pickabeau1:

I will rate your post 100/10 however life is not so ideal
We have nominally agressive people who have to become docile just to land into marriage
Just before the tsunami, i remember a thread by a female who professed that some of her ideals had made her lose relationships and she now has to chill out so as to hold on to the one she is dating now.

I really this lady has no fertility issues or else the past will be made present

Then they should not be married, marriage is a life time and you cant put up a life time of pretense wouldnt cut it.

Life is not ideal hence we should not add extra burdens to it and then come and live in fear and misery. I will always preach against managing and pretending just so you can marry.
Marriage built on deceit, secrets and dishonesty would come back and bite you, we all have our weaknesses oh and bad pasts but for me till you find the one who accepts you warts and all you havent found your spouse.

Makes sense

aisha2:

Then they should not be married, marriage is a life time and you cant put up a life time of pretense wouldnt cut it.

Life is not ideal hence we should not add extra burdens to it and then come and live in fear and misery. I will always preach against managing and pretending just so you can marry.
Marriage built on deceit, secrets and dishonesty would come back and bite you, we all have our weaknesses oh and bad pasts but for me till you find the one who accepts you warts and all you havent found your spouse.

pickabeau1: Makes sense

When we were dating, someone approached me in "concern" to tell me some details of my husbands past, I helped the person complete the gist to her shock and I told her we have talked about it and more so what was supposed to be some juicy, gossipy secret was just gossip and she left with her tail between her legs.

Meanwhile she had prepared her mind for serious drama building up suspense in her mind for the "gist". Our pasts, mistakes and experiences when are honest enough to admit them, own them and learn from them make us who we are. Those who refuse to air their closets are forever bond by fear.

aisha2: If you cant fully disclose your past to your spouse then you shouldnt be married.

There should be no secrets you should be scared off, so that when someone comes thinking he/ she has your past details and talks to your spouse the spouse should be comfortablly say "Yes I know, she/ he told me"
If you have not found the man/ woman you are comfortable to do full disclosure with then you have not found your spouse.

i think it depends on the kinda secrets.....there are some secrets that are better kept away from one's spouse.....

@aisha2 .. your points are solid and i wont fault them.

But that is why it is not the easiest decision one has to make - to choose a partner for marriage
Which is why cohabitation is increasing sef..

As humans, we have things we are ashamed of ,even to ourselves, not to talk of others. One only prays they dont matter or such things pop up

As i stated earlier, this lady should just be hopeful no issues prop up

pickabeau1: @aisha2 .. your points are solid and i wont fault them.
But that is why it is not the easiest decision one has to make - to choose a partner for marriage
Which is why cohabitation is increasing sef..
As humans, we have things we are ashamed of ,even to ourselves, not to talk of others. One only prays they dont matter or such things pop up
As i stated earlier, this lady should just be hopeful no issues prop up

So one should spend the rest of their lives in fear and praying that it doesnt pop up instead of telling the person who sleeps next to them at night and sleeping better?
I prefer to take charge of my life, Everyone has done things they are ashamed of including me, but better to say the truth let it SET YOU FREE than live with a lie and in fear. We say we are a people of faith yet we refuse to practice it choosing what we think is wisdom but really foolishness.

Ur brother did d rite thing. D guy aked if d lady iss a gud gal.n he answered. He didn't ask 4 her life history. If d gal wanted him to knw she will av told him hersef. N pls don't bother interfering by creatin unnecessary problem 4 dem.so far ,ur bro isn't doing her presently. Past is past. Let dem live for dfuture

aisha2:

So one should spend the rest of their lives in fear and praying that it doesnt pop up instead of telling the person who sleeps next to them at night and sleeping better?
I prefer to take charge of my life, Everyone has done things they are ashamed of including me, but better to say the truth let it SET YOU FREE than live with a lie and in fear. We say we are a people of faith yet we refuse to practice it choosing what we think is wisdom but really foolishness.

Not an easy decision.. phew...

pickabeau1:
Not an easy decision.. phew...

At all

aisha2:

So one should spend the rest of their lives in fear and praying that it doesnt pop up instead of telling the person who sleeps next to them at night and sleeping better?
I prefer to take charge of my life, Everyone has done things they are ashamed of including me, but better to say the truth let it SET YOU FREE than live with a lie and in fear. We say we are a people of faith yet we refuse to practice it choosing what we think is wisdom but really foolishness.

