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Please I Need Mature Advise / Mature Advice Please !!! / I Have A Word For Many Young And Mature Girls This Morning With This Pic. (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by smartigo: 8:22am On May 20, 2015 |
The text you saw may also imply they have been lusting after each other, talking dirty and initiating sex which they haven't actually done. Your sister is beginning to feel guilty for the whole drama in the first place. It is also obvious your hubby must have initiated the idea becos, according to him, if it safer to do it in-house than with an outsider. His thought: in his archaic African mind, this is conceivable; respect n order will be maintained than with another woman who won't care about you. Having said/written this, is obvious he is desperately looking for a child. What you should be more concerned with now is if he had cheated on u with smone else? If he had and no issue,it means your man is shooting blank. If he hasn't (which may be hard to bliv) conduct the necessary tests to ascertain his health status only if you still want to FORGIVE and CONTINUE in this marriage. But if not....the decision lies with you. Btw, has he done anything similar in the past? Does he have same history as your sister? Some pple do stupid things when desperate which shouldn't be an excuse for clemency. You need calmer mind n facts to make informed decision. 1 Like |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by kukuruku156(f): 9:16am On May 20, 2015 |
I wonder how I managed to miss this thread when it was first opened. I wish the OP well with whatever decisions she finally makes. Some things are just better as nightmares than experienced in life. Westendel: |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by donephi(m): 9:59am On May 20, 2015 |
OmoAlata1: |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by Wendy80(f): 10:14am On May 20, 2015 |
See advice... Chai na wa Pple asking her to divorce her husband una try and pple saying u stay with him una try too. Its easy to give advice when u aint in that situation and some pple will even asked u to do what they themselves can't do. Anyway, OP has taken her decision she has gone back to TTC thread with her Original moniker Whc is another way of saying I've forgiven my husband so let's continue TTC. Op I wish u Well and May God grant ur heart desires. 1 Like |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by Nobody: 10:24am On May 20, 2015 |
@westendel You and you alone know the pain that you are feeling, what you are facing and how dark the tunnel is at present. My dear, my prayer for you is that God will turn your mourning into dancing very soon in whatever way He deems fit. ((hugs)) 1 Like |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by veraponpo(m): 11:54am On May 20, 2015 |
mrsmith11: Thank you for the words of wisdom, as much as babyosis (don't know if I am correct) has wealth of wisdom, she is usually to fast to bring divorce to the fore. I have seen men who really goofed in their homes but with the wisdom of the wives, they salvaged their homes. You don't throw divorce up when a matter just occurred. She did not even mentioned separation pending when the case will be settled, she just said take a walk. Our women need to think twice and seek for godly advice not from one lady on Nairaland who will lead them astray. 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by thorpido(m): 12:23pm On May 20, 2015 |
veraponpo:One should judge each case on its own merit. If this man had an affair with a colleague and is remorseful,i will plead with her to try and forgive.How do you sleep with your wife's younger sister with the intention of making her pregnant because your wife is yet to have a baby?That to me is a marriage killer.I always wish couples should stay together and try to salvage their marriages but there are exceptions. There are women who stay and take all kinds of sh#t because they must stay married.A woman has a man bringing a woman into the house to sleep and she stays there 'enduring'.A man has impregnated other women outside,gotten them accommodation and doesn't come home some nights?That is not 'wisdom'. The Op has her prerogative to decide what she wants to do however. 11 Likes |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by OmoAlata1(f): 12:43pm On May 20, 2015 |
veraponpo: It is not wisdom. It is low self esteem, no self worth, desperation. Lack of self respect, self love and self value. People like to abuse the word "wisdom" too much. 6 Likes |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by mrsmith11(m): 2:06pm On May 20, 2015 |
deadie: If she decide to leave her husband she has done no wrong . All am saying is that if she can forgive him I believe it will be good if the man is truly sorry for what he did and there wouldn't be repeat of this incident . If she leave and go into another relationship which is definitely and the new person sleep with her close friend she will jump ship again......is not always greener on the other side Try to make this work as everyone deserve a second chance if he's truly sorry but if she can't fine To me divorce should always be considered last My 10 cent 1 Like |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by Beetle: 4:02pm On May 20, 2015 |
@ op, this is coming from one TTC to another. Infertility is difficult to deal with and to add infidelity to it, it makes it a compounded problem. Some questions to consider: Have you found out the reason for your infertility? Why is your husband bent on having a child outside regardless of the mum? Is this to test his fertility? On your infertility journey, who's putