Three Classes of Poverty


We have three classes of poverty. Primary, Secondary and Tertiary poverty. Teacher asks "who can explain the three classes of poverty?"

Akpos stood up and said "Sir we are operating in the three classes of poverty o". The teacher asks "have you paid your school fees?"

Akpos replied "that's exactly what I mean"..[url]jokeafrica..com[/url]

Daughter's Pregnancy


A young girl in her teens got pregnant. Her father was so furious, he asked her who was responsible for the pregnancy and she said told him a rich famous chief. He called the chief over to the house and they sat down to discuss the matter.

FATHER: Chief, i heard you are responsible for my daughter's pregnancy.

CHIEF: You are right, that is true, let me add this, if she gives birth to a male child, I will give you 5 million naira with a furnished flat. If she gives birth to a female child, I will give you 2 million naira and a bungalow. If she gives birth to twins, I will give you 10 million naira with a duplex but if she gets a miscarriage-

FATHER: [interrupts] You will have to sleep with her again!

The Picnic

Three friends Akpos, Rukewe and Oghene decided to go for a picnic. Rukewe packs the picnic basket with drinks and sandwiches. Oghene carried the basket and they set out for the park 10km away.

It takes them 2 hours to get there. When they arrived, Oghene found out that Rukewe did not pack the bottle opener. They begged Akpos to make the 4 hour trip to go for the opener. He disagreed. "You'll finish the sandwiches before I return", Akpos protested. "No we won't'", assured Rukewe. After some more cajoling from them, Akpos reluctantly sets out for the opener. After 5 hours, there was no sign of Akpos.

They decided to wait for another 3 hours, still no sign of Akpos. After waiting for more than 8 hours they were now very hungry so they decided to take one sandwich each.

As they were about to eat, Akpos pops out from behind a rock screaming "I KNEW IT! I'M NOT GOING AGAIN!!!"

Draw a goat eating grass

Akpos was in the classroom when his teacher gave a class work that everybody in class should draw a goat eating grass.

When they all finish drawing they submitted their work for the teacher to grade, when the teacher wanted to grade Akpos' work, he noticed that there was nothing on the drawing book.

So he called Akpos to ask why he left the drawing book blank. Akpos replied and said "Maybe the goat has finish eating the grass and went away"

The stupid wife


WIFE: If i knew you were this Poor I wouldn't have married you!


AKPOS: What do you think I meant when I said you were the only thing I have in this world?"

Wife vs Dog

Akpos: Musa, if your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
Musa: Ofcourse, my dog!

Akpos: Why your dog?
Musa: My dog will shut up once I let it in..[url]jokeafrica..com[/url]

The Picnic


Three friends Akpos, Rukewe and Oghene decided to go for a picnic. Rukewe packs the picnic basket with drinks and sandwiches. Oghene carried the basket and they set out for the park 10km away.

It takes them 2 hours to get there. When they arrived, Oghene found out that Rukewe did not pack the bottle opener.
They begged Akpos to make the 4 hour trip to go for the opener. He disagreed. "You'll finish the sandwiches before I return", Akpos protested.

"No we won't'", assured Rukewe. After some more cajoling from them, Akpos reluctantly sets out for the opener. After 5 hours, there was no sign of Akpos. They decided to wait for another 3 hours, still no sign of Akpos. After waiting for more than 8 hours they were now very hungry so they decided to take one sandwich each.
As they were about to eat, Akpos pops out from behind a rock screaming "I KNEW IT! I'M NOT GOING AGAIN!!!"

Crazy Wife

One day, a woman wanted to make a fool out of her hubby. So she decided to write him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore and after writing, she put the letter on the table in the bedroom before hiding under the bed.

When her hubby came back home, he saw the letter and read it. Then he also wrote something on it and began to sing and dance, changing his clothes. He got his phone, dialled someone and said, "Hey babe, I will still be joining you, as for the other fool, it has finally dawned on her that I was fooling around with her and has left. I was really wrong to have married her. I wish I had known you earlier. See you soon honey!".

The hubby walked out of the room.
In tears and very upset, the woman got up from under the bed and decided to go and read what the hubby wrote on the letter. When she got the letter, it said, "APRIL FOOL!!! Got you didn't I? I COULD see your trailing feet under the bed."

Akpos Gets First Class

Akpos bursts into the house, "Daddy! My CGPA is 4.78!"

The father is amazed and says "This calls for a party."

The father takes Akpos on a ride around town to shopping malls and Eateries. He spends all he has including his Month end salary.

The father thought to himself, "At least I celebrated my son's success even if I'm eventually broke."
When they got home, Akpos shows his result to his Father. His father looking stunned, angrily snares at his son, "WHAT IS THIS? I thought you said you had a First Class? But what I'm seeing on your result is a Third Class!"

Akpos, who is smiling sheepishly, suddenly shouts, "APRIL FOOL DAD!!!"
What do you think will happen to Akpos?

Surprise Call

A girl calls a guy who has been trying to toast her for over a year...

GIRL: Hello cutie.

