tonychristopher:


I understand you and it is terrible if you do not come from same tribes and also worst if you are a woman that has guts and come from a different tribe . I work and I know what it means to be insecure and if you do well your colleagues get jittery

That is by the way . Be diplomatic take along his email and former email of your boss as a refrence sake


I have worked in an organization that my boss categorically told me that he will deal with me. What did I do? I was just outperforming him...my figures was great

Cut the story short ..he fired me and the MD said that I should be recalled cos the figures dwindled

I was called back but I damned them. I moved on to a better place and significantly better place

You should be careful when working with some people . They are scared when you perform better and they will do anything to mess you up if you come from a particular zone


There are people that felt you are a threat ....without looking at things critically

Diplomacy is the game

It is refreshing to hear from someone who has been there
When I applied for the grant,do you know the man was slow to give me a letter of support,I had to chase him down and when he did it was just some generic letter that was so lightweight but my proposal was competitive and God was on my side I got the grant
Till this day,the man never said a word on that even when the congratulatory mail was copied to him .
Jealousy is a bad spirit

babyosisi:


It is hard to summarize a one year event in a few posts but let me try
I have never been afraid of hardwork
If I were,I wouldn't be where I am today
Whenever something is required as proof of excellence,I do double of it to distinguish myself

The workload thing that instance was a punishment and they changed it because it was wrong,it wasn't a favor to me because it would count against him if his superior heard it and I actually did mention it and the change when I made the complaint with the printed schedule of before and after as proof.
This place has strong anti discrimination rules

In the department,emergencies at holiday times are traditionally convered by part timers
I am not a part timer so i shouldn't even be there at all and if I were,it should be fair with others also on there not just me and a part timer.
I applied to go on vacation,he was mad I was going away and as a punishment wanted me to cover all those emergencies before my trip
I approached the scheduler and asked why i should cover 70% of emergencies coming to a department of over 20 full timers and tons of part timers.
He realized I had caught on to the trick and asked them to change it

Noted.

babyosisi:



The good thing is that I am in the good books of his superiors but of course humans can be unpredictable

Cococandy sadly,I can't do what you described
My job is such that you get promoted by shining,that is the rule set for promotions etched in stone
He needs to shine in the eyes of his own superior also to get his promotions and raises just like I do
Infact you get annual or merit raises by shining so you have to shine to get kobo added to your salary
For instance my mentor advised me to do one paper and one abstract a year,in that one year I did 4 papers plus 4 abstracts and a grant.
That is a record in my department according to my mentor and [size=18pt]all the praises belong to God[/size]
My boss has never had a grant,by God's grace I got one my first year in the place and that is a big deal professionally


There is a limit to what he can do sha
If he sits on a promotion out of jealousy and I disagree with the decision,the decision will be made by people above him and the achievements will speak for themselves
I cannot make myself a mediocre because I don't want to outshine him
No way,I will be hurting my career by so doing

Not dat i question ur elegant skills but dont be swayed by praises n awards,it could all be a smokes screen 2 create a pit platform 4 u...observe urself very well 2 eliminete any form of pride coz dat can go a long way in bruisin his ego more dan his ribs

babyosisi:


So if I ask for a raise and he refuses,I should accept it even when I merited it?

Don't get me wrong. By all means, if you deserve a pay raise, seek for it.

The issue here is that your immediate Boss feels threatened that you have easy access to his superiors....

Smartestelvis:
Not dat i question ur elegant skills but dont be swayed by praises n awards,it could all be a smokes screen 2 create a pit platform 4 u...observe urself very well 2 eliminete any form of pride coz dat can go a long way in bruisin his ego more dan his ribs

By the nature of my job,the awards and recognitions are what gets you ahead not just showing up to work to do your assigned work
It is a competitive environment and you need to distinguish yourself
Everyone wants it and they don't come cheap
Sorry if I sound arrogant,I say it with all humility ,just being blunt

uboma:


Don't get me wrong. By all means, if you deserve a pay raise, seek for it.

The issue here is that your immediate Boss feels threatened that you have easy access to his superiors....

