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She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? - Islam for Muslims - Nairaland

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She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by barakah(m): 7:40pm On Jan 07, 2009
She's a christian and i was born into a muslim family. I've been a muslim for over three decades now (i.e all my life). I think she has most of the "many things" i want in a woman. It even took me a while to come across her. In my search for an ideal partner,i've had to put up with "genotype barrier" which has brought about the end of many promising relationships. Although i've not said theres none like her, am sure it'll be hard for me to loose her.Do you think settling down with her won't cause trouble for us in future? What do you think can help our situation? When the children start growing up,won't it have an effect on them? Has anybody got an experience to share?
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by okgerald(m): 8:43pm On Jan 07, 2009
If it was me,i would make her see reason why she should become a muslim, If u truly love try all u can 2 make her a muslim. it al dosent end in this world. i tell u that is the best thing to do

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Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by babs787(m): 7:38pm On Jan 09, 2009
If it was me,i would make her see reason why she should become a muslim, If u truly love try all u can 2 make her a muslim. it al dosent end in this world. i tell u that is the best thing to do

Nice post cheesy
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by geolabious(m): 7:41pm On Jan 09, 2009
Waiting for Nl's response
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by Hesperus(m): 7:47pm On Jan 09, 2009
Of course it'll work, as long as u'r ready to put religious differences aside. I know couples who have. My mum was also born into a muslim household but later became a christian b4 marrying my dad.

ok.gerald:

If it was me,i would make her see reason why she should become a muslim, If u truly love try all u can 2 make her a muslim. it al dosent end in this world. i tell u that is the best thing to do
No offence, but why must she be the one to convert? It is purely her choice to make and should be left to her discretion.
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by Riskie(f): 9:24pm On Jan 09, 2009
It can work but is not likely to if you are a "practicing" Muslim. I assume you would want your children to be Muslims, to fast, pray etc and your potential wife would prefer they be Christ-worshippers like her. That could potentially cause rifts between you two. Although it is allowed for the Muslim man to marry other "People of the Book" ie Christ-worshippers and Jewish genocidists,it is not avisable. I personally wouldn't advise you to push her to convert as some have suggested because the intention behind the change is not a valid one. Religion should be about conviction and not coercion or trickery. If she chooses to do so on her own she is more likely to adhere to the faith and want to explore what it has to offer.

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Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by olanajim(m): 2:01pm On Jan 10, 2009
I don't like this idea of converting one's wife just for the sake of conversion. It does not always work that way. Not when she had her own personal conviction as strong as yours. Not when she is just doing it "for you."

Someone rightly said you should "give her reasons" why she should join your creed. While I subscrib to this thinking, I believe it is how you go about it that matter. Another thing to note is that you should let her make her choice. Don't force her to your thinking. For her to choose to date you is because she find something good about you. Let your character and personality be the great determinant that encourage her to probe into your faith.

You must nevertheless show respect to her faith too. It is the only way you can convince her to listen to your faith.

Regarding whether the marriage can work or not. It is YES an NO depending on how you handle the situations around religion.
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by ayinba1(f): 3:18pm On Jan 10, 2009
@poster

your decison to consider (seriously) marrying a non muslim is more related to your level of deen, if i may put it that way.
What is your definition of a succesful marriage?

A good respectful loving wife wonderful smart children, a stable home? Is there muslim or Islamic in your definition? If yes, then make the foundation so and that starts with you. There are homes that have one muslim parent and one christian parent with christian children and they all seem happy, and vice versa.

There are homes that started out as 2 muslim parents, one became non muslim, children followed or not;

so really, the answer is primarily going to be defined by what you cinsider a successful marriage.

I wish you well.
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by mybad: 4:56pm On Jan 10, 2009
ayinba1:

@poster

your decison to consider (seriously) marrying a non muslim is more related to your level of deen, if i may put it that way.
What is your definition of a succesful marriage?

A good respectful loving wife wonderful smart children, a stable home? Is there muslim or Islamic in your definition? If yes, then make the foundation so and that starts with you. There are homes that have one muslim parent and one christian parent with christian children and they all seem happy, and vice versa.

