mulanbaba:

hubby is nigerian. two of his best friends are zimbabwean and one nigerian

Okay.I was just trying to know the kind of people surrounding you.You mentioned what I was looking for in one of your posts.You are surrounded by people who are unstable marriage wise.Unfortunately,the kind of friends you keep(and hubby) will determine the way a lot of things will go.
I see you tried to satisfy your hubby sexually even when you were willing to try all things.Unfortunately sex is not everything even though it means a lot.You marriage seemed to be wound around sex.
As to why your hubby cheated,it has nothing to do with you not being good enough,he was around a woman who was unstable and the familiarity made your hubby fall for the temptation.

Chinum:


Now this reminds me of a certain post sometime ago by a guy. He said dat d mother in-law caught him kissing d wife's best friend(dat she also met her in boarding sch). He said d said d said lady was irresistible due to her big cup size or sth like dat.

Na so dem go dey experiment till they r caught then they remember d scriptures.

Op just being curious. Has ur mum ever come to stay with u guys. The lady too did she stay wif u guys @ a certain time? Is d winsch busty?

no my friend never slept in my house or is around my husband a lot because i always met her for lunch frim work or chat with her on whatsapp.

normally weekend is a family time so me and hubby never make plans any of our friends on weekend at all. so my friend came to my house occassionally just like his friends.
yes my mom slept at my house but its less than 3 times ever since we were married

maybe i should explain in details how our marriage was, itwasnt just sexually driven as such, i just thought to mention it cos i thought man cheat because of sex.

my hubby and i had a very good and loving marriage, like when he comes back from work i will rush to the garage to greet him, kiss him and carry his computer bag in the house while i ask how his day was, and then i will warm his dinner while he goes to change and sit next to him while he is eating rubbing his shoulders while he tell me exactly what he did at work and then when he finish eating he will normally start rubbing my feet and ask me how my day was.
we will continue to just talk about the curre affairs and even gossip a bit. we would them go check the kids becauase they sleep at 7pm and he arrives later than that.

he will then run some water for us in the bathtub and we will both bath together and go to bed.

from friday when we both come home to sunday morning we hardly leave home unless we feel like eating out or there is kiddies movies playing in the cinema. so we are always together the entire weekend with the kids. our relationship was very affectionate and loving

when hubby is stressed from work and start snapping at me i will ussually shout back and we will maybe scream at each other for 3minutes and then after that we start laughing and he apologises, its a way for him to blow out steam.
he absolutely hates it if i ignore him when he is shouting.
i never discussed my marriage with my bf ever because hubby and i always solved our problems together.
this is the first time we are both dealing with the problem of this magnitude ever since we met.

i think his friends are betraying him to me because they know my stance on adultery so they already concluded that i am divorcing him and thus owes him no loyalty, so they think he wont find out since i am so angry at hubby that they think i would revenge myself on him with one of them. STUPID FOOLS SMH

mulanbaba:
maybe i should explain in details how our marriage was, itwasnt just sexually driven as such, i just thought to mention it cos i thought man cheat because of sex.

my hubby and i had a very good and loving marriage, like when he comes back from work i will rush to the garage to greet him, kiss him and carry his computer bag in the house while i ask how his day was, and then i will warm his dinner while he goes to change and sit next to him while he is eating rubbing his shoulders while he tell me exactly what he did at work and then when he finish eating he will normally start rubbing my feet and ask me how my day was.
we will continue to just talk about the curre affairs and even gossip a bit. we would them go check the kids becauase they sleep at 7pm and he arrives later than that.

he will then run some water for us in the bathtub and we will both bath together and go to bed.

from friday when we both come home to sunday morning we hardly leave home unless we feel like eating out or there is kiddies movies playing in the cinema. so we are always together the entire weekend with the kids. our relationship was very affectionate and loving

when hubby is stressed from work and start snapping at me i will ussually shout back and we will maybe scream at each other for 3minutes and then after that we start laughing and he apologises, its a way for him to blow out steam.
he absolutely hates it if i ignore him when he is shouting.
i never discussed my marriage with my bf ever because hubby and i always solved our problems together.
this is the first time we are both dealing with the problem of this magnitude ever since we met.

