Bennyrazz.. You aren't making any logical points with your responses. Please quit it.


@mulanbaba. Sorry about what happened. You just need time away. Time heals almost all hurts. I understand how painful it can be and how shattered your self esteem is but one thing you need to understand is that It's not you. It's him. Although you MAY have contributed a bit to this by being laid back and not seeing the signs early enough to have snapped him back to reality. But that's non of your fault though. It's not like she's better or more beautiful than you or something. He just lacked discipline and sometimes most married people need to get a grip as regards 3rd parties, free mixing with the opposite sexes and so on. Temptations are real and it's more sensible to flee from such rather than creating avenues for such to take hold.


I guess your friend must have been very close and was allowed free reign around your home.Temptations are real and i don't understand how people believe humans are robots without urges. Just a hug to a "friendly" caress and things may have spiralled down into something else.


If he is truly remorseful and you feel you can live with the thought of such betrayal of trust then you can try and make things work but the best for you now is to stay away and get yourself back. Don't rush any reconciliation. Best wishes.

5minsmadness:


If that is how that advice sounded to the female mind then i humbly apologise. What happened is virutally unforgivable. he slept with her best friend. (That on its own was super dumb in itself...best friend can easily turn around tomorrow and tell wife even if she hadnt found out through his phone)

Op's marriage has been an inspiration to many. Many would be happy, even gleeful to see it finally fall. Hubbie made a mistake and is extremely sorry. he is completely at fault. And now others are cashing in on the couple's misfortune. the vultures are looming waiting to pick the bones. No matter how hubbie tries, it is only with wifey's permission that this marriage will be salvaged. it doesnt make the matter "minor" in any way. It is a big deal. If wifey is hurting then hubbie caused it and will be willing to do anything to take that hurt away. all she has to do is give permission.

Do you know this couple?

fem29:


Do you know this couple?

He knows everyone... I fear that guy

Wedon:


So who says thwere has to be a second husband

You men think the world revolves around you, that a woman cannot suvive without a husband! Well that's where you are wrong.

I will rather stay a single mother for the rest of my life than stay with a cheater.

And if you think men don't desire married women, you must be living in delusion.

only a foolish man desires expired product when there are quality, young succulent, fresh, sweet fishes in the river. And yes, the world revolves around us. We were here first. Remain a single mother and enjoy the benefits of a single mother. In fact, you will be the talk of town amongst your fellow women, you will be stereotyped.

Being a married woman portrays you as been responsible, not some cheap slu.ts opening yansh for any available tom, dick & harry. It also comes with a lot of packaged benefits.

Sophyrocks:


LIAR!!!!! LIAR!!! LIAR!!!

Chi mooo.. Which kind lie be this?

First off, show me anywhere on nairaland since I registered where I said I will be intolerant of a cheating spouse. Am making it easy for you by not adding "first offenders".


Second, u didn't answer my question. Would u throw out a first offender?

ifyalways:
J
Hubby and wife consenting and swinging on one or more other couples " jangilova" lol

Organised sex orgy, free for all, strictly for married couples. You bannng my wife, I bannng your hubby while u watch and vice versa.

Yes o. I wonder if it happens in Nigeria. Its common with couples who operate open marriages.

I dnt want to think its the idea that made the husband think its o.k to sleep with her best friend. Nope. A very bad idea for marriage.

mulanbaba:
Wedon,Sophy and free
at least you guys understand where i am coming from. my husband hurt me a lot and i need to take neccessary steps of healing instead of acting as if nothing happened like my friends are suggesting.
he cheated with my best friend!!! both of them were acting so normal infront of me that had i not seen a whatsapp arriving on his phone while he was showering i wouldnt have believed anyone who came and told me such

i then went to the bathroom and asked when was the last time he spoke to my friend and he lied saying three weeks, which was a lie because i saw his call logs that they were talking three times a day 20minutes at a time and that he had her pictures as well so i was definately pissed and shouted and screamed.

i probably looked like a mad woman that day

Darling I definitely understand, just take things easy, don't be hard on yourself as this is not in any way your fault.

