The guy that claims to love me and want to marry me wants me to quit my job first.

I got a well paying job a year ago, in an Oil servicing Company, located in PH, i was taken to their Lagos office sometime last year.

This guy that claims to love me is a Pharmacist, working in Owerri. He has been disturbed about the distance of lagos from owerri,

he told me that, if i want the marriage to take place, i must quit my job and join him in owerri, where he will open a pharmacy shop for me to

stay. I gave him the option of working

my transfer back to PH, he said he cant still cope with it, that he wants to raise a family everyone will be together.

I gave him another option to allow me work for a year more or 2, because i have just worked with the company for 1 year, and i know how the

job is helping my family and junior ones, who are still in school.

My final answer was, NO, i cannot quit my job to marry you, and it seems the guy has moved on.

Please did i make a mistake by saying NO?
should i have quit my job to marry him?

It's difficult to tell in such circumstance, but since he has moved on, then move on too. The future will tell, but don't live with regrets.

You made the best and wisest decision... considering the fact that you're the one taking care of your younger ones and parents. You weren't being selfish. Marriage is not by force.... and to think he said he will open a pharmacy AFTER the marriage?.... Dude is evil..if he really wanted you to quit,he would make the provisions available before talking trash. That's how he will marry you now and turn you to baby-making machine. Pharmacy you no go see, money for chop go be war, money to give your parents and cater for your younger ones go turn issue... abeg he should move on....you too move on, a better and more reasonable guy would come your way, trust me.

the guy must be a selfish devil

.

You made the right decision, men are becoming unrealiable by the day,, you can't afford to quit your job for someone that is not married to you yet..to get a job in this country is very difficult, so you can't afford to let go of this one for a pharmacy you are not sure of..

JeffreyJamez:
You made the best and wisest decision... considering the fact that you're the one taking care of your younger ones and parents. You weren't being selfish. Marriage is not by force.... and to think he said he will open a pharmacy AFTER the marriage?.... Dude is evil..if he really wanted you to quit,he would make the provisions available before talking trash. That's how he will marry you now and turn you to baby-making machine. Pharmacy you no go see, money for chop go be war, money to give your parents and cater for your younger ones go turn issue... abeg he should move on....you too move on, a better and more reasonable guy would come your way, trust me.

This guy, you too much, you have said it all. My dear, the right man will come along, do not leave your job.

Op, why not give him an option of relocating to PH and join u?

Getting a job is something else but one have to make a good decision.
U have made a decision but mind u, I advice most married women to quit any job dat takes all dia time in marriage and raise kids den u can fly d world around. Dis what I did to my sisters. Dey all quit dia jobs for teaching, wen dia kids re up to boarding school level, dey can jump up and down but child upbringing is very delicate.

As an oil services employee like me, we dnt stay one place. Sometimes, six months u never see ur house and wen u travel to ships, it's so unsecured for women to work dia cos u no what I mean naw.

as for ur kid sister and school, u guys should have worked things out well if u really loved and wanted to be with him.

D guy is not evil, his considering his future family which me too would ask for.
Every man has his or her own ideology and if u dnt have any idea, please dnt just jump and call him names.

My humble option

No one plans or wants to live apart during courtship not to talk of marriage, he clearly gave u his reasons, that he wants to raise his family together which is a good one, most of us dont want to raise our family apart. N he stated that he would open a pharmacy for u, he is not asking u to come sit down n bcom his housewife, its not as if u cant get a job in owerri as well. d guy has no fault. We should be careful abt decisions we make now, so it doesnt affect our future.marriage is all abt sacrifice.
Runaway rm a man who tells u to quit ur job, sit at home n he will be paying u monthly, but always consider a man that tells u to quit ur job, n his ready to setup ur own business for u.

Poshe7:
The guy that claims to love me and want to marry me wants me to quit my job first.

I got a well paying job a year ago, in an Oil servicing Company, located in PH, i was taken to their Lagos office sometime last year.

