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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? (26968 Views)
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Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by Dammyjohn(m): 12:08pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
jnrbayano:Please,what will you do?I am curious to know. |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by jnrbayano(m): 12:20pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
Dammyjohn: While away, I will discuss the matter with my fiancee and get her opinion. If she is on my side, I will ask her to tell her parents that that question doesn't go down well with me, that they should desist from it and make do with the information I already provided. However, if she sides with her parents, I would discontinue with the marriage plans for the time being. Siding with her parents over me in this case is a red flag. She needs to be weaned first before she can attempt marriage. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by Lsofdk(m): 12:26pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
none of their business |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by Danosophe(m): 12:37pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
Dem dey alryt? Wetin go warrant dat kind question? Any guy wen disclose im earnings to im fiancee parents na propa olodo. Why e go evn happen sef? ;DDem dey alryt? Wetin go warrant dat kind question? Any guy wen disclose im earnings to im fiancee parents na propa olodo. Why e go evn happen sef? |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by Weah96: 12:50pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
How much does the father make? Question for question. |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by TCann(m): 12:50pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
I have carefully read this thread from the 1st page to the last and it amuses me the points of view which everyone who has commented is viewing the issue from. Moreso as a father whom someone will come and ask for my daughter's hand one day(and I'm working at being very financially comfortable and giving my daughter the best training-home&schooling) There are 2 major points of view. 1. The 'wife's family is poor and wants to burden me' point of view Understandably so, any guy averagely doing well- earnings wise (and even the not-so-doing-well but having his manly ego in his throat) will want to run and cast all manner of aspertions at their lowly status. 2. The 'wife's family is rich and unnecessarily haughty and rude' point of view. This point of view's proponents have their valid points too- you cant ask me such a direct question as touching on my earnings and I wont feel uncomfortable and even such question as been rude. Now, to the issue at hand. It's a very tricky situation. Aligning my position to the 2nd point of view (Cos i intend to be rich and bring up my daughter as a well mannered girl from a comfortable home - no apologies pls.) People have marshalled this point that as a man who have laboured geniunely to build a business empire for himself, he will not sit idly back and have one irresponsible opportunist come from nowhere and treat their girl anyhow by not providing for his family or as a son-in-law, who may take over the management of some part of the family business with time, not being driven enough and given to vanities-partying, womanizing etc, I certainly wouldnt!. Take it or leave it, it is not fair and this is the real hard life for you! However, be that as it may, I wish the issue is that simple but it isn't. As a rich dad wanting to guide against my daughter running home frequently for rent, shl fees,etc support (I hate this part as I will rather want to support them voluntarily knowing fully well that they are capable & dont even need it as against something that I must do if I want to shield my grandchildren from some embrassing situations I couldnt envisaged for my own children), I have to look beyond what the guy is earning in the now and look out for the potential, drive, genuine love for my daughter, the 'drive to continually improve' attributes in him because as it has been reiterated on this topic that surely, he wont continually earn 20k. That is not the case in all the sitautions but there is a big BUT to that...he must be well positioned (educationally or other vocations-wise) and brimming with the can-do potential and drive to succeed before I will approve the position that 'a 20k of today is not a permanent one o'! Quickly, my cousin's story: We are close. He started dating his fiancee then (wife now) whilst just finishing his NYSC as at 2007 (mark the datelines) and working with an NGO on a salary of 15k per month. 2008, we went to visit the uncle of the my cousin's wife here in Lag (she lives with him & he's like the dad in Lag), (the man is doing fine, has his own company, stays in a lovely estate in Lekki bla bla). Very frank man, he asked my cousin what he was doing, what are his plans and said he was asking because he doesnt want his niece to suffer at all. The oko iyawo and myself kinda went through a mini interview drill for the few hours of our visitation but he wasnt too harsh but was frank and blunt.(In restropect, I learnt some things during that visitation) As at then, my cousin was on 50k/mth and he didnt have a car nor an apartment of his own and as 2009/2010 that they would eventually marry, his total was almost N3m per annum. He did his wedding without overly leaning for family support. 2014 (Tho, he had changed jobs about 2 times since 2009), he is on a N10m per annum now (I'm not kidding, he showed me his letter). The wife's uncle so regards him, not because he desires anything from him(cos he's a big man on his own and he doesnt know what my cousin was worth as as 2008 and what he worths now in 2015, but he knows my cousin is taking care of his family as a responsible guy- bought a car for his wife, family UK vac, decent neighbourhood apartment etc, so he could deduce). So its not about the 15k of now but the drive and God's grace to prosper you that matters. Last bullet to the proponents of both points of view: The issue is not as straight forward as you may wish it to be. Remember that you are a father or will be a father that will have a daughter one day. How do you ultimatley wish your daughter's quality of life to be in her own nuclear home, you being rich or not? FOOD4THOT Sorry for the long post, lawyers can talk! 2 Likes |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by badesco(m): 12:55pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
