Please Mods no Front page
No moving to health or sexuality section
Am too depressed
So my husband has not been able to get an erection since january this year
He started treatment in march,we actually have seen more than 4 good doctors in Lagos but nothing has changed
The worst part is my husband is taking it all on me like am the cause.He snaps at every little thing
The worst happened when I had some funny stuffs around my privates,so I told him I needed to see my doctor.He got to work and started texting that how come I had STI when we had not had sex
He came back very early and started accusing me of things that don't exist
I got upset and told him he was acting like a child,that he should tackle his ED himself and stop getting paranoid,after all he wasn't faithful while he was very potent
I know I shouldn't have said so but he left the house after that and has not returned for
days now
He is fine,cos I called and his admin attendant said he has been coming to work
My fear now
How long will this go on
I can't tell anyone cos he would just kill me if he ever finds out

Kai! The Lord is your strength how are u managing? Since Jan?

peggykorol:

I can't tell anyone cos he would just kill me if he ever finds out

You just did

I need my mat back

how old is your husband?

is he an alcoholic?
does he smoke?
how big is his belly?

SMH!!! Guys drop your advices and stop all these questioning like. How are u managing? Nonsense. Very annoying

Eiya sorry, i can imagine.


Pls answer coogar's questions, let's see if we can chip in one or two ideas to help out.

He is 35
Doesnt smoke
No big belly
Takes alcohol moderately

coogar:
how old is your husband?

is he an alcoholic?
does he smoke?
how big is his belly?

January ke?

Ok, what's the question, how long is he gonna stay away? How long your disagreement will last? Possible solutions to the medical dilemma? Let's be specific ma'am.

Has he tried Viagra or pills that can stimulate him down there?

What's the nature of his work,it could also be a cause too.

Have you been faithful to him yourself? He asked how you got your STI but you turned around and brought up his own unfaithfulness while he was potent (just to make him feel guilty + digress from his question) and told him to handle his ED himself. Really, that wasn't necessary. You know he's already discouraged b/c of this issue and you just had to kick him down further. He is your husband. His problem is your problem.

What do you need help with... The ED or how to bring him back home?

According to me, you should've locked the door while venting this 10 months old massive sexual frustration out of your chest. I mean, vent and arrive at a solution ......if he is not the domestic violent kind of guy ooooo. You've got to tell someone before he do it first, otherwise they will label you as being unfaithful during his trying times.
Get him home first, apologize and get yourself a nice huge dilllldo with extra batteries.

What did your doctors diagnose and what treatment is he on?

I wont blame you for what has happened. You are clearly both frustrated but instead of pushing each other away with harsh words, this is the time that you need each other most and need to be there for each other.

Remember the sickness and health vows that you both made. . . . This situation that you find yourself is a sickness.

You both need to sit down, and think of the next step and what next to do. Its both your problem.

You also need to look at all the reasons that may be causing this from diet to medication to stess at work etc.. . . . . . . .

When he does come home have a sit down with him and explain to him that you are on his side, but he needs to work with you on this and not push you away

As for his questioning you about having extra marital affiars, it will cross your mind too if your hubby suddenly came back home with a wart on his P and you havent been sleeping together . . . dont forget that he is also very frustrated and his ego is being seriously knocked by his inability to sleep with his wife. Providing for their wives financially and satisfying them in bed are on the top of the list of what men consider as being a man.

As he had had affairs in the past, he will lack trust himself, cos he knows what goes down and that is maybe why he was very quick to question you.

I know it will make you angry, especially as you are innocent, but you need to also try and see that he is coming from a deep place of frustration.

I sincerely hope that you guys can resolve this and your sex life goes back to the way it was very soon.

Swallow your pride, go to his office, apologise and make him come home. You should probably go an hour or so before his closing time.

When you both go home, no talks, questions or shouting. Just make dinner(a meal you both love and maybe a bottle of wine) eat, cuddle up in bed, sleep.

Next day, seat down and chat like adults. No mention of who's cheated or not, talk about your problems and agree on seeking a solution.

First, you need to see a Gyn and find out what's wrong with you. Once identified commence treatment. Perhaps he too needs to see a new doctor. Sorry but which hospitals have you guys been to in the past? I could recommend one or two doctors.

Watch your husband, is anything bothering him, work, finances?

How has your seex life been generally? Needs spicing?

All the very best.

Pele. I understand him. Men are like that. Reminds me of a guy who couldn't put a baby inthere after 9yrs of baby dances. He blamed the woman who has gotten knocked up after one month with someone else . They have been conditioned to mess with us

ifyalways:
Swallow your pride, go to his office, apologise and make him come home. You should probably go an hour or so before his closing time.

When you both go home, no talks, questions or shouting. Just make dinner(a meal you both love and maybe a bottle of wine) eat, cuddle up in bed, sleep.

Next day, seat down and chat like adults. No mention of who's cheated or not, talk about your problems and agree on seeking a solution.

First, you need to see a Gyn and find out what's wrong with you. Once identified commence treatment. Perhaps he too needs to see a new doctor. Sorry but which hospitals have you guys been to in the past? I could recommend one or two doctors.

Watch your husband, is anything bothering him, work, finances?

