Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,195,095 members, 7,957,100 topics. Date: Tuesday, 24 September 2024 at 07:07 AM |
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? (20567 Views)
Comparative Analysis Between Wives Of Today And Those Of Yesterday / What My In-Laws Served Me (photo) / Woman Caught By Her In-laws With Her Husband's Friend In A Hotel (2) (3) (4)
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (Reply) (Go Down)
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 11:12pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
Chei Work don end Chai |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Ngokafor(f): 11:12pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
Sophyrocks: ...so spot on!..thumbs up to you,coco and babyosisi.. 3 Likes |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by crackhaus: 11:13pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
babyosisi:This still leads to the question I asked earlier which you didn't answer, so I will ask again at the end of this. Your stance is that the man has seen that his wife and mother don't get along, he has also seen what his mom is doing wrong - you conveniently stopped there. Let me finish it for you: He has also seen what his wife did or is doing wrong herself regarding this issue with his mother, but will rather keep mute on it to avoid being caught between choosing sides. He also knows that his mother will not be staying indefinitely in his house until the day of her death, she will most certainly return to her own house or go visit one of his siblings (her other children) - his wife on the other hand will be there when his mother leaves, and her position as chief-feminine-officer in-charge of the household will be fully restored because that seems to be her major issue with the MILs presence. . . everything will be back to normal. So I ask, is there any problem most of you women find yourselves in that you can comfortably take at least 50% of the blame? 7 Likes |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 11:36pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
crackhaus: We are all humans so there must be a rift and there must a mediator for peace. As the Head of the home, when a rift occurs what are you supposed to do? The same way your wife is to protect your image from her family is the same way you are to do when it involves your mother. If anyone is to be corrected over a wrong doing, you must certainly correct the person. But while doing so, as the head, you must act as mediator for peace between your mother and your wife. You are the driving force therefore you have a huge role to play when a rift occurs. That is what headship is about. I am sure you wouldnt want any sort of interference coming from your father in law. should in case that occurs, who is to be mediator for peace here? Your wife! You and your wife are to protect each other. if you cant do that, then you were never meant to be married in the first place. You should have remained with your parents. 6 Likes |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 11:59pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
crackhaus: Good, you beat me to it |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 12:07am On Mar 19, 2015 |
Sophyrocks: The problem with these opinions of yours is that it's too linear and one sided... If a woman cannot tolerate her mother in law for 3 weeks, it shows a lot of things are wrong with her... You are all about protecting ones wife from ones mother, how does that statement sound in your ears, what if the wife is actually at fault... Implicit in your thinking, a man should support his wife whenever she's at loggerheads with his mom... Nope... Why can't you suggest a woman tolerates her husband mother same way he tolerates her.. or you think mothers don't give their sons headache too?? Anyways, I hope your daughter in laws hold the same opinion of you as you do for your MILs |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 12:10am On Mar 19, 2015 |
Sophyrocks:+1000 likes, ^10 for the last sentence! The current situation is so so sad. There is no love, there is no trust, only suspicion and warped expectations. Why get married if you aren't willing to take your spouse seriously? It's so sad seeing some nl comments, it insults ones intelligence repeatedly reading flippant remarks regarding a genuine problem many women (and men) face regarding their in-laws. Marriage really isn't for everyone, don't do it until you're ready to honour your spouse. Seriously shaking my head on here nowadays. 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by crackhaus: 12:10am On Mar 19, 2015 |
Sophyrocks:You know, the thing about you and other females like you on this section is that you actually try to force your intelligence which really doesn't exist. . . You especially are not sharpest tool in the shed, very dumb and utterly dense - pun intended. I asked you a question, you couldn't answer it all this while because you just can't comprehend any reasoning that's way above your fake-ass weave. You have a very big mouth but ironically one of the weakest reasoning capacity of any female in this section. I normally wouldn't engage you for this reason, but I chose to pick on your brain today with my response to your earlier post... not surprisingly, you blanked because you couldn't engage your brain, only for you to return to pour out your demented frustrated predisposition on the thread with rants about wussies, alpha-males, and suckling of mothers brea.sts. I took that shiit personal because I know that in your twisted mind, you were directing it to me albeit in a very cowardly fashion. I had taken a break from dealing with you skanks on family section, but it seems I will make a lesson out of you to remember what it feels like killing y'all for sport. For a response to this post of yours, see my response to babyosisi above... everything you said here is irrelevant when the MIL never stays indefinitely, so why can't the wives just be patient? 3 Likes |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 12:14am On Mar 19, 2015 |
