urchbarbie:
Amebo

How was your polling center yesterday? Good to know you are OK o.

*Hugs*

Nne m. Am chilling in my dads hut in lagos o. I ran away from jalingo dear. I av to avoid stories dat touch d heart biko

Herzumpther:
How was your polling center yesterday? Good to know you are OK o.

*Hugs*

urchbarbie:
Nne m. Am chilling in my dads hut in lagos o. I ran away from jalingo dear. I av to avoid stories dat touch d heart biko

Lmao. Funny you. My dad told me from the day one not to bother registering for it because of security o.

Wow, you will cook and post today abi? babe It's been long o.

I did register despite my parents earlier instructions not to. I had d money in view (ibo gal tinx)
From gists my boss gave me, I had to reconsider and found myself here o.
@cooking. Kai! Av been doing lots of it o. Made oha yesterday. Guess d elections made me forget d food section would update soonest

Herzumpther:
Lmao. Funny you. My dad told me from the day one not to bother registering for it because of security o.

Wow, you will cook and post today abi? babe It's been long o.

urchbarbie:
I did register despite my parents earlier instructions not to. I had d money in view (ibo gal tinx)
From gists my boss gave me, I had to reconsider and found myself here o.
@cooking. Kai! Av been doing lots of it o. Made oha yesterday. Guess d elections made me forget d food section would update soonest

Lol. You too like money this woman.

I don't really post much in the kitchen thread because of my poor camera o. Will soon resume sha.

I'm waiting for your pics o.

urchbarbie:
Amebo

How far. Money Don land ?

gleatz:
@Moca
This leads me to the question "why does the so-called ladies and gus fall into the hands of wrong partners?"
Its so sadening seeing this hapenn. What coud just be the reason
Cc: All

This issue of the 'bad girls' easily getting the 'good guys' came up in a conversation recently. A married man gave a thought-provoking answer:

Usually 'good girls' expect to be rewarded (for being good) by a wonderful Prince, and thus, they tend to be more selective. They have built up such high notions of their future partner, so they could appear proud/snobbish/difficult to please. Good guys find this quite hard to deal with.

'bad girls' on the other hand, are more accepting of guys' imperfections (since they are very much in touch with their own imperfections). They know how to make a man feel good with himself/comfortable/at ease. This is what good guys are usually looking for.

Serenity22:
lol at carrying belle. I'll just avoid him bcs weneva I see him my knees turn to jelly

How old are you?

You think your knees will turn to jelly when either a jealous ex of his decides to drench you in battery acid? Or he gives you the "gift" of death, i.e: HIV / STDs?

What d'you think his soothsaying pastor meant by you'll meet an untimely death? What's wrong with you? Can't you think?

@BabyOsisi and Cococandy: una get time. I'm getting p.iss.ed off the more I read of this!

Good day to you all.
Please can you advice on how to help a partner who is not open to sharing problems (personal). "When I ask, he says nothing is wrong. When he's worried he, he transfer it to me. He won't talk to me well, wouldn't call or check on me. Afterwards he calls to apologize and it happens all over again. I want to help him to stop acting that way but I don't know what to do."

EfemenaXY:


How old are you?

You think your knees will turn to jelly when either a jealous ex of his decides to drench you in battery acid? Or he gives you the "gift" of death, i.e: HIV / STDs?

What d'you think his soothsaying pastor meant by you'll meet an untimely death? What's wrong with you? Can't you think?

@BabyOsisi and Cococandy: una get time. I'm getting p.iss.ed off the more I read of this!

You are one harsh mama o. Pity a sister, she's in love.

Pearlzville:
Good day to you all.
Please can you advice on how to help a partner who is not open to sharing problems (personal). "When I ask, he says nothing is wrong. When he's worried he, he transfer it to me. He won't talk to me well, wouldn't call or check on me. Afterwards he calls to apologize and it happens all over again. I want to help him to stop acting that way but I don't know what to do."

Explain the bolded pls.

Do you mean to say he beats you? How so if he doesn't communicate with you?

gleatz:

Chai, I sincerely feel this woman's pain. Some stupid things we do for love.
That guy, the thunder that will strike him and his generation is still doing press up in Amadioha shrine, believe me.

Now this is just too funny!

How do you lot dream up such insults?

I'm still trying to picture the generation doing serious press ups in the shrine while thunder strikes their ancestor (probably in an open field?)

Girl, abeg it's Sunday nah...

EfemenaXY:


Explain the bolded pls.

Do you mean to say he beats you? How so if he doesn't communicate with you?

Kai...you have leaped to a conclusion under the pretext of asking for clarification...smh.

If you had stopped at asking to explain one could say you were merely asking for more info.

@ EfemenaXY
No he doesn't beat her or shouts. Just transfers the agressions to her and gives monosyllabic answers whenever they're discussing. She feels there should be a better way to handling whatever is wrong with him without the silence and all that.
I'm asking on behalf of a friend. She's aware I asked. I guess I should have stated that in my initial post.

netotse:


Kai...you have leaped to a conclusion under the pretext of asking for clarification...smh.

If you had stopped at asking to explain one could say you were merely asking for more info.

I haven't made any conclusions or inferences here. I'm simply asking her to throw more light on that statement.

delightful1:

You are one harsh mama o. Pity a sister, she's in love.

Coco and Osisi couldn't have made it anymore clearer but she's making excuses for him / why she can't or doesn't want to leave him...that's why I ask her age. If she's under 21, then yeah, I'll understand but anything older...

Pearlzville:
@ EfemenaXY
No he doesn't beat her or shouts. Just transfers the agressions to her and gives monosyllabic answers whenever they're discussing. She feels there should be a better way to handling whatever is wrong with him without the silence and all that.
I'm asking on behalf of a friend. She's aware I asked. I guess I should have stated that in my initial post.

I'm sorry but your statements above are contradictory.

You do know what the word "aggression" means? So if he doesn't beat her, nor shouts at her, and if he gives her the silent treatment like you say, then what / where is this aggression?

D'you get where I'm coming from?

Pearlzville:
Good day to you all.
Please can you advice on how to help a partner who is not open to sharing problems (personal). "When I ask, he says nothing is wrong. When he's worried he, he transfer it to me. He won't talk to me well, wouldn't call or check on me. Afterwards he calls to apologize and it happens all over again. I want to help him to stop acting that way but I don't know what to do."

He may be melancholic in nature. Let him be, when he's over it and feels like sharing his problems, he will. I could be like that too sometimes I analyse my problems in my mind and cry to God in my closet, my expression shows there's something wrong but when hubby or friends ask, I say nothing

You can just let him know you'll always be there for him incase he needs to talk but please don't push it, it could be annoying

@EfemenaXY
Yes I get where you're coming from. I'm telling it just as she's said it. She says he doesn't call whenver he is that way and when she does, he won't say tell what is wrong when its obvious he's disturbed. Thanks for taking out the time to reply.

Pearlzville:
Good day to you all.
Please can you advice on how to help a partner who is not open to sharing problems (personal). "When I ask, he says nothing is wrong. When he's worried he, he transfer it to me. He won't talk to me well, wouldn't call or check on me. Afterwards he calls to apologize and it happens all over again. I want to help him to stop acting that way but I don't know what to do."

If he won't grow up and start to discuss problems and seek solutions,then you may have to be rid of him.
Men often don't discuss their problems cos of ego but if this guy of yours begin to take it out on you everytime,then let him be.

thorpido:
If he won't grow up and start to discuss problems and seek solutions,then you may have to be rid of him.
Men often don't discuss their problems cos of ego but if this guy of yours begin to take it out on you everytime,then let him be.

I'm with you here.

Lolx! Ure impossible.

Chillis:



How far. Money Don land ?

thorpido:
If he won't grow up and start to discuss problems and seek solutions,then you may have to be rid of him.
Men often don't discuss their problems cos of ego but if this guy of yours begin to take it out on you everytime,then let him be.

Thanks

shrekandfiona:

He may be melancholic in nature. Let him be, when he's over it and feels like sharing his problems, he will. I could be like that too sometimes I analyse my problems in my mind and cry to God in my closet, my expression shows there's something wrong but when hubby or friends ask, I say nothing
You can just let him know you'll always be there for him incase he needs to talk but please don't push it, it could be annoying

Thanks.

You forgot blood group and genotype.

GoldenDr:
Same for men but mostly with girls@Moca.

