Rapfreak: Valentine's Day Myths Revealed - Do You Believe Any Of These Myths About Valentine's Day? You'd Better Read This
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As a woman, I’m here to give you straight men my personal opinion on the monstrosity that is Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day is a Hallmark holiday. We all know this, but at its core it’s about appreciating the person you are with at that moment in time or if you are single celebrating sex and love in general. There’s no right or wrong way to do Valentine’s Day, but there’s a lot of people who would tell you otherwise. (Okay, I mean, dumping your girlfriend with a singing telegram that says, “Get your crap out of my place tonight and take flight” is pretty dark, but I would like to think none of you readers are that devoid of basic decency.)
According to sweet fables of ancient history, Valentine’s Day honors the day that the goddess Aphrodite punished her son Cupid (who was a God) for his relationship with a mortal, Psyche. Although Aphrodite was a loving, nurturing woman she was also painted as an extremely jealous woman when it came to the men in her life, including her own kin. (What an original idea to attach to a woman, can we whip out the Bible next and talk about how manipulative and evil Eve was?) Cupid and Psyche did not work out for the differences in their mortality and their crazy families, but Cupid did famously shower Psyche with luxurious gifts on their first night together. Then, Hallmark got involved, like, way later.
In the name of fables, let’s dig into some more modern myths surrounding Valentine’s Day that should be challenged:
Myth: You Have To Break The Bank
According to a survey performed by The National Retail Federation, in 2014 the average American spent $133.91 on their significant other for Valentine’s Day. Although it was reported that men spent twice as much on gifts alone (men reported $108.38, while women were at $49.41), it seems that the numbers are telling this: you do not need to break the bank on Valentine’s Day. When you really think about these numbers, $133 is not a lot for an evening out. Keep it simple. Valentine’s Day is about spending time. Showing you care. It’s the most cliché concept in the book of love, but come on, man it’s not about the money, and if it is, then you might need to check the vitals of your relationship.
Myth: Chocolate
The aphrodisiac qualities of chocolate? Probably a myth.
Yes, a lot of people like chocolate but the whole idea that the way to a woman’s heart is flowers, diamonds and chocolate is about as old as my grandmother’s car. The way to a woman’s heart is through great orgasms and friendship. Yes, chocolate never killed any woman (in fact, it only made Jeanne Calmentstronger until age 122), but when it comes down to it great sex always beats chocolate. Always. Why do you think the women in the commercials eating chocolate are sexualizing that truffle? (Many reason, we know commercials are crap. I hope you get my tone, man.)
Myth: New Couples Need To Celebrate A Traditional Valentine's Day
I do not agree with the forced subjection of a big Valentine’s Day wine, dine and romance when you are at the beginning of a relationship. Obviously, you should want to share this day with the person you are seeing (if you do not, then you got problems because why would you bother dating someone you do not even like), but if the relationship is fresh, the celebration does not need to be grandiose and grossly romantic. Just spend the night together, but offer a little more than you would on a normal date. Use your imagination. Have fun together.
Myth: You Need To Buy Lingerie
In my early twenties I worked at a really upscale lingerie boutique. Sunday’s were my favorite day because that was the day when all the crappy boyfriends would come in, sweating out the alcohol from the night before in their overpriced sunglasses, desperately trying to find their girlfriend a lingerie “gift” - Really, who is that “gift” actually for, man? Come on - to make up for staying out too late or doing whatever thing they think they did wrong. It was hilarious and I loved it. The thing about lingerie though, is that you want to pick it out yourself. All woman have at least one if not a few self conscious thoughts about their bodies, so when dressing up in such an intimate outfit they have to feel totally comfortable, confident and sexy. It’s really nice when you guys try but lingerie is something you should let her pick out or buy together. Make it about both of your fantasies.
Oh, and only 11% of men who buy gifts buy lingerie.
Myth: DIY Gifts Are A Great Option
How many times have we seen this scenario played out as comedy in sitcoms? Probably way more than we can actually remember and it always goes horribly wrong. When you and your honey are low on cash, why not just make it about having time together? Talking and sex are two great things that cost you nothing. Fulfill her greatest sexual fantasies. Let her get in on yours. The options are endless and penniless.
Myth: Couples' Baths Are Sexy
This idea is always killer in theory, but the reality is that most of us do not have tubs big enough to fit two human bodies comfortably. There’s another problem too: a few years ago a study showed that hot baths might be destroying men’s fertility. Sexy, huh?The water gets cold, your junk shrivels up and things just aren’t always as awesome as they are depicted in romantic Hollywood scenes. By all means, if you have a big old jacuzzi tub, then the whole sexy bath thing can work, but why not try a long, hot shower together instead? Water sex is always fun and healthy when there is no chlorine involved.
Myth: Valentine's Day Is The Perfect Day To Pop The Question
There are so many mistakes that can be made when popping the big old question. My personal favorite is the public sporting event big screen proposal fails. That’s just comedy for hours. However, there’s this common myth that proposing on Valentines Day is the ultimate, most romantic thing a man can do for the woman he loves. Guess what? Having your engagement date on Valentine’s Day is like being born on Christmas Day. According to a study, up to six million people expect or suspect they’ll be proposed to on Valentine’s Day. Who wants to share such a personal moment in their chosen path of monogamy with a national holiday, and so many other people? (I mean, from what I can tell, serial monogomists aren’t so into sharing anyways.)
Happy Valentines Day and good luck!
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