There are homes that started out as 2 muslim parents, one became non muslim, children followed or not;

so really, the answer is primarily going to be defined by what you cinsider a successful marriage.

I wish you well.

True talk!

I however don't agree that religion has anything to do with marriage ( at least not until recently).
Uniformity is important here and it helps the easy sail of the "family ship".

I wish i was in your shoes though, its "piece of cake" compared to the experience some of us have to share.
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by SeanT21(f): 8:14am On Jan 11, 2009
You should become a christian for the sake of love.

***~~Denounce Your Religion in the name of Jesus~~***
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by Frizy(m): 4:12pm On Jan 11, 2009
No, no, no. I am advising you to leave her alone. She would do all the things necessary to convince your children to become Christians. My mum till date is a christian, and all her family members. The very sad thing is that my dad's family are very few compared to these people. My dad doesn't feel happy that his wife is still christian after several decades of marriage. But what can the old man do. undecided. My mum makes me laugh because she is always telling me never to bring a Muslim woman home. grin grin. But it depends on your faith in Islam, I personally can't marry a Christian no matter how beautiful she may look, guy there are millions of Muslim women that have that too. Just be careful, am talking from my experience when I was a child, I couldn't keep my mouth shut, and reported my mum each time she took me to church secretly. My dad feels very sad but believes me, at the end a lengthy argument. If you find a Christian that wants to convert to Islam, maybe that could be better-- but don't let love fool you, because when you marry a Christian, there would be certain things you have to life with, and compromise with. Except you don't love your wife!

1 Like

Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by tpia: 4:17pm On Jan 11, 2009
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Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by Frizy(m): 4:21pm On Jan 11, 2009
tpia:

why were you trying to cause trouble between your parents nah? Would you have preferred your mom to take you to Ogun/sango shrine secretly, instead of a church? trick question oh!

So far this is one of the weakest arguments against Muslim/Christian marriages I've seen.

I have some friends who are from Muslim/Christian backgrounds and for the most part they grew up with some knowledge of both religions and the parents marriage didnt suffer for it either.


Don't twist my word. Am not trying to cause any confusion. I would never, me as a little boy who Allah wants to see the truth will from childhood even with that little reasoning know that he doesn't want Christianity. I loved praying with my dad, it was like an exercise that I thought was child's play. So going to another congregation would look strange.
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by KarmaMod(f): 4:24pm On Jan 11, 2009
Hopefully she'll reject your forceful conversion.

If you cant accept her as a Christian, after all doesnt your hypocritical book allow the men to marry Christians & Jews and the women cant? Abi?

Either way, I wish HER luck before she ends up hidden in mosquito net all in the name of being a wife.
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by KarmaMod(f): 4:27pm On Jan 11, 2009
My dad doesn't feel happy that his wife is still christian after several decades of marriage.

Strong woman. Blessings to her cool
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by Frizy(m): 4:48pm On Jan 11, 2009
KarmaMod:

Strong woman. Blessings to her cool

When will you and the strong woman change? undecided cry
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by Frizy(m): 5:02pm On Jan 11, 2009
KarmaMod:

Hopefully she'll reject your forceful conversion.

There is nobody forcing anybody. Like someone said, its a matter of conviction.

If you can't accept her as a Christian, after all doesnt your hypocritical book allow the men to marry Christians & Jews and the women can't? Abi?

Another theory, did I say I don't accept her? undecided. Its very amazing that Christians are beginning to read the Koran, however, the sad part is many do not comprehend it. I said you will have to live with many things if you love your wife. And Allah in His Benevolent Wisdom has reasons for saying something. An understanding Muslim would search for Muslim women before turning to a Christian. Do you want Muslim girls to have no husband to marry them? tongue

Either way, I wish HER luck before she ends up hidden in mosquito net all in the name of being a wife.

She is not, because her family is influential. tongue
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by KarmaMod(f): 7:51pm On Jan 11, 2009
When will you and the strong woman change?

Sorry we believe in Good, Better, Best

Not changing for the worse. More power to your mom  cool


Another theory, did I say I don't accept her?

