I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage - Family - Nairaland
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| I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by Nobody: 9:18pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
I got married less than two years ago after dating for about one and a half year. Our courtship was fun with lots of good memories. Although we had some disagreements during the courtship, it was on the whole a very positive and enjoyable experience. My wife was very friendly with members of my family when we were dating, but starting from the wedding night, all that changed. I asked her about the sudden change of behaviour but she wouldn't offer any explanation saying that nothing had changed. Nothing I do is appreciated by my wife. I've done everything I could possibly do to support her financially and emotionally, to help her develop her career. She is always nagging and takes great pleasure in humiliating me in front of her folks especially her mum. I guess she reckons that she'll get a great pat on the back that she is in-charge in her house just like her mum is in charge in her own house. I can't talk to her without getting shouted at. She only cooks whenever she feels like and whenever I ask; she just ignores me or she complains about being tired. I cooked occasionally especially when she pleads tiredness but had to stop when that was taken for granted. My wife is always suspicious of everything. Always suspicious when I'm speaking with anybody on the phone, always like to eavesdrop on the conversations, she want to know what email I sent from my sent item, she want to know how much is coming in and going out of my bank account. She said I am too close to my brother ( I wonder where she got that from, like she is not close to her sister). She had my e-banking pin which I changed when she started transferred money from my account on the charge that I sent a very negligible and unprintable amount of money to my mum in one year! She charges that I didn’t send the same amount to her mum and dad even though the same amount will never be appreciated by her parent (instead I will be ridiculed). I realise we have different family value system because in my parents marriage, the woman’s approach was more conciliatory than confrontational. My mother was submissive to my father but I guess my wife wants me to be submissive to her. The nagging is really getting to me and really affecting my health. It's even more challenging after engaging in lots of power politics at work and on getting home I have to start another round of power play. I've been telling my friends and family that I'm moving my work back to Nigeria soon but I didn't tell them that I'm running away from a marriage that is killing me. I've tried to evaluate what I have done wrong or what I'm doing wrong. I have tried all kinds of concessions but nothing is working. We have a kid. My wife might have a hard time coping on her own if I leave. She doesn't want me to leave with the kid or leave at all. She doesn’t believe she’s doing anything wrong. Will I be fair if I just walk away? |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by Nobody: 9:21pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
Is she nigerian? Spare urself the headache and leave her. Some women cant be cured . . . may the Lord help us. somehow though i think this could have been avoided if you paid enough attention to little details . . . women cant 100% hide their nature . . . 4 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by Busybody2(f): 9:23pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
Hmmn, this is so sad, I have to agree with Dafidi here  What is she like when you try to talk to her or reason with her? |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by chihums(m): 9:27pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
i sympathize wit u. take it easy and pray about dat. God will answer u |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by Hauwa1: 9:33pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
david you are encouraging divorce? as a christian? me i won't encourage divorce. you see why i turned down your proposal?  poster, please do not walk away yet. your marriage is still young. i read those are the trying period. you have a kid now i would say work on it. go home from work one day, cook a good meal, clean the house, etc. this will make her not have anything to do and put her in the mood for relaxation. now make a reservation and take her out. when you come back home, sit her down and tell her how you feel about what has been been going on. you never know there is something she is not feeling good abt. but communicate pls. talk, and let her talk what is bugging her. i read fairness is important in marriage. 4 Likes |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by Nobody: 9:36pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
Hauwa you are just singing poetry. no i dont encourage divorce but how does what you have just said solved the poor man's dilemma? I dont think anything is bugging the woman, he was unfortunate to get yoked to a poisonous snake. 2 Likes |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by Busybody2(f): 9:41pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
*Hauwa*: According to the poster, he has done this already, but what the wife wants is for him to do this on a daily basis, because thats how her mum was with her dad 1 Like |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by Hauwa1: 9:42pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
i believe in marriage once and eternity. so i will sing my poems  i don't want him to go just yet but work on it. see he is in the early stage. 1 Like |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by Nobody: 9:42pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
@davidylan, Busy_body and chihums Thank you for your comments. She is a Nigerian. We relocated to the UK together shortly after our marriage. One of three things happens when I try to reason with her, I either get shouted at, get a hiss + murderous look and get completely ignored. Davidylan was quite right. I did notice the stubborn, disrespectful, shouting part while we were dating. But she was always apologetic and conciliatory when she gets hold of herself. The apologetic and conciliatory part disappeared starting from the wedding night. @Hauwa, I have been working on this marriage starting from our wedding night! My efforts seem not being appreciated and there was no reciprocity! 1 Like |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by Nobody: 9:46pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
Mozilla: Women like this shld be avoided, it doesnt matter how often they apologise . . . as soon as she knows u're now married and cant leave, her reasons to apologise vanish. She isnt going to change tomorrow . . . the minute she realises you are perfectly ready to move on without her two things will either happen: 1. She is indifferent or 2. She is forced to take steps to save her marriage. 2 Likes |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by tope2000(f): 9:47pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
I suggest u pray abt it or you leave her. If all u wrote is really true then she an ungrateful woman, sorry to say. she aint worth it  |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by MrCrackles(m): 9:48pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
tope2000: The Pro!! |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by Busybody2(f): 9:50pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
davidylan: This is so true, aawww. But then, was there anything you (the OP) did to warrant this? It is glaringly obvious that she has some insecurities issues, but did you ever cheat and got caught out, because it seems she is holding something against you and does not trust you? 1 Like |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by Hauwa1: 9:51pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