i think his friends are betraying him to me because they know my stance on adultery so they already concluded that i am divorcing him and thus owes him no loyalty, so they think he wont find out since i am so angry at hubby that they think i would revenge myself on him with one of them. STUPID FOOLS SMH

Good one

Just take time and think it through

mulanbaba:


yes, my friend is a single mother of two and all hubbys friends are divorced. his friends always used to joke that if he mess up they will marry me because good woman are hard to find so now i see it wasnt a joke at all.
our marriage was one of those that people always complemented because we were just good together.
we understood each other interlectually,emotionally and spiritually.
so i can safely say before this bombshell i could swear that my husband is not a cheating type. Now i dont know anymore

so my friends just want me to keep the perfect couple image and forget my pain

Like someone suggested, If you want to resolve issues, engage him directly.

Goodluck

fem29:


, yes oo, I just want to wondered cod of the way he keeps saying the hubby is very sorry and others are jealous of dere marriage, how he take know

I know.









That's all you need to know.

fem29:


, yes oo, I just want to wondered cod of the way he keeps saying the hubby is very sorry and others are jealous of dere marriage, how he take know

From recent responses I have already been proved right.
Just know that I know.












That's all you need to know.

fem29:


, yes oo, I just want to wondered cod of the way he keeps saying the hubby is very sorry and others are jealous of dere marriage, how he take know

Coz he knows. Trust me he does.

Babes,I know u really feel hurt and cheated on.I have had such similar experience,where u keep wondering why he did it.My dear shit does happen,ur hubby will be hurting too.Talk to each him,forgive though u might not forget and even when u guys get back together u will still occasionally feel bad but then u have to pull thru.Take your hubby back and help him clean this mess.This might just be ur marriage trial

5minsmadness:







You know, today has made me realise family section ladies are not as open-eyed as i thought when it comes to the subject ct of sex

even efemena and chilli surprised me on the other rape thread

Okpolo eye no be open eye. I am equally surprised at the lack of exposure.

You have every right to be upset, word of caution please stay away from those nasty friends

They make your life harder than it is already, I would take a break, travel somewhere just you and your kids to refresh your mind and cool off

@mulanbaba
it's been said severally on this thread, no one has a right to tell you how you should feel. Ignore all the people telling you to move on like nothing happened, your trust was betrayed and it's a big deal!

That said, you need to find out the "how?", the "why?" and the "what?"(you failed to mention if you confirmed if the relationship had gone physical, I suppose it's safe to assume it has).
How did they start the affair? she used to call him to ask for advice(or vice versa) or it was a joke gone too explicit. what exactly happened? you should find out. The affair might not have started off as a sexual relationship(it doesn't always) but sex usually enters the mix, if a guy gets into a person, sex tends to follow(there's also the possibility that it was simply a sex thing but the long phone calls seem to point otherwise). When did the affair cross into the physical(if it has)? Did they both jointly or individually consider how it affects you? It might not be an easy conversation to have but you need to have it. A couple of posters have mentioned so too.

What led to the affair? this part is tricky, he himself might not know but you should ask him (and don't believe him if he should try to shift the blame to you). How well do you know your husband? could you have figured out something was up earlier? beyond you proposing "swinging" to him, how open are you guys to each other? do you know his fears? I mean his real fears, he might be scared of failure, or of not giving the toe curling orgasms on demand, there will be fears he faces that he thinks could change how you see/feel about him, do you know those ones?