I completely agree with you that a ladies approaching 40 have a hand in them not getting a suitor or married, why?

While in grad school, I met her but friend zoned me while dating a guy that worked in the school, although older than I am(33yrs) but very good girl. Her reasons for not dating me, I was not a catholic, same level(she was doing parttime) plus it going to take time before I get a job. After grad school, the guy she was dating left her, she did not tell me the reason he left. She was devastated. I still could not date her because she needed time to heal, I gave her space, the space I gave another guy filled it in and by the time I was knocking the door was closed. After after service, I advice her to leave her present location to stay with her elder sister in Abuja, she did as advice and got a place of her own, I even visited Abuja(not because of her), although we communicate but I do not do long distance relationship. My phone got stolen and we could not communicate. Guess who sent me a message on facebook to call her after two years? Am sure you know her age.

Most men of my age would prefer younger girls than girls approaching 40yrs.

Finally, learn to find out the understated;
a. Your partners love language
b. Your partner temperament
c. Your partner values.
d. Study or research about your partner.
It will help you.
Do not marry out of desperation, fustration, pity, pressure (either by partner or family). No one is born perfect, you see the quality you like...... Hit the altar and if the brother aint got enough cash support him or better yet introduction so as to enable you save for the raining days.
Good night.

7 REASONS WHY YOU ARE NOT
GOING TO GET MARRIED
1) You have TRUST ISSUES, you
claim you have been hurt before,
and so it's difficult for you
trusting someone else again.
Well unless you go for
Counselling, just like you believe,
IT WILL ALWAYS BE DIFFICULT
FOR YOU TRUSTING ANYONE, and
sincerely speaking, without trust
a Relationship or Marriage can
NEVER survive.
2) You grew up in the midst of
FAMILY SECRETS, and had to tell a
lot of lies to cover up perceived
shame. And now you have
become a Pathological liar. Even
you are amazed at how you
can't say anything without
telling a lie. You want to tell the
Truth, but it is foreign to you.
Without Truth, you can't build a
lasting Relationship or Marriage.
Someday, EVERY LIE you have
told will come to light, and you
will be found out to be a
STRANGER, anyone and everyone
should run away from. Why
don't you seek Counselling.
3) People say you are Proud, but
don't know that it's because you
have a Complex. You have done
a good job exhibiting a
Superiority Complex to keep
people from coming closer to
you, because if they do, you
don't believe they will truly like
you as you are. Even you don't
like yourself, and that attitude
may be tough in a Relationship
or Marriage, because it takes a
person who loves and accepts
himself to love and accept
others. So with the help of an
expert, run a Personal Check on
yourself to have a very good
understanding of your
Personality, and how to make it
work for you.
4) You are NEVER wrong. As far
as you are concerned, you
believe you are the Seat Of
Wisdom. And so everybody
knows you are ready to argue
about anything and everything,
because you just have to be
right, while everybody else is
wrong. The way you get Angry is
also alarming. Haven't you
noticed that people are always
eager to stay away from you?
Now that won't work in a
Relationship or Marriage,
because it's only those who
prefer someone else to
themselves and are ready to
make the other person take the
shine, that relationship and
marriage works for.
5) You are Self-Serving and
Selfish. You always do things for
YOURSELF, and have no one else
in mind. So you cheat because
even though you are getting
80% of what you need from
your friend, you take it for
granted and go in Search of the
20% you think you are not
getting, but need from someone
else, and eventually lose the
Diamond in your possession
while going after Glitter.
Marriage only looks good on
those who put the other person
first and into consideration,
before they consider themselves.
6) There is a hole in your heart,
and no matter how many people
try to love you, you cannot
receive love. You drink, smoke,
and have sex with anything and
anyone. Commitment is difficult
for you. You are not even
committed to yourself, not to
talk of another Person.
Unfortunately for you, Marriage
requires TOTAL COMMITMENT or
nothing else. Get Counselling,
find out the root cause and deal
with it.
7) You have No Relationship
with God. Really? So why do you
want to get married? Don't you
know Marriage was instituted by
God. YOU NEED A RELATIONSHIP
WITH GOD IF YOU WANT TO GET
MARRIED AND STAY MARRIED!
But Jerome, I don't agree with
you, I have some of these flaws
and I am married today.
Really? Do you think having a
Wedding is the same thing as
Getting Married? I know you had
a big wedding, but ARE YOU
MARRIED?
Consultation with Jerome is not
free.
Whatsapp +2348037194335
SOUNDmind 2AFF30BF
jerome@jeromeis talking.org
08053JEROME.