Is that not favor
Imagine if his superior was acting same way,I would be screwed
Btw this added money wasn't a raise per se
It was ny negotiated contract at start of my employment ,I successfully negotiated a higher starting salary than what he offered me and I had to go above him to get it because he refused to listen
Who goes to a new job to accept a lower salary?
At least give me my last salary ,he wasn't willing to do that and someone else thought it was fair to do so

babyosisi:
Continuing sha


I have already rehearsed my opening line and organized my thoughts, na intelligent people I dey deal with so my intelligent ,poised and professional side go comot full force.they didn't hire me for being unintelligent

After the mediator speaks and turns it over to us,I will allow him speak and when it's my turn I hope to start thus:


Dr K I respect your role as the departmental chair and will not undermine your position in any way
I came to Dr W because of these lingering issues and perceptions which I hope we can resolve today.
It is my desire that it gets resolved ,that is my sole purpose.

Then I will pause and let him speak



I am confident this will be reconciliatory
Will gist you folks all about it
I also hope to wear one of my best blouses and slacks and a befitting neck scarf with high heels,looking like the consummate professional lady
Then I swing my ukwu Gbam Gbam Gbam and enter the meeting place
Even sef my acquired American accent will go into overdrive
No be America we dey?
He will appear with his potbelly,bald head and big yansh

Can someone give me suggestions or criticisms regarding the proposed opening line above
I want this resolved amicably
Does it sound good?
Ok?
Cocky?
So,so?

Pickabeau1 say sumtin nau

babyosisi:



The good thing is that I am in the good books of his superiors but of course humans can be unpredictable

Cococandy sadly,I can't do what you described
My job is such that you get promoted by shining,that is the rule set for promotions etched in stone
He needs to shine in the eyes of his own superior also to get his promotions and raises just like I do
Infact you get annual or merit raises by shining so you have to shine to get kobo added to your salary
For instance my mentor advised me to do one paper and one abstract a year,in that one year I did 4 papers plus 4 abstracts and a grant.
That is a record in my department according to my mentor and all the praises belong to God
My boss has never had a grant,by God's grace I got one my first year in the place and that is a big deal professionally


There is a limit to what he can do sha
If he sits on a promotion out of jealousy and I disagree with the decision,the decision will be made by people above him and the achievements will speak for themselves
I cannot make myself a mediocre because I don't want to outshine him
No way,I will be hurting my career by so doing

@bold, then you don't have anything to worry about.

Best of luck

Wow. No be small hatred o.

Well since you have folks in there that can attest to the authenticity of your claims, rest assured.
And always do your best not to be in the wrong at any time.

Because one wrong you do can help him achieve his plans against you thoroughly.

babyosisi:


Hmm
My mentor told me to add the boss's name as an author in my first paper,I did
Asked me to do same in my second paper I also did
Can you believe I sent the rough draft of the papers over 4 times and he never acknowledged receipt till this day
Never read them,never commented
I printed them out and gave him in his office,he never read them
I told my mentor I would take his name off the papers ,my mentor said I shouldn't.i should leave it there for political reasons
The papers were published and I gave him the news of the first one in person,he high fives me and immediately asked for the paper citations so he can put them on his CV
So this is a man I have done huge favors for but his bad belle gets the better part of him




What option do I have if he is blocking me and I decide to go to someone higher and they give me what was clearly deserving?
Doesn't that mean the other person sees through what he is trying to do

babyosisi:



The good thing is that I am in the good books of his superiors but of course humans can be unpredictable

Cococandy sadly,I can't do what you described
My job is such that you get promoted by shining,that is the rule set for promotions etched in stone
He needs to shine in the eyes of his own superior also to get his promotions and raises just like I do
Infact you get annual or merit raises by shining so you have to shine to get kobo added to your salary
For instance my mentor advised me to do one paper and one abstract a year,in that one year I did 4 papers plus 4 abstracts and a grant.
That is a record in my department according to my mentor and [size=18pt]all the praises belong to God[/size]
My boss has never had a grant,by God's grace I got one my first year in the place and that is a big deal professionally


There is a limit to what he can do sha
If he sits on a promotion out of jealousy and I disagree with the decision,the decision will be made by people above him and the achievements will speak for themselves
I cannot make myself a mediocre because I don't want to outshine him
No way,I will be hurting my career by so doing

From the analogy I deduced that the man is simply jealous and insecure and coming from a woman

I have seen this before and if you work with people of different background and different l settings . It can be so annoying. This is not to bring in any sentiments here but the fact remains that he is petrified