This guy that claims to love me is a Pharmacist, working in Owerri. He has been disturbed about the distance of lagos from owerri,

he told me that, if i want the marriage to take place, i must quit my job and join him in owerri, where he will open a pharmacy shop for me to

stay. I gave him the option of working

my transfer back to PH, he said he cant still cope with it, that he wants to raise a family everyone will be together.

I gave him another option to allow me work for a year more or 2, because i have just worked with the company for 1 year, and i know how the

job is helping my family and junior ones, who are still in school.

My final answer was, NO, i cannot quit my job to marry you, and it seems the guy has moved on.

Please did i make a mistake by saying NO?
should i have quit my job to marry him?

If only we could have more women like you in this country!!!

You're the wisest woman in the country at the moment!!!

No man should tell you to quit your well tailored job to go and sit in one dead "shop"

Abeeeg my dear, that man is a village man, I wonder the kind of pharmacy he even went to school to study

Teagirl:
You made the right decision, men are becoming unrealiable by the day,, you can't afford to quit your job for someone that is not married to you yet..to get a job in this country is very difficult, so you can't afford to let go of this one for a pharmacy you are not sure of..

You should have just given ur advice without making baseless generalisations
focus on the man in the tale

I will reply later

you made the right choice.

i was once in a similar situation but in my case, he didnt offer me to set me up in a business or offer me a job. he just believed that i would get a good job the second i landed in nigeria (a country with a very high rate of unemployment).

he wanted me to quit my high paying job, move to Nigeria and remain jobless. what he earned in a month, i earned in a week. guess what i did, i gave him the middle finger and i moved on.

so your man wanted you to operate a 'chemist shop' which is stupid as you are not a registered pharmacist and you cannot dispense drugs.

some men are just destiny killers, jealous and scared of successful women

From your post,you said the man CLAIMS to love you. In my understanding you are not sure of his love and promises.

Well,I wouldnt say you made the wrong decision but search your heart and know if this man's love is genuine and that he means well for you.
With that you can know if he will be able to open a pharmacy shop for you as promised. Honestly,no man will like to stay apart from his family esp in a young marriage.

Another thing is,if you quit this job now,can he in the interim help out in catering for your family till when he opens the pharmacy shop.

Ask yourself some salient questions and know if they justify with your decision.

JeffreyJamez:
You made the best and wisest decision... considering the fact that you're the one taking care of your younger ones and parents. You weren't being selfish. Marriage is not by force.... and to think he said he will open a pharmacy AFTER the marriage?.... Dude is evil..if he really wanted you to quit,he would make the provisions available before talking trash. That's how he will marry you now and turn you to baby-making machine. Pharmacy you no go see, money for chop go be war, money to give your parents and cater for your younger ones go turn issue... abeg he should move on....you too move on, a better and more reasonable guy would come your way, trust me.

I feel so better, thanks, will surely move on too

sirman:





If only we could have more women like you in this country!!!

You're the wisest woman in the country at the moment!!!

No man should tell you to quit your well tailored job to go and sit in one dead "shop"

Abeeeg my dear, that man is a village man, I wonder the kind of pharmacy he even went to school to study

I feel so flatterd,thanks. it was a hard decision to make though...

i know we have stronger women than me, that have made more daring

decisions. God Bless.

Mrbigman1:
Op, why not give him an option of relocating to PH and join u?

Getting a job is something else but one have to make a good decision.
U have made a decision but mind u, I advice most married women to quit any job dat takes all dia time in marriage and raise kids den u can fly d world around. Dis what I did to my sisters. Dey all quit dia jobs for teaching, wen dia kids re up to boarding school level, dey can jump up and down but child upbringing is very delicate.

As an oil services employee like me, we dnt stay one place. Sometimes, six months u never see ur house and wen u travel to ships, it's so unsecured for women to work dia cos u no what I mean naw.

as for ur kid sister and school, u guys should have worked things out well if u really loved and wanted to be with him.

D guy is not evil, his considering his future family which me too would ask for.
Every man has his or her own ideology and if u dnt have any idea, please dnt just jump and call him names.

My humble option

Well, he refused to relocate to PH as he has built his stand in Owerri,

I believe that all revolves around Love and understanding,

Its not like we will start making babies immediately after marriage, so the issue of raising a child is out of it.