yeah pray about it. ignore her and see if she changes. if not, seperate and if she is remorse, okay. remember you have a kids. i hate to see kids not growing up with mom and dad. maybe during the seperation time, things will work out well if not, well i hate to say the last option. again, do not divorce/walk out outright. Bless you! |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by tope2000(f): 9:51pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
MrCrackles: Lol . . . . . im sure u wud have sent her packing long time ago |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by Treetop20(m): 9:54pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
davidylan:i believe it too as well i hope and pray that i never EVER neglect the little bits that matter. @ post she will never change and it is who she is either you are willing to deal with that or leave before you die early |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by Busybody2(f): 9:55pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
Once you know that you did not do anything deep down to warrant her attitude to you and you have searched your conscience and it is clear, you can try a trial seperation like Hauwa advised. She is definitely going to use your baby as a weapon to get back at you, and might deny you access to the baby. What if you threaten her that you will leave next time she misbehaves? What if you threaten her that you will leave next time she misbehaves? Sorry, just thinking out loudly and racking my brain to see what else you can do before walking out. |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by MrCrackles(m): 9:56pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
tope2000: Just because my nickname is Brash! dont mean i am harsh!! |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by tope2000(f): 9:59pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
MrCrackles: so r u saying u wud have taken all her BS just to save ur marriage??   @poster why dont u try marriage counselling?? |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by Treetop20(m): 10:00pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
counsel what? a woman you are not compatible with? |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by MrCrackles(m): 10:00pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
tope2000: uhmmmmmmmm, still thinking!!!!!! ;D BRB |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by onyinye2(f): 10:03pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
I think the poster is leaving a HUGE chunk of his story out. There is no way in hell that his wife could have concealed herself so well you couldn't see she was trifling I think it is either he is leaving something out of his story or he really sugar coated his side of the story. Because it sounds so damn faulty. Cause you know I'm Until the truth is actually told, there isn't a damn thing any of yall suggest that will help this man. 1 Like |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by Nobody: 10:04pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
She will never change bro . . . pick your bag and spare urself early high blood pressure. To those who arent married yet . . . Tope2000 shld be the gold standard by which u measure your woman . . . i've never seen her upset here for more than 2 secs, lovely attitude. |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by tope2000(f): 10:05pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
davidylan: Awwwwwwwwwwww . . . . .thank you david  MrCrackles: I'll be waiting |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by Nobody: 10:07pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
onyinye2: lol all this one na story. I've seen people experience this type of cases before and it has nothing to do with the OP leaving out anything from his story. He made the mistake so many dudes make, they fall in love and stay permanently in lala land . . . forgetting to carefully note those tiny little habits of hers that could morph into serious problems tomorrow. Dudes shld never love with their hearts, use your head . . . 1 Like |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by Busybody2(f): 10:07pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
Mr Moderator, I can see you are not derailing the thread yet, don't worry, I will let you know once you start |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by Hauwa1: 10:10pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
onyeye, for real. i can smell a stinking fish from 15miles radius. |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by onyinye2(f): 10:11pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
I still think the Poster is lying. I don't believe a word his says. Unless he is that blind or the woman is a witch and put him under some spell. This guy doesn't need a wife. He needs to go back with his mother. Then think about if he is really ready for marriage with a life partner. Because right now he is just looking for someone to baby him for the rest of his life. You can just tell by the arguments he tried to put up. So sad. 1 Like |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by onyinye2(f): 10:12pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
*Hauwa*:Really?? I live near the Gulf Coast so I guess. . . . . . . |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by Nobody: 10:15pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
onyinye2: what is even more sad is the fact that you seem not to be mature enough to understand his point. You havent even been close to a reall relationship before . . . when you get to that stage come back and offer "advice". Sorry if that sounded rude but i had to lay the facts down. 2 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by Treetop20(m): 10:16pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
lol |
| Re: I'm Thinking Of Walking Out Of My Marriage by Nobody: 10:17pm On Feb 08, 2009 |
tope2000: Thank you Tope for your comments. What I wrote is true. But then I suppose it is from my own perspectives. I guess the story will be a bit different if it was posted by my wife. But then, I have tried several times to bring all the issues to the table with her so that it can be addressed. So far, all I've got are baseless accusations such as being married to my brother when the accusation can't be backed up with facts even though I tried to keep my distance from my brother. Busy_body: The Trust thing has been there even from when we were dating. I've encouraged her to bring whatever she had against me to the table. The only thing she had brought to the table is her imaginary rivalry with my brother and I have done everything I think I can to address that. I don't even pick my brother's call when she's around and she refuses to get close to my brother or any member of my family to see that there is no reason for any insecurity because of them. She was close to all of them just before our wedding. Our relocation from Nigeria has not done anything to address her concerns in that area. I don't talk about any member of my family with her since she seems not to want to hear about them. But she wants us to talk about members of her family all the time and I've played along with that. She's always suspicious about me sending money to my mum even thought she has the pin to my account and she knows where all the money is going. I have sent a total of £110 to my mum in Nigeria over the last one year even though she is not working and partially paralysed with stroke. My wife is still not happy. What else should I do? Should I kill my mum and brothers because I got married so that my wife can be happy? She is always coming up with unexpected expenses (that throws the finances in disarray) saying that it is because I always send money to Nigeria when she knows that is not true (she has the PIN to my account). I don't know what else I could have done to make her happy. |
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