Best Job Ever

I asked a friend of mine what he is doing. He told me, he is working on, "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment".

I was impressed! On further asking, I learnt that he was washing dishes with hot water... under his wife's supervision!

Shollay20:
Yo momma's so fat and old when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mother to move out of the way.

This killed me....

Akpos in School

Akpos wrote a later to his father saying "papa condition is critical at school, send money or suicide will be committed" then the father replied "condition is more critical at home suicide approved!"

Hahahaha - Prank in an African home https://youtu.be/yPBtPBy8Ws0A
MARRIAGE WAHALA - FUNNY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4zuGIJk7Mw
GHANA WEED – VERY FUNNY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLYVw9j5xcY
FAKE REPORTER - VERY FUNNY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16iU_ecKW7Q

SEE PASTOR FIGHTING FOR TITHE IN THE CHURCH IT BELONGS TO GOD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MsMu32--Gk

Papa Akpos

Papa Akpos :- My pikin say you drive am commot for school, Wetin he do

Akpos' Teacher :- Your son no know book at all, He no fit spell "LION"

Papa Akpos :- Ah Ah You know say na SMALL pikin...You for tell am make he spell SMALL ANIMAL like MOSQUITO

Police Interrogation

Police: Mr Apkos, where do u Live?

Akpos: with my mom.

Police: where does ur mom live?

Akpos: with my Dad.
Police: [Getting Impatient] where does ur dad live?

Akpos: with me and my mom.

Police; [Getting angry] then where do u all stay?

Akpos: Together!

One good turn

Akpos returns a missing purse to the owner in a market. The lady was so
grateful but when she looked inside the purse, she got confused and said,

"but I had just a single note of N1000 but, now there are ten notes of N100, how come?"

Akpos said "na me change am, because the last time I help person find purse she say she for give me something but change no dey! So I changed it"

5 things Indian movies taught me


1) One of the identical twins is born evil!

(2) While defusing a bomb don't worry about which wire to cut, you will always choose the right one!

(3) A hero will show no pain while getting beaten up, but will show pain when a woman is trying to clean his wound!

(4) A detective can solve a case only when he is suspended!

(5) If you decide to start dancing on the street, everyone you meet will know the steps.

Three hungry men

There three men living together. An Afro-American, a West Indian and a Nigerian. They were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food.

They took a walk and on approaching a restaurant in this classy neighbourhood, they came up with a plan.

The Afro-American went in first. After being seated, he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal, the waiter came by with the bill. LISTEN MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU! the Afro-American shouted! The waiter was very confused because he could not remember being paid. But because he did not want to cause any trouble, he let him leave.

Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the same restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for the food. HEY, HEY, LOOK AT ME CLOSELY. BUT I PAID YOU ALREADY! the West Indian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down the West Indian, because he did not want anything to upset the other customers. He let him go.

Ten minutes later, the Nigerian walked in. He sat down. Lit up a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu, plus two bottles of Wine. After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal, but before the Nigerian could say anything, the waiter spoke to him. "Sir, I have been having all sorts of problems all day and I cant understand it. Two other people like you came in earlier and ate, and they say that they paid me but I dont remember getting any money from them so - Before he could finish, the Nigerian interrupted, rather emphatically, OGA I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM. I JUST WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY CHANGE!!!" [url]jokeafrica..com[/url]

Mental Akpos


We went to aro for visitation. They wanted to test to know the next of the insane men to release. The doctor drew a door on the wall and asked the patients to open and pass through it.
All the insane men rushed to the door to open but Akpos. He sat down and watched them, the doctor thinks Akpos' brain is back to normal. Doctor goes to him

Doctor: Akpos why are u sitting down?

Akpos: They are all crazy! Doctor the key to that door is in my pocket

Sad Story of a Man: Why I got divorced


Last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me, my parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work, even my colleagues didn't wish me.

As I entered my cabin my secretary said, "Happy Birthday Boss!". I felt so special, she asked me out to lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment and we went there. She said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?"
"Okay", I said

She came out 5 minutes later with a cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends and my colleagues all screaming, "SURPRISE!!!"
...and I was waiting on the sofa. NAKED!

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

Yo momma is so fat that when she went to the beach a whale swam up and sang, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me."

Stage dive goes wrong for this rapper

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHwi--E0R_c

Finding a Husband

Finding a Husband is Hard...

1. You find a handsome one, the brain is empty.

2. You find a brilliant one, he looks too serious.

3. You find a rich one, he is respectful.

4. You find a hardworking one, he never has time for you.

5. You find a serious one, his EX keeps calling.

6. You find a humble one, he is broke.

7. You find a responsible one, he is not romantic.

8. You find an educated one, he feels he is always right.

9. You find an illiterate one, he always gets angry whenever you correct him.

10. You find a smart one, he lies every time.
Where is the perfect one?

Intelligent Question

A little boy work up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did I get my intelligence from?"

The father replied, "Well son, you might have gotten it from your mother because I still have mine."

Profit and Loss


A wife asks, "Why is it that in all marriages, the bride sits on the left side and the groom on the right?"

The husband replies, "Have you ever seen a profit and loss statement? It follows the same logic; all INCOME is posted on the RIGHT and EXPENSES are on the LEFT!

Yo momma's so fat, that when she fell, no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up.

Your momma is so ugly she made One Direction go another direction.

Download and share with friends... very funny romantic comedy.. www.kellyucomedy..com

Youtube channel pls subscribe.. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrlQE39ijtWvYjjEdFxwAoA


looking is a sin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-Tx-bFFmjg

Fast food
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFXpG2FlbWc

Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7zeCSjxmZ0

Dead Promise

An accident occurred today, 11 persons were injured, 12 died. So the Minister of Health promised to offer N5,000 to the injured and N6million to the dead for their funeral.

