amaka clothes so my husband is satisfied that no other man can see me?

Dear eighTHREAD, it is only in an ideal situation that a woman can be submissive. But in reality there are very few situations were it works well. As humans, power always seem to get into our heads.

Believe me fight for equality is not against good loving men. It's against tyrants that think women were put on earth to serve them. The one that will tell me to sweep the office because the cleaner is not around and I'm a woman. Or the colleague that will expect me to take minutes just because I'm a woman. Or to serve him first not because he is my husband but because he is a man. Or the one who gave his wife 20 stitches because she took fish from the pot.

There is no ideal situation in life and all men and women were created EQUAL. If you don't like that then by all means marry a submissive woman, but don't try and force all women to be submissive.

I've given you two examples of abuse of liberty.you should have gotten my drift by now.

You're the one who fails to say what you mean by a woman shouldn't have liberty.
And you haven't answered 'should men's liberty be taken away too?'

Your posts on liberty is too ambiguous.
For all you know me and you could be saying the same thing but since you've refused to put your thoughts into words,I can't understand you exactly the way you mean it.

eighTHREAD: pls, what kind of liberty are you talking about? Is it the type that has her do things without her husband's consent? Maybe she can be free to commit adultery which is a form of liberty too. Abeg explain your liberty

cococandy: I've given you two examples of abuse of liberty.you should have gotten my drift by now.

You're the one who fails to say what you mean by a woman shouldn't have liberty.
And you haven't answered 'should men's liberty be taken away too?'

Your posts on liberty is too ambiguous.
For all you know me and you could be saying the same thing but since you've refused to put your thoughts into words,I can't understand you exactly the way you mean it.

mogbe! Aren't you the one that started this liberty of a thing? No you want me to explain what you brought up. Tell me the kind of liberty are you talking about, then I'll explain why she should or shouldn't have it.

Daresh:

Ok what you are talking about here is an ideal situation and in life there are hardly any ideal situations. Obey and trust the right decisions of her husband. What if the husband is making a wrong decision? And remember in marriage wrong decisions affect the whole family not just one person. Let me cite an example, a friend have to move out of her house because of flooding and her husband decided they will stay with his family. My friend said over her dead body knowing fully well that her husband's people are lay abouts and 6 of his brothers live with their parents in squalid conditions. Instead she borrowed money and paid for another place. Is that a bad wife? Or a mother that was protecting her children from potential abuse as all the "uncles" are jobless and we all know about the idle mind and the devil.

perhaps the man is mad to want to remain in a flooded house. She did a good thing which the man will realize later.

Daresh: You said a woman's rights are to be loved and not cheated on or abused. Do you know that most women in Nigeria are cheated on or abused by their husbands? I worked in the medical field and I saw countless women given HIV and other STD's by men who are supposed to love them? As a student in UNILAG I encountered numerous married man looking for affairs and I can bet you they won't use condoms.

if her rights are infringed upon, then she should do something about it in the premises of the law.

Daresh: As for the liberties, do you know that many many men do not want their wives to work? Is that one of the liberties I should not have? A lot of the time this thing of refusing a woman to work is so the man can have absolute power over his wife. Believe me it's not a thing of love as he who controls the purse is the Lord and master. Why would a man take away my earning power? If the man should die, what happens to the family? The wife starts selling roasted corn?

I bet he told her about his stance which I believe she agreed to before marrying him. She trusted his decision then, why change now?

Daresh: As a woman do I have the liberty to have a night out with my friends? Men go on boys nights out every time do I have that liberty too? As a woman do I have the liberty over my body? Are there nights I can say, I'm not really in the mood to have sex, or do I get raped if I'm not down. Example, a colleague was in the hospital battling cancer, her husband comes in and asks if she's feeling better and she said "a bit". The man proceeds to have forceful sex with a cancer patient on her death bed because she feels "a bit" better. Is that right? Oh she died less than a month later, that's how bad he condition was.

night out with friends? Is he not friend enough? What kind of friendship would want a married woman to stay out late when her family needs her. If he agrees, fine! If he doesn't, fine cos if any harm should come your way, the whole family bears the brunt as well, so trust his judgement. She should have remained single if she wanted night outs with her friends abi the one wey she do for campus never do? She wants to eat her cake and have it.a night out man, except for biz purposes is slowly becoming an irresponsible man. As for the cancer case, I think you are just making extreme cases up just to buttress your point cos I don't believe any sane man would be allowed by any hospital to have sex with a patient on a sick bed.

