it depends on the individuals but i can't think about myself not having my own kids.

thank god that he gave us the abillity to choose,theres absolutely nothing wrong in not having children,less peeps populating the world
atleast ur in the uk,all you and your wife have to do is just get a couple of pets,always dress them up real nice , in designer clothes,open a trust fund in their names,take them round the world firstclass,enrol them in the best pet(?)schools and leave all u have to them when u die.while ur at it u might consider a vasectomy or better still anorchidectomy

hey you guys out there,
u've got to know that nature have its way of dealing with us in a cruel manner.
"A child is a sacred gift of the ALMIGHTHY FOR THE RIGHT MOTHER".
All you saying you want kids, why not wait the the right time and find out for yourself if you really worth having a kid.
This also applies to all you guys out there.As for me, if am on the right side to have a kid,i will gladly accept it.But if it is the other way round, who am i to question the CREATOR,but that will never affect the love i have for my "better-half".
TILL DEATH DO US PART.
I was reading an obituary page on a national daily sometimes two months ago,it was all about a couple.The Man was 96yrs and the Woman was around 92yrs, they have no kids and it was just a 4 days interval that separated their departure."This is real, i read it myself"
Would you now say they dont have a fulfilled life?Just think for yourself.
You will still have your life spent the way u want it to be, whether there're kids or not.It all depends on both of you.

Well it's just our culture that stresses d need 4 kids but looking at other factors i.e. economy,convenience and all that i think having kids esp in large droves is becoming pointless by the day!

People should never have more kids than they can handle, now that is selfish. People that choose not to have kids is not a crime, no point in bringing more unwanted chidren in this world.

Guys, I want to believe you're all just joking! What are you all talking about? Do the world a favour by not having kids? Because you think Naija is overpopulated, you think it'd be better not to have anymore kids? Ya'all must be tripping!You know, if you decide not to have kids while you're young, there'll come a point in your life when everyother thing will not matter to you anymore; believe me, nothing else will give you pleasure than the satisfaction of having your children around you. It's the human nature guys, it's the way we are and there ain't nothing you can do about it. But if you think I'm wrong, you have a choice of course, like they say-it's your life! But somebody warned you!Children are the joy of life; you'll understand that when you get there.

We all want so much from our women/men. I pray to God to give me a friend as a wife. It' so good when you have a friend that will be there for you every inch of the way.

@ayanaija

They can always purchase puppies to take care of their misery.

I understand where you are coming from. I live in the united state. I am going to be married in 3 months and DO NOT want kids either. Mostly because they get on my nerves. my fiance does not want any either. i don't understand how everyone else can try to force their beliefs on me. It pisses me off. I don't like to hear the crying, or being puked on, changing crappy diapers. some of us don't enjoy those things. I would must rather have my 3 cats right now. those are my only kids i will ever have . i just get extremely tired of hearing it from people. it would be like buying a shirt i am never going to wear or going to college for something i hate. i don't like kids, at all. as a matter of fact, if i am at a store and hear a crying little brat and there is something i need from that aisle, i will wait til next time i go to that store. but my fiance does not like them either. my mom keeps telling me i will change my mind but i don't think so, not going to happen. and this whole idea of getting married equals having kids, says WHO? why should i have any if i don't want them, does that really make sense? no it does not. yeah, for those of you that say people who get married should have them, yeah, you are right. my fiance and i should just have sex without a condom so i can get pregnant and end up in a situation i DO NOT want to be in. i don't believe it is every womans calling, sorry, but NO. i will remain childless because well, fiancial situations i am in, and 2, i don't enjoy cleaning shitty diapers and hearing wah wah all night long. i will continue smoking my malboros and having cocktails on the weekends. because that makes me happy, kids DON'T. much love from the soon to be married couple that does not want kids! later!

so whose gonna take care of you when you are old and grey?? and it will kind of suck not to be able to have someone do things for you when you and your spouse do not, hey just think, they can be u laborers. and who wants to die alone, and so much for carrying you name any further. just gonna die out, extinct

i'm going to hv kids _{especially fair ones like me} cos i love them a lot!!!