Oftentimes for a man to cheat, there has to be something that he cannot share with you and he feels he can share with someone else which might sadly be a female and that stupidity on his part leads to emotional involvement then sex then the affair has started. It could even be stress at work, but there is usually something that happens to men that makes it easier them go astray(especially if we are to believe this is a one-time thing), maybe it's work pressure or family pressure he tries to avoid telling you about possibly because he thinks it wouldn't fit into the idea you have of him. This is something you need to understand because it will be a trigger point, when such issues come up, when things don't work out as planned, when some men's lives deviate, they tend to become unbalanced and can take stupid decisions in that state/stage. If you can understand a mans emotions you will better be able to support him. When a man is emotionally unbalanced it's natural for him to search out things/people to reassure him, that's the point where many of us tend to get ensnared in stupid stuff.

You are hurting and you need to go through the process before you decide if you want to forgive him, don't truncate the process, letting people stampede you into taking him back before you get to the root of the matter will not preclude a repeat episode.

I would also recommend you read TD Jakes Hemotions, it does a good job of shedding light of the things that can go wrong with mens emotions.

Jayne2014:

Okpolo eye no be open eye. I am equally surprised at the lack of exposure.

And dem go dey talk like say dem don sabi pass

Ewuro4:


-Yes he fûcked up big time doing it with her bestie

-Yes he cheated and she can send him packing for life for all I care. He deserved it.

My argument was about taking full responsibility for bringing up the idea of sleeping with other party. And pls spare me the educational lectures about swinging vs cheating

So please let's be real here... Marriage is susceptible to any form of damage that moment you introduce any 'weird' ( yes 'swinging' is weird) system into it.

E.g I don't eat pork, my husband stopped eating it since the day I met him . The day (9 years after) I announced my approval to pork eating was the week my daughter picked up bacon sausage at the grocery store, my other daughter bought bacon jerky & most importantly my husband now sprinkles bacon bits on his salad.
I put the idea in their heads , yes I took the all blame.
P.S .. I don't eat pork till date.

Wow you are powerful in your house oo . Just because you don't like pork, it was banned in the house. I love my pork chops, sausages and streaky bacon die

Op I am sorry for what you are going through. It must be one of the most excrucuating emotional pains especially as you didnt see it coming

A lot of people have said a lot of good things to help you.

Take your time, one day at a time. There will be good days and there will be bad days, but try not to let things consume you. There are kids that need to be taken care of and they need you too right now. They must be also missing their dad too, confused and wondering whats happening.

Deep within you, you will know whether you see a future with your husband or not. If you do, then please dont close all doors. Leave a gap for reconciliation.

If you will forgive him and take him back, for a start, you people need to change your friends. If I read right, he is currently staying at a friends house who is also trying to toast you. So how will this person help build the rift between you if not to add more fuel to the fire?
You also have to be careful of the friends you keep too. Your bestfriend sleeping with your hubby is very bad. They have both been very disloyal, moreso your husband as he is the one you are married to.

You also need to secure your marriage. I trust my husband, but I do not allow for "just any kind" woman to be round him. I am sure you know what I mean. Many of them have nothing to loose and are only out to catch fun. Fact!
I also do not encourage "agony uncleism".
I also do not "embrace" friends who cheat on their own wives or have no respect for their own families.
Marriage is sacred. Keep it clean.
When I was naive I didnt put much thought much about tempation. But now that I see the length that people can go to take what does not belong to them, especially now that the soup is nicely cooked. Now we deliver ourselves and flee from temptation

Regards, sex, sex is a very important aspect of a marriage but its not everything. Looking good and good sex are not the only ingredients to a happy deep and lasting marriage.
Think about how close you really are. I mean really close. Can he share his most innermost thoughts, fears, aspirations, feelings & raw emotion with you. How deep are your conversations, are you really best friends? How high are your expectations of him? Can he be his REAL self in front of you? . . just a few things for thought.

If you do see a furture together, then you need to ask him to tell you the "why's" and he needs to take full repsonsibility for what happened. Even if he does come up with the blame game, he needs to know that cheating was his descsion. If he is honest enough to tell you the why's then you have an idea on what really happened and why and if anything needs to be changed then at least you know what.