@Aisha2. I respect your view but i think this kind of issue depends on individuals and their temperament. In my own case some past issues are better left unsaid and if you feel like telling me your dirty or gory pasts i will prefer you tell me in a subtle way or better still keep shut . I am smart enough not to ask some questions, I wont ask if i cant deal with the truth but if i ask dont lie to me. A foolish girl once told my friend how she got tipsy and Hot in the club and a guy had her in public,the guy never recovered . I was like what the hell ? . If you have changed and learnt from your past mistakes why give your spouse new burden to carry? How will your past stories help his future?

I hurt easily and in my own case ignorant can be bliss.

Tvegas:
@Aisha2. I respect your view but i think this kind of issue depends on individuals and their temperament. In my own case some past issues are better left unsaid and if you feel like telling me your dirty or gory pasts i will prefer you tell me in a subtle way or better still keep shut . I am smart enough not to ask some questions, I wont ask if i cant deal with the truth but if i ask dont lie to me. A foolish girl once told my friend how she got tipsy and Hot in the club and a guy had her in public,the guy never recovered . I was like what the hell ? . If you have changed and learnt from your past mistakes why give your spouse new burden to carry? How will your past stories help his future?
I hurt easily and in my own case ignorant can be bliss.

Well I respect your choices. Still I prefer i hear it from my Spouse than hear someone else blurt it out one day ignorantly or on purpose.
So what if you married that lady ignorant of her past and some dude comes and says " I once had that lady in a pub while we were both wasted" What would you do?
You tell it to the person you are serious with so he or she can decide if they can deal or cant deal with it, if they cant, toh, good for both of you, if they can, all for the better you start a great, baggage free life with clean closets

aisha2:

Well I respect your choices. Still I prefer i hear it from my Spouse than hear someone else blurt it out one day ignorantly or on purpose.
So what if you married that lady ignorant of her past and some dude comes and says " I once had that lady in a pub while we were both wasted" What would you do?
You tell it to the person you are serious with so he or she can decide if they can deal or cant deal with it, if they cant, toh, good for both of you, if they can, all for the better you start a great, baggage free life with clean closets

Aisha the chances of some dude blurting it out is not up to 20% and off course I would have done an independent check on my spouse before taking things serious. If a girl tells me such stuff, i may never recover but if its Dangote or warren buffet daughter that blurted such past secret out i will seriously look for ways to forgive that past. . So you see its relative.

Tvegas:

Aisha the chances of some dude blurting it out is not up to 20% and off course I would have done an independent check on my spouse before taking things serious. If a girl tells me such stuff, i may never recover but if its Dangote or warren buffet daughter that blurted such past secret out i will seriously look for ways to forgive that past o.

Then I suggest you find someone without a past, everyone has one and sooner or later it does come out.

Any way, life sha, what works for A may not work for B.

aisha2:

Then I suggest you find someone without a past, everyone has one and sooner or later it does come out.

Madam i am happily married and i am comfortable with everything i know about my spouse's past. And if there are other shady secrets i do not know may she ever remain silent and let me enjoy this marriage as it is right now.

Tvegas:

Aisha the chances of some dude blurting it out is not up to 20% and off course I would have done an independent check on my spouse before taking things serious. If a girl tells me such stuff, i may never recover but if its Dangote or warren buffet daughter that blurted such past secret out i will seriously look for ways to forgive that past. . So you see its relative.

YOu are so right!

Why is it easy to forgive Paris Hilton but ditch Sydney Daughter-of-who-cares

Power game.. this life!

Lol wish you a great life of peace and happiness

Tvegas:

Madam i am happily married and i am comfortable with everything i know about my spouse's past. And if there are other shady secrets i do not know may she ever remain silent and let me enjoy this marriage as it is right now.

pickabeau1:

YOu are so right! Why is it easy to forgive Paris Hilton but ditch Sydney Daughter-of-who-cares Power game.. this life!

lol,thats life for you nothing is written in black and white. I will even be like "Honey do you have more past secrets to spill?" Kontunu

Tvegas:

lol,thats life for you nothing is written in black and white. I will even be like "Honey do you have more past secrets to spill?" Kontunu

Wetin we go talk...
See people wey do sextape wy be reality stars now

pickabeau1:
Wetin we go talk...
See people wey do sextape wy be reality stars now

Yes oh, Person with se-x tapes don get 3 husbands (and counting lol) while virgins dey struggle to find 1.

aisha2: Yes oh, Person with se-x tapes don get 3 husbands (and counting lol) while virgins dey struggle to find 1.

lol.. but this is another issue

pickabeau1:

lol.. but this is another issue

I swear, the issue for me is that she has such a huge fan base among young impressionable girls. That to me is sad and alarming, these girls dont know Malala, Dora or Oby, but they know that one and know all her escapades and attention seeking stunts. I shudder to think of what will be in a few years.