How has your seex life been generally? Needs spicing?

All the very best.

1000 likes......

You just spoke my mind.....Two heads are better than one...It is better you tackle this issues togehter

I have seen a Gyn and is nothing serious, he came home late last night and we talked

His Doc has checked every possible health problem that could be causing ED,although History of diabetes and HBP exist in his family

He was on Viagra treatment but the side effects were much on him

his doctor is treating any underlying illness he may be suffering from
We were advised to use P pump
But it gave him bruises
Ify pls recommend
I don't think my hubby is stressed ,everything going on fine and our seex life was okay

lokito:
SMH!!! Guys drop your advices and stop all these questioning like. How are u managing? Nonsense. Very annoying

did u drop any advice

Man comes home at 11:15pm and meets his wife with a man in the living room,this conversation takes place:

Woman: Why are you just coming back?

Man: Woman,who is this man ?

Woman: Don't you dare change the topic,I said why are you just coming back




Your husband is frustrated,he might be lodging in a hotel at the moment.
I don't know how long this would go on,but I think you should go and see him at his office and apologise...

Two heads are better when trying to find solutions expecially in issues like this..You already have trust issues,don't make things anymore complex

Jennimma:

did u drop any advice

Fine girl don't quote me o. u know you're fine Ehen and your day, I guess is going on well. Ehen

what more can I say, poster's above me have given you pointers but know this patience is a virtue, God will see you guys through I believe it's a phase that will also pass

At this stage, I will just suggest that Google should be your best friend.
Many on this thread are kids and cannot give the answers you are looking for.

How ever, I have to let you know that your statement towards your husband was harsh and super wrong
This is the time quality wife material come to play. Both of you should put heads together and find solutions to it.
You should know that that is the most important part of the male specie. Tell him to forgive what you said and he should come home so that you can discuss how to end the situation.

peggykorol:
He is 35
Doesnt smoke
No big belly
Takes alcohol moderately

your hubby does little or no physically demanding tasks. send him to the nearest gym or a construction site(to lift bags of cement).

his arteries have been clogged up by plaques of cholesterol & this is why he finds it hard to get it up. once the required amount of blood gets to his tool, you would notice a change.

coogar:


your hubby does little or no physically demanding tasks. send him to the nearest gym or a construction site(to lift bags of cement).

his arteries have been clogged up by plaques of cholesterol & this is why he finds it hard to get it up. once the required amount of blood gets to his tool, you would notice a change.

lmao .

Peggy,

A mens sexual health is often tied to other things;

Stress is a big one – the stress of being a married man – especially a responsible one who wants to provide the best for his family – can be huge, and bear on a mans libido

Feeding into this are lots of other things, work situation, finances, family life events etc. Your job as his wife is too help him manage his stress levels – even if they are not articulated or plainly apparent.

Exercise & Diet – When I coach men who wish to improve their marriages – even if there is no problem – I always touch on this. It’s very important.

Physical wellbeing doesn’t come in a bottle. It’s takes continuous endeavour and a systematic approach. He needs to maintain an exercise regime that brings gains, but also takes into account your circumstances and environment.

Long-term the benefits are priceless. Improved health – may also help with his other conditions. Better, feeling, better looking, more enrgy and enthusiasm, and an increased libido – which all the other benefits actually feed. Double fo’ yo’ money! Seek medical clearance that he’s fit to exert himself.

Exercise should be combined with a good diet. You should be able to take charge here. But work with him, as wholesale changes may be required and he may resist to begin with.

And of course see a doctor. A good, competent one. But as he’s been “potent” in the past, I shouldn’r expect anything structural to be the issue?

Please try to stay away from, or only consider medication as a temporary fix. At age 35 – there is no reason why he shouldn’t still be functioning at his peak. I personally do not like medicine as a long-term solution.

Hopefully exercise and diet together with managing his stress levels should do it. Draw on your faith if you have any and deal with any past hurt/wrongs first. Forgiveness alone is a great healer..

Work with him. Work together. It’s something you can overcome if the will is there. All the best.


TV

Kai....this one gidi gan. Op I pray your hubby comes out of this situation soon

Praying for you guys.

peggykorol:
I have seen a Gyn and is nothing serious, he came home late last night and we talked

His Doc has checked every possible health problem that could be causing ED,although History of diabetes and HBP exist in his family

He was on Viagra treatment but the side effects were much on him

his doctor is treating any underlying illness he may be suffering from
We were advised to use P pump
But it gave him bruises
Ify pls recommend
I don't think my hubby is stressed ,everything going on fine and our seex life was okay

If the doctor is treating any underlying illness it may be the meds he is on that is actually causing the trouble.
The side effects of some drugs can cause decrease in libido
If he is on any meds, you may want to get the dr to review these

As for the stress, you may not be able to tell, especially if he is the quiet type who bottles things up. There may be things bothering him. Try and get close to him and try to get him to open up
Is he sleeping well?
Is he relaxing well?
Is he eating wel? When I say well I mean healthy?

Sometimes minor changes for the good give the body a new lease of life. Please forget the viagra and pumps etc for now. Lets try the natural way first and that starts with you.

Wish you all the best ((hugs))