Sometimes when men cheat, you look at the women they cheat with and you look at the wife and one just doesnt understand it.
You see those women out there are looking for a man ... anyman, so they will do whatever it is to get his attention and get him interested. They make him feel like a god, massage his ego and make him feel on top of the world and time and time again weak men fall for all that bull. They have jollof rice at home but eat gala outside.

If you do forgive him and take him back, he needs to understand that things wont be exactly the same for some time eg trust issues and he needs to give you time to heal and be willing to work together with you through this and it will take time.
There will be good days and there will be bad days
At the end of the day, its how much you both want to keep the marriage.
Also get him to agree that in the future to open up if there is anything not going right with the marriage so at least you have an oppourtunity to change things rather than keeping quiet and he being unhappy.
You may also want to see a professional counsellor who will help you both to unravel things and how to move forward.


Once again, I am sorry for your pain.

^^ Deep. . . Nice piece.

Phema:
^^ Deep. . . Nice piece.

Thanks

Hope the poster can receive some comfort. It is well.

tearoses:
Thanks

Hope the poster can receive some comfort. It is well.

It really is.

tearoses:
Op I am sorry for what you are going through. It must be one of the most excrucuating emotional pains especially as you didnt see it coming

A lot of people have said a lot of good things to help you.

Take your time, one day at a time. There will be good days and there will be bad days, but try not to let things consume you. There are kids that need to be taken care of and they need you too right now. They must be also missing their dad too, confused and wondering whats happening.

Deep within you, you will know whether you see a future with your husband or not. If you do, then please dont close all doors. Leave a gap for reconciliation.

If you will forgive him and take him back, for a start, you people need to change your friends. If I read right, he is currently staying at a friends house who is also trying to toast you. So how will this person help build the rift between you if not to add more fuel to the fire?
You also have to be careful of the friends you keep too. Your bestfriend sleeping with your hubby is very bad. They have both been very disloyal, moreso your husband as he is the one you are married to.

You also need to secure your marriage. I trust my husband, but I do not allow for "just any kind" woman to be round him. I am sure you know what I mean. Many of them have nothing to loose and are only out to catch fun. Fact!
I also do not encourage "agony uncleism".
I also do not "embrace" friends who cheat on their own wives or have no respect for their own families.
Marriage is sacred. Keep it clean.
When I was naive I didnt put much thought much about tempation. But now that I see the length that people can go to take what does not belong to them, especially now that the soup is nicely cooked. Now we deliver ourselves and flee from temptation

Regards, sex, sex is a very important aspect of a marriage but its not everything. Looking good and good sex are not the only ingredients to a happy deep and lasting marriage.
Think about how close you really are. I mean really close. Can he share his most innermost thoughts, fears, aspirations, feelings & raw emotion with you. How deep are your conversations, are you really best friends? How high are your expectations of him? Can he be his REAL self in front of you? . . just a few things for thought.

If you do see a furture together, then you need to ask him to tell you the "why's" and he needs to take full repsonsibility for what happened. Even if he does come up with the blame game, he needs to know that cheating was his descsion. If he is honest enough to tell you the why's then you have an idea on what really happened and why and if anything needs to be changed then at least you know what.

Sometimes when men cheat, you look at the women they cheat with and you look at the wife and one just doesnt understand it.
You see those women out there are looking for a man ... anyman, so they will do whatever it is to get his attention and get him interested. They make him feel like a god, massage his ego and make him feel on top of the world and time and time again weak men fall for all that bull. They have jollof rice at home but eat gala outside.

If you do forgive him and take him back, he needs to understand that things wont be exactly the same for some time eg trust issues and he needs to give you time to heal and be willing to work together with you through this and it will take time.
There will be good days and there will be bad days
At the end of the day, its how much you both want to keep the marriage.
Also get him to agree that in the future to open up if there is anything not going right with the marriage so at least you have an oppourtunity to change things rather than keeping quiet and he being unhappy.
You may also want to see a professional counsellor who will help you both to unravel things and how to move forward.


