damiso:


But sis if the guy too trusted and loved her why must it resign and pharmacy shop or nothing?

quivah:

I understand ma...I'm just saying, even a filthy rich man wouldn't carry all the responsibility of his wife's family.

its not worth killing herself over if another guy doesn't come, at least its better than being stuck. but he will come

quivah:

I understand ma...I'm just saying, even a filthy rich man wouldn't carry all the responsibility of his wife's family.

its not worth killing herself over if another guy doesn't come, at least its better than being stuck. but he will come

Teagirl:
You made the right decision, MOST! men are becoming unrealiable by the day,, you can't afford to quit your job for someone that is not married to you yet..to get a job in this country is very difficult, so you can't afford to let go of this one for a pharmacy you are not sure of..

edwife:


Who told you that?are you speaking on behalf of all the filthy rich people?

I know men who take full responsibility of their in law,and they are not even filthy rich and yes i said FULL.
In Igboland it is very common.


@Damiso you are right.

damiso:


Which is why I think there is no need for the thread ( hence my saying no need for validation in my first post) She will just get further confused. Because some people (rightly so ) might not see her point and some will applaud her. So why does she not just face up to and stand by the decision she has taken and move on.

Except she is having regrets sha.(which again I am not condemning her for).

Now I am not saying people don't compromise for love( I know men who have relocated for marriage) but its an individual decision that is treated based on your OWN circumstances, ideals etc. I am that I am talking I resigned my job to join my husband in the UK but it was something that was done gradually. I know people both on my side and his that thought why did I go back to Nigeria when my visa expired( I still had a visiting visa) but that was my ideal( I did not want be stuck in the illegal immigrant web) again I am not judging those who do it .We were apart for about 3 years. I still did not resign until I was granted my Spouse Visa(which was Months after our wedding).

I know the issues I had in the early years of marriage esp when I thought I had given up something until I got to the point(or rather matured) where I learnt to stop yearning for what was but enjoy the now while striving to better the future.

Ewuro4:
All of you that quoted my post I only have one response: OK

The point still remained that she neither loved nor trusted the guy , end of.

And it's good to learn that abroad visa is the only ticket to certainty. What do I know, I'm a learner.

ideology:

1. Seriously, is that all you could get from my write up.

2. The folks you know that flew abroad, are they housewives or selling drug store.

3. If they were already married, that would be a different case, which I believe will count for your examples.
4. You and your friends were already married before you left your jobs or relocated right!!!

Ralphlauren:


God bless you for this.

Poshe7 did the right thing. There are just too many selfish men out there and yes, every risk must be well thought through and calculated.

reminds me of a guy who wanted my relative to leave her high flying job, relocate to nigeria , when she was barely 3years away from acquiring british citizenship

The devil comes in different form believe me

Of course, she told him to go to hell and asked him to take his engagement ring back. Well, they reconciled after the guy relunctantly agreed to her staying back in England. Today, she's happily married to the same man and they are both living in England together as all the man's permutations and calculations for his perfect 'nigerian dream' failed.

what if the so called pharmacy the man plans to open for her fails to thrive? not everyone (man or woman) is cut out for business. some people shine at paid employment and fail woefully at business and vice versa. she would have ended up a frustrated, unhappy housewife and trust me , there are tons of such women around - even here on nairaland.

i do not see why a woman will have to give up her career for marriage or her 'children'. one day those kids will leave home and what are you left with ? nothing ! you cannot walk away from an engineering job and then think 7 - 10years later, you can easily breeze into that sector again. what happens if the man marrys someone else? what happens if he suddenly drops dead? what happens if he is no longer financially capable to fend for the family?

a smart and savy woman can maintain her home, have a happy marriage and still fulfil all her aspirations - as long as she is married to a supporting man and not some d!ckhead!

quivah:

yeah supportive!
loads of women in top places in Nigeria wouldn't have made it there if they were stucked with unsupportive husbands and left to look over some pharmacy, boutique or provision shops or if they themselves think marriage is the 'all all' for women...And that children is the ultimate. moreover they have children and husbands themselves. so all these 'sacrifice' I don't know o.. its compromise I understand without necessarily falling out of your dreams.
I don't know who says a woman can't be every thing aside being a wife and mother..

these same men who compelled woman to minute jobs(such as self employment) will open mouth to accuse Nigerian women of not dropping any great inventions towards civilization..when women were not really given chances to exhibit themselves... and careers

what we need is support!! not restrictions, phuleaaase!!

quivah:

yeah supportive!
loads of women in top places in Nigeria wouldn't have made it there if they were stucked with unsupportive husbands and left to look over some pharmacy, boutique or provision shops or if they themselves think marriage is the 'all all' for women...And that children is the ultimate. moreover they have children and husbands themselves. so all these 'sacrifice' I don't know o.. its compromise I understand without necessarily falling out of your dreams.
I don't know who says a woman can't be every thing aside being a wife and mother..

these same men who compelled woman to minute jobs(such as self employment) will open mouth to accuse Nigerian women of not dropping any great inventions towards civilization..when women were not really given chances to exhibit themselves... and careers

what we need is support!! not restrictions, phuleaaase!!

Teagirl:
You made the right decision, men are becoming unrealiable by the day,, you can't afford to quit your job for someone that is not married to you yet..to get a job in this country is very difficult, so you can't afford to let go of this one for a pharmacy you are not sure of..

Ewuro4:


1. I'm not sorry but I read few paragraphs but (got the idea) and closed the window. ( got to work)

2. They are even far worse than owning a drugstore, back to school and nothing came out of it eventually( most of them) .