That comment was to the OP, last I checked this thread wasnt about "Frizy"
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by amebono14: 9:40pm On Jan 11, 2009
@poster

than convert to xtianity
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by olabowale(m): 3:18pm On Jan 12, 2009
@Frizy: « #12 on: Yesterday at 04:21:47 PM »

Quote from: tpia on Yesterday at 04:17:01 PM
why were you trying to cause trouble between your parents nah? Would you have preferred your mom to take you to Ogun/sango shrine secretly, instead of a church? trick question oh!

Christianity is a tad better than Ogun/Sango religion. The Ogun/Sango worshippers are not hypocritical in their believes and worships. The Ogun person will not go worship or seek spiritual help from sango worshipper. And the case is the same with other. Unfortunately, those who called themselves Christian or Muslim go out of their religion for spiritual help. While I do understand the Christian's conditions, since they need an intecessor to get to God. I just do not know why a muslim need anything except full trust in Allah, using prayers and reading His Book, in full hope of success from Him. Has Allah failed any true and sincere Muslim?





So far this is one of the weakest arguments against Muslim/Christian marriages I've seen.

I have some friends who are from Muslim/Christian backgrounds and for the most part they grew up with some knowledge of both religions and the parents marriage didnt suffer for it either.

A muslim should seek a muslim spouse, first. While it is permissable for men to marry from Jews and Christians, it is not the first options, when there are muslim potential spouses to choose from. Is there a need for a person to start out with an individual who will at face value disagrees with your mode of worship? At least in Muslim bride, the muslim husband do not have to struggle with belief of disbelief.

It is forbidden by Allah that a muslim woman married anyone who is not a muslim. This is the command of the Most Powerful!




Don't twist my word. Am not trying to cause any confusion. I would never, me as a little boy who Allah wants to see the truth will from childhood even with that little reasoning know that he doesn't want Christianity. I loved praying with my dad, it was like an exercise that I thought was child's play. So going to another congregation would look strange.

Your story was exactly my story as a little boy. Alhamdulillah, my mother became Muslim woman, in her old age. The same story is what happens with my boys; they were always happy to make salah with me. I hope their mom becomes muslim through them before she dies. She is a good mother to them.

There should not be a reason for a muslim man to ignore a muslim woman, and look elsewhere for a non-muslim woman. I hope that the muslim man knows that the wrapping is beautiful. The unwrapping is part of the exitement and pre-intimacy. Life is a box of chocolate, you dont know what you gonna get. It is the opposite of already peeled and diced banana on the platter where everyone is free to deep.
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by olabowale(m): 3:26pm On Jan 12, 2009
@SeanT21:« #9 on: Yesterday at 08:14:37 AM »

You should become a christian for the sake of love.

***~~Denounce Your Religion in the name of Jesus~~***

And ends up in hell fire? Thats not a good thing. The woman should be invited to what is good; Islam.
I would think that anyone with good head on her shoulder will want good, and shun bad.

And he was to be called Emmanuel. Not Jesus. No God. Not son of God. But you didn't listen and follow the instruction.
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by mybad: 12:54pm On Jan 13, 2009
Your story was exactly my story as a little boy. Alhamdulillah, my mother became Muslim woman, in her old age. The same story is what happens with my boys; they were always happy to make salah with me. I hope their mom becomes muslim through them before she dies. She is a good mother to them.

@ olabowale
And what has become of your boys now Bros Olabowale?
Do they still say their Salat and practise iSLAM?
No harm intended oh just want to learn.

There should not be a reason for a muslim man to ignore a muslim woman, and look elsewhere for a non-muslim woman. I hope that the muslim man knows that the wrapping is beautiful. The unwrapping is part of the exitement and pre-intimacy.

@olabowale
What if you don't seem to have all you need in a muslim woman and you find peace in the arms of a christian woman just like you did in your first marriage Sir?



olabowale:

@SeanT21:« #9 on: Yesterday at 08:14:37 AM »
And ends up in hell fire? Thats not a good thing. The woman should be invited to what is good; Islam.
I would think that anyone with good head on her shoulder will want good, and shun bad.