I jus wanted to work for a year or 2 before quitting.

As for my job in the oil servicing company, it does not require my moving around, i stay more in the office.

Thanks for your contribution

Poshe7:


Well, he refused to relocate to PH as he has built his stand in Owerri,

I believe that all revolves around Love and understanding,

Its not like we will start making babies immediately after marriage, so the issue of raising a child is out of it.

I jus wanted to work for a year or 2 before quitting.

As for my job in the oil servicing company, it does not require my moving around, i stay more in the office.

Thanks for your contribution

It's good u have made a decision but next time remember that a woman leaves her parent and go join her self to a man and become one.

Imagine dating someone from a distance and how it feels den getting married and living apart. It's all sacrifice. I would advise u get something like a job dan a pharmacy.

He might be right in his pharmaceutical thing cos he may want to expand in his field through u and maybe u could have taken a better turn.

Am not saying u made a mistake but next time, give it a wider range of thought if u find him comfortable to live with and have a future with.

prissyluv:
From your post,you said the man CLAIMS to love you. In my understanding you are not sure of his love and promises.

Well,I wouldnt say you made the wrong decision but search your heart and know if this man's love is genuine and that he means well for you.
With that you can know if he will be able to open a pharmacy shop for you as promised. Honestly,no man will like to stay apart from his family esp in a young marriage.

Another thing is,if you quit this job now,can he in the interim help out in catering for your family till when he opens the pharmacy shop.

Ask yourself some salient questions and know if they justify with your decision.

My dear, the truth is you can never finish knowing a person, you might think you do,

only to be disappointed later in life.

Poshe7:


My dear, the truth is you can never finish knowing a person, you might think you do,

only to be disappointed later in life.

I understand you sha. Wish you the best!

.

Poshe7:
The guy that claims to love me and want to marry me wants me to quit my job first.

I got a well paying job a year ago, in an Oil servicing Company, located in PH, i was taken to their Lagos office sometime last year.

This guy that claims to love me is a Pharmacist, working in Owerri. He has been disturbed about the distance of lagos from owerri,

he told me that, if i want the marriage to take place, i must quit my job and join him in owerri, where he will open a pharmacy shop for me to

stay. I gave him the option of working

my transfer back to PH, he said he cant still cope with it, that he wants to raise a family everyone will be together.

I gave him another option to allow me work for a year more or 2, because i have just worked with the company for 1 year, and i know how the

job is helping my family and junior ones, who are still in school.

My final answer was, NO, i cannot quit my job to marry you, and it seems the guy has moved on.

Please did i make a mistake by saying NO?
should i have quit my job to marry him?

Just because of this decision.. i feel like marrying you already.. the guy is the selfish one, he couldn't even hold on for a year or 2 whilst he makes provision for the invincible pharmacy you might never see.. That's how one fool dangled marriage in front of my aunts face and promised to further her education. up till now even jamb form him never buy her.. God will bring your man to you

ijebubabe:
you made the right choice.

i was once in a similar situation but in my case, he didnt offer me to set me up in a business or offer me a job. he just believed that i would get a good job the second i landed in nigeria (a country with a very high rate of unemployment).

he wanted me to quit my high paying job, move to Nigeria and remain jobless. what he earned in a month, i earned in a week. guess what i did, i gave him the middle finger and i moved on.

so your man wanted you to operate a 'chemist shop' which is stupid as you are not a registered pharmacist and you cannot dispense drugs.

some men are just destiny killers, jealous and scared of successful women

Some men are also insecure...my friend told me her story about her Fiance who worked in a very good company and earned a very good pay. The moment she told him she was going for her masters program, his mood changed just because he was a B.Sc holder he told her she can't that she should concentrate on getting married to him, raise a family and take care of the home. She told him the money is available now it will be better she do it now...he kept giving her silly excuse why she dosnt even need a masters degree bla bla bla that was how she left that relationship. Some men are very funny lol

ijebubabe:
you made the right choice.

i was once in a similar situation but in my case, he didnt offer me to set me up in a business or offer me a job. he just believed that i would get a good job the second i landed in nigeria (a country with a very high rate of unemployment).

he wanted me to quit my high paying job, move to Nigeria and remain jobless. what he earned in a month, i earned in a week. guess what i did, i gave him the middle finger and i moved on.

so your man wanted you to operate a 'chemist shop' which is stupid as you are not a registered pharmacist and you cannot dispense drugs.

some men are just destiny killers, jealous and scared of successful women

@Bold:

Very True

@OP, you made the right decision

Poshe7:
The guy that claims to love me and want to marry me wants me to quit my job first.