It could be Ego, not trusting the partners judgement, has trust issues and his temperament. I used to be like that. Usually overwhelmed by challenges and fustrated because it not solved. Your friend has to learn how to massage his ego, telling him he can always talk to her, the calling issue can be worked on by telling him how much it means to you by him calling(most african men grew up to meet the mobile phone, it is not part of them) and when his about to climb is a very good time to raise it

Pearlzville:
Good day to you all.
Please can you advice on how to help a partner who is not open to sharing problems (personal). "When I ask, he says nothing is wrong. When he's worried he, he transfer it to me. He won't talk to me well, wouldn't call or check on me. Afterwards he calls to apologize and it happens all over again. I want to help him to stop acting that way but I don't know what to do."

Cool
Deep
Wonderful

Sunnypar:
7 REASONS WHY YOU ARE NOT
GOING TO GET MARRIED
1) You have TRUST ISSUES, you
claim you have been hurt before,
and so it's difficult for you
trusting someone else again.
Well unless you go for
Counselling, just like you believe,
IT WILL ALWAYS BE DIFFICULT
FOR YOU TRUSTING ANYONE, and
sincerely speaking, without trust
a Relationship or Marriage can
NEVER survive.
2) You grew up in the midst of
FAMILY SECRETS, and had to tell a
lot of lies to cover up perceived
shame. And now you have
become a Pathological liar. Even
you are amazed at how you
can't say anything without
telling a lie. You want to tell the
Truth, but it is foreign to you.
Without Truth, you can't build a
lasting Relationship or Marriage.
Someday, EVERY LIE you have
told will come to light, and you
will be found out to be a
STRANGER, anyone and everyone
should run away from. Why
don't you seek Counselling.
3) People say you are Proud, but
don't know that it's because you
have a Complex. You have done
a good job exhibiting a
Superiority Complex to keep
people from coming closer to
you, because if they do, you
don't believe they will truly like
you as you are. Even you don't
like yourself, and that attitude
may be tough in a Relationship
or Marriage, because it takes a
person who loves and accepts
himself to love and accept
others. So with the help of an
expert, run a Personal Check on
yourself to have a very good
understanding of your
Personality, and how to make it
work for you.
4) You are NEVER wrong. As far
as you are concerned, you
believe you are the Seat Of
Wisdom. And so everybody
knows you are ready to argue
about anything and everything,
because you just have to be
right, while everybody else is
wrong. The way you get Angry is
also alarming. Haven't you
noticed that people are always
eager to stay away from you?
Now that won't work in a
Relationship or Marriage,
because it's only those who
prefer someone else to
themselves and are ready to
make the other person take the
shine, that relationship and
marriage works for.
5) You are Self-Serving and
Selfish. You always do things for
YOURSELF, and have no one else
in mind. So you cheat because
even though you are getting
80% of what you need from
your friend, you take it for
granted and go in Search of the
20% you think you are not
getting, but need from someone
else, and eventually lose the
Diamond in your possession
while going after Glitter.
Marriage only looks good on
those who put the other person
first and into consideration,
before they consider themselves.
6) There is a hole in your heart,
and no matter how many people
try to love you, you cannot
receive love. You drink, smoke,
and have sex with anything and
anyone. Commitment is difficult
for you. You are not even
committed to yourself, not to
talk of another Person.
Unfortunately for you, Marriage
requires TOTAL COMMITMENT or
nothing else. Get Counselling,
find out the root cause and deal
with it.
7) You have No Relationship
with God. Really? So why do you
want to get married? Don't you
know Marriage was instituted by
God. YOU NEED A RELATIONSHIP
WITH GOD IF YOU WANT TO GET
MARRIED AND STAY MARRIED!
But Jerome, I don't agree with
you, I have some of these flaws
and I am married today.
Really? Do you think having a
Wedding is the same thing as
Getting Married? I know you had
a big wedding, but ARE YOU
MARRIED?
Consultation with Jerome is not
free.
Whatsapp +2348037194335
SOUNDmind 2AFF30BF
jerome@jeromeis talking.org
08053JEROME.

