carefreewannabe:
^^ Nice one and I really like your signature.

Merci, madmoiselle.

ihedinobi2:

You're right, Efe. It's not about bad past relationships though, more like present unrequited love. That is a real bïtch any day of the week but it's worse when you're practically at the door of the church.

Six years is a long time. Give it time till you heal fully, otherwise you'll just be entering into another relationship on the rebound.

But remember this: you can't "mourn" her forever. At some point, you'll just have to move on with your life, like she probably has.

carefreewannabe:


You didn't fall for it, that is what it is for.

You sef are too quick on the keypads. I put in the wrong emoticon o!

EfemenaXY:




You sef are too quick on the keypads. I put in the wrong emoticon o!

ihedinobi2:

You're right, Efe. It's not about bad past relationships though, more like present unrequited love. That is a real bïtch any day of the week but it's worse when you're practically at the door of the church.

You are a man who can love passionately, that is really cool considering the number of people out there who are numb for one reason or another. These people are quite depressed, you are alive!

And even though, your experiences are not always easy, they are interesting and I am quite sure that they happen for a reason. Learn from them, let them make you stronger and allow them to make you wiser.

One day you will understand why it had to be that way.

carefreewannabe:


Allow me to answer too.

Every human being has his own individual life story. Some people find their spouses easily and quickly, others need to have patience.

If you want to find someone, be open minded, date as many girls as possible as long as you are single until you feel the vibe but give them a fair chance. Sometimes feelings take time. Sometimes you need to really get to know someone to fall in love.

My contribution. Sorry for interfering without being asked .

Ohhh come on

Didn't you see where I said I'm open to other people's opinions

Date as many girls as possible"

Even if I'm not get married to them? Wouldn't it be like I'm a serial dater just testing the waters?. I understand where you're coming from though, learning to love and all that but I feel if someone is really meant for you, it should just click like that spontaneously, instead of brick-building your affection on that person's head.

ihedinobi2:

My "the one" vibe is the one that ended after six and a half very difficult years.

Not saying "the vibe" doesn't work. Just that mine didn't. But I learned what to look for in a woman and how to find it. That's why I feel like fish on a hook right now. I found it.

I don't know that anyone needs to go through several relationships to find what they need. There are many "first loves" that worked extremely well. I think it is a question of a clear vision for your life and a readiness to commit to working it out no matter what with someone who buys that vision too .

Very well said.

Thank you.

EfemenaXY:


Six years is a long time. Give it time till you heal fully, otherwise you'll just be entering into another relationship on the rebound.

But remember this: you can't "mourn" her forever. At some point, you'll just have to move on with your life, like she probably has.

That's been dead nearly 1.5 years now, but thanks for giving me cheer.

Re: the "rebound", I didn't know that that kind of synchronicity was possible until it happened. Now it feels like a dream I only had. Sometimes something happens as if to say it wasn't all a dream but then like a mirage it vanishes before I can catch it.

carefreewannabe:


I am not married, are you?

I know, I actually meant, when you get married and that's me assuming you'd like to get married. I can take correction if need be for any.

No, I'm not married, I never reach to marry .

carefreewannabe:


You are a man who can love passionately, that is really cool considering the number of people out there who are numb for one reason or another. These people are quite depressed, you are alive!

And even though, your experiences are not always easy, they are interesting and I am quite sure that they happen for a reason. Learn from them, let them make you stronger and allow them to make you wiser.

One day you will understand why it had to be that way.

Why, thank you, CFW. You sound like a guru. Or a Christian. Did you go back to religion?

InZA:


Ohhh come on

Didn't you see where I said I'm open to other people's opinions

I was focused on other aspects in your post.

Date as many girls as possible"

Yes, date as many girls as possible, or better as many girls as you like. You are free to do so. I am not saying, sleep with them, use them, play them. I just want you to be open minded. The more girls you meet, the greater the chance of meeting the one that is right for you. And who knows, maybe she will already be the first you go on a date with.

Even if I'm not get married to them? Wouldn't it be like I'm a serial dater just testing the waters?. I understand where you're coming from though, learning to love and all that but I feel if someone is really meant for you, it should just click like that spontaneously, instead of brick-building your affection on that person's head.

What is wrong with testing the waters? What is wrong with being a serial dater if you goal is to find a relationship?

@bold

Who told you it has to be that way? Hollywood or Nollywood?

To be honest, I have never experienced love at first sight. My feelings have ALWAYS developed gradually.
I fell in love with my ex even though I initially thought that he is not my type. No, it does not have to happen immediately but it still can happen spontaneously.

ihedinobi2:

That's been dead nearly 1.5 years now, but thanks for giving me cheer.