njokusboy: I am not responsible for how you choose to understand my comment. i dnt have time for back and forth epistles. If you men cannot be the true heads that you all clamour for and beat chest for in your homes, dnt expect peace in your homes. A lot of you are wussies coming here to beat chest. You cnt control your homes, you arent worthy of headship. 6 Likes |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 12:17am On Mar 19, 2015 |
crackhaus: And here we go again with this your tantrums!! why are you getting emotional and worked up? i thought men aint emotional and petty? shuooo!! when you peeps have got nothing to say you just end up with usual tantrums. is this how to prove a point? 7 Likes |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 12:22am On Mar 19, 2015 |
Sophyrocks: Lemme help you define headship... According to ur dictionary, headship means supporting your wife when she acts like a B-it_ch on heat at the sight of her mother in law... If mil and DIL don't get along, how is it the man's fault, why don't you look at it first as a woman problem before calling out the man.. Why don't FIL and SIL fight so often? This has never being about headship, it's about a whole bunch of misguided, emotional, delusional and ridiculous women who cannot take responsibilities for their actions and sort out their differences... Are you kids? 1 Like |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 12:26am On Mar 19, 2015 |
crackhaus: If you go into marriage with a mindset that your mom will always be right,you won't last long I am telling you the bare naked truth. If a guest in your house is making madam uncomfortable,you can never be happy That is a free advice I don't care if she came to stay for one day or one month,she has to know that she is a guest in that house for that one month and it is your responsibility to redirect her when she forgets that. 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 12:27am On Mar 19, 2015 |
njokusboy: O.k na. if your mother happens to be wrong, what will you do? Please o. leave your mother and your wife to fight o. Thats true headship. Happy now? 1 Like |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 12:28am On Mar 19, 2015 |
njokusboy: Sigh, why does it show something is wrong with the wife? Why do a lot of you like to point out that one day we'll be MIL's, we know FFS! Also, women here acknowledge that it is not every MIL that causes problems in their relationships, DILs are also able to be the villain here.But stick to the issue at hand; we are discussing scenarios where the MIL is destroying the relationship that she brought about by having a son who another woman chose to love and marry. Are you yet another man who'd brush his wife's concerns away; leaving your wife to cope alone, fueling the issue, resolving nothing. There is no faith in the word of a wife around here, gheez. *where is the love* 5 Likes |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 12:30am On Mar 19, 2015 |
Sophyrocks: Why some of these talks go round and round is that many of these responders are children who are still drooling on tonto dike and nicki minaj I wish there was a way to know people's age and maturity when they post Whenever you see the happily married men who understand the dynamics of a family make a post,you know 7 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by crackhaus: 12:30am On Mar 19, 2015 |
Sophyrocks:Are you getting scared and back-tracking already? When you were blabbing about wussies and alpha-males earlier, you seemed to be spoiling for a fight. Is that how you prove your own point? 2 Likes |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 12:33am On Mar 19, 2015 |
crackhaus: Wow!! are you wussy posing as an alpha male? was your name mentioned? hehehehehehe. If it isnt guilt then i dnt know what it is. Quit being emotional before you sound like a true wussy. If you aint a wussy you wont react this way. or are you? seriously? 7 Likes |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 12:34am On Mar 19, 2015 |
Sophyrocks: Why don't you just say the man should babysit you guys... My mom comes to stay over for a few weeks, she tells me what to eat, scolds me in front of my friends, all without me fighting her... after 2 weeks, she's gone... Any sensible wife should take a cue from me.. |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 12:35am On Mar 19, 2015 |
Flytefalls: In our African society a woman sees her son's home as an extension of her own house Her own children even see themselves as having more rights to the house than the wife In many cultures like the Igbo culture,a man dies and his brothers feel his belongings and wealth and account belong to them not the wife And this is not limited to the Igbo culture I might add So understand where these people are coming from It is an ingrained culture where the wife is seen as a stranger in her home That is the mindset driving the responses you hear Until that mindset is changed this will never end. 4 Likes |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 12:38am On Mar 19, 2015 |
babyosisi: Exactly! Not only are they children but they are also still struggling to maintain relationships with women. some dnt have women in their lives. Their comments reveal alot about them. Can you imagine here that they have to be coached on what headship truly entails? when they come here to beat chest about head head head, i laff because they dnt even know their roles they have to play. i no dey for all these their back and forth brouhaha to prove a point bo. 7 Likes |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 12:39am On Mar 19, 2015 |