GUY: (surprised) Hey beauty, I didn't hope you'll ever call me.

GIRL: I'm all alone at home and I was kind of wondering if you can come over to my place because I'm feeling very Hot right now.

GUY: OMG! I'll be right there in 5 minutes.
At the girl's house...

GIRL: Are you going to keep looking at me or take off your clothes and let's have sex?

GUY: Yes
After taking off his clothes...

GIRL: (laughs and shouts) APRIL FOOL!

Future Tense
In an English Class...

TEACHER: "I killed a person". Convert this sentence into future tense.

AKPOS: "You will go to jail".

Three hungry men

There three men living together. An Afro-American, a West Indian and a Nigerian. They were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food.

They took a walk and on approaching a restaurant in this classy neighbourhood, they came up with a plan.
The Afro-American went in first. After being seated, he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal, the waiter came by with the bill. LISTEN MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU! the Afro-American shouted!

The waiter was very confused because he could not remember being paid. But because he did not want to cause any trouble, he let him leave.
Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the same restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for the food. HEY, HEY, LOOK AT ME CLOSELY. BUT I PAID YOU ALREADY! the West Indian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down the West Indian, because he did not want anything to upset the other customers. He let him go.
Ten minutes later, the Nigerian walked in. He sat down. Lit up a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu, plus two bottles of Wine. After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal, but before the Nigerian could say anything, the waiter spoke to him. "Sir, I have been having all sorts of problems all day and I cant understand it.

Two other people like you came in earlier and ate, and they say that they paid me but I dont remember getting any money from them so - Before he could finish, the Nigerian interrupted, rather emphatically, OGA I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM. I JUST WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY CHANGE!!!"

Guilty by the hammer


At a court hearing, the Judge says, "on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?", "Guilty", said the man in the dock. At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "you dirty rat!"

The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise.

The Judge continued "...also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead?",

"Guilty", said the man in the dock. Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "you dirty rotten stinking rat!"

At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?" He replied "He is my next door neighbour". The Judge replied, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments". The man replied "No, your Honor, you don't understand. Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and both times he said he didn't have one...[url]jokeafrica..com[/url]

Lost but lost

Akpos again!!! Akpos got 2 skool late on monday morning and the teacher asked "Akpos why did u come to school late?" Akpos answered "one man lost #1,000 note at d bus stop" the teacher said "ooohh! thats good of you", "seems you were helping the man look for his lost money".

Akpos answered "Nooo! I DEY CRAZE Na me stand on top of the money"

Letter Bomb

Two boys, Habib & Akpos are making letter bombs.

Habib: I'm not sure whether I put enough explosive in this envelope before I sealed it.

Akpos: Well, then open it and look.

Habib: But if I open it, it will explode!

Akpos: Don't be stupid...It's not addressed to you!

Biology and Sociology


Teacher: What is the difference between Biology & Sociology?


Akpos: If a new born baby looks like his father, it is Biology but if he looks like the neighbor that's Sociology!

Trapped In The Closet


A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, "Dark in here".

The man says, "Yes, it is"

BOY: I have a baseball.

MAN: That's nice.

BOY: Want to buy it?

MAN: No, thanks.

BOY: My dads outside.

MAN: OK, how much?

BOY: $150.

MAN: Sold!

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

BOY: Dark in here.

MAN: Yes, it is.

BOY: I have a Wilson infielders glove.

MAN: How much?

BOY: $350.

MAN: Highway robbery. Sold.

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, lets go outside and have a game of catch."

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

The boy says, "$500"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that, that's way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

BOY: Dark in here.

PRIEST: Don't start that shit again, you're in my caloset now...jokeafrica..com

Akpos walk into a bar and saw a beautiful lady sitting alone.

He went and sat on the same table with her.
“Baby girl, you look so worried” asked Akpors,
The girl replied “Yea, my boyfriend just dumped me right here after drinking”.

“Am sorry dear, but why don’t you give me a chance, I love you and I will make it up to
you”

“From today onward, I don’t want to have anything to do with men again because all
men are the same” replied the girl.

“Try me and you will see that all men are not the same” Just as they were discussing, the bar man
came and say to the lady “Am about to close, so please may I have my money”

Akpos trying to impress the girl then said to the bar man “Why are you embarrassing my baby? by the way, how much is you money?”

“her money is 31,000 Naira only sir!”

“What! How come?” “she ate one plate of chicken pepper soup (N5,000), 2 Fresh fish (N6,000) and she drank 1 bottles of Golden label (N20,000).”
Akpors stood up and starting going out.

The girl said to him “I thought you said you
love me”

He replied “Wrong number baby, I just
remembered that all men are the same”
jokeafrica..com

Akpos walk into a bar and saw a beautiful lady sitting alone.

He went and sat on the same table with her.
“Baby girl, you look so worried” asked Akpors,
The girl replied “Yea, my boyfriend just dumped me right here after drinking”.

“Am sorry dear, but why don’t you give me a chance, I love you and I will make it up to
you”

“From today onward, I don’t want to have anything to do with men again because all
men are the same” replied the girl.