@EfemenaXY
Aunty Efe, no be small thing ooooo. Some guys can be very annoying. They need that thunder firing to reset their destinies.

EfemenaXY:


Now this is just too funny!

How do you lot dream up such insults?

I'm still trying to picture the generation doing serious press ups in the shrine while thunder strikes their ancestor (probably in an open field?)

Girl, abeg it's Sunday nah...

Mehn.. there are some real strong women in this place. God bless you a million times for helping people out here. Been following this thread from page 1, and been trying to convince myself that i need not ask my own questions. Cant hold it anymore, lol.

Well, the ish is this. I have been seeing a guy for about 9 months to be precise. I like him a lot, hes caring, very homy and loving. He loves God and regards me too. The biggest problem is that he is not so ambitious. and hes not bothered. I am a very ambitious lady.. all my friends know how much i hold my career in my hands and how far i am willing to go to pursue my dreams. I have done a some professional exams, attended a lot of career events, and i have a laid out career plan that i have been following for the past 4 years. I get thrilled and excited when i see guys who do not see it as a threat that a woman is being ambitious. Infact i can say one thing that my ex did for me well was that he always kept pushing me and motivating me to do more career wise. Maybe because we are both IT people.

The new bf, has not worked for over 5years. along the line he started msc and just finished. I dont have a problem with that. What i have a problem with is the fact that he is not even trying to do somthing extra alongside. hes 30. he still lives in his parents place, and depends on them. he even uses their phones to call me. I dont like this one bit, but he keeps saying that thats the only way he can keep in touch as he doesnt have much and i should try and understand. I have suggested a lot for him that he can do to be getting some money but he keeps insisting that Its only a lecturing job that he can do and that he believes his miracle job is coming.

I dont want to seem pushy, i mean hes even 6 years older than me, so he should understand life more. hes the last born, maybe thats why hes not as bothered about life and ambition like a first child like myself.
I told him before we started dating that i was going for my MSC abroad, and he was even happy, and started helping me make moves. 4 months after, he started acting funny by telling me that i should consider our new love before going abroad. He insisted that i take an msc form here in nigeria and i did, i paid with my money. Unfortunately, the uni i applied for didnt give me admission. he came back saying i should try private uni, and i told him no. I never even planned for msc here, and my parents even want me to go abroad. and that i only gave one shot at a nigerian uni and i am not trying for another. he said he doesnt want to lose me but i told him i cant alter my lifes dreams because of him. he said i am not willing to make sacrifices and i told him, the best time to make sacrifices is now when i am still a single woman and i still have time for myself.
The story is more complicated now. I have met his parents. he has met mine.all his siblings and friends know me. Thats one thing he did from day 1 to make me feel love and accepted, maybe cos he knew how badly my ex did in that path.
I mean, we are Christians, but then we should not settle for mediocrity and complacency because we have faith. I dont even need him to be rich, I just need him to show passion, and start doing things rather than talk about them. I have talked about it, and he keeps thinking there is some other guy. he keeps begging me not to leave him, that things will get better. Hes highly possesive too. if he calls and i dont pick, he gets angry. the time i finally pick he keeps shouting on phone that i make him feel like he has no stake in my life..

I am getting really confused. i mean, I keep seeing guys not even as old as him doing excellently well by themselves. And i know i definitely dont want a man i cant look up to, trust and respect as my future partner. I want a go getter for a man. Someone who wont sleep or be at ease till he has achieved a level of excellence. Someone i can trust to go out in the rainy days to look for shelter for the family. My friends have been telling me to chill, and keep praying. I have, But then i keep having great guys coming around now, do i keep ignoring them? I just dont wanna look back at my life and think things should have been better if i had done things differently.

Please i need all the counsel i can get. Thanks

^^ I think in your heart of hearts, you know precisely what to do.

You're way too "strong" for him. You're focused, determined, see the bigger picture, very organized, an ambitious go-getter, and a young lady whose got a lot going for her.

This guy in question is quite the opposite of you. Too laid back and already starting to drag you down with him as per getting you to settle for less w.r.t your masters degree dream.