Re: the "rebound", I didn't know that that kind of synchronicity was possible until it happened. Now it feels like a dream I only had. Sometimes something happens as if to say it wasn't all a dream but then like a mirage it vanishes before I can catch it.

It is well...

InZA:


Very well said.

Thank you.

Very welcome, bro.

EfemenaXY:


It is well...

Thank you, Efe. You've been very kind.

ihedinobi2:

Why, thank you, CFW. You sound like a guru. Or a Christian. Did you go back to religion?

You are welcome. I am just trying to help the best way I can and I am happy if it works if only a little. I am trying.

I am not a guru. I believe in God, I love Jesus but I am not a Christian in a strict sense. I believe that God speaks to people through different religions and I believe that he is also the God of those who have no religion but that's a different topic.

I speak from experience, not from a religious perspective.

freecocoa:
I know, I actually meant, when you get married and that's me assuming you'd like to get married. I can take correction if need be for any.

No, I'm not married, I never reach to marry .

I am not a fan of marriage either.

carefreewannabe:


You are welcome. I am just trying to help the best way I can and I am happy if it works if only a little. I am trying.

I am not a guru. I believe in God, I love Jesus but I am not a Christian in a strict sense. I believe that God speaks to people through different religions and I believe that he is also the God of those who have no religion but that's a different topic.

I speak from experience, not from a religious perspective.

. I will my share story with you when I finally see her.....


What's your religion?

Timbuktou:
Erm, I couldn't categorically say one or the other, because the experience is dependent on knowledge. If you know what to look for and how to look for it, you shouldn't have difficulty finding if you get my drift. In my case, I was left to my devices, my mom was too religious to broach the subject, my dad was too busy working to even consider that I could find women attractive and we had no relatives young or old around, I was on my own, so it was really trial and error.

That said, not having a relationship is quite worrisome for someone your age. It need not lead to marriage, in fact, you shouldn't be thinking of marriage too early into a relationship as it could lead to making judgement errors. Get into the relationship and let it develop organically, if it's not working out as envisioned you can always quit and move on. Better to try and fail than not try at all.

PS: I'm not sure there's such a thing as "the one", so while fortune might smile on you and hand you a really compatible female on short notice, you still have to go through the rigour of verifying suitability.

I find it "interesting" that people often suggest the bolded, but my concern is, we are not talking about changing cars, or shoes or kitchen wares, these are actual, living, breathing people with the capacity to feel hurt, dejected, frustrated and a whole lot of other emotions that find themselves rooted in heart breaks/breakups and the moving on decision.

That said, I really understand what you're saying, you've made really strong points. Summarily, I think my fear is the thought of being responsible for breaking someone's heart.... I detest the thought of that and believe you me it's not because I'm a people pleaser, neither is it because I want to remain perpetually in people's good graces. But that's just me.... I'd rather not go into a relationship than go into one that might end up with me likely breaking her heart. That's just me

I'm queer I know

idu1:
. I will my share story with you when I finally see her.....


What's your religion?

Cool.



I believe in God and I love Jesus but I don't follow the Bible "blindly". Hope, it answers your question.

carefreewannabe:


Cool.



I believe in God and I love Jesus but I don't follow the Bible "blindly". Hope, it answers your question.

Ok. I understand...

carefreewannabe:


I am not a fan of marriage either.

When I was younger, I thought "my wedding day would be the 2nd happiest day of my life"

Growing up and experiencing life, I don't really care for marriage that much, tbh, I do wonder what it'll be like to be married but I will only do it, if I'm sure I can have something close to 'happily ever after' with the lucky guy, not in a rush at all.

I however am, a hopeless romantic, so I love the feeling of being in love, that's actually more important to me than getting married.

InZA:



I find it "interesting" that people often suggest the bolded, but my concern is, we are not talking about changing cars, or shoes or kitchen wares, these are actual, living, breathing people with the capacity to feel hurt, dejected, frustrated and a whole lot of other emotions that find themselves rooted in heart breaks/breakups and the moving on decision.

You can only find out if a relationship works for you when you enter it. We are all adults and we all know that harts can get broken. We all enter relationships / marriages knowing that there is some risk involved.

I like that you are concerned but what else do you suggest?

I really understand what you're saying, you may made really strong points. Summarily, I think my fear is the thought of being responsible for breaking someone's heart.... I detest the thought of that and believe you me it's not because I'm a people pleaser, neither is it because I want to remain perpetually in people's good graces. But that's just me.... I'd rather not go into a relationship than go into one that might end up with me likely breaking her heart. That's just me

I'm queer I know

Believe me, I hate breaking up with people. It makes me feel really bad but that is life, sometimes you break a heart and sometimes your heart gets broken. I think that it is wrong to stay with someone out of pity.