Any way, na the type wey una like be that lol, see how both of you dey hail them, so why young girls no go rush wan be like them?

aisha2: I swear, the issue for me is that she has such a huge fan base among young impressionable girls. That to me is sad and alarming, these girls dont know Malala, Dora or Oby, but they know that one and know all her escapades and attention seeking stunts. I shudder to think of what will be in a few years.
Any way, na the type wey una like be that lol, see how both of you dey hail them, so why young girls no go rush wan be like them?

For me.. this is the major issue with our ladies taking their academics seriously
They all wanna go into modelling (not bad oo), reality life and all what not rather than spending that extra time and effort in a STEM career where there are diversity quotas

Sad... people like this will always believe their face can get them anything

For laffs

I found this kermit pic nice

That's just to show that we humans are hypocrites.when there's something to gain,the other party is always 'perfect'.
But when there's nothing to gain,we see all their faults and bad doings.

@ Op, posting this topic with such accurate details is unethical! Its not everything is meant to be posted in a public forum like this. What if the fiancee is a Nairalander or someone close to him TOO BAD OF U! If your brother kept quiet, what stops u from keeping quiet too

@Valto you are right,will edit some details

Tvegas: Everything will be fine as far as you also learn to stop putting your effing nose in matured people's business.

You dont have to insult me not like i am going to walk up to the abroad guy to tell him anything. I might even attend their wedding because our family know each other well. Just wanted to sample people's opinion that's all.

Tvegas: Madam i am happily married and i am comfortable with everything i know about my spouse's past. And if there are other shady secrets i do not know may she ever remain silent and let me enjoy this marriage as it is right now.

bro, you do know that this would mean that your marriage has weaknesses, right? it means that there could be things that you do not know that could hurt you and break you apart, things that people could use against your person (or your union). i dont know about you but, IMHO, the only way you can have a strong union is by being honest to your partner and knowing all your weaknesses...... because yes, whatever a partner may be hiding is a weaknesses.

as for Dangote's daughter, imagine the gal was a nym-pho that liked dogging (aka to have unprotected sex with strangers in parking lots), then all her wealth could not save you the day she brings AIDS home as a present....and therefore again, anything she hides from you is a weakness in your life.

SimiJ:

You dont have to insult me not like i am going to walk up to the abroad guy to tell him anything. I might even attend their wedding because our family know each other well. Just wanted to sample people's opinion that's all.

God will give you your own husband!!!!!!!!!

and keep you out of other people's business!!!!!!!!

beau49: Please explain what you mean by the bolded.

I thought I was the only one who saw that and found it incredibly strange. Nigerians sha...

SimiJ: My brother used to be a playboy till he got married. I know so many of his girls, there was one in particular who was his childhood friend. They never dated formally but i guess they were having flings. The girl would come to my brothers place sometimes to spend the night. It was more like a coded thing,apparently the girl liked him but he doesn't feel the same . I once confronted him to settle for her because she is homely but my brother confessed that he couldnt settle for her because she told him she has had many abortions and she was older than him. At some point i think they stopped seeing,case closed.

Fast forward one year later,my brother went visiting his friend abroad. Apparently,his friend was trying to matchmake his colleague with my brother's ex. The abroad guy got close to my brother to ask about this girl's attitude since its common knowledge they are all friends. My brother said she is a good girl and can vouch for her attitude. That was it,they became love birds and the girl never told the abroad guy about my brother.

My brother called his ex when he got back to Nigeria that he wants the best for her and he will like to keep a distance from them, so she can be free to date this guy. The girl thanked him for not spilling her past. The abroad guy and my brothers EX will be getting married soon. I knew about all these because i used to visit my brother and we chatted a lot. Did he do the right thing by keeping quiet? What if this causes some problem in the future?

If you are the girl or my brother, will your conscience allow you to keep quiet or spill?

How come it's the lady who seemed to have acted inappropriately for marriage when your brother, a playboy as you have admitted, is invariably as guilty as she might be. Should anyone be watchful as well and seek details before accepting your brother's ring in marriage?