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I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat - Romance - Nairaland

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I'm Sex Starve,but I Don't Want To Cheat On Him. / Still Married To My Husband But I Dont Love Him Anymore / I Love My Husband But He Is Not Romantic (2) (3) (4)

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I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by Tinkinguy(m): 8:33am On Oct 11, 2014
Guys,

I think we can learn one or two things from this write, the truth will always set you free;
its kinda long, but is rewarding if you patiently read it through.

Here is the link;
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elloa-atkinson/i-love-my-husband-but-heres-why-i-want-to-cheat_b_5909882.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592

SO, lets enjoy the ride below;

I'm one of the lucky ones: I'm married to my soul mate.

The first time I ever saw Nige, my heart caught in my throat and my stomach dropped faster than you can say "love at first sight." I was captivated, awed and knocked sideways by the depth of my attraction to him.

We met during a life-changing workshop. He was an assistant, I was participating. Having clawed my way to life over the previous two year from an disorder that ravaged my soul and filled me with shame, I had learned to practice radical honesty -- especially when I didn't want to.

"Secrets keep you sick," my mentors said. I didn't want to be sick, so I went against all my instincts and told Nige and the group members in the therapeutic community he was co-leading of my attraction.

There was never an agenda for me other than to feel better.

Somehow, my honesty made way for love to enter. Four years after that first moment, we went on a date. Eight years after that first encounter -- almost to the day -- we got married.

My commitment to honesty means that I share the secrets and dark thoughts that would otherwise quietly eat away at my sense of self-trust and integrity.

Today, my secret is this: I love my husband, but I often want to cheat.

Recently, I met K while walking the dog. We just... clicked. The conversation flowed easily, we shared doggy jokes and I walked home a little taller, a little bit excited. I checked in with myself: Do I fancy this man? The answer was a resounding 'No.' I wasn't physically attracted to him.

Yet, I was happy when we bumped into each other on the field from time to time. I lingered longer than I normally would. He seemed kind of troubled, unclear about his life. His dissatisfaction with the world, his relationship and himself leaked out through seemingly innocuous comments. No, I wasn't attracted.

Then, one day, we spent two hours together. The evening was chilly. Normally I would have gone home, but I didn't. Neither did he. We just... stayed. Talked, joked, hung out.

A fellow dog walker asked us if we were married. Alarm bells went off. I thought of Nige and a quiet guilt nagged at me. This had become a secret.

Over the following days, I obsessed over K, wondering whether I'd see him. I was confused -- I wasn't attracted to this man physically, yet I was getting off on the idea that he liked me.

Here's what I don't want you to know: I started walking Molly past his house, hoping to "accidentally" bump into him.

I "coincidentally" walked the dog at the time he walked his -- 6 p.m.. I felt disappointed each time I didn't see him.

I thought about him a lot. At work, on the way to work, on the way home, at home, in the morning, while walking, while spending time with Nige.

His name even came to mind while my husband and I were having sex. I mentally ejected him from my thoughts -- I wasn't even attracted to him, and I had never fantasized about anyone else while being intimate with Nige.

The cumulative impact of these behaviors -- these secrets -- on my sense of integrity was indubitable.

I felt guilty and ashamed of myself.

I also felt scared: Taking the next step felt so... easy. So close. I knew that I could up the ante just a little bit and find myself in deep waters.

It frightened me that my hunger for a cheap thrill had the power to overshadow the vows I took on March 16, 2012. To throw away the trust, intimacy and love that we'd worked so hard to build felt unnervingly easy, so easy to throw away.

Part of me was actively fuelling the obsession. Part of me wanted to cheat.

What was happening in my marriage, that this might be sparked?

Little things. A courageous conversation or two was needed, but it was nothing drastic -- honestly.

What was happening in me, that this might be sparked?

Ah. Here is where the juice was.

I was afraid of love. I know it might look like I was looking for love, but I was really following what A Course in Miracles describes as "the ego's dictate": seek and do not find.

What drove this attraction, as it has done many others before, was a hidden belief that love is dangerous. That if I fully dive into my love for my husband, it will engulf me, swallow me whole. There'll be no "me" left. Just like when I was a young girl and my mum's alcoholism drowned the whole family in her sorrows.

