Na wa o. nairalanders, i don't know why men are running away from me o. i broke up with my last boyfriend who wanted me to wait till i was 32 before marriage, now, this new one, another story don commot. I asked him what were his plans for me marriage wise, only for him to tell me that he is commintment phobic, that he is scared of commitment, that i mean the whole world to him, but marriage is out of the question. I almost fainted. A friend now advised me that if i break up with him, it would make him realise how much he misses me, and then propose. For where? I broke up with him, he begged for a while that i should come back, i refused, telling him that unless he promises to be able to marry me one day i can't come back. MEanwhile, the guy is a perfect husband material oh, but he just no wan marry. what should i do? I am getting scared o, i am already 27. Should i just go back and enjoy the relationship while it lasts till i find someone else, or believe that as it goes on he would realise he should marry me? Or should i just leave things as they are? abeg you guys advise o. this marriage thing is making me nuts, my parents are pressurising me, all my friends are getting married

lol wats this about nigerian guys been scared of marriage?

take it easy gurl. d right guy is gonna come soon

acidrop:

lol wats this about nigerian guys been scared of marriage?

they are afraid of responsibility @poster if you really want to get married, find someone else from your post, that guy is not that into you that's why he's giving ridiculous excuse

Guys find women who come across as desperate a big turn off. You sound like you come off as being too desperate towards these guys that's why they run. Take it easy, one step at a time and trust me in no time the right guy would find you.

You just started dating this guy, so allow everything flow naturally, you just don't pop such an issue immediately. Just my little piece of advice.

What about a perfect wife material, if there is any such thing? Please do not let your parental pressure to get married gravitate you towards the dreadful trend of hoping from one man to another. At least, you have publicly acknowledged two instances of leftover; I honestly believed that it might be more than two.

Sounds like a common place thing among women of your age.Please know that what you think about most,hardly come by.I advice that you keep an open mind to it and let nature take its course. Quit making  comparisms because that is the main cause of your problem.Your friends are all getting married?So what about that? Look around you and find out what you have that your friends do not have. Keep your shoulders high girl.Stop asking your man what his future plans with you are. Just put in your best in the relationship,find out areas of interest in his life.If you are able to do that,you will certainly become indispensable to him.

i think u are presenting urself to them as a desperate woman. try to enjoy the relationship without putting pressure on a guy to marry u. he would marry u if he loves u if not, u would find someone else. asking a man about his marriage plans for u is a big turn off especially at the beginning of a relationship.

Go back to the guy who wants u to marry when you are 32 atleast he is not "commitment phobic"

Go back to the guy who wants u to marry when you are 32 atleast he is not "commitment phobic"

hey rockchic

I am going to tell u this from my experience on this issue of marriage. for a lady to say this, it has its own advantage n disadvantage.

ADVANTAGE: wen ladies say this, it either tells us dat, hey guy u grown up or u r growing old. we go do d thinking n all dat.
DISADVANTAGE: we see u as desperate ones n looking for someone to hook up by force by fire(download ur burden on the guy) we take off ASAP.

This as hapund to me once and i had to back off immediately cos i was scared, confused , etc, not cos i wasnt old enough but i just couldnt picture myself in that then and we were both age mate.

we guys will neva allow a lady tell us abt this and just jump into it, we tend to see it as a trap or perharps dere is something wrong wit the lady in qtion, so we will always back out either to do our findings or go n neva show up again.

see its very natural for a guy to get scared of commitment interms of marriage but we still ve to do it anyway. u girls should just have an open mind wen it comes to sensitive issues like this.

will be back soon, need to attend to work.

His answer will still be the same in 2 years, 3 years, 4 years etc.

If he does not want to marry you he will never change his mind. You have to let him go and focus on you. As hard as it may be you have to let go of getting married and when you really do that it will happen.

If you are desperately searching for a husband then you will land trash. Sometimes our need to get married will cloud our judgement and we will settle.

It appears that you want a husband and you are willing to wait in a relationship with a man that has said he will not marry you. Please listen to him, he will never change his mind until it is too late.

Trust me I have been there and done that. I stayed with a man for 3 extra years after he told me he was commitment phobic and would not get married. Althou we broke up and stayed friends it was not until i got married that his true colors came out and he was sorry that he ever let me get away. Because I am married he now wont talk to me.