That is total nonsense. |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by ShakurM(m): 1:10pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
drlawizle:No mind the myopic guy! |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by DGD1(m): 1:14pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
woky: datz death sentence |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by eph12(m): 1:20pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
jpphilips:He's my father so he should be the first to know any progress i make. |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by Nobody: 1:38pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
crazysaint:U'll slap ur inlaws..... ur future fiancée needs to see this |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by Defcon1(m): 2:25pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
Dekonjay:Any question is allowed? Really?? How would you take it if your mother-in-law were to ask you if you're a virgin? |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by zeb04(f): 2:34pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
The truth is I will ask,I have to be sure she is marrying a comfortable man. |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by Spidermon: 3:09pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
It is good that my fiancee's parents want to know. However, tact behoves it on them to either find out through their daughter or find out themselves. Na the first indication of disrespect be that. Me sef fit ask how much dem dey earn and how much the papa dey give the mama to cook soup !!! 1 Like |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by Nmeri17: 3:42pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
kilokeys:I did |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by Weah96: 3:45pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
Spidermon: Exactly. |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by jimkazjimmy(m): 4:08pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
I like the angle everybody is bringing his or her points from. To me its disrespectful but on the other hand they may be asking that question based on driven emotions. Life is simple. If I am earning 20k, I will humbly tell them the truth but I will assure them all is going to be fine in the long run. If they find me unfit to marry their daughter, so be it. Little advice from me, learn to be humble enough for you will be lifted someday. Who knows? they may be asking you just to help you out and make your journey easier. Moreover after marriage, you are now part of the family. I.e. Their son in law. That is what I believe. Take care friends. |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by Ewuro4: 4:13pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
No. If there's a good rapport. |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by ibnjarir93(m): 4:31pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
bunmioguns:No they went over board. They just have to make sure he has something doing. |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by Ologunjude(m): 4:32pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
I guess they are trying to dig the gold for their baby since she didn't learn the act while growing up. |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by stayblack: 4:50pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
Bleep THE GIRL,Bleep THE FATHER...GREEDY PEOPLE...POOR MAN NOR GO MARRY..MONKEYS... |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by ask4slimjay: 5:20pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
Dekonjay: i like dat part "how you choose"...u sound pretty smart 2 me |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by vision2050: 5:45pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
@ op as you can see from nairalanders comments they disagree. tell them to park well Next..... Buhari |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by oguntuasetm: 6:08pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
Dey av no any rite 2 ask me, dere is own 4 dere daughter 2 live a comfortable life... |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by Nobody: 6:10pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
bunmioguns: Are they Igbo? |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by Dammyjohn(m): 7:02pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
jnrbayano:Well,it's ok. |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by Chuksgeo: 7:07pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
That's very rude of em to ask me such question, for me oh I'll never give em the correct answer to that though I am the largest share owner of shares on Wall Street, I will just maintain my cool and avoid this embarrassing question! |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by jnrbayano(m): 7:19pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by Chuksgeo: 7:27pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
jimkazjimmy: No no no, I maintain they've got nothing to do with knowing how much their son-law to be earns. If they want to help ya incase you ain't buoyant enough they should do it without demanding how much you earn. Its like a guy taking his girl on a shopping spree and all of sudden she. Starts asking " honey how much is all your cash at hand and in the bank" instead of her to either stop the shopping or pay up by herself, some of the expenses and forget how much the guy has. Mtcheeeeeeew! |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by veraiyke(m): 7:29pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
Yes it is very wrong. But they are very free to ask me what I do for a living. |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by Dammyjohn(m): 7:30pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
jnrbayano:Yes. |
Re: Is It Wrong For Your Fiancee's Parents To Ask You This Question? by tlops(m): 7:39pm On Jan 13, 2015 |
eph12:Well, my daughter will be working, which I expect will complement their household income. |
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