One of the injured got up and laid where the dead were...

One of the dead shouted, "Bros, go back to your place, do not bring confusion here, they have counted us already!"

Dead Promise


Submitted by Anonymous on Thu, 09/22/2016 - 17:16
An accident occurred today, 11 persons were injured, 12 died. So the Minister of Health promised to offer N5,000 to the injured and N6million to the dead for their funeral.

One of the injured got up and laid where the dead were...

One of the dead shouted, "Bros, go back to your place, do not bring confusion here, they have counted us already!"

I met this girl on facebook and we've been
chatting for about 6months now.

Yesterday was her birthday, i logged in and i saw her online, and we started chatting immediately.

ME: Hello dear, happy birthday.

HER: aww...tanks dear

ME: you welcome

HER: so where is my birthday gift?

ME: Hmmm! Big girl like u is asking for birthday
gift?.

HER: please i am nt a big girl oo. U wnt to deny me
birthday gift abi? ...

(I quickly went to buy N100 airtime card and sent the pin into her chat inbox....)

ME: Dear manage this pls.

HER: noo, pls i was only joking. I will nt take that.

ME: pls pls.

HER: and i refuse. I cnt take anything from u.

I quickly loaded the card and transfered it into her
line account. Few munites later i recieved a
notification "N200 was
transfered to u from...

ME: whats the meaning of that?

HER: i told u, u shldnt. ..
(this girl want to show me that she is a big girl?)
So i used my last N300 to
buy card, load it, making N500 and send to her.
Some minutes later, an alert, tang-tang..''N1000 was transfered to u from....''

chaiii..this girl want to try me? And i didnt have any
money left! I called my friend and borrowed the
N2000 he was keeping for his father, i told him i
will be expecting N6000 in the next 5min and i will
pay him back...i quickly bought a card of N2000,
and sent
her the N3000.. and i kept my phone close to my
ear expecting alert.
Ten minutes later, instead of message alert, it was a
call from her.
.
''Hello dear, just call to thank you for the birthday present ...we'll chat later''.
.
I swear i didn't look for where to faint. I fainted in
my friend's arm, i cannot come and break neck in
the name of fainting...jokeafrica..com

Let's see how intelligent you are:::
Boss says to secretary, "We are travelling abroad for the week, so make
arrangements." Secretary
makes a call to her husband, "My boss
and I will be travelling abroad for the week,
so look after kids."
Husband makes call to secret lover, "My wife is going abroad for the week, so let's spend the week together."
Secret lover makes a
call to a little boy
whom she is giving private lessons, "I'm going to be busy throughout the week, so
you need not come for
classes."
Little boy makes call to his grandfather,
"Grandpa, I don't have classes for the week, because my teacher is going to be busy. Let's spend the week
together."
Grandpa makes a call to his Secretary, "I'm afraid we won't be travelling again. My grandson and I are going to spend the week together."
Secretary makes a call to her husband, "My boss has some personal matters to attend to, so our trip is cancelled."
Husband makes a
call to secret lover,
"We cannot spend the week together, my wife has cancelled her trip."
Secret lover makes a call to little boy, "We will still have classes as usual this week."
Little boy makes a call to his grandfather, "Grandpa! I'm sorry we won't be able to
spend the week
together. My teacher called and said that I have to attend classes."
Grandpa makes
a call to his secretary, "Change of plans! My
grandson is no more
coming. So we are still
travelling this week. Make
arrangements."
Who is controlling this chain please?

Akpos Gets First Class
Akpos bursts into the house, "Daddy! My GPA is 4.78!"

The father is amazed and says "This calls for a party."

The father takes Akpos on a ride around town to shopping malls and Eateries. He spends all he has including his Month end salary.

The father thought to himself, "At least I celebrated my son's success even if I'm eventually broke."
When they got home, Akpos shows his result to his Father. His father looking stunned, angrily snares at his son, "WHAT IS THIS? I thought you said you had a First Class? But what I'm seeing on your result is a Third Class!"

Akpos, who is smiling sheepishly, suddenly shouts, "APRIL FOOL DAD!!!"

What do you think will happen to Akpos?

Where is Your Driver's License


A policeman stopped a motorist and his friend on the road and after checking his car papers and driver's license which were intact, the following conversation ensued...

POLICEMAN: If you start feeling sick on the steering, who would drive this car home?

MOTORIST: I don't intend to fall sick officer, but thank God I have my friend here. if I fall sick, he will drive me home.

POLICEMAN: (turns to his friend) Where is your driver's license?

FRIEND: I don't have one.
POLICEMAN: You are under arrest for intent to drive without a license!

Guardian Angel

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.

"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

Toy Story


There was this couple that was married for 20 years, and every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him out of the crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery operated pleasure devise. She got extremely upset. "You impotent bastard!" she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly, "I'll explain the toy if you explain the kids."

The Angel Maid


A little boy said "Mom, did you know that Anna is an angel?" Mom said "You mean the maid, why do you say that?"

The boy said "Well, because I saw her naked in your bedroom with her hands on the wall & she was shouting, "oh God I am coming...I am coming ...I am coming...If it wasn't for dad who was holding her tight from

Baptism of Beer


After dipping AKPOS three times in water, Father Peter then said to him, "You are now a new creation so your name is no longer AKPOS but Paul. From now onwards, no drinking alcohol!"

When he got home, AKPOS now Paul dipped his Beer Bottle in water three times and then said, "From now on your name is now Water"