Not a bad idea,u're only tying to reduce the country's population .

But i'll suggest u stay completely out of marriage if you don't want to have kids cos Inlaws will definitely mock you and make life miserable for you if u stay married without kids.

Besides who do you expect to take care of you when u're old?
definitely not ur siblings cos they av their family needs to attend to.

so weigh your options well and be reasonable with your decision.

4 me it's children all the way cos i luv dem and they are gifts from God.1 luv.

I think having kids, or not, is personal choice.

I myself can't imagine being without children, but that's my choice. Those that don't want them, well, it's their choice too. I know in most African cultures, the extended family COULD possibly want children, more than the couple concerned. Now, THAT is selfish. In most cases, they've had their own kids (the grand parents) and want to re-live the same experience with their grand children. Now, would one call that selfless? I certainly wouldn't.

If both parts of a couple decide they don't want children, then, their decision needs to be respected. If a friend told me himself and his wife / girlfriend have decided NOT to have children, I'd accept it, without question. He doesn't have to justify why they may or may not want kids, and it's not my place to persuade them to have them! I wouldn't consider them 'abnormal' if their decision was not to have children.

I feel that those who try to push folk into having kids against their wishes are the selfish ones. And no, the desire NOT to have kids doesn't have to be connected to financial or medical reasons.

It has to be based on mutual choice.

If you don't want childern, then that's your choice.

You also don't get the privilege of being a father or a mother.

You minimise the chance of bringing into the world people who wish to make the same weird choice as you may want to.

lol

I didn't want kids AT ALL until 3 yrs. ago exactly. I until then despised children and didn't like them around me, heck even too much of their laughter made me crazy. A one size fits all mentality is definitely a big factor in most people's problems in society, too meant people want EVERYONE else to live how they think is right. Maybe since most people are capable of having children some may feel why not have 1 or 2 or more, I'm still feeling new to the idea of wanting kids. I'm not even sure I feel I have to be married ever lol.

To me,children are an investment.You'll never know till u are too old to take care of urself.I love kids and most especially a large number. a dozen (i am not Nigerian and my country's pop is not so large).I only have to work hard so as to be rich enuf to take good care of them all.If not.3 or 4 will do

if ur parents didnt want kids, u'd still be in the great adios.

Thats for you, my mama born me i go born my own o!

I think it is a personal choice if a man or a woman wanna have kids or not, nothing, and i mean nothing, not even your parents shuld be able to decide for you, it is a personal thing, so if you wanna have kids, go on jare, and if you dont wanna have kids, more grease to your elbow, just think it through, so that you dont regret it when you grow older, cos it will be too late then.

The bible says:

"Be fruitful and multiply"

"Let everything reproduce after its own kind."

, I think the point is that we SHOULD be having children if ABLE.

Being of a certain age, divorced and childless, everyone thinks my immediate priority should be to get laid by the next available man for procreation purposes. So when I turned down the advances of a certain gentleman who saw himself as God sent for that reason, he thought I was mad and proffered to link me with a psychiatrist because of my divergent view on the matter.

"If you get pickin, make you no laugh, if you no get am, make you no cry". Live life to the fullest and with purpose whatever your choice, whether by omission or by commission.

liftedone:

Being of a certain age, divorced and childless, everyone thinks my immediate priority should be to get laid by the next available man for procreation purposes. So when I turned down the advances of a certain gentleman who saw himself as God sent for that reason, he thought I was mad and proffered to link me with a psychiatrist because of my divergent view on the matter.

"If you get pickin, make you no laugh, if you no get am, make you no cry". Live life to the fullest and with purpose whatever your choice, whether by omission or by commission.

