pickabeau1:

You ve not answered ,y question

What does he want

However since the kid is less than 2y old, it's best left with the mom

Having her close to mom may allow her to work as single moms have issues with child care

He should calm down and look at the big pix

He wants the child to have a mother and a father that the child sees on a regular and frequent basis.

The mother of the child did not move closer to her mom to be able to work.

What is "the bigger pix"?

carefreewannabe:

He wants the child to have a mother and a father that the child sees on a regular and frequent basis.

The mother of the child did not move closer to her mom to be able to work.

What is "the bigger pix"?

If he wanted the child to have the two parents, then maybe he should not have divorced

If she did not move closer to mom for work issues or child care.. do you have an idea why she moved

in my opinion, Bigger pix here means a child under 8 is better with the mom.. why fight with her when the kid is under 2

Whats the sex of the kid

carefreewannabe:

I have nothing to settle because this is not my child. Kindly stay away from this thread. Thank you.

I don't need your Judas’ Kiss. And stop taking as if this thread is a toy -‘Stay away from my toy’. Bla Bla.

pickabeau1:

If he wanted the child to have the two parents, then maybe he should not have divorced

Do you know if he wanted the divorce?

Have you never seen couples that take care of their children TOGETHER despite a divorce?

If she did not move closer to mom for work issues or child care.. do you have an idea why she moved

She said she wants to be closer to her mother again. This is her only reason.

in my opinion, Bigger pix here means a child under 8 is better with the mom.. why fight with her when the kid is under 2

Do you know the woman? Are all mothers good mothers? Do all mothers take good care of their kids?

Whats the sex of the kid

It's a girl.

sadly these are some of the effects of divorce. . . children suffer & the couple suffer

Not much he can do as a father in this situation but to be there when he can be there.

Both of them would have moved on anyway at some point. The dad picking kid up every week only moslty happens in movies. The reality is different.
Who is to say that the dad wont get married and find a job in a different town in the next couple of years too?

What is done is done.
What your friend needs to do is to be the best dad that he can when he can.

Is the journey 5 hours by road or by air

if its by road then he can catch a plane once a month and see his kid. He can spend the fisrst visit weekend in the kids city and the next visit bringing the kid back to his home, alternating it so the stress wont be too much on the kid.

If there is any option of getting back together, then this situation that they find themselves may be a catalyst to get them talking.

I dont know why most Nigerian parents cant be civil when it comes to separation and divorce.

Anyway, moving to another city to be with her mother is selfish in my own opinion. It will be understandable if she moved for work or re-married. Her child's relationship with her ex should come first. Very Vital.

Can they do weekdays with the mother and weekends with the Father.? Every other month perhaps?

chaircover: sadly these are some of the effects of divorce. . . children suffer & the couple suffer

Not much he can do as a father in this situation but to be there when he can be there.

Both of them would have moved on anyway at some point. The dad picking kid up every week only moslty happens in movies. The reality is different.
Who is to say that the dad wont get married and find a job in a different town in the next couple of years too?

What is done is done.
What your friend needs to do is to be the best dad that he can when he can.

Is the journey 5 hours by road or by air

if its by road then he can catch a plane once a month and see his kid. He can spend the fisrst visit weekend in the kids city and the next visit bringing the kid back to his home, alternating it so the stress wont be too much on the kid.

If there is any option of getting back together, then this situation that they find themselves may be a catalyst to get them talking.

Thank you for your take on this and the solutions you offered. He will do his best to be part of the child's upbringing.

My problem with the story is that she changed the location for selfish and trivial reasons.

ladygogo: I dont know why most Nigerian parents cant be civil when it comes to separation and divorce.

I think this is a problem of the people involved, some are mature and some others are not. The mature ones will make the child's well being a priority.

Anyway, moving to another city to be with her mother is selfish in my own opinion. Her child's relationship with her ex should come first. Very Vital.

I agree 100%. No mother should deny a loving father his child if not absolutely necessary.

Can they do weekdays with the mother and weekends with the Father.? Every other month perhaps?

He goes to see / pick the child as often as possible.

carefreewannabe:

Do you know if he wanted the divorce?

Have you never seen couples that take care of their children TOGETHER despite a divorce?





She said she wants to be closer to her mother again. This is her only reason.



Do you know the woman? Are all mothers good mothers? Do all mothers take good care of their kids?




It's a girl.

The more reason why she needs her Daddy in her life.

ladygogo:

The more reason why she needs her Daddy in her life.

Father and daughter are crazy about one another. It is heart-breaking.

Ok.. before i answer you.. what do you think about this case?

carefreewannabe:

Do you know if he wanted the divorce?

Have you never seen couples that take care of their children TOGETHER despite a divorce?



She said she wants to be closer to her mother again. This is her only reason.

Do you know the woman? Are all mothers good mothers? Do all mothers take good care of their kids?

It's a girl.

carefreewannabe:

Thank you for your take on this and the solutions you offered. He will do his best to be part of the child's upbringing.

My problem with the story is that she changed the location for selfish and trivial reasons.

Sweetheart, it may seem like that to you and sometimes when we take sides, we are against everything the other side does.

You say she left so that she can be near to her mum. Maybe she does need her mum for emotional support and child care too.
She must be hurting too
Leaving a marriage is never easy for either party

Look at it this way, what if your friend meets a wonderful lady next year. Will be be able to see his son everyweekend? Probably not
What if this wonderful lady he meets gets transfered to another city, there is a possibility that he will up and go too
What if a brilliant job opening came along for your friend in a different city, wont he go?

What you need to do is not to incite your friend and to help him with pity party, but to offer him different options so that the father/son relationship is maintained as much as possible under the circumstances

its as sad situation & I hope that both of them are thinking about the innocent child in all of this.

pickabeau1: Ok.. before i answer you.. what do you think about this case?