Look, love, I like you a lot. Already. You honestly don't need this guy. I won't even touch on his controlling freak tendencies...no need for that. But I will touch on you starting to lose some of your self-esteem. Understandably when you get latched on to a loser.

Girl, do yourself a favour and ditch him. He isn't the one for you. It's not your job to "change" him. This guy will pull you down. You aren't even engaged and he's already wielding the emotional blackmail card in your face.

You can do better than this. Ditch him and reach for the stars dear. Make hay while the sun shines and yes, date others till you find your compatible match. You aren't even 25 yet.

EfemenaXY:
^^ I think in your heart of hearts, you know precisely what to do.

You're way too "strong" for him. You're focused, determined, see the bigger picture, very organized, an ambitious go-getter, and a young lady whose got a lot going for you.

This guy in question is quite the opposite of you. Too laid back and already starting to drag you down with him as per getting you to settle for less w.r.t your masters degree dream.

Look, love, I like you a lot. Already. You honestly don't need this guy. I won't even touch on his controlling freak tendencies...no need for that. But I will touch on you starting to lose some of your self-esteem. Understandably when you get latched on to a loser.

Girl, do yourself a favour and ditch him. He isn't the one for you. It's not your job to "change" him. This guy will pull you down. You aren't even engaged and he's already wielding the emotional blackmail card in your face.

You can do better than this. Ditch him and reach for the stars dear. Make hay while the sun shines and yes, date others till you find your compatible match. You aren't even 25 yet.

5000 Likes for you!
@ geekybabe in my opinion, staying with this man is like tying a kite to a stone... the kite would not go far. You are the kite here, you are not "tied" yet please dont shoot yourself in the foot.

Today its my turn.


So i've been praying for God to bring husband
there's this guy we've been on and off. One month on, one year off . I don't even know what to call it. So last year we agreed to be totally off. And he calls and says we should be on. I said ok. We don't stay together, a distant relationship . So brother always swears how he loves me and not dating anyone else. I said ok, i'm not dating anyone but lots of people call me. Finally finally, he came to family house yesterday. (i no gree make e enter o). I came out and we went to an eatery close by, just to talk. I dropped my fone on the table,brother picked it and started browsing through. Me i said God don catch you in my heart. After looking, he dropped the fone and started smiling. I waited patiently, when he dropped his fone, i picked it. Brother started struggling with the fone o. Me I said no, i have to see too. Brothers and sisters, what I saw hmnnn. What even vexed me is not all the rubbish i saw oh, its all the pictures we exchanged through whatsapp were deleted . No trace of messages shared. I was pained. I didn't talk again until he dropped me at home. I couldn't sleep at night because i was so pained. I sent him a text saying i was no longer interested. He called back this morning to ask if that was what i wanted, i said yes and he said ok. Was I hasty in taking decisions? Or?

veave:
Today its my turn.


So i've been praying for God to bring husband
there's this guy we've been on and off. One month on, one year off . I don't even know what to call it. So last year we agreed to be totally off. And he calls and says we should be on. I said ok. We don't stay together, a distant relationship . So brother always swears how he loves me and not dating anyone else. I said ok, i'm not dating anyone but lots of people call me. Finally finally, he came to family house yesterday. (i no gree make e enter o). I came out and we went to an eatery close by, just to talk. I dropped my fone on the table,brother picked it and started browsing through. Me i said God don catch you in my heart. After looking, he dropped the fone and started smiling. I waited patiently, when he dropped his fone, i picked it. Brother started struggling with the fone o. Me I said no, i have to see too. Brothers and sisters, what I saw hmnnn. What even vexed me is not all the rubbish i saw oh, its all the pictures we exchanged through whatsapp were deleted . No trace of messages shared. I was pained. I didn't talk again until he dropped me at home. I couldn't sleep at night because i was so pained. I sent him a text saying i was no longer interested. He called back this morning to ask if that was what i wanted, i said yes and he said ok. Was I hasty in taking decisions? Or?

:-)
Lol, my dear you did the right thing and there's nothing like being hasty. No trace of watsaap chat and pictures shared? that's horrible. From his reaction to your 'I'm no longer interested message, you can deduce he is not even bothered.