njokusboy: That is why you are still a boy s.ucking your mother's b.reast. hehehehehe. 2 Likes |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 12:40am On Mar 19, 2015 |
Sophyrocks: Sometimes I take the liberty to read some of the post history of the people I am responding to and beat myself up for bothering Same with some ladies that talk out of ignorance I tell the person to go and get married,stay 10 years in that marriage then come back let's talk. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by crackhaus: 12:40am On Mar 19, 2015 |
babyosisi:Did you see anywhere I said my mom will always be right? And don't bring my mom into your retorts as I haven't made anything about you so far. Babyosisi, you are in no position to offer me any advice whatsoever. . . You are neither qualified nor that grey to do so. I said the wife may also be doing some wrong as well as the mother-in-law, so knowing that only one of them will be staying in that house permanently, what happened to patience and tolerance? Does a woman need to have her husband remind his own mother that she is only a guest in his home? What insolence! 3 Likes |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 12:42am On Mar 19, 2015 |
babyosisi:Not to disrespect anyone's culture, but there is so much confusion at present. I see it. It's so sad. I wouldn't even begin to list the contradictions, I just pray for peace |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 12:43am On Mar 19, 2015 |
crackhaus: I will summarize for you by saying that if you and your wife were living in peace,your mother comes and katakata bursts and you had planned to have her spend 6 months,make it shorter,actually much shorter. Asking your wife to endure it because you can or because it won't be long is not wise. 7 Likes |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 12:43am On Mar 19, 2015 |
Flytefalls: Most of this things exist only in the minds of the said DILS, many of them come into their matrimonial homes with the mindset that their MILS are evil.... Most of the time, there's actually no issue to resolve... only a bit of patience and common sense is needed.. 2 Likes |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by crackhaus: 12:44am On Mar 19, 2015 |
Sophyrocks:Like I said before, you are not sharp and as dense as they come. You would dare not mention my moniker in any of your posts, I know this for a fact. Keep going anyway, I'm sure you already know I am very good at this. 3 Likes |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 12:48am On Mar 19, 2015 |
njokusboy:But you are wrong. Some things are real, so absolutely of this physical earth that to brush it aside offends the order of the universe. 3 Likes |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 12:49am On Mar 19, 2015 |
njokusboy: That is not a proper mindset and to be honest with you most women don't go with that mindset till something happens and they build a defense. The only solution is to give your mom some advise before she visits but many men won't do that They are afraid of incurring the wrath of mama and the wrath of their siblings who will accuse him of being controlled by his wife Many marriage have shattered at the visit of mothers in law Plenty I have seen plenty end up in divorce after the MIL moved in and everyone suffers in that divorce The only solution is to prevent it and the man must play an active role in it He can't put his head in the sand and expect her to bear it There is a limit to that Based on my experiences,I won't even allow myself to be placed in that situation I will do my own visits from a hotel room with my rental car on the side thank God I can afford to do that I like my privacy to begin with I don't even stay in people's houses when I travel,even when they offer ,I always opt for a hotel room or suite I won't give anyone the opportunity to see me as a nuisance and the moment I smell anything going bad,I will be on my way to the airport in that rental car. Coming and living in your sons house for days on end is so 1970,not my portion 4 Likes |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 12:52am On Mar 19, 2015 |
Another thing a lot of nigerian men do is that they don't even inform their wives adequately before moving their moms in So in some of these situations,the man is the cause A man that knows his mom is a pain will insist on bringing her unannounced for long periods Why would you torture your family in this manner I know women with their MILs in their homes that are biting their tongues waiting for her to leave so they can exhale. 2 Likes |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by crackhaus: 1:00am On Mar 19, 2015 |
babyosisi:Since we are measuring wisdom using your wisdom meter, a man sending his mother away is a much wiser decision than just diffusing the animosity by telling both mother and wife to tolerate each other for 6months? In your wisdom, you didn't figure that when a man sends his mother away it actually makes his wife look worse in the eyes of her in-laws huh? 3 Likes |
Re: What Causes Tension Between Wives And Mother-in-laws? by Nobody: 1:01am On Mar 19, 2015 |
Sophyrocks: It's a shame, you had to go down this way 1 Like |
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (Reply)
How Do You Handle A Promiscuous Sister? / Woman Welcomes Triplets A Year After Losing Her Child (Photo) / 4 Reasons Why Family Is Better Than Friends
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 140 |