You couldn't be more right.

liftedone:

Being of a certain age, divorced and childless, everyone thinks my immediate priority should be to get laid by the next available man for procreation purposes. So when I turned down the advances of a certain gentleman who saw himself as God sent for that reason, he thought I was mad and proffered to link me with a psychiatrist because of my divergent view on the matter.

"If you get pickin, make you no laugh, if you no get am, make you no cry". Live life to the fullest and with purpose whatever your choice, whether by omission or by commission.

I will drink to that.  Happiness comes from within--external gratifications are just added bonuses.  A lot of people have kids and are the most miserable SOB's on the face of planet earth.  It is a personal choice not a "rite of passage".  Imagine what will make you personally fulfilled, not what society dictates.  One shoe size may fit some, but not all!

Live well your life and make no apologies for your choices!

amen

life is not all about having babies pls dont get me wrong i just think one should be mentaly and emotional ready for them if you are not ready you are not read.

suit yourself if you don´t want to have kids but don´t belive everything your husband tells you.
You need to know men can tell a lot of stories. Maybe when you are beyond chiödbeaing age he will get you a mate to help ypu out getting babies . Then it will be too late.

I think it is one individuals choice whether they want kids or not, Its not really a compulsary

There is no general right or wrong choice, kids are for you or they are not and that is the end of it!
I hear a lot of "oh but kids make you sooo happy I could not live without mine", yet I know of women in my surroundings who had children without wanting them, and truly regret it now. On of them plainly seem to hate her child, she shows no love or affection whatsoever, she never bothers to really raise him and though she has had him for 6 years now, no bond was formed. Now the kid is really messed up on the affection level, and only knows how to scream and kick people, no hugs or kisses ever!

I know a friend who was very uncertain of having kids. Her husband and familly were always telling her how she would regret not having them, and how it was unthinkable not to have them. She finally decided to have a kid. Being close to her I was present throughout her pregnancy, and it was hell! One day she wanted the kid, the next she wanted an abortion and on and on, she had morning sickness ALL the time, could not much during the whole pregnancy. She had all sorts of complications, the delivery took 36h. She is a loving, wonderfull person, but when I saw her after the delivery it was nothing like I would ever had imagined it could be like. She was crying like hell, but not from happiness, simply from pain and exhaustion. She did not even ask to see the child, she just wanted to go to bed. Later on she had the baby in her arms and she was still crying, that's when she asked my mother "when do we start feeling love for them?", and there was this long akward silence with my family, Now she has had 3 operations to fix the problems caused by pregnancy.

Its not true that women have maternal instinct, in nature it is not that uncommon to see mother animals leave their kids to die, abandon them or even kill them themselves! Experiences made with apes revealed that most mothers were actually willing to sacrifice the lives of their little ones in order to save their own, and as humans we have a looooong history of mistreating our children. There has been eras when killing children was acceptable and not so rarely done by both father and mothers. There has been times when it was the norm for 90% of parents to leave their kids at monasteries so they would not have to raise them. There are horrors over horrors in our history, and it is quite a new and recent trend for humans to say how mothers have maternal instincts and to put so much emphasis on loving your kids.
Even today, how many horrors happen everyday to so many children all around the world! Rapes and abductions are common, some parents are so poor and desperate that they sell their little girls to men from the sex slave trade that will bring the child in a foreing country where dozens of men will rape her each day.
Even today,I fear for my roomate who is indian because I know that her grandmother is so much into traditions that my friend's life is always on the edge, she was raised in America, so acts like an American, which is not accepted by her Indian grandmother, and everyone knows that she has already paid a hitchman to murder one of the women from their family!!! How insane is that My friend could be murdered by her own grandmother anytime, because family image is more important in her grandmother's cultur than the own life of her own grandchild, not to mention the pain and grief her own daughter would go through if she did! Having a child does not make you a parent nor an adult either, so many "so called parents" are horrible at parenting and treat their children like crap. My mother is a teacher in an elementary school, and she willingly admits that perhapse 40% of the parents she meets simply SHOULD NOT be allowed to reproduce! The kids are the ones that will suffer all their lives because of this, and some of them have winded up living lives so horrible that one begins to think they were better off not being born,
My aunt is a nurse in charge of delivering babies and taking care of pregnant women, she has seen fathers missing out on their child's birth because they wished not to miss their favorite football show, and mothers showing up for the delivery with drug powder all over their faces. Some parents never changed the diapers nor washed their kids,



