GREAT QUESTIONS WE DON'T ASK


1) Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

2) If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

3) Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

4) Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your bottom?

5) Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Peter and I am an
alcoholic'?

6) Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

7) Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?

9) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

10) Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

11) Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes
out'?

12) What do people in China call their good quality plates?

13) Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the
bathroom is?

15) Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

16) If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

17) If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

18) Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell
you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

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THE RICH STINGY MAN

An abjectly poor came to a stingy rich man Chief Johnbull for help. The poor man began saying his problems and hurdles.
Below is the conversation.
Poor man: sir,I was very rich,early stage of my life but later problems came up, my house with all my credentials got burnt, when I reached home that fateful day I lamented,my wife was also involved in a ghastly motor accident just yesterday, when I saw her I wept,wept,wept.I could not pay my children school fees I was in tears,I wept,wept,wept.
Johnbull:{angry}Mr man stop beating around the bush, go straight to the point.
Poor man:sir I will need like N5 million to start up a business or else I will weep,weep,weep.
Johnbull:Monday next week I will be going to bank to withdraw money.
Poor man excited, thank you!
Johnbull:when I am coming I will buy you a lot of tissue to clean your tears

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THE NIGERIAN AND THE DIVORCE LAWYER


A Nigerian(Igbo) man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds? - Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? - It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge? -No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean. What are your relations like? - All my relations still in Poland

Is there any infidelity in your marriage? - We have hi-fidelity stereo
and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up? - No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger? - No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce? - She going to kill me.

What makes you think that? - I got proof.

What kind of proof? - She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Black Remover"

I see that 10,000 Black people have come to stay with us in Blackpool, another 10,000 in Dublin, Glasgow etc- its not the same 10,000 travelling around is it ?

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HOW TO KEEP TOASTERS AT BAY


Ladies, if you are tired of guys who keep on inboxing you silly questions, here are some few tips on how to answer them:

Question: "Hey beautiful, what are you busy with?"
Answer: "Looking for my engagement ring, lost it."

Q: "Hey gal, can we meet?"
A: "Nope I'm 8 months pregnant, I can't meet anyone at this stage."

Q: "Can I know more about you?"
A: "Sure I LOVE MONEY! Please send me N5,000 MTN card."

Q: "Do you have a BF?"
A: "Yes, we have two kids and he's a soldier."

You can add more below...

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FILL IN THE BLANK

USA will never forget Abraham Lincoln
RUSSIA will never forget Vladimir Putin
SOUTH AFRICA will never forget Nelson Mandela
GHANA will never forget Kwame Nkrumah
ARGENTINA will never forget Cristina Kirchner
NIGERIA will never forget..........?
‪FILL‬ IN THE BLANK

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CORRECT CHILDREN

Chidi's father accompanied him to his school graduation awards party. As they sat watching amidst loud ovations, the beneficiaries were called to the podium for their awards. The following conversation ensued:

ANNOUNCER: Best student in sciences; the winner is Kwame.

FATHER: (applauds and eyes Chidi scornfully) See correct children!

ANNOUNCER: Best student in commercial studies; the winner is Kemi.

FATHER: (hisses and eyes Chidi again) See correct children!

ANNOUNCER: Best student in Arts; the winner is Helen.

FATHER: (fuming with anger) See correct children!

And so, all the awards were presented without any going to Chidi. At the end of the event, they left and went to the car park but as his dad got ready to start the car, the engine refused to respond. He opened the bonnet and touched a few things but his efforts did not yield any response, so they resorted to pushing it. Just as they got to the exit of the school, the rickety car sparked up.

Exhausted and profusely sweating, Chidi rested on the gate just as his mates were driving off with their parents in Hummer, Sequia, Infinity, Escalade, Bentley, Lincoln Navigator, Range Rover and other exotic cars. All of a sudden, Chidi burst into laughter.

His puzzled father asked, "What??s so funny?"

Amidst teary eyes, Chidi responded, "SEE CORRECT FATHERS!

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LOVE ONE ANOTHER

While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr old son picked up stone and scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many times; not realizing he was using a wrench.
At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. When the child saw his father.......with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?' The man was so hurt and speechless; he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times.
Devastated by his own actions.........sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches; the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.
The next day that man committed suicide. . .
Anger and Love have no limits; choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely life..... Things are to be used and people are to be loved,
But the problem in today's world is that, People are used and things are loved... During this year, let's be careful to keep this thought in mind: Things are to be used, but People are to be loved ... Be yourself....This is the only day we HAVE. Have a nice day
Best regards
Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits they become character; Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
I'm glad a friend forwarded this to me as a reminder. God bless you; I hope you are having a wonderful day! If you don't pass this on to anybody, nothing bad will happen; if you do, you will have ministered to someone. The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not PROTECT you...
Stay FAITHFUL and Be GRATEFUL

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Have You all a fun and laughter filled Friday and enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Love from Nigeria/Naija Funny Videos.............