No one needs an enemy with a friend like that, honestly, it would find it very hard to forgive such a thing.

Just focus your energy on positive things and yourself for now, till you are ready for whatever decision you will take.

Wedon:


Liar liar pants on fire . . .

I don't know any nigerian man who would stay with a cheating wife. I doubt if you'll be the first.

Then u don't know many Nigerian men. And my post clearly says first offenders even though I PERSONALLY know two Nigerian men who had chronic cheating wives and still forgave them. I have written about them before.

ifyalways:
J
Hubby and wife consenting and swinging on one or more other couples " jangilova" lol

Organised sex orgy, free for all, strictly for married couples. You bannng my wife, I bannng your hubby while u watch and vice versa.

Ewuro4:

Sleeping with other couple.

Jesuuuu!

Why would someone even consider that in a marriage

Sophyrocks:


Like i said, its the Op's call. You didnt read her post. She needed someone to talk to. Same way men act when their wives cheat too. They always lament and want to talk to someone. We have read similar stories from men who lamented and what advice do you all give them? No be divorce? Infact this thread would have gotten to 20 pages by now if it were to be a man in this issue. You all would have told him to send his wife parking. So why is it an issue if a woman decides to divorce her husband? Why are you pained that a woman might want to divorce? It seems divorce hurts you men than it does to women. You all are so afraid of women divorcing y"all.

If your wife cheats on you with your best friend, what makes you think the next woman would be better than your wife since women cheat nowadays?

I read her post and my initial reply was, she should deal with it instead of letting herself get hurt and you all misconstrued my points. She seeing a counsellor which is good because it has to do with two people she trusts, her friend, her husband. Men are not pained by women divorcing them, they are only pained by paying for child support, unnecessary bills etc.

bennyrazz:
I read her post and my initial reply was, she should deal with it instead of letting herself get hurt and you all misconstrued my points. She seeing a counsellor which is good because it has to do with two people she trusts, her friend, her husband. Men are not pained by women divorcing them, they are only pained by paying for child support, unnecessary bills etc.

You must really leave in la la land!

Some men would rather not deal with the stigma of being divorced. So divorce pains them more than anything.

5minsmadness:

First off, show me anywhere on nairaland since I registered where I said I will be intolerant of a cheating spouse. Am making it easy for you by not adding "first offenders".


Second, u didn't answer my question. Would u throw out a first offender?

Dude, i am so waiting for a thread where a man comes to complain about his cheating wife. I would love to read your comment on it.

My answer to that question was actually in my first comment. you can read it. Cheating is one thing that would made me call it quits. Its my deal breaker. I aint afraid of divorce. I could forgive when its done once of which would be sooooooooo difficult for me because things will never remain the same again and i will no longer see my husband as my husband. might take years. But if its more than once, THE END.

ladies i suggested swinging because i wanted to see if his kinks goes that far but he definately was not interested at all. as for his friends he has always known that they find me attractive he just trusts me and he thought that they wont persue their feelings.

now that he opened the way they are all stabbing him in the back SMH. Humans. saying i dont need him, they have more money, he will take better care of me etc.

thats why i came here cos i hev no one to talk to. my friends are on hubbys side,his friends want me, my family deslike him so i wanted neatral opinions and somewhere to express my pain

ifyalways:
@OP, you said u suggested "swinging" but he kicked against it. Hmmmn

Are u hurt cos he cheated with your BF or u hurt cos he cheated?

It seems to me like u subtly encouraged your hubby to " cheat" abi what else could be your reason for suggesting swinging

I'm not blaming you, just saying. Don't push for something u can't handle.

If he's apologised and is truly sorry, I say forgive him. All the best.

My sentiments exactly!

Why put ideas in his head?

Wedon:



Jesuuuu!