My cousin is wonderfull with children, and she truly loves them and feels happy to have them, even though she has 3 little active boys who drive her insane all the time, and I respect her for what she is and can't help but admire her! I also am aware that, such a life is not for me. It simply is not. Children are not part of my interests, desires or plans for the future. I do not know why I do not feel any form of appeal when I see my little cousins, I do like them in a way but certainly do not envy my cousin for having to deal with them day after day after day. This is just not me, I would rather have a career or be an artist, I simply have no desire or need for children. Yes I COULD be missing out on something, but I rather live my life and have a passage thought once on the occasion of "I wonder what its like to be a mother, maybe I would of like that" then to regret having children (like some people I know did) I will be stuck with, and need to sacrifice my life for until the day I'm old and regret not having fulfilled my dreams!

So "its natural" and "you will love them, you have no choice", sorry but life is not so simple.
To put pressure on women who do not want children to have them, is nothing but harmfull.
Some people live very happy and fulfilling lives without ever being parent, so what does it matter to all you "women must have children" thinkers? If they are happy, then what is it that disturb you so much?

I know AMAZING and caring women, people everyone bonds to and become friends with because they are so wonderfull, who have admitted that, though they love their children deeply, they feel that if it was to start over they would choose to redo their lives but without having children, parenting was not for them and they are normal women with otherwise good lives.

"what if your parents didnt want kids, u'd still be in the great adios."

That argument works many ways! And what about all the children YOU did not have and that will not exist because you are not willing to have children in infinite numbers? How many children do YOU have 2, 4, 8 No matter the amount of children, unless you live for eternity and pop out a child every 9 month, then somewhere you are disalowing sooo many children to be born and to know life! Are you not ASHAMED?

I hope you understand that comments like yours are nothing but harmfull and, most of all, USELESS and invalid.

Personally I don't care whether people have children or not, but the reasons given as to why they want children are often (if not always) selfish,

1. Because it's the 'done' thing (and you wouldn't want to look different!)

2. Because it cements the relationship (making it harder for either partner to leave the marriage, but placing pressure/importance on the child)

3. Because my parents want granchildren (laughable!)

There are host of other reasons that may come to me later,

But to summarise my feelings on child rearing:
Unless you sat down and decided that you wanted children 100% because it would benefit the rest of the world, with not a thought as to what you as a person desired, I do not think you can honestly claim that decision to be entirely altruistic.

First of all, LOL at the "kidney" comment, If that's not incentive, I dunno what is!

I definetly agree with this, I think that at this place in time if you really wanted to have children to "benefit" the world, you could just as well adopt since it (IMO) is less selfish than having kids just for the pleasure, status, approval, or whatever. I personally have had this battle for a while since I do eventually want to have children, but I know that it's illogical to do so,. Also,one would be doing a great service to some child's life (the horror stories of foster homes, unadopted children, and mentally ill children that were abandoned are enough to bring most people to tears ) but it would also require me to make a huge sacrifice on my part. Either way the choice should be up to you, after all the hubbub you're the one that has to raise the child, all of the people that influenced you to do so are free to leave as they please.

Marriage to me shouldnt be based on having children. Else what happens when the children does not come even when both parties want it desperately?

Nevertheless, children are worth having in a marriage. they make it a home. they are fun to be with and there is nothing wrong in anyone procreatiing his/her replica. besides i think every woman should be given the priviledge to experience the joy of motherhood.