I got a well paying job a year ago, in an Oil servicing Company, located in PH, i was taken to their Lagos office sometime last year.

This guy that claims to love me is a Pharmacist, working in Owerri. He has been disturbed about the distance of lagos from owerri,

he told me that, if i want the marriage to take place, i must quit my job and join him in owerri, where he will open a pharmacy shop for me to

stay. I gave him the option of working

my transfer back to PH, he said he cant still cope with it, that he wants to raise a family everyone will be together.

I gave him another option to allow me work for a year more or 2, because i have just worked with the company for 1 year, and i know how the

job is helping my family and junior ones, who are still in school.

My final answer was, NO, i cannot quit my job to marry you, and it seems the guy has moved on.

Please did i make a mistake by saying NO?
should i have quit my job to marry him?

you made the best decision in your situation. You were not yet married yet wanted you to quit and marry him? Thank God you stood your grounds. Marriage comes with a lot of sacrifices though especially when the kids start arriving but those sacrifices should be borne by both parties well communicated and agreed upon.

However your ex seemed like a dictator (no offence meant though) and a traditional man whose view about womanhood is limited to the home front with women been seen but not heard

shrekandfiona:

you made the best decision in your situation. You were not yet married yet wanted you to quit and marry him? Thank God you stood your grounds. Marriage comes with a lot of sacrifices though especially when the kids start arriving but those sacrifices should be borne by both parties well communicated and agreed upon.

However your ex seemed like a dictator (no offence meant though) and a traditional man whose view about womanhood is limited to the home front with women been seen but not heard

He isnt a dictator, but when it comes to him being traditional, u not far from the truth.

Thanks all for d contribution, maybe the marriage was never meant to be.

Most times, we need to evaluate. The people you know, are they adding value to your life? Do your friends help make you a better person?
Do they encourage you to reach your potential?
Understandably, compromises have to be made. But what is the long term plan?
.
How much benefit is it to you?
Will you be happy to man a pharmacy shop for a very long time? What is the plan beyond that?
.
You have responsibilities, and you are ambitious. You are working hard, and supporting your family. It is not wise to trim or cut down a tree like this.

Oya NL men
Meal don come
She's single, pretty, hard working, earns good pay
What more do you want
Oya start to dey analyse

Poshe7:
Thanks all for d contribution, maybe the marriage was never meant to be.

Maybe

Maybe not

The most important thing is to accept your decision as YOURS and move on with your life

@op, u will get to know if you made a mistake or not in 5 or more years from now.






My humble opinion!

Poshe7:
The guy that claims to love me and want to marry me wants me to quit my job first.

I got a well paying job a year ago, in an Oil servicing Company, located in PH, i was taken to their Lagos office sometime last year.

This guy that claims to love me is a Pharmacist, working in Owerri. He has been disturbed about the distance of lagos from owerri,

he told me that, if i want the marriage to take place, i must quit my job and join him in owerri, where he will open a pharmacy shop for me to

stay. I gave him the option of working

my transfer back to PH, he said he cant still cope with it, that he wants to raise a family everyone will be together.

I gave him another option to allow me work for a year more or 2, because i have just worked with the company for 1 year, and i know how the

job is helping my family and junior ones, who are still in school.

My final answer was, NO, i cannot quit my job to marry you, and it seems the guy has moved on.

Please did i make a mistake by saying NO?
should i have quit my job to marry him?

you didn't make a mistake, he was obviously going to whine later about your family leeching on his resources. He should have presented the option of you quitting after the marriage when the finances of the marriage must have been sorted out not before.