@ Barakah
Seems you've been pronounced a 'kafir' and won't therefore make Al-Janah.
I think you better retrace your steps and seek Allah's face first.
Whats in a woman anyway.
If you want some very candid advice which i know will help you, just get in touch with me lets talk offline. grin

1 Like

Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by olabowale(m): 4:20pm On Jan 13, 2009
@mybad: « #21 on: Today at 12:54:31 PM »

@ olabowale
And what has become of your boys now Bros Olabowale?
Do they still say their Salat and practise iSLAM?
No harm intended oh just want to learn.

Thanks for the question and the concern. Its interesting that most of us, including one time or another are just muslims in names, only. When we know the true Islam, we definitely realise how empty our "old" Islam was. Olayiwola and Oladunwo, though good kids, successful in today's measurement, need Islamic improvements.

The mistake I made was that I did not let them grow up in Nigeria, where they could have found Islam so readily. Islam of America, without being in black neighborhood 20something years ago and beyond was a rarity. Their islam needs improvements. And I make dua to Allah to improvement them. I am hopefull that they will turn out like the son of the believer of the leaning wall in Surah Kahf.





[Quote]
@olabowale
What if you don't seem to have all you need in a muslim woman and you find peace in the arms of a christian woman just like you did in your first marriage Sir?
[/quote]

The peace was temporary. Remember that I am divorced from her. The first casuality of our fail marriage was the religion. It was the religion that she latched on to in any disagreement we had. It was the first thing that she attached. The point is this, in my present relationship, the religion is the glue that binds, front and center. By the way, I do not intend to say that there was not happiness in the relationship. But when we disagreed, it was awful. There was no mercy at all. We had no central theme; My is Allah, His Religion, His Book, His Messenger. Am sure you see that these are set of headache to non-muslims.

Hers was Paul and more Paul, and just maybe Jesus. Typical Christian. And I hated the cross dangling from her neck. Can you imagine a muslim asleep with a cross on the chest of his lover? That was my case. I vowed never to let that happen again!




[Quote]
@ Barakah
Seems you've been pronounced a 'kafir' and won't therefore make Al-Janah.
I think you better retrace your steps and seek Allah's face first.
Whats in a woman anyway.
If you want some very candid advice which i know will help you, just get in touch with me lets talk offline.
[/quote]

May Allah reward you immensely. Amin.
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by morpheus24: 5:27pm On Jan 13, 2009
I find it very odd that it is permissable for a Muslim to marry so called "People of the Book" and at the same time regard them as infidels

Could it be a dubious tactic to populate the world with muslims or the thirst of those would be Arabs to sustain their Harems during their conquesta


Mmmm I wonder. The mind of Human beings!
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by olabowale(m): 12:58am On Jan 14, 2009
Morpheus24: Islam came to elevate the humanity of humans. To better the kindness of man. It is not so surprising that whatever you call the "people of the books." above, need improvement. The husband of a woman is the best person to better his wife. So is the wife of a man. In this case, a man who want to marry a muslim woman must be muslim.

And a woman who is married to a muslim man will be better. At least, she will have a better bathroom manner. I remember an entry where a tribe's man of the nigerian' miss world was saying that their tribe's beauty is their washing their bottom with water after the use of bathroom.

I wonder if he knows that this is a normal thing in Islam.
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by davidylan(m): 1:00am On Jan 14, 2009
morpheus24:

I find it very odd that it is permissable for a Muslim to marry so called "People of the Book" and at the same time regard them as infidels

Could it be a dubious tactic to populate the world with muslims or the thirst of those would be Arabs to sustain their Harems during their conquesta

Mmmm I wonder. The mind of Human beings!

Spot on with your hunch. Muslim men are firmly encouraged to marry "people of the book" however the reverse is strictly forbidden. Those men are of course forced to raise their kids as muslims.

