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What If I Don't Want Children? - Family - Nairaland

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Are Intelligent Women Less Likely To Want Children? / For The Guys : Do Any Of You NOT Want Children? / I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? (1) (2) (3) (4)

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What If I Don't Want Children? by exu(m): 2:28pm On Oct 12, 2005
Why do people look at you cross eyed when you say you "don't want kids"?  Never understood that.

I realise that some people feel as if they're obliged to get married and have children because that is what is drummed into them from birth.

However, there seem to be a lot of people out there who believe that EVERYONE should get married and EVERYONE should have children.  I'm pretty sure that this "one size fits all" mentality is the root of most of the problems and general discontent we see in society today.

Also, why is it considered selfish to not want children? Surely it is more selfish to desire an extension of yourself in the form of a child.
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by da808cutie(f): 5:31pm On Oct 12, 2005
exu:

Surely it is more selfish to desire an extension of yourself in the form of a child.
it's all up to you to want children or not....and i really don't see anything selfish in wanting to keep your family line going. pehaps you could explain how you find that selfish
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by exu(m): 8:16pm On Oct 12, 2005
Personally I don't care whether people have children or not, but the reasons given as to why they want children are often (if not always) selfish...

1. Because it's the 'done' thing (and you wouldn't want to look different!)

2. Because it cements the relationship (making it harder for either partner to leave the marriage, but placing pressure/importance on the child)

3. Because my parents want granchildren (laughable!)

There are host of other reasons that may come to me later...

But to summarise my feelings on child rearing:
Unless you sat down and decided that you wanted children 100% because it would benefit the rest of the world, with not a thought as to what you as a person desired, I do not think you can honestly claim that decision to be entirely altruistic.
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by hotangel2(f): 4:09am On Oct 14, 2005
Because everyone should have kids? It's just part of life... Although i don't think Kids are a neccesity.
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by Motee(f): 12:22pm On Oct 14, 2005
I believe having children or not should be an agreement between the husband and wife. If they want no children so be it and there is nothing bad in that.
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by fabian(f): 12:30pm On Oct 14, 2005
If you don't wanna have kids, that's fine, there's no law against it...............
Most Nigerians though simply cannot understand that kinda logic, I think having children is one's own perogative, though it should be discussed with your spouse before marriage!
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by Oracle(m): 6:01am On Nov 10, 2005
If U dont want children U have the choice to remain
childless.
But dont get offended when someone says u are
BARREN

Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by fabian(f): 9:42am On Nov 10, 2005
Anybody who says someone who doesn't have kids is barren is just plain silly! How can the person tell just by looking? Everyone has a right to decide what they want for their life, methinks!
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by Oracle(m): 4:10am On Nov 11, 2005
I Guess u are a Nigerian and You know how
mothers-in-law in Naija behave.
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by fabian(f): 10:37am On Nov 11, 2005
I know how Nigerian Mothers-in-law are stereotyped! But I think its the men in the family who are worse. They should teach the co-called wicked Mothers-in-law not to toy with their wives!
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by alheri(f): 11:31am On Nov 11, 2005
my dear u really sound adamant about dis. is there a particular reason u dont want to have kids? did u have a bad childhood? do u think ure a bad side of ur parents? cos i thot u said something like dat-yes? girl i used to hate kids. i mean,really dislike them. my sister never left me alone with her kids cos i was mean to them. i would fite with them over toys(i still play with barbie) cos am a big baby, over the tv channels,whether to watch mr. incredible or bugs bunny( i think bugzy is just great,i love him), u know i always wanted to see kids cry everywhere. my 1st kid was not a planned pregnancy so imagine how i felt wen i found out i was gonna have my own personal fighting youngmate. but baby, wen he came,one look and ive never looked back. i have another girl now,still intend to have more. more than my ma(she had nine of us- but dats if my husband is up to it!!! babygirl think about it sum more, u dont want ur mother-in-law to turn u into meatballs now do u?
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by fabian(f): 11:36am On Nov 11, 2005
Funny thing is, I have a daughter who turned two in october and I plan for another by Gods' grace next year! But errone is entitled to his/her own decisions me thinks!
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by alheri(f): 1:02pm On Nov 11, 2005
@fabian. oh no fab dear! she IS entitled to her opinion. i just thot maybe i can make her reconsider.as a woman, i know how i feel wen i see my kidz run around,kiss me and all dat,its a good feeling,really nice. i wouldnt want anyone to lose having the chance or oppurtunity to expirience the same feeling. u get my drift?
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by fabian(f): 1:05pm On Nov 11, 2005
I feel ya, but believe me, sometimes when my baby drives me nuts by her incessant tears I really do see why some pple have chosen not to............
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by prettyH(f): 7:39pm On Nov 14, 2005
Hi all,
I've never met any one that didn't want to av kids. But those dat don't may av had a nasty eperience in da past. Personally i may nt be a fan of kids cos their wahala is something else but i'd love to av sweethearts of my own especially if i'm married to d love of my life. Even if nt i'd still have kids.
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by eveseh(f): 7:59pm On Apr 28, 2006
that's very bad for you to not have kids, undecided undecided undecided
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by larger20(m): 1:55pm On Apr 29, 2006
some factors could affect now wanting to have kids, for example
- Most of the models i know dont want kids because by modeling, they make their living and their job requirs that they maintain their shape all the time
- A lot of female musicians i know dont want kids atleast not at their prime time (A time when most ladies want a kid)