Once again, I am sorry for your pain.

I started following this trend from page zero and I must confess this it the best I have read

fem29:


Wow you are powerful in your house oo . Just because you don't like pork, it was banned in the house. I love my pork chops, sausages and streaky bacon die

I am oh... Happy wife= Happy home

It was like they're off the leash I tell ya then thought to myself, "na so I strict reach"?

tearoses:
Op I am sorry for what you are going through. It must be one of the most excrucuating emotional pains especially as you didnt see it coming

A lot of people have said a lot of good things to help you.

Take your time, one day at a time. There will be good days and there will be bad days, but try not to let things consume you. There are kids that need to be taken care of and they need you too right now. They must be also missing their dad too, confused and wondering whats happening.

Deep within you, you will know whether you see a future with your husband or not. If you do, then please dont close all doors. Leave a gap for reconciliation.

If you will forgive him and take him back, for a start, you people need to change your friends. If I read right, he is currently staying at a friends house who is also trying to toast you. So how will this person help build the rift between you if not to add more fuel to the fire?
You also have to be careful of the friends you keep too. Your bestfriend sleeping with your hubby is very bad. They have both been very disloyal, moreso your husband as he is the one you are married to.

You also need to secure your marriage. I trust my husband, but I do not allow for "just any kind" woman to be round him. I am sure you know what I mean. Many of them have nothing to loose and are only out to catch fun. Fact!
I also do not encourage "agony uncleism".
I also do not "embrace" friends who cheat on their own wives or have no respect for their own families.
Marriage is sacred. Keep it clean.
When I was naive I didnt put much thought much about tempation. But now that I see the length that people can go to take what does not belong to them, especially now that the soup is nicely cooked. Now we deliver ourselves and flee from temptation

Regards, sex, sex is a very important aspect of a marriage but its not everything. Looking good and good sex are not the only ingredients to a happy deep and lasting marriage.
Think about how close you really are. I mean really close. Can he share his most innermost thoughts, fears, aspirations, feelings & raw emotion with you. How deep are your conversations, are you really best friends? How high are your expectations of him? Can he be his REAL self in front of you? . . just a few things for thought.

If you do see a furture together, then you need to ask him to tell you the "why's" and he needs to take full repsonsibility for what happened. Even if he does come up with the blame game, he needs to know that cheating was his descsion. If he is honest enough to tell you the why's then you have an idea on what really happened and why and if anything needs to be changed then at least you know what.

Sometimes when men cheat, you look at the women they cheat with and you look at the wife and one just doesnt understand it.
You see those women out there are looking for a man ... anyman, so they will do whatever it is to get his attention and get him interested. They make him feel like a god, massage his ego and make him feel on top of the world and time and time again weak men fall for all that bull. They have jollof rice at home but eat gala outside.

If you do forgive him and take him back, he needs to understand that things wont be exactly the same for some time eg trust issues and he needs to give you time to heal and be willing to work together with you through this and it will take time.
There will be good days and there will be bad days
At the end of the day, its how much you both want to keep the marriage.
Also get him to agree that in the future to open up if there is anything not going right with the marriage so at least you have an oppourtunity to change things rather than keeping quiet and he being unhappy.
You may also want to see a professional counsellor who will help you both to unravel things and how to move forward.


Once again, I am sorry for your pain.

Touche, before I used to play good girl and madam carefree, these days not so much. Too many people wey dia life don spoil dey find partners. I refuse to let my home fall for that 5hit.

OP, feel your pain but don't let it consume you completely. Best wishes.

Ewuro4:


I am oh... Happy wife= Happy home

It was like they're off the leash I tell ya then thought to myself, "na so I strict reach"?