First law of nature is self preservation

So I will advise you to keep shining and keep doing your work meticulously


This is normal

I shall gist y'all the outcome in 9 hours
Cococandy ask Oga, I bet you he has experienced similar stuff


When my hubby was doing a PHD
He sat for an honors exam for a course
The only honors candidate in that exam
Result came out,he didn't get honors but a regular pass in that course then the shocker was that the honors went to a white girl who was not in the honors class
Who is my little hubby to tackle a full professor in an Ivy League school
He had to pick his battle and swallow that outright fraud so he can collect his PHD when due
Another time his abstract was selected for presentation at a national conference out of all his colleagues,the lone black man there
came time to go,all of a sudden,the department didn't have money to sponsor the trip
The same trip people attended in previous years
I can write a book on our experiences

Babyosisi I think you should reread the interpretation I gave for that your dream and see if it bears with this your currect situation. Take care.

babyosisi:
I shall gist y'all the outcome in 9 hours

. Best wishes

Martins301:
Babyosisi I think you should reread the interpretation I gave for that your dream and see if bears with this your currect situation. Take care.

OMG
OMG
OMG
This could be related to that dream

babyosisi:


By the nature of my job,the awards and recognitions are what gets you ahead not just showing up to work to do your assigned work
It is a competitive environment and you need to distinguish yourself
Everyone wants it and they don't come cheap
Sorry if I sound arrogant,I say it with all humility ,just being blunt

no u wern't soundin arrogant,i'm jst tryin 2 help coz i ve been down dat part where u are treated like an alien jst becoz one man is pullin his own strings n holdin a sissors 2 ur own..tribalism was my major challenge den n i hope its not urs.Not until a friend advised me 2 use blackmail,@ 1st i tot he was insane but 2 my suprise,it earned me way much respect n promotions dan i ever deserved..maybe dat mite be an option dont 4get dat empires aren't built on clever bookkeeping....

babyosisi:
What type of things has he done?


God has been gracious and I have excelled in the short time I've been here and gotten an award that I figure infuriated him
I have received letters of commendations from people I have worked on projects with and those letters were sent to his own Oga who forwarded them to him.
His own Oga has even sent me commendation and congratulatory email on my work that graced a journal recently.
What does my boss do?
Never a congratulatory word
He Downplays my efforts
Rating them low despite the awards and accolades
Accuses me of petty stuff,not being a team player

For instance ,Imagine asking a married woman with children to go on a 3 night trip out of town on a 48 hour notice when I had things planned
Then when I am unable to go ,he turns around to score that against me when those trips require agreement months in advance.
Stuff like that

Things like this happen when there's a burst of success my guess is you might be working in Nigeria or an African country stuffs like this are common in such places,one more thing I forgot to add is before meeting him present your case to God first and ask God to take control of his mind and heart..

1miccza:


Things like this happen when there's a burst of success my guess is you might be working in Nigeria or an African country stuffs like this are common in such places,one more thing I forgot to add is before meeting him present your case to God first and ask God to take control of his mind and heart..

I have prayer warriors on the case
Our case will be handled in the spirit realm

Martins301:
Babyosisi I think you should reread the interpretation I gave for that your dream and see if it bears with this your currect situation. Take care.

This was the dream for those interested

Two nights ago I dreamt that I was at a function and I motioned to the waiter to top off my wine and he came over to do so and accidentally tipped over my cup and the wine spilled on the table and he scooped a teaspoon full and put in my mouth.


Last night I dreamt I was in a class and the lecturer was speaking a language no one could understand including myself
Then in another scene,I was preparing for a journey,went and paid and as I was about to enter the ekene dili Chukwu ,it took off and my cousin ran after it to alert it I was coming
Then I woke up

I shall not lose my blessings this 2015 in Jesus name

And what martins said

Martins301:
Hope you don't get this the wrong way but I'll be frank with you babyosisi cos I've benefited from your magnanimity.

You first have to understand that a dream is a metaphysical manifestation of the physical world. It is what happens in the real world that gets played out in a dream. A dream is an evidence that your sixth sense is at work. It shows you what your actions, potential actions and inactions has lead to or will lead to albeit in a completely different and sometimes confusing way.