InZA:



I find it "interesting" that people often suggest the bolded, but my concern is, we are not talking about changing cars, or shoes or kitchen wares, these are actual, living, breathing people with the capacity to feel hurt, dejected, frustrated and a whole lot of other emotions that find themselves rooted in heart breaks/breakups and the moving on decision.

That said, I really understand what you're saying, you've made really strong points. Summarily, I think my fear is the thought of being responsible for breaking someone's heart.... I detest the thought of that and believe you me it's not because I'm a people pleaser, neither is it because I want to remain perpetually in people's good graces. But that's just me.... I'd rather not go into a relationship than go into one that might end up with me likely breaking her heart. That's just me

I'm queer I know

Forget about getting into a relationship for a minute, I'll advise. Just make friends. Hang out sometimes. Get to know them. As you do, there will be a resonance with one. You can escalate things with that one while maintaining a kind spirit toward the other ladies even if you don't hang out as often or keep in touch as much anymore.

freecocoa:
When I was younger, I thought "my wedding day would be the 2nd happiest day of my life"

Growing up and experiencing life, I don't really care for marriage that much, tbh, I do wonder what it'll be like to be married but I will only do it, if I'm sure I can have something close to 'happily ever after' with the lucky guy, not in a rush at all.

I however am, a hopeless romantic, so I love the feeling of being in love, that's actually more important to me than getting married.

To be in love is a very nice feeling but kind of scary at the same time. It makes you lose control and it makes you vulnerable. For me, it is a double-edged sword.

I will only marry if that is very important to the (future) father of my kids because once I have kids with him, it is like being married for me. We are joint forever and he would have to do something dreadful for me to leave him. So whether I am married or not, does not mean that much to me.

What is the first happiest day in your life?

bukatyne:
@Carefreewannabe,

Lovely tread

Met him 9yrs ago on March 28th 2006 (we were both in 100L)

Started dating around July same year & got married May last year.

see baby love. Oya full gist

carefreewannabe:


I was focused on other aspects in your post.



Yes, date as many girls as possible, or better as many girls as you like. You are free to do so. I am not saying, sleep with them, use them, play them. I just want you to be open minded. The more girls you meet, the greater the chance of meeting the one that is right for you. And who knows, maybe she will already be the first you go on a date with.



What is wrong with testing the waters? What is wrong with being a serial dater if you goal is to find a relationship?

@bold

Who told you it has to be that way? Hollywood or Nollywood?

To be honest, I have never experienced love at first sight. My feelings have ALWAYS developed gradually.
I fell in love with my ex even though I initially thought that he is not my type. No, it does not have to happen immediately but it still can happen spontaneously.

Carefree! Carefree! Carefree!

How many times did I call you

You raised my hairs with some of your submissions but for the purpose of this thread, I'd rather not pick on them so we could discuss more... I no wan spoil iya Carefree thread.

Maybe when the thread gets old and the current tempo it's generating becomes sublime - I'd quote you and we'd talk more about it.

Would that be fine by you?

InZA:




Carefree! Carefree! Carefree!

How many times did I call you

You raised my hairs with some of your submissions but for the purpose of this thread, I'd rather not pick on them so we could discuss more... I no wan spoil iya Carefree thread.

Maybe when the thread gets old and the current tempo it's generating becomes sublime - I'd quote you and we'd talk more about it.

Would that be fine by you?

Of course, it's fine by me.
I love discussions, I thought everyone knew by now.

Go ahead whenever you feel the time is right.

Abeg make una no scatter this thread ni.

ihedinobi2:
Abeg make una no scatter this thread ni.

carefreewannabe:


Of course, it's fine by me.
I love discussions, I thought everyone knew by now .

Go ahead whenever you feel the time is right.

Except me sha

Ohhh trust me, I love discussions too, but e get as e go be.... If we start, this thread would get to page 50 and we would have missed out on some of the cool love stories that people would have loved to share.

Infact I have to rummage through all the previous pages now to check the stories I've missed.

Timbuktou:
I get you bruh. I guess I had it delivered on a platter.

I disagree.You saw an opportunity and you took it. You won your bride - even if it was after a seemingly short battle.

Timbuktou:

I literally went through quantity before I came to my senses and sealed it with the missus.

And here's why ^^; you fought may wars before and were battle hardened.

I love your story. I met and got engaged to my wife in 3 months. People are always saying "that was too quick". I always reply, "over 15 years looking for a wife does not suggest haste.


TV