- If u r infected with hiv and other comparable deseases, you dont want to infect another person by wanting a kid.

- If you are top level executive in big firm, usually due to pressure, male and females at that level either have had kids ealier of if they havent, may decide to adopt or wait until they retiere
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by kimba(m): 11:08pm On Apr 29, 2006
Yes, pressure in the Nigerian culture and environment,

but truly, marriage is for love and procreation. If the procreation part is not there, i dont see that marriage as totally fulfilled, except for some cases, where having children is not an option.

And why wont anyone want children anyway? is it just becoz of the responsibility issue?
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by babymine(f): 1:51pm On May 02, 2006
I want children, I adore them. But I'll wait till I get married. cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy
I don't really think it's normal not to want children
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by Rhea(f): 12:19pm On May 03, 2006
If you don't want children, then you look for a man that doesn't want children too.
It's all a matter of choice.

Where can u find such a man
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by babymine(f): 1:16pm On May 03, 2006
Guess there are men who don't want kids too. undecided
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by jaybaby(f): 10:30pm On Oct 19, 2006
y WILL YOU GET MARRIED & U SAY U DNT WANT CHILDREN?  

I BELIEVE YOUR HOME IS NOT COMPLETE WITHOUT A CRY OF A BABY IN THE HOUSE!I bow 4 some pple o
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by mamaput(f): 10:47pm On Oct 19, 2006
Its ok if someone dose not want kids.
Same as it is okes for me to say i do not want anymore.
And i do not want to try for a boy.
When my marrage broke up , friends were telling me.
Am still young, i can get married.have more kids,.
I i said no.
I got some silly answers,"you are not a man" , you cannot stay alone" do you not want a boy".
Better to have non , than to have one that you do not want.
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by charla(f): 4:30pm On Nov 01, 2006
I dont think its selfish not to want kids.After all,luk at d world we r livin in,all d sufferin,war,violence,murder,molest and not to mention d extremely weird pple around who prey on lil kids.
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by jaybaby(f): 7:19pm On Nov 06, 2006
shocked shocked shocked shocked Na Waohhhhhhhhh
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by michelin89(f): 5:22pm On Nov 09, 2006
Even though I have never been enthusiastic about marriage I have always had the little desire to have a child, two at maximum. Possibly twins (a girl and a boy) so I can get it all done at once.
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by mazaje(m): 12:42am On Nov 11, 2006
marriage's primary aim is for procreation but if u don't what kids then there is no big deal there. it's up to u and ur spouse and as far as u can live with it there is no sweat at all. i have seen childless couples that are far more happier than couples with kids so its no big deal . as for me the whole idea of marriage and having kids is not just on my cards (it doesnt appeal to me).
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by Donzman(m): 2:09am On Nov 11, 2006
You're selfish if you don't want kids (unless you honestly cannot take care of it) because most times the reasons they give are only about self, me this me that. If your parents had a thought process like yours then you will not be here today. There is beauty in kids, I still cannot get the image of my younger sister off my mind, it's a beautiful experience seeing her as a kid that can't see a thing in this world, grow up and is now able to talk trash to me. If I enjoyed the whole process of my little sister growing up then for my own kid, it will be priceless. Such is life, we're here to multiply. My child will be an evidence of my prior existence on this planet, when you look at him/her you'll know what I looked like.
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by nferyn(m): 2:53am On Nov 11, 2006
A conscious decision not to have children can be an altruistical act. Anyway, it's OK to have children, but it is selfish to have too many. We're already pushing this planet to it's ecological limits. More children are really not going to help.
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by Donzman(m): 3:14am On Nov 11, 2006
Yeah, I'm doing the world a favour by not having kids. Hey let's all do the world a favour, no more kids. grin
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by katherinae(f): 9:57pm On Nov 12, 2006
exu

look at it this way, u are almost guaranteed a kidney if u need one in the future
Re: What If I Don't Want Children? by katherinae(f): 9:59pm On Nov 12, 2006
u know what

exu there should be more people like u in nigeria, it is already over crowded like crazy because people keep popping htem out.

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