What drove this attraction was the possibility that I might be deeply, unwaveringly loveable. That it might actually be possible to be in love, on purpose and successful.

What drove this attraction was a subconscious drive, handed down through generations of women in my family, to sabotage happiness and push love away. I'm one of the lucky ones, married to my soul mate. This cannot possibly last. I must create trouble at base camp.

The work I live by and teach reminds me daily that I have a choice about who I want to be in the middle of my struggle. Deny what is happening inside of me, and I set myself up for a fall.

Tell the truth, and I make way for love.

So I shared it with Nige. All of it. It was hard. I felt swamped with shame. But I did it anyway. I probably saved my marriage in the process, and I'll do it again if I have to.

I want to cheat on my husband some days.

But I want to know him, and to be known by him, more than I want to prove my fears right.

And that, my friends, is why I tell the truth.

2 Likes

Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by agitator: 8:44am On Oct 11, 2014
ok carry go grin grin grin
Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by Pervert1(m): 8:53am On Oct 11, 2014
are you a writer for Hints magazine?

2 Likes

Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by Acidosis(m): 8:55am On Oct 11, 2014
women cheat on their boyfriends and husbands everyday naw... so nothing new jare


nice write-up btw

2 Likes

Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by Nobody: 10:09am On Oct 11, 2014
Passage Summary:

When you get the urge to cheat; Confide with your spouse.

Now I wonder how many peeps can do that?... undecided

8 Likes

Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by explorer250(m): 10:51am On Oct 11, 2014
mods pls to the front page. This is what women who are intending To cheat should know. CONFIDE IN YOUR PARTNER NOW... crymods pls to the front page. This is what women who are intending To cheat should know. CONFIDE IN YOUR PARTNER NOW... *sips a cup of tea to ease my anger*
Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by Tinkinguy(m): 11:13am On Oct 11, 2014
Pervert1:
are you a writer for Hints magazine?

No dear,
the link is stated right there, it contain the writer's name.
Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by Nobody: 1:34pm On Oct 11, 2014
There is a curse running in her family, if not broken she will still cheat, leave all this confession to hubby talk.
Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by Nobody: 1:47pm On Oct 11, 2014
U're very sincere o! It would take a bundle of courage to do this and i pray works for d hearer (ur hubby) and d doer. Front page abeg
Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by sleekymag(m): 3:08pm On Oct 11, 2014
The funny thing is some people may tell their husbands quite alright. The tensions may cease with his help for a little while, but at the slightest opportunity of a discord between them, if she finds herself in a private place with this other man, she'll cheat before she can calm down. The problem is with her subconscious, and she has to deal with it from there.

1 Like

Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by Talkloaded: 3:13pm On Oct 11, 2014
Make I book space first
Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by Chuks16(m): 4:24pm On Oct 11, 2014
I can't just imaging reading this novel, pls someone should help me with a summary of it.
Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by Tinkinguy(m): 7:33pm On Oct 11, 2014
Sometimes you wonder what a solution to a problem could be.

I think she needs help both from her hubby and a professional councilor.

Mod, can you get this to FP.
Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by ERCROSS(m): 7:49pm On Oct 11, 2014
imas:
There is a curse running in her family, if not broken she will still cheat, leave all this confession to hubby talk.
Hmmm..
Curse indeed..
Una no allow us hear word with these African superstitions...
Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by Chinum: 8:23pm On Oct 11, 2014
explorer250:
mods pls to the front page. This is what women who are intending To cheat should know. CONFIDE IN YOUR PARTNER NOW... crymods pls to the front page. This is what women who are intending To cheat should know. CONFIDE IN YOUR PARTNER NOW... *sips a cup of tea to ease my anger*

Very true bro. Hope u remember 2 do same if U find urself in a similar situation.

1 Like

Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by HopeAtHand: 9:26pm On Oct 11, 2014
explorer250:
mods pls to the front page. This is what women who are intending To cheat should know. CONFIDE IN YOUR PARTNER NOW... *sips a cup of tea to ease my anger*

Tinkinguy:
Sometimes you wonder what a solution to a problem could be.
I think she needs help both from her hubby and a professional councilor.
Mod, can you get this to FP.