Why would someone even consider that in a marriage

Phema:


Huh? See me thinking it's one of those positions. . .

You know, today has made me realise family section ladies are not as open-eyed as i thought when it comes to the subject ct of sex

even efemena and chilli surprised me on the other rape thread

mulanbaba:
ladies i suggested swinging because i wanted to see if his kinks goes that far but he definately was not interested at all. as for his friends he has always known that they find me attractive he just trusts me and he thought that they wont persue their feelings.

now that he opened the way they are all stabbing him in the back SMH. Humans. saying i dont need him, they have more money, he will take better care of me etc.

thats why i came here cos i hev no one to talk to. my friends are on hubbys side,his friends want me, my family deslike him so i wanted neatral opinions and somewhere to express my pain

Please Do not get yourself involved with any of his friends,they are all not worth it.

What you need is to get yourself worth,esteem and care for your kids because you are filling the gap of both parents.

Wedon:


You must really leave in la la land!

Some men would rather not deal with the stigma of being divorced. So divorce pains them more than anything.

hahahaha.. divorce pains a man? example pls?

@onegig, to you I am not, to others I am.

^^^
Vultures swooping in for the kill.

bennyrazz:
I read her post and my initial reply was, she should deal with it instead of letting herself get hurt and you all misconstrued my points. She seeing a counsellor which is good because it has to do with two people she trusts, her friend, her husband. Men are not pained by women divorcing them, they are only pained by paying for child support, unnecessary bills etc.

And how you wanted her to deal with it was a very insensitive thing to say. Go and read your comment again. I say Wait until it happens to you o. Na you go rush come nairaland begin cry for us. Men that know how to cry blood and tear the whole world down when their wives cheat.

Which child support? So its no longer about the kids abi? You really dnt knw what to say.

Sophyrocks:


Dude, i am so waiting for a thread where a man comes to complain about his cheating wife. I would love to read your comment on it.

My answer to that question was actually in my first comment. you can read it. Cheating is one thing that would made me call it quits. Its my deal breaker. I aint afraid of divorce. I could forgive when its done once of which would be sooooooooo difficult for me because things will never remain the same again and i will no longer see my husband as my husband. might take years. But if its more than once, THE END.

So since i have never commited the crime then you need to apologise for calling me a liar, no?

Seriously? Na so these women don old reach? Una no know wetin be swinging.


Please let's not say she put the idea in his head, that's totally not fair/true.

People have fantasies and that's okay, plus what he did is in no way swinging, swinging is different from cheating, let's not join issues.

5minsmadness:


So since i have never commited the crime then you need to apologise for calling me a liar, no?

No. I want to see things for myself. Seeing is believing.

bennyrazz:


only a foolish man desires expired product when there are quality, young succulent, fresh, sweet fishes in the river. And yes, the world revolves around us. We were here first. Remain a single mother and enjoy the benefits of a single mother. In fact, you will be the talk of town amongst your fellow women, you will be stereotyped.

Being a married woman portrays you as been responsible, not some cheap slu.ts opening yansh for any available tom, dick & harry. It also comes with a lot of packaged benefits.

Oooh Noooo. This dude has no idea what has been going on around him. Where do you stay? In a cave? So you dnt know married men cheat with married women? You dnt know there are men who chase anything in skirt, single or married? you dnt knw divorced women remarry? where are you from? Have you been asleep?

So the swinging was for him not even for you. Are you saying you are not comfortable with swinging yet you suggested it just to please him. I am not judging the swinging not that I am even in a position to judge, just don't get why you would suggest something you are not comfortable with.

freecocoa:
Seriously? Na so these women don old reach? Una no know wetin be swinging.


Please let's not say she put the idea in his head, that's totally not fair/true.

People have fantasies and that's okay, plus what he did is in no way swinging, swinging is different from cheating, let's not join issues.

She actually did.

You don't try that with any man. Keep your crazy fantasies in your brain till you grow the balls to handle it in real life.