So anytime you hear that nonsense about islam "growing" you just know its all to do with demographics.
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by KarmaMod(f): 3:05am On Jan 14, 2009
morpheus24:

I find it very odd that it is permissable for a Muslim to marry so called "People of the Book" and at the same time regard them as infidels

abi o. people that are not Muslim are supposedly infidels that will perih in hell yet apparently Muslim men are allowed to marry these infidels.
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by morpheus24: 3:32pm On Jan 14, 2009
olabowale:

Morpheus24: Islam came to elevate the humanity of humans. To better the kindness of man. It is not so surprising that whatever you call the "people of the books." above, need improvement. The husband of a woman is the best person to better his wife. So is the wife of a man. In this case, a man who want to marry a muslim woman must be muslim.

And a woman who is married to a muslim man will be better. At least, she will have a better bathroom manner. I remember an entry where a tribe's man of the nigerian' miss world was saying that their tribe's beauty is their washing their bottom with water after the use of bathroom.

I wonder if he knows that this is a normal thing in Islam.

Contradicting yourself. A husband can better his wife but a wife cannot better her husband. That is to say a muslim woman marrying a non muslim man is so weak that she cannot influence her husband into becoming a muslim. Only men are privileged in this your elevatiion of humanity. I've seen that type of redrick before.

I remember when White men strictly forbade their women from marrying or having intercourse with black males knowing fully well that it would signal the end of their kind and power over their womenfolk but sure nothing was bad for White men To Molest and impregnant black women, of course it was their God given right to do so seeing that they were made to believe they were superior. Ring a bell?

Your reasoning is nothing new. You and others have used such to decieve men for ages.
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by morpheus24: 3:44pm On Jan 14, 2009
olabowale:

@mybad: « #21 on: Today at 12:54:31 PM »

The peace was temporary. Remember that I am divorced from her. The first casuality of our fail marriage was the religion. It was the religion that she latched on to in any disagreement we had. It was the first thing that she attached. The point is this, in my present relationship, the religion is the glue that binds, front and center. By the way, I do not intend to say that there was not happiness in the relationship. But when we disagreed, it was awful. There was no mercy at all. We had no central theme; My is Allah, His Religion, His Book, His Messenger. Am sure you see that these are set of headache to non-muslims.

Hers was Paul and more Paul, and just maybe Jesus. Typical Christian. And I hated the cross dangling from her neck. Can you imagine a muslim asleep with a cross on the chest of his lover? That was my case. I vowed never to let that happen again!



I can agree on cultural or religious barriers as a factor in not creating a harmonious marriage and this is not exlcusive to Muslim/Christians so there is nothing unique in your situation. The problem is when one beleives his/her way of life is the better.

Most people gravitate to what they PERCIEVE as an exemplary way of living and ultimately through free will change their belief system for the better. It cannot be forced down their throats nor can any amount of arguement without action change them.

Your comments on cross's and arguements only goes to show. you shuld put your self in her place and imagine if she thought the same way about you and how in her mind she was truly convinced of the the fact that you were going to hell when you died.
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by olabowale(m): 4:13pm On Jan 14, 2009
@Morpheus24: You are correct in your analysis. I was a Kufar to her considering that I do not accept 3 godheads, and not a church goer. I have no problem with her thought about me. Remember what I said. I vow never to let that "non-muslim" woman enter my life, again. No way, no how, no Mark, John, Matthew, Luke and no Paul!
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by morpheus24: 5:49pm On Jan 14, 2009
olabowale:

@Morpheus24: You are correct in your analysis. I was a Kufar to her considering that I do not accept 3 godheads, and not a church goer. I have no problem with her thought about me. Remember what I said. I vow never to let that "non-muslim" woman enter my life, again. No way, no how, no Mark, John, Matthew, Luke and no Paul!

Yes, a terrible mistake on your part and now you have realized this, You will live happily ever after with your new muslim, Yoruba, black, ewedu eating wife.

The human mind I tell you, Fascinating!, just fascinating!
Re: She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work? by KarmaMod(f): 8:26pm On Jan 14, 2009
morpheus24:

Yes, a terrible mistake on your part and now you have realized this, You will live happily ever after with your new muslim, Yoruba, black, ewedu eating wife.

The human mind I tell you, Fascinating!, just fascinating!

His new wives are Igbo

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