Since you guys are lobbying for frontpage, make i book space just incase.
Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by Lordlexyy: 9:46pm On Oct 11, 2014
Generation of vipers!
Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by prettyjo(f): 10:59pm On Oct 11, 2014
dis one everybody dey shout FP.I dey here jooor,jux incase.besides ,cheating is a thing of the mind.its not all about confiding in one's partner.
Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by Desola1(f): 11:31pm On Oct 11, 2014
Wow!u are a brave one i tell you,for you to muster up courage and tell your husband that kinda thing is brave and i hope it helped save your marriage
Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by Nobody: 11:31pm On Oct 11, 2014
Ladies na Ladies #I Remain Faithful#
Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by Nobody: 11:33pm On Oct 11, 2014
prettyjo:
dis one everybody dey shout FP.I dey here jooor,jux incase.besides ,cheating is a thing of the mind.its not all about confiding in one's partner.
See them oo na so so excuse dem go give,na later we go hear "cheating no be matter of mind na matter of urge" always tired of dem Ladies #I remain Faithful#
Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by nairalife2013(m): 11:58pm On Oct 11, 2014
U hav a weak spirit. Yur power of resolution is low. U are controlled by yur subconcious mind, like everyoneelse but yur subconciuos mind is comparably weak, probably due to hidden pains and bouts of agony shrouded in recent ecstacies. Hidden Pain or hurt inpires rugged behavious such as smoking, drinking, wild or illegal sex arising from uncouth affection and unguarded desires, growing crave to be seen or heard and self satisfaction when any of these is achieved...thereafter d urge returns again and again. Be careful. Most men dont like too much confession... I slept with david and abubakar when I was single; I had a liking for chinedu when I was in sch; I once thot how will I feel if another man f-ckd me; I wish men and women were at par in bleepin outside. Watch what u say. He might not hate u or send u packingfor telling him any of these or similar tales but his heart might unwittingly severe some respect for u and that could lead to other little unwholesome attachments. The husband's love for his INNOCENT wife grows more and faster than that for the fairly GUILTY in some cases. Avoid by all means to hav sex wid the guy u hav an extramarital affection for - it is transient. The feeling wil go away. The curse or family thing has no force. It is just d reoccurence in yur awareness that has registered it in yur subconcious mind and giv u d wild drive. Pray hard.
Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by Tinkinguy(m): 2:31pm On Oct 12, 2014
nairalife2013:
U hav a weak spirit. Yur power of resolution is low. U are controlled by yur subconcious mind, like everyoneelse but yur subconciuos mind is comparably weak, probably due to hidden pains and bouts of agony shrouded in recent ecstacies. Hidden Pain or hurt inpires rugged behavious such as smoking, drinking, wild or illegal sex arising from uncouth affection and unguarded desires, growing crave to be seen or heard and self satisfaction when any of these is achieved...thereafter d urge returns again and again. Be careful. Most men dont like too much confession... I slept with david and abubakar when I was single; I had a liking for chinedu when I was in sch; I once thot how will I feel if another man f-ckd me; I wish men and women were at par in bleepin outside. Watch what u say. He might not hate u or send u packingfor telling him any of these or similar tales but his heart might unwittingly severe some respect for u and that could lead to other little unwholesome attachments. The husband's love for his INNOCENT wife grows more and faster than that for the fairly GUILTY in some cases. Avoid by all means to hav sex wid the guy u hav an extramarital affection for - it is transient. The feeling wil go away. The curse or family thing has no force. It is just d reoccurence in yur awareness that has registered it in yur subconcious mind and giv u d wild drive. Pray hard.

Nice thought there bros, it takes a teachable mind to listen and consider obeying it.

1 Like

Re: I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want To Cheat by mimiejacobz(f): 2:43pm On Oct 12, 2014
[quote author=Tinkinguy post=27059792]Sometimes you wonder what a solution to a problem could be.

I think she needs help both from her hubby and a professional councilor.

Mod, can you get this to FP.


ya i agree wit u,she needs hlp esp frm ha husband,i tink shez d typ dt gets bored easily n who eva is able to make ha lively again she falls for d prsn,d husband shld spnd tym wit ha esp wen she takes d dog for a walk,they can do d walkn togeda

(1) (Reply)

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