Sophyrocks:


And how you wanted her to deal with it was a very insensitive thing to say. Go and read your comment again. I say Wait until it happens to you o. Na you go rush come nairaland begin cry for us. Men that know how to cry blood and tear the whole world down when their wives cheat.

Which child support? So its no longer about the kids abi? You really dnt knw what to say.

committing suicide to deal with it is the best thing to do abi? meanwhile, stop personalizing all this, I live a very private life, all these your imaginations can never come to pass. Read and digest my post again & pray for understanding? was i in support of cheating in marriage? sh1t happens and when it does, you gat to deal with it. Life ain't one way, both ways. Husband was sorry, he was no serial offender it was his first. If we investigate very well, wife's friend might be the brain behind all these brouhaha. Some GFs gets jealous at their fellow GFs husband and they do everything to snatch him away. In short, I blame the Op for all this mess cuz she did not guard her husband jealously, if not, how did wife's GF get Hubby's no in the first instance?

bennyrazz:
committing suicide to deal with it is the best thing to do abi? meanwhile, stop personalizing all this, I live a very private life, all these your imaginations can never come to pass. Read and digest my post again & pray for understanding? was i in support of cheating in marriage? sh1t happens and when it does, you gat to deal with it. Life ain't one way, both ways. Husband was sorry, he was no serial offender it was his first. If we investigate very well, wife's friend might be the brain behind all these brouhaha. Some GFs gets jealous at their fellow GFs husband and they do everything to snatch him away. In short, I blame the Op for all this mess cuz she did not guard her husband jealously, if not, how did wife's GF get Hubby's no in the first instance?

So when your wife cheats on you with your best friend, then you have failed as a man by pushing her to him and allowing him to snatch her away from you, s.hit happens, you deserved it and you must svck it up? O.k I get you.

Reread your comment. You justified cheating by implyying that one must eat varieties of food. She has no chice but to forgiveand svck it up. Mr man, your wife will cheat on you one day.

I think forgiveness for a repentant person is in line but don't for a moment let anyone think your pain and your feelings don't matter. Anybody who comes near you to preach nonsense about how all men cheat and how it is your duty to endure it, deserves a very curt response from you that will make them go home and think about their foolishness. So pls if snapping at such folks help you release your anger, by all means do so

Give yourself time. Forgive because you want to not because you're expected to.

Sophyrocks:


Oooh Noooo. This dude has no idea what has been going on around him. Where do you stay? In a cave? So you dnt know married men cheat with married women? You dnt know there are men who chase anything in skirt, single or married? you dnt knw divorced women remarry? where are you from? Have you been asleep?

seriously, I'm not in the mood to talk dirty. Single women never see man marry finish, na divorcee single man wan marry? a beg, go siddon for corner. Na hungry Married men dey cheat with married women

bennyrazz:
seriously, I'm not in the mood to talk dirty. Single women never see man marry finish, na divorcee single man wan marry? a beg, go siddon for corner. Na hungry Married men dey cheat with married women

Hahahahaha. Even in villages devoid of civilisation, you see women marrying numerous times and you are nt aware? eyah. You are not exposed. I have discerned the type of person i am conversing with.

Sophyrocks:


Look at you! They have gone higher class now. Men in higher places, politicians, name it. Its your fellow married men they cheat with now o. As you dey eye another man's single chick, one married man dey eye your wife.

politicians wey dem dey import fresh meat for from Uni, na dem wan get time for wrinkled bottom women with sleepers bosom, abegii that politician must be a counselor or a local champion

5minsmadness:


OP pls don't let this issue scatter your home pls! People have been envious of your marriage since and through the foolishness of your husband they have found a hole in the fence! Pls you and you alone have the power to close that fence, you alone have the key to close the door of perdition that has been opened. Pls he is miserable without you abeg pls let this matter rest. We are waiting for whatever conditions you want and he will keep to them biko.

really?

Gosh