“Try me and you will see that all men are not the same” Just as they were discussing, the bar man
came and say to the lady “Am about to close, so please may I have my money”

Akpos trying to impress the girl then said to the bar man “Why are you embarrassing my baby? by the way, how much is you money?”

“her money is 31,000 Naira only sir!”

“What! How come?” “she ate one plate of chicken pepper soup (N5,000), 2 Fresh fish (N6,000) and she drank 1 bottles of Golden label (N20,000).”
Akpors stood up and starting going out.

The girl said to him “I thought you said you
love me”

He replied “Wrong number baby, I just
remembered that all men are the same”

Deliver me

A man was walking in a bush, suddenly, he saw a lion in front of him. He knelt down for prayers, so that GOD would deliver him. When he opened his eyes, he saw the lion kneeling down also for prayers.

He asked "Mr lion are you also a christian?" The lion replied "Shut up! Don't you pray before u eat your food?"

Naija Police Emergency

Omo, police don upgrade oh, dis na d call center numba 112. There was a robbery in my neighbour's house and I called them... next thing I heard was.

Welcome to Nigeria Police Emergency Center... for English press. 1, for Igbo press 2, for Yoruba press 3. Then I pressed 1... then another voice came up....For Car Accident press 1, for Armed Robbery press 2, for Boko haram please hang up...Den I pressed 2, another voice came up...If they're with knives press 1, pistols press 2, AK 47 press 3, machine guns press 4, bomb press 5, all of the above press 6...Then I checked and saw they were with all of them then I pressed 6... another a voice came up saying...
Hmmmm...! My brother, if your brother dey police u go gree make im come

principal's daughter

AKPOS: Isn't our principal an idiot?

GIRL: Do you know who i am?

AKPOS: No

GIRL: Im his daughter.

AKPOS: Do u know me?

GIRL: No!

AKPOS: Thank God.

Who is the mumu please?


Akpos was sent to deliver a chicken in Lagos. On his way a careless okada made him to fall. The chicken immediately ran off. When Akpos saw the chicken running away, he started laughing. When asked why he was laughing, he said "see this Mumu chicken, where does she know in Lagos when the address is with me?"

Where are you?


An angry wife to her husband (Akpos) on phone.

Wife: Where the hell are you?

Akpos: Honey, you remember that gold shop where you saw the diamond necklace & totally fell in love with it?
Wife (relaxed): Yes, my king

Akpors: Remember I had no cash to buy it for you that day & I said I will buy it for you one day?
Wife (totally relaxed with a smile & a blush): Yes I remember my love!
Akpors: Good, I am in a beer palour next to that shop!

Ignorance

A woman goes to see a doctor. She has to wait in line to see him. Finally its her turn.

WOMAN: Doctor, I have a problem, people ignore me.

DOCTOR: Next!

Naming Ceremony

Akpos insisted that his first child must bear his name. So on the day of naming....

Rev: Which name would you like your child to bear?

Akpos: With smiles all over his face he said, Akpos!

Rev: No! He has to bear an English name.

Akpos: Ok oh, Akposky!

Rev: Listen, your son should be named after a saint in the bible.

Akpos: Nawa oh, which kind wahala be this?? Ok oga pastor, my son will bear St. Akpostus.

Naming Ceremony

Akpos insisted that his first child must bear his name. So on the day of naming....

Rev: Which name would you like your child to bear?

Akpos: With smiles all over his face he said, Akpos!

Rev: No! He has to bear an English name.
Akpos: Ok oh, Akposky!

Rev: Listen, your son should be named after a saint in the bible.

Akpos: Nawa oh, which kind wahala be this?? Ok oga pastor, my son will bear St. Akpostus
[url]jokeafrica..com[/url]

Baptism of Beer

After dipping AKPOS three times in water, Father Peter then said to him, "You are now a new creation so your name is no longer AKPOS but Paul. From now onwards, no drinking alcohol!"

When he got home, AKPOS now Paul dipped his Beer Bottle in water three times and then said, "From now on your name is now Water"

Long Queue


I've you experienced the long queue at ATM points these days? I wonder where the recession everyone keep shouting about is coming from.

Yesterday afternoon, I tried to check if I still have some money in my account. After staying in the queue behind a guy for about 45 minutes, a girl walked up to me and said, "Please sir, I'm in front of your back."

Out of annoyance, I replied, "Come and stay in the center of my front!"

Who is more stupid

Ochuko and Akpos were sitting under the tree arguing about whose son was more stupid.
Ochuko:Akpos, my son is not just stupid but Dumb as well.

Akpos:Oya make we call them and test them and you will know that my son is daft.

They both sent for their sons and Ochuko's son came first,

Ochuko: Ochuko jnr go market and buy me pineapple...(the boy ran off and came back 14mins later to say papa never give am money)

Ochuko: You see my son is dumb and stupid.
Akpos laughed and said let my son come and you will understand stupid. Akpos jnr came and the father said Akpos go home and ask your mother if i dey home...the boy ran home and came back, then told his father that papa, mama say you no dey house...akpos turned and looked at his friend.