Lol hehehehe , I can imagine

No going back oo, the joys of yummy fatty pork. Sausages, bacon, pork chops, pork belly, bacon bits, ribs etc

naijababe:


Touche, before I used to play good girl and madam carefree, these days not so much. Too many people wey dia life don spoil dey find partners. I refuse to let my home fall for that 5hit.

OP, feel your pain but don't let it consume you completely. Best wishes.

In baba Oyo's words.. "Awon ti aye won ti jona"

We are looking at our wedding pictures yesterday and kids saw their daddy's long neck that barely held up his bony eyeballs and dark face to boot. All his exes dropped him for me to clean up. Now that he's all chubby , even more handsome and presentable, one mofo will grab him away from me? Na death sentence oh

fem29:


Lol hehehehe , I can imagine

No going back oo, the joys of yummy fatty pork. Sausages, bacon, pork chops, pork belly, bacon bits, ribs etc

Bacon eaters , I agree pork has more varieties than beef but no thanks I'll pass.

Ewuro4:


In baba Oyo's words.. "Awon ti aye won ti jona"

We are looking at our wedding pictures yesterday and kids saw their daddy's long neck that barely held up his bony eyeballs and dark face to boot. All his exes dropped him for me to clean up. Now that he's all chubby , even more handsome and presentable, one mofo will grab him away from me? Na death sentence oh

Na only that one that pain you, what about dem ma shanfani friends wey their own homes dey always hot like bakery looking for partners in crime. Walahi! My hubby has some friends that na everyday I dey pray to God to scatter their matter because they want my oga to follow every skirt and Brazilian wig like them

Awon olofo gbogbo!!!

@ mulanbaba

strange friends you and your husband both have.

His close friends want to bed you, and then your best friend goes ahead to bed him.
quite a caustic sexed up environment.

He's erred
if you choose to forgive him, no problems. Just make it a long winding process before he is welcomed back
so that next time the devil suggests cheating to him, fear go catch am.

And if there is a next time, ..God forbids
he'd be more discrete and respectful with the kind of partner he chooses to tango with

No worries, you'll heal with time
..and by the way, you guys need a change of friends. Do what Lot's family did. RUN FROM SODOM

naijababe:


Touche, before I used to play good girl and madam carefree, these days not so much. Too many people wey dia life don spoil dey find partners. I refuse to let my home fall for that 5hit.

OP, feel your pain but don't let it consume you completely. Best wishes.

We are learning everyday sis

bennyrazz:
eeehyyyaaa! well I can only tell you sorry for the hurt, pick yourself up and get over it. Forgive and forget if he's a first time offender, it's allowed (men make that mistakes once in a while, only for them to find out their wife is better) or forgive and do your own if he's a serial offender.

Note: Eating EBA everyday can be very boring, same old taste, trying Semi once in a while isn't a bad idea but all men/women should have the fear of God by respecting the vow they made at his altar

may your wife taste eba, garri, amala, pounded yam, fried plaintain, fried eggplant once in a while IJN

Wedon:


So who says thwere has to be a second husband

You men think the world revolves around you, that a woman cannot suvive without a husband! Well that's where you are wrong.

I will rather stay a single mother for the rest of my life than stay with a cheater.

And if you think men don't desire married women, you must be living in delusion.

and you mistakenly exposed yourself as a woman with (m) gender sign. You women of this section are just ready to go any length to attack men.

Your last line...only foolish men desires married women. Especially the ones that have upto 3kids and no longer attractive. Deal with it.

Moana:
may your wife taste eba, garri, amala, pounded yam, fried plaintain, fried eggplant once in a while IJN

funny. But these days, a lot women are also tasting eba, garri, amala and different soups in their marriages as well. Even if his wife does it, she won't be the first nor the last to do it.

SAMBARRY:
Hmmnn

you don come again. When women cheat now,you'll totally forget to post this same stuff for them to read and correct themselves.

@mulanbaba how are you doing
Hope you are OK
((hugs))