Written by Kunmi Omisore

I have an insatiable interest in relationships. It never ceases to amaze me the issues that arise in an attempt to somewhat peacefully co-exist with a Significant Other. The issues and debates are endless, which perhaps, in itself, fuels my interest in the subject.

I read widely on dating, marriage and their challenges. And I must say that I’ve learnt a lot. But true to the saying, the biggest lessons you learn are usually from experience. Here are four important things I believe everyone in a relationship – or planning to be – should take into consideration.

1. Don’t betray yourself

Anything or anyone that requires you to betray your values, your peace, your dreams or your identity is not at all worth it. This is not to be confused with compromise, which I believe is a very key part of any healthy relationship. Betraying oneself in a relationship can often be mistaken as being ‘the necessary price to pay’ to have a successful one, however someone who is the right fit for you will never require you to be disloyal to your own self, for their personal gain.

2. Love despite how you feel

This is a hard lesson, but it’s an absolutely vital one. Most of us don’t always wake up feeling loving and caring and compassionate; it’s an active decision – to put your partner’s needs above your own, to support and encourage, to understand and be patient. This is even harder when you feel unloved or uncared for, but love is a choice. Genuinely loving someone means loving them especially when you don’t ‘feel’ like it. We need to learn not to give feelings so much power over us.

3. Expectations can be a hindrance to your relationship’s development

No one is born with expectations in their genes; it’s something we learn to have. You don’t naturally expect a comfortable life, love, acknowledgment; it’s what life teaches you to do. From the moment you take your first breath, you want warmth and food and security. In the first stages, that’s all it is: a want. And when those needs are continuously met, you start to expect it, and increasing expect more. And more.

Of course, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having expectations; if we didn’t, it would be a grand opportunity for people to take advantage of us. However, it does come with what I would consider disadvantages. Because oftentimes, with relationships, we create these ‘ideals’ and when inevitably our realities somehow fall short, we become disappointed and disgruntled.

Here’s the lesson: Stop looking for happiness, contentment, perfection, satisfaction or purpose in another human being. It’s setting yourself – and your relationship – up for failure, because they will never be able to fully provide these things for you. No person on earth is designed to satisfy these needs.

Oftentimes, we’re looking for a whirlwind, catch-a-grenade-for-you, feeling-some-typeawayyy love. While that does happen for some, they are arguably in the minority. Love should not be disappointing because it doesn’t have your heart doing backflips; it’s a lot more.

I believe in God, and I believe in His ability to fully supply me with everything I will ever need, so I have chosen to focus on Him, and quit placing the burden on any other person and putting undue pressure on a relationship. It’s frankly unfair.

4. There’s no ‘One’

Many people might disagree with this, understandably so. Let me explain this: I don’t buy into the La La Land idea of The Chosen One. It encourages people to look for that perfect partner, who they won’t find because that person does not exist. It builds false ideas and hopes about relationships. Relationships will always be challenging because two completely different people – with different temperaments, needs and ideas – have chosen to be together, and that is bound to present a level of difficulty. However great they are as a person does not displace this fact.

I believe that you find someone who is a good fit and constantly work at building something you will both enjoy. If you’re privileged enough to find someone who you’re comfortable with, whose company you enjoy, who likes you as you actually are (not as they hope you to be), who shares your key values and principles, and who you can co-exist reasonably well with… That might very well just be your One.

What’s your opinion? What do you believe everyone in a relationship should know/learn?

Source: http://thenakedconvos.com/4-important-lessons-in-relationships-a-learners-thesis/

fücking lovely writeup; for me one fücking area one should equally consider is growing in love;
So the question is: how do you grow in love rather than remain in the “fall in love" stage?

Before you can begin growing in love with a person; fücking acknowledge whether you are focusing more on what you don’t have in a relationship rather than on the positive things you could be fücking building, enhancing & promoting within yourself.

The idea of growth brings forth the fücking idea of preparation. A seed can only begin to fücking grow into a beautiful flower, once it has been properly cared for: pretreated with good soil, consistent watering, sufficient sunlight & fücking tender loving care.
A neglected seed rarely yields fruit & if by fücking chance it does, the roots will be fücking weak, the leaves will be fücking straggly & the stem will be bent rather than fücking growing straight up.

Growing in love comes when two people who are sure & confident in themselves come together naturally & have room & time enough to grow in the fücking flowerpot of love.

Whereas, two fücking insecure, broken people joining together becomes a fücking recipe for falling pieces; attitude, personality & values; not fitting together too well.

So before falling head first into a fücking puddle of love, ask yourself:

Am I operating on my fücking feelings rather than the facts?
Am I properly fücking nurtured to take on a relationship at this time?
Am I fücking prepared to grow up or to grow wrong?

ok. cool