@topic

u r just too desperate for my liking,haba, must he marry u?is it a must that any Man  you get serious wt must marry u?how can u force him to consider u as a wife?u just started with him and u r already talking about marriage,a woman for that matter,haba all this desperate women sef can be so annoying d worst of it all is breaking up with him and telling him u'd only come back,if he promises to marry u some day   for ur information madam,if it is all about promise,a man wil promise to marry u,put a ring on ur finger,introduce u to family members,after he has finished sucking ur orange dry,and still not marry u,oh no I'm sure ur desperate brain did not tell u that

rockchic:

Na wa o. nairalanders, i don't know why men are running away from me o. i broke up with my last boyfriend who wanted me to wait till i was 32 before marriage, now

it seems you date men of your age. most men based in nigeria cannot get their shit together till their early 30s.

this new one, another story don commot. I asked him what were his plans for me marriage wise, only for him to tell me that he is commintment phobic, that he is scared of commitment, that i mean the whole world to him, but marriage is out of the question. I almost fainted. A friend now advised me that if i break up with him, it would make him realise how much he misses me, and then propose. For where? I broke up with him, he begged for a while that i should come back, i refused, telling him that unless he promises to be able to marry me one day i can't come back. MEanwhile, the guy is a perfect husband material oh, but he just no wan marry.

how old is the new guy? has he reached a marriageable age yet?? i mean marriageable in nigerian standard.

what should i do? I am getting scared o, i am already 27. Should i just go back and enjoy the relationship while it lasts till i find someone else, or believe that as it goes on he would realise he should marry me? Or should i just leave things as they are? abeg you guys advise o. this marriage thing is making me nuts, my parents are pressurising me, all my friends are getting married

be calm. you and your friends cannot marry in the same year. wait for your time.

This is one of the main issues i have with women. The man has told you that he is not trying to marry you, do you listen? NOOOOO instead you start scheming and planning on how to help him change his mind.

You can't change a person, they might agree with you for a while but in the long run it might lead to major unhappiness on your part and major resentment on his part. Men are simple, if we tell you something that has major implecations, we mean it. If i were you, i would cut my loses and move on and so what you are 27 years old where is it written that you must be married by a certain age. I'll say it's better to move on than to find out later that you have waisted your time.

Sorry oh.Just passing.May be you should start buying space for nun in any of this missinary church.That will help.

don't ever lose hope, someone will come along, willing to marry and spend his lifetime with you, you are luckier than me, I love her with all my heart but still I can't marry her, stay safe

Be careful what you wish for. If you try to coherce him into the marriage you may regret it in the long run. After a while, if he chooses to he will dish out anything and expect you to take it because you were the one who wanted to get married so badly.

I think your best bet is to continue dating him, while showing him your best self. Don't voice it to him, but give yourself a timeframe and if he has not asked you by then, just move on. Make sure the timeframe is reasonable enough so that he can measure your true personality.

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a man knows pretty quickly whether he wants to marry you or not. If he is adamant he wont marry you now you cant change his mind tomorrow.

Besides no man is commitment phobic . . . its a subtle way of telling you you're not going to be the one he sees himself spending the rest of his life with.

davidylan:

a man knows pretty quickly whether he wants to marry you or not. If he is adamant he wont marry you now you can't change his mind tomorrow.

Besides no man is commitment phobic . . . its a subtle way of telling you you're not going to be the one he sees himself spending the rest of his life with.

3 Gbosa for you jare!!!

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tpia:

actually, its generally the pretty useless playas guys who will say this kind of thing while making a girlfriend believe she's special.

A responsible man wont be banging a woman and telling her at the same time that he can't marry her.

too many examples to count.


so any woman deceiving herself saying the man will change his mind had better wake up and smell the coffee. More often than not, if the man is getting it for free, and still isnt convinced of a need to marry her, then you need to reassess the situation.

that one na story. Plenty of responsible men doing just that . . . to them its like extracuricular activity.

@tangent thats not rily true.

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tpia . . . tpia . . . tpia . . .

Depends on your definition of "responsible". Men are perfectly capable of no strings attached sex with a woman, the thing is this women know that the man wont marry them but they play along anyway hoping he'd change his mind soon. Its not that the fellow is irresponsible, he's simply having some good ol' fun on the side.

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tpia:

I hope you know you're contradicting yourself terribly here?

If a woman has the same kind of fun, then is she responsible?

look we have to understand its a man's world . . . sad but true.

On the flipside if a woman wants to have no strings attached sex . . . no problem. Its her life.

Don't go back to the guy just let him go,If you stay with him while looking for someone else it will just be a hindrance. clear your head and relax someone who is worth his salt will come along,don't be in a hurry .

myadvice look for any single guy from this thread

davidylan:

a man knows pretty quickly whether he wants to marry you or not. If he is adamant he wont marry you now you can't change his mind tomorrow.

Besides no man is commitment phobic . . . its a subtle way of telling you you're not going to be the one he sees himself spending the rest of his life with.

Spot On!!!!

@poster

Let me tell you no man is commitment phobic, when any man meets that woman he thinks is right and perfect for him, there wouldn't be any drama of what are marriage plans or issues, he would know he's found a treasure and would do everything to have that treasure for life.