The first dream indicates that you desire sometin in the physical world. You have control over what you desire (shown by you calling over the waiter) however there are stumbling blocks along the way that will prevent you from getting everything you desire. Try to make more friends and less enemies around you, whether online or offline cos you never know who (the waiter) will help you to salvage situations that would prevent you from getting what you need.

The second dream shows that you do not understand some things around you and you surround yourself with people who have the same fault. The message is that you should learn to understand different people cos they may have authority greater than the one you have (lecturer authority > student authority)

Contrary to what others believe, missing a journey you prepared and paid for is a sign that you are or will soon be at a point where you fail to will fail to reach a set target. If you had boarded that bus, you would have landed at your destination (your target). But you didn't. You missed that bus so you have to start preparing all over again.

I prayed about the dream earnestly with some friends and it is settled,every evil connotation has been cancelled by the blood of Jesus
But it could actually be related to this event
Wow

babyosisi:
Pickabeau1 say sumtin nau

Well....since you called me


For me the fact that the meeting has gotten to a sort of mediation is bad and an indictment on your boss as this is bad for team morale

However these are my ideas

From my observations its strange for women to be persecuted work wise in the west as there is a bias in their favor so you must have really done something to tick this guy off

It may be your excellence at work or your communication style which I believe may be perceived as agrresive rather than assertive.

As for the meeting

Your script is OK but don't be adversarial in your defense

No need to dig up emails as this could escalate the situation and could lead to people not trusting you as you have am email arsenal

Identify what you will not step down on but be ready to give concessions on other things.

That's the principle of negotiation

Babyosisi, I doubt prayer is the answer to this impasse.

His problem with you might have been your skin or whatever but, you added everything else. While I commend you for bypassing him to get the raise, I'm stumped that you didn't expect him to take it personally.

Some things I want you to consider:
1. If you both are still in that organisation, it would seem you're both considered valuable. Which is
2. The reason for this meeting to resolve whatever differences you guys might have. Top brass thinks you guys are channelling teamwork energy to negative office politics.
3. Wouldn't be surprised he has nothing cogent to say as to the cause of the bad blood. However, it is not your place to gloat or be smug. Your boss is still your boss, and his bosses will also study your body language. Be careful.
4. His team don't like you because their pillar is under attack, you're an unknown and you're there throwing weight around. Nobody likes an arrogant new-comer. Be careful. You can either try to win them over or have a high-paying job that drains you emotionally.
5. You can make him an enemy or you can make him a mentor and learn a few things from him, he is your boss, after all.


Abeg manage this one, I dey comot. Good luck in ya resolution meeting.

babyosisi:


It is refreshing to hear from someone who has been there
When I applied for the grant,do you know the man was slow to give me a letter of support,I had to chase him down and when he did it was just some generic letter that was so lightweight but my proposal was competitive and God was on my side I got the grant
Till this day,the man never said a word on that even when the congratulatory mail was copied to him .
Jealousy is a bad spirit

Nne

Go in there do your thing and display your intelligence in a humble manner and pls and pls don't sound abusive to his person


But this is a survival strategy and you have no option than survive

This is imperative

babyosisi:


This was the dream for those interested

I am not Joeseph but I think that you have to be very careful here. You might lose something very important like job,friends ,spouse et al.. the key is ask lord to guide you

Pray and in you are not humble try to be . If you have strained relationships with people physically there pls do make up with them


In life I have come to see dreams as message that is been passed and when a woman dreams it is mostly factual

Now if I may say this . You can meet the boss subtly and ask him where you went wrong before the meeting proper

Its imperative but don't be cowed

Babyosisi,goodluck.

Sorry if I missed something in one of your posts and you may have addressed what I want to say, but if its so bad, why not just leave
Surely this is not the best job out there
NO!! it doesnt mean that you are running away, or q quitter but it means that you are preserving your mental state, which is more important than any job.

Nothing you are going to say now will change his perception about you
He is not going to wake up tomorrow just liking you
He may be forced to be civil to you, and do things by the book, but deep down he will always be aiming for you and trying to trip you up
You may have actually done or said something to kick all this off . . .you never know.

My advise to you . . . .start looking for a new job. You say you are good at your job, so it shouldnt be too difficult to find another.
Life is too short
Learn the lesson on whatever you may have done to him that antagonised him/started the "fracas" and move on

Spending 8 hours a day 5 days a week with this kind of environment, will eventually God forbid affect you healthwise.
The "sickest" girl in my team is the one who doesnt get on with the manager. she is always down with one thing or the other. she is a totally different person from the person I knew some years ago.