I think that the mother should not take away the child from the father. The reason she gives does not justify the relocation.

carefreewannabe:

I think that the mother should not take away the child from the father. The reason she gives does not justify the relocation.

hmmm.. fair enough.. has he reached out to her to see if something can be worked out

For me.. a child that young is mostly always better with th mom

chaircover:

Sweetheart, it may seem like that to you and sometimes when we take sides, we are against everything the other side does.

True but trust me, I am trying to be fair.

You say she left so that she can be near to her mum. Maybe she does need her mum for emotional support and child care too.
She must be hurting too
Leaving a marriage is never easy for either party

This is a very good point and very sweet of you. I just believe that a child's need to have a father is more important than a grown woman's need to be close to her mother. I think the child should come first here.

Look at it this way, what if your friend meets a wonderful lady next year. Will be be able to see his son everyweekend? Probably not

I think that the child should come first in this case too and not a new partner.

What if this wonderful lady he meets gets transfered to another city, there is a possibility that he will up and go too

I still believe that the child should be a priority until it grows up some more.

What if a brilliant job opening came along for your friend in a different city, wont he go?

This is the only reson that MAY be worth relocating under certain circumstances.

What you need to do is not to incite your friend and to help him with pity party, but to offer him different options so that the father/son relationship is maintained as much as possible under the circumstances.

This is what I am doing. I am not showing my pity openly. I encourage strength and offer support with any inconvinience that comes along with the distance.

pickabeau1:

hmmm.. fair enough.. has he reached out to her to see if something can be worked out

For me.. a child that young is mostly always better with th mom

The belief that a young child is always better with the mom implies that most mothers are good mothers, right?

carefreewannabe:

The belief that a young child is always better with the mom implies that most mothers are good mothers, right?

Implies...yes

Your question/point is...?

pickabeau1:

Implies...yes

Your question is...?

You have just quoted my question and answered it.

Good to know you think MAJORITY of all mothers are good.

carefreewannabe:

You have just quoted my question and answered it.

Good to know you think MAJORITY of all mothers are good.

Ok.. no problem.. Thats why i agreed with you... implies being the key word

On your friend

Let him reach out to his exwife and see how what they can do

Then let him get a lawyer involved to include other scenarios - transfer, remarriage etc

pickabeau1:

Ok.. no problem.. Thats why i agreed with you... implies being the key word

If you think that a young child is most times better off with the mother then you believe that most mothers are good. You have made a generalisation.

On your friend

Let him reach out to his exwife and see how what they can do

Then let him get a lawyer involved to include other scenarios - transfer, remarriage etc

Be more specific. What has a lawyer got to do with remarriage? What do you mean by transfer?

carefreewannabe:

If you think that a young child is most times better off with the mother then you believe that most mothers are good. You have made a generalisation.

Implicit in your line of thinking is that a good woman makes a good mother,,, not so
bad people have been known to be excellent mothers

A woman by virtue of her sex is usually suited to be a more suited to raise a child so young. This is not rocket science

Be more specific. What has a lawyer got to do with remarriage? What do you mean by transfer?

The custody arrangment should consider what will happen when she decides to remarry. Some kids go to the father etc
Transfer - say she is transferred by virtue of work or gets a new job

pickabeau1:

Implicit in your line of thinking is that a good woman makes a good mother,,, not so
bad people have been known to be excellent mothers

I asked you if you think that MAJORITY of mothers are good amd you said yes so what are you talking about now?

A woman by virtue of her sex is usually suited to be a more suited to raise a child so young. This is not rocket science

This has actually nothing to do with science. This is your personal belief and a biased one as well.

I guess you have never heard of child neglect, child abuse and infanticide commited by mothers.

The custody arrangment should consider what will happen when she decides to remarry. Some kids go to the father etc
Transfer - say she is transferred by virtue of work or gets a new job

The problem now is not an issue of remrriage or a new job but of father who is not able to see his child on a regular and frequent basis because the mother thinks that it is more important for her to be close to her mommy than for her child to be close to her father.

Now you are confusing me ...

Anyway let him get a lawyer

pickabeau1: Now you are confusing me ...

Anyway let him get a lawyer

To do what?

carefreewannabe:

To do what?

To review the custody arrangement

pickabeau1:

To review the custody arrangement

They have joint custody. What, in your view, is there to be reviewed?

carefreewannabe:

They have joint custody. What, in your view, is there to be reviewed?

Wat does the arrangement say if the mother remarries
What does it say if she relocates

pickabeau1:

Wat does the arrangement say if the mother remarries
What does it say if she relocates

She is free to remarry and free to relocate. Should it be changed?

carefreewannabe:

She is free to remarry and free to relocate. Should it be changed?

I think so.. what do u think

pickabeau1:

I think so.. what do u think

I think she should be free to remarry but she should not be allowed to relocate for trivial and selfish reasons like the one she gave.

carefreewannabe:

I think she should be free to remarry but she should not be allowed to relocate for trivial and selfish reasons like the one she gave.

well... that reason may seem trivial to you but it may be very important to her
Maybe the mother is aging.,. maybe they like playing bingo .. who knows


Let him get a lawyer ..

pickabeau1:

well... that reason may seem trivial to you but it may be very important to her
Maybe the mother is aging.,. maybe they like playing bingo .. who knows


Let him get a lawyer ..

I do not dispute that it is important TO HER.

If the mother is aging and needs someone to play bingo with her, then she should relocate to the daughter. However, her mother is not aging.

Look, it is easy for him to get a lawyer but I am not sure whether it is good to fight the mother of your child with the help of a lawyer.