3. Being married or not doesn't make any difference in this scenario, and that is where most of yous got it twisted, if she comes back in five months after the wedding to complain about her husband's sudden quest the first generic question will be : "Was that the plan btw them during courtship?" . the fact still remained both women ( married/not) are sacrificing for their immediate FAMILY.

4. NO.( that's all I'm gonna say to that question)... Besides , I'm not here to tell the story of my life to none of yall. What I & my friends did was irrelevant to this case. And stop shouting, it's rude.

Is that good enough for ya?

aflyingbird:
that's not true . she gave the dude two options and he turned them down. what was she s'pose to do, quit her good paying job like he wanted, leave her small siblings n family without help ? she came her to ask if she did the right thing and she did

kaboninc:


Okayyyyyy. Nothing to 'nitpick at'

I can't and do not have the strength to scan the threads now and actually show you some proofs.

Since you don't get my point that am not interested in her making the right decision or not, then okkaay.
thanks....

Ewuro4:
Was he earning more than you?

cococandy:
Take one @ OP
Better pikin.

He wants to open medicine store for you to sell paracetamol without license.
The way people think they can dictate the destiny of others

Maybe he thought if he mentions marriage you will drop your life and follow him.

Poshe7:


@ kabonic, people have different ways they express themselves,

mine was of anger and disappointment, dats y i started my post dat way.

i didnt come here to justify my action, jus came to seek people's opinion on if i was wrong in a taking a bold decision.

i replied the people i wanted to, that does not mean i didnt take note of people dat condemned my action'

whichever way, that does not change the fact that i have moved on with my life.

ideology:


Seriously I wonder why some people are not seeing the red Flags in the relationship.


Any risk or uncertainty must be carefully calculated.
If I may ask what do you really know of the man in question??

here's the reality, selling at a drug store is totally living the man's dream.


Did Op(Poshe7) not present her case and came up with wonderful suggestions, why can't the man come to the middle, where Poshe7 is??


Yes Many are doing it, and I will support them depending on the scenario …
Does living your job to sell a drug store sound the same as flying overseas??
are you aware Poshe7 is just a year at work and at most a recent graduate?
Did you and your friends leave your jobs to sell a drug store??
did you and your friends get ultimatum from your hubby to quit the job or forget the marriage??
Are you aware that Poshe7 has a family she is responsible to?? did your siblings depend on you at the time you left your job??


My dear, am a Man,
Poshe7's hubby took a selfish approach.
You can hype marriage as you want to, let every other lady see marriage as a big achievement, but Let the truth be told, let every other lady jump at the opportunity just to answer MRS,

Poshe7, get a life, pursue your career, get to the top, there are many men out there, you will definitely meet someone that will reach a compromise with you.

Never you accept a drug store deal, if you are settling down, tell yourself the kind of business you want to do, let the man employ someone to sell his drugs.

God bless you, have a blissful and colorful future ahead.

Pls don't even try to dial his number or be tempted to send him text messages

ideology:

Babe no vex o o, pele sorry if I sounded rude, my vexation is actually on the said man.

1. For giving her ultimatum
2. For making it look like marrying her is doing her a favor.
3 all he could think of was HIS DRUG STORE
4. not considering her middle ground and compromising.

Meanwhile she has siblings under her care, I hope the man won't complain that she's taking drugs store investments to cater for her siblings and mum.

My dear lets be realistic, the reason history repeats itself is because we don't learn.
Do you want her to end up worse like your friends??

Its unfortunate all your emphasis is on marriage.
In as much as I feel like getting married like right now, we should not push people to make decisions that they are not comfortable with.

Marriage is not an achievement like we are making it seem, it's just a stepping stone if you are with the right person else you will crash out.

If the lady wants to settle down, she should not be locked up and her potentials drowned just in the name of marriage.

Let her do something creative, fashion designing; a clothing line etc. Be a star …and shine …
Good morning

Have a blissful day ahead

PS: i don't want to be reading on nl how women are being maltreated and reduced to nothing in the society when all could have been nibbed in the bud from the beginning

Poshe7:

d difference isnt much

Ewuro4:


Good morning from here.

All these kisses you're sharin.... but ill take it. Apologies accepted
You're the one dragging this argument further, I unfollowed the thread since my second post. This has nothing to do with spousal abuse you're insinuating. We still agree to disagree on this issue and I stand by my opinion/stance.

P.S If I hear? Marriage is an achievement my dear. Stepping stone wetin? Just forget it. Ciao.



Very well then, I wish you well moving forward.

Wedon:



I applaud your self confidence in knowing what you want for yourself. Whether this is the right decisions for you to make is left you you (and you alone) to decide.

But please know that as a wife, and mother, you have to give up a lot for your home. Sometimes it all works out perfectly . . . But if you have to chose??

Don't be decieved into thinking that any job is more improtant than your family. Women have been known to give up high paying jobs to be stay at home mums, and I don't consider that a mistake.

Bear this in mind when you eventually settle down and have kids. Your parents and siblings will always find a way, but your children will need you more than anything.

Moana:

Or are we saying that a woman is better off feeling unfulfilled so long she has a husband?

Moana:

thank u for giving advice for a husband and wife situation, so what kind of advice do u have for a fiance/fiancee situation?

last time i checked sacrifice in a marriage is not only meant for the wife, a husband too has to make a sacrifice that will still keep his wife happy.
so why is it okay to encourage a woman to sacrifice what she loves to do what her husband loves instead, when they should be working more on meeting each other half way so that both parties are happy?
Or are we saying that a woman is better off feeling unfulfilled so long she has a husband?

quivah:

So long she has a Great husband... she's automatically fulfilled.

pickabeau1:
one of the few realistic comments from the females so far

backslapping the OP is not the way really

Who knows tomorrow...

Raising Family requires sacrifices to be made

quivah:

So long she has a husband... she's automatically fulfilled.