Happy at work also makes it easier to be to Happy at home. . . .. Her relationship is under great strain at home too.

All the best in your meeting today.

chaircover:
Sorry if I missed something in one of your posts, but if its so bad, why not just leave
Surely this is not the best job out there
NO!! it doesnt mean that you are running away, but it means that you are preserving your mental state

Nothing you are going to say now will change his perception about you
He is not going to wake up tomorrow just liking you
He may be forced to be civil to you, but deep down he will always be aiming for you and trying to trip you up

My advise to you . . . .start looking for a new job. You say you are good at your job, so it shouldnt be too difficult to find another.
Life is too short
Learn the lesson on whatever you did to him that antagonised him/started the "fracas" and move on

Spending 8 hours a day 5 days a week with this kind of environment, will eventually God forbid affect you healthwise.
The "sickest" girl in my team is the one who doesnt get on with the manager. she is always down with one thing or the other.

Happy at work also makes it easier to be to Happy at home. . . ..

All the best.

Hello chaircover, I would need your help on something but I can't post it here. I sent u a pm

babyosisi:
Someone told me he feels threatened by me
I don't know if that's true
He is certainly more experienced and way older and has been at the place much longer
How could I be threatening to him

He might have tried and attempted several times to catch you on the wrong foot without success. I think he is very frustrated right now but he is going to FAIL.
If I was in your position, I,ll continue to do my job diligently.you said that you are thorough in your job, that's a big plus otherwise you would have missed that 'cancer'..while he watches and spies on you to catch you off balance,something bigger than him with eyes wider than his is watching over you.

Read your policies and procedures, patients care plans, make sure to always carry out your risk assessment before certain tasks.

There must be colleagues at work you trust. Talk to people,let you friends be aware of the situation.make sure to do your paper works, have someone be your witness or countersign where necessary..

Be nice to colleagues at work. Make friends, have nice people around but mind what you say, your boss might have his ears all round you.

Pray, dismiss any irrational fears.

You will be fine.

Don't listen to any advice about resigning or leaving your job.

You are not working for him,you are working with him.

Simply,do your job and stop worrying.
You have done nothing wrong to him. If he tries to bully, your colleagues would be there to support you and I'm sure there ways in which you can report that.

You had very good working relationship with your former boss,there will be people to vouch for you.

IMO, if you intend to have a long-term future at your place of work, you'll need to 'befriend' the powers that be. Granted, this is coming from someone who avoids one of her bosses - and the direct coordinator of her dept - like some abominable mixture of bubonic plague & SARS. But, this only works for me because:

1) The positive formal/informal friendships and working relationships I've developed with his equals, and superiors. Exceptional work.

2) Working a schedule that all but excuses me from having to engage him. Generally.

3) I'm not staking my future there. I don't intend to stay within his dept. indefinitely.

this boss and those supporting him are using subtle ways to express their wrath towards me and so far I have maintained my cool

First, I commend you for keeping your cool. If it were me, I would re-direct most of my focus towards changing the red, and maintaining excellent performance.

Let us know how it goes. All the best!

Apart from the issue of requesting a salary increase over the phone (which I'm not sure how you may have sounded to him), and the rumour about you recommending another man for his job - please tell us what else you may have done or said at one time or the other to make him dislike you this much...thanks!

I also saw this bit in your OP:

My impression is that he is not comfortable having a black woman and an intelligent one as a colleague

I'm sorry to say, but if you're going around with this mentality under the impression that you're displaying confidence, then it's no surprise he may be put off by you.
You are not the only black woman who is intelligent he may have had to work with and I doubt he goes through life having issues with every single one of them - but if you're going over his head and attempting to prove having influence over his judgement, then that may just come off as being obnoxious.

Remember you also requested for a salary increase from him on a new job over the phone, had you even met face to face with him before doing this?
I'm asking because I'm just wondering why you imagined he would jump on your request without first having a first-hand meet with you.

this boss and those supporting him are using subtle ways to express their wrath towards me and so far I have maintained my cool

Noticed this bit from E-soul's post above.

Babyosisi, what is your honest opinion on the reason for that?
Do they support him because they are also not comfortable having a black intelligent woman as a colleague, or is it something else?