Daresh: Do I as a woman have the liberty to dress as I please? Do do I always have to wear long mary amaka clothes so my husband is satisfied that no other man can see me?

if your husband agrees you dress like a prostitute, its none of my business. If he decides you dress decently, I believe you shouldn't argue with him cos I believe there's a concrete reason for that. Trust me, I almost toasted a married woman cos she dress like a young girl. All the sexy dressing for school never do you?

Daresh: Dear eighTHREAD, it is only in an ideal situation that a woman can be submissive. But in reality there are very few situations were it works well. As humans, power always seem to get into our heads.

Believe me fight for equality is not against good loving men. It's against tyrants that think women were put on earth to serve them. The one that will tell me to sweep the office because the cleaner is not around and I'm a woman. Or the colleague that will expect me to take minutes just because I'm a woman. Or to serve him first not because he is my husband but because he is a man. Or the one who gave his wife 20 stitches because she took fish from the pot.

There is no ideal situation in life and all men and women were created EQUAL. If you don't like that then by all means marry a submissive woman, but don't try and force all women to be submissive.

pls stop using extreme cases to push bad agendas, cos yes we know there are animalistic men but not all.

[/quote]
if your husband agrees you dress like a prostitute, its none of my business. If he decides you dress decently, I believe you shouldn't argue with him cos I believe there's a concrete reason for that. Trust me, I almost toasted a married woman cos she dress like a young girl. All the sexy dressing for school never do you?

pls stop using extreme cases to push bad agendas, cos yes we know there are animalistic men but not all.[/quote]

You see thats the thing. You think a married woman is a different creature so no one else should see her or toast her. I am married with kids and I have been toasted on different occasions even with my rings on and I smile and say, I'm not interested. It's not a sin. It's like me telling my husband to stop wearing jeans, polo shirts and drivers because girls are seeing him and toasting him. Na today?

I never said all men are animalistic, at least I know good men. I was as naive as you once believing men were all good and feminism stinks until I saw life. A lot of women are silent about the ish that goes on in their houses only a few will open up and tell you the truth.

Also there are very dumb women that try to usurp their husbands authority in the house which is WRONG WRONG WRONG. That one I dont agree with. I also dont agree with blind submissiveness (if that is a word). All I'm saying is, there must be a balance.

On a final note, no one should try to take away anyone's freedom or rights. That she chose to marry you doesn't make her your slave.

^ ^^Certain kind of dresscode can expose you to temptation and when temptation becomes too much, one is likely to fall cos all the devil need is just one slacky moment. There are ways in which a married woman can still look attractive in a reasonable way when dressed, instead of eye-popping and skimpy clothes revealing areas only meant for the husband's view. Corrupt western ways is what is screwing the mentality of our ladies. They want to dress like kim kardashian without considering the fact that her dressing might actually be the reason why she's always divorcing. When your daughter sees you putting on skimpy clothes, what impression do you think is left on her? Next she starts wearing bomb-shots and feeling sexy till she gets raped or impregnated out of wedlock. I think you argue to sooth your emotions thereby neglecting logic. Respect a good man's judgment

"Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely."

Daresh:

On a final note, no one should try to take away anyone's freedom or rights. That she chose to marry you doesn't make her your slave.

Daresh:

Ok what you are talking about here is an ideal situation and in life there are hardly any ideal situations. Obey and trust the right decisions of her husband. What if the husband is making a wrong decision? And remember in marriage wrong decisions affect the whole family not just one person. Let me cite an example, a friend have to move out of her house because of flooding and her husband decided they will stay with his family. My friend said over her dead body knowing fully well that her husband's people are lay abouts and 6 of his brothers live with their parents in squalid conditions. Instead she borrowed money and paid for another place. Is that a bad wife? Or a mother that was protecting her children from potential abuse as all the "uncles" are jobless and we all know about the idle mind and the devil.

You said a woman's rights are to be loved and not cheated on or abused. Do you know that most women in Nigeria are cheated on or abused by their husbands? I worked in the medical field and I saw countless women given HIV and other STD's by men who are supposed to love them? As a student in UNILAG I encountered numerous married man looking for affairs and I can bet you they won't use condoms.

As for the liberties, do you know that many many men do not want their wives to work? Is that one of the liberties I should not have? A lot of the time this thing of refusing a woman to work is so the man can have absolute power over his wife. Believe me it's not a thing of love as he who controls the purse is the Lord and master. Why would a man take away my earning power? If the man should die, what happens to the family? The wife starts selling roasted corn?

As a woman do I have the liberty to have a night out with my friends? Men go on boys nights out every time do I have that liberty too? As a woman do I have the liberty over my body? Are there nights I can say, I'm not really in the mood to have sex, or do I get raped if I'm not down. Example, a colleague was in the hospital battling cancer, her husband comes in and asks if she's feeling better and she said "a bit". The man proceeds to have forceful sex with a cancer patient on her death bed because she feels "a bit" better. Is that right? Oh she died less than a month later, that's how bad he condition was.

Do I as a woman have the liberty to dress as I please? Do do I always have to wear long mary amaka clothes so my husband is satisfied that no other man can see me?

Dear eighTHREAD, it is only in an ideal situation that a woman can be submissive. But in reality there are very few situations were it works well. As humans, power always seem to get into our heads.

Believe me fight for equality is not against good loving men. It's against tyrants that think women were put on earth to serve them. The one that will tell me to sweep the office because the cleaner is not around and I'm a woman. Or the colleague that will expect me to take minutes just because I'm a woman. Or to serve him first not because he is my husband but because he is a man. Or the one who gave his wife 20 stitches because she took fish from the pot.

There is no ideal situation in life and all men and women were created EQUAL. If you don't like that then by all means marry a submissive woman, but don't try and force all women to be submissive.

Tell me about it. I worked in a health institution last year where women were always coming in for treatment after their husbands beat them up. With their black eyes and all. Sometimes the men brought the same wives they assaulted to the hospital. When the doctor asks the wife what happens to her he quickly speaks up and tells a lie to prevent her from saying what actually happened. One woman had a huge black eye from blunt force trauma to her face which was very obviously gooten from a blow or punch and her husband told the doctor that one of the kids threw a spoon at her face while they were eating, that's how she got a black eye ..........but seriously though. It's nothing to laugh about. This is a very big problem in our society today

fellis: Tell me about it. I worked in a health institution last year where women were always coming in for treatment after their husbands beat them up. With their black eyes and all. Sometimes the men brought the same wives they assaulted to the hospital. When the doctor asks the wife what happens to her he quickly speaks up and tells a lie to prevent her from saying what actually happened. One woman had a huge black eye from blunt force trauma to her face which was very obviously gooten from a blow or punch and her husband told the doctor that one of the kids threw a spoon at her face while they were eating, that's how she got a black eye ..........but seriously though. It's nothing to laugh about. This is a very big problem in our society today

Where was this health institution.. Country is enough

pickabeau1:
Where was this health institution.. Country is enough

Country is enough? Lol both country and state is necessary. It was in Edo state.

fellis: Country is enough? Lol both country and state is necessary. It was in Edo state.

ok...thats really sad

the road is long...

fellis: Tell me about it. I worked in a health institution last year where women were always coming in for treatment after their husbands beat them up. With their black eyes and all. Sometimes the men brought the same wives they assaulted to the hospital. When the doctor asks the wife what happens to her he quickly speaks up and tells a lie to prevent her from saying what actually happened. One woman had a huge black eye from blunt force trauma to her face which was very obviously gooten from a blow or punch and her husband told the doctor that one of the kids threw a spoon at her face while they were eating, that's how she got a black eye ..........but seriously though. It's nothing to laugh about. This is a very big problem in our society today

Always?
Always?
Hmn. OK o.

The men must be terrible beasts to always be beating the women and then bringing them to hospital. why would any man just start beating up his gentle, quiet, respectable wife for no reason? The men must be possessed

Interestingly I worked in a private hospital in Edo state at Akpakpava, Benin City for 6months. During that time I saw 5cases of partner violence. The interesting part was that 3 of those 5 cases was perpetrated by the woman.
The first case was a woman who hit her husband in the head with a mortar while he was preventing her from smacking her kid. The second was a woman who stabbed her husband in the chest using a kitchen knife because he had refused to give her money. The third one was a woman who physically beat her husband and almost blinded his left eye and left scratch marks from her fingernails all over his chest and back. She came with him to hospital weeping and when we asked what happened she said "na temptation." when we asked the man why he didn't defend himself he said he wasn't brought up to hit a woman.
The men beaters were both drunks.
It made me realize that family violence is not the sole domain of the male. its just possible males are more embarrassed to come to hospital.

Royver: Interestingly I worked in a private hospital in Edo state at Akpakpava, Benin City for 6months. During that time I saw 5cases of partner violence. The interesting part was that 3 of those 5 cases was perpetrated by the woman.
The first case was a woman who hit her husband in the head with a mortar while he was preventing her from smacking her kid. The second was a woman who stabbed her husband in the chest using a kitchen knife because he had refused to give her money. The third one was a woman who physically beat her husband and almost blinded his left eye and left scratch marks from her fingernails all over his chest and back. She came with him to hospital weeping and when we asked what happened she said "na temptation." when we asked the man why he didn't defend himself he said he wasn't brought up to hit a woman.
The men beaters were both drunks.
It made me realize that family violence is not the sole domain of the male. its just possible males are more embarrassed to come to hospital.

nonsense temptation. nonsense women.

5minsmadness:
Always?
Always?
Hmn. OK o.

The men must be terrible beasts to always be beating the women and then bringing them to hospital. why would any man just start beating up his gentle, quiet, respectable wife for no reason? The men must be possessed

Yea, thanks for stressing the 'always' part to make it clear you don't believe me.......Not that I care whether you believe or not. And what are you insinuating with the last sentence in your post? That women deserve to be beaten if they give men a reason?

Royver: Interestingly I worked in a private hospital in Edo state at Akpakpava, Benin City for 6months. During that time I saw 5cases of partner violence. The interesting part was that 3 of those 5 cases was perpetrated by the woman.
The first case was a woman who hit her husband in the head with a mortar while he was preventing her from smacking her kid. The second was a woman who stabbed her husband in the chest using a kitchen knife because he had refused to give her money. The third one was a woman who physically beat her husband and almost blinded his left eye and left scratch marks from her fingernails all over his chest and back. She came with him to hospital weeping and when we asked what happened she said "na temptation." when we asked the man why he didn't defend himself he said he wasn't brought up to hit a woman.
The men beaters were both drunks.
It made me realize that family violence is not the sole domain of the male. its just possible males are more embarrassed to come to hospital.

Was she pounding yam and beating her children at the same time abi how did pestle (pestle not mortar) end up in her hand?

fellis: Was she pounding yam and beating her children at the same time abi how did pestle (pestle not mortar) end up in her hand?

I didn't make a mistake.
Pestle is the wooden staff used to pound the object.
Mortar is the heavy wooden bowl you place the object inside for pounding.
On taking the history i found out that it was her custom to flog the children and the pour them pepper water whenever they misbehaved. You know the small wooden mortar used in pounding pepper and spices? She had pounded the pepper but the husband shielded the child and refused to get out of the way. In anger she threw the mortar at him. It struck him on the head. He was unconscious for two days.

Royver:
I didn't make a mistake.
Pestle is the wooden staff used to pound the object.
Mortar is the heavy wooden bowl you place the object inside for pounding.
On taking the history i found out that it was her custom to flog the children and the pour them pepper water whenever they misbehaved. You know the small wooden mortar used in pounding pepper and spices? She had pounded the pepper but the husband shielded the child and refused to get out of the way. In anger she threw the mortar at him. It struck him on the head. He was unconscious for two days.

Sooooo, the family sat down to narrate the story to you abi how una take know all dis plenty tory? What was the name of the hospital in Akpakpava Royver? I want to check if I know any doctor there to call and ask if they get so many frequent cases of domestic violence by women . Also, the name of the hospital I worked was General Hospital ---------Ophthalmology Department, that's why we got to deal with the woman with a black eye. The head of Ophthalmology there is ---------, his assistants are ------------. You can call anyone you know to confirm. What was the name of your hospital Royver?

Modified for privacy reasons.

Oh boy...seat is hot

But fellis....
Are you saying that women can't be abusive

pickabeau1:

Oh boy...seat is hot

But fellis....
Are you saying that women can't be abusive

Lol, I know they can be abusive but Royver is just making shit_ up.

fellis:

Lol, I know they can be abusive but Royver is just making shit_ up.

OK..over to Roy of the royver

fellis: Yea, thanks for stressing the 'always' part to make it clear you don't believe me.......Not that I care whether you believe or not. And what are you insinuating with the last sentence in your post? That women deserve to be beaten if they give men a reason?

There's no point arguing with you if you are going to start twisting my words.

I in no way advocate raising a hand against women. Check my previous posts on the subject. What I was trying to say is that most men won't start beating a woman out of the blue. The woman would have provoked it somehow most of the time. Is it right? No. Do some men do it? Yes.

fellis: Sooooo, the family sat down to narrate the story to you abi how una take know all dis plenty tory? What was the name of the hospital in Akpakpava Royver? I want to check if I know any doctor there to call and ask if they get so many frequent cases of domestic violence by women . Also, the name of the hospital I worked was General Hospital......, Ophthalmology Department, that's why we got to deal with the woman with a black eye. The head of Ophthalmology there is Dr K, his assistants are Doctor A and Dr A. You can call anyone you know to confirm. What was the name of your hospital Royver?

Lol, I know they can be abusive but royver is just making shit_ up. grin

Are you a medical personell? Even if you are a nurse I'm sure you know doctors don't just start treating a patient when he/she enters the hospital. You have to take a history to know what happened. Let me refresh your memory in case you have forgotten:

Presenting complaint:

History of presenting complaint[i][/i]:

Drug history and allergies:

Past Medical and surgical history:

Family history:

Social history:

Review of symptoms:

And then you go on to examine the patient to see if what they told you tallies with what you find on examination e.g a woman comes in with a subcutaneous hematoma(black eye) to the hospital and tells you she fell off the bed. Falling off the bed will produced bruises around the orbit of the eye and not a subcut hematoma, hence you know the patient is lying. That way you can sift false statements from what really happened.

One woman had a huge black eye from blunt force trauma to her face which was very obviously gotten from a blow or punch and her husband told the doctor that one of the kids threw a spoon at her face while they were eating, that's how she got a black eye

And this is how your doctor knew the man was telling a lie. He examined her. A spoon would cause subconjuctival hemorrages and not a black eye.

I had to ask what brought about the concussion, why was the man unconscious? Was it because he was drunk? epileptic, hypoglycemic? drug overdose? stroke? etc. And when she said she hit him with a mortar I asked how it happened and she told me. The man's junior brother filled in the rest. (Yes, she came with people, she couldn't have carried the unconscious man to the hospital herself could she?)

I worked in a private establishment, V.... Clinic along akpakpavar road from March to May. The Medical director's name was/is Dr A and the live in doctor is Dr E. O who is currently doing his residency in UBTH. Mr A was the head matron and is still my very good friend till date. Those are the people i worked with. I was interested in the case because I wanted to write a case study on Intimate partner Violence.


I don't make sh1t up, the literature section is there for me if i want to tell fiction.

Hmmmm.

Sorry for accusing you falsely.

Royver, remove the names of the doctors from your post and my own. I don't think it's ethical to expose the doctors' identities like that, I only mentioned their names to prove I was telling the truth because some people were trying to accuse me of lying.

Thanks.

fellis: Hmmmm.

Sorry for accusing you falsely.

No wahala.

You were suppose to ask them “if they would teach their daughters not to be submissive“ trust me thats the right question to ask so that we can see how foolish they are

Women and children are different. Children are minors and still inexperienced. They need guidance and discipline.

A grown woman should be involved in the decision making process within the home. And should have equal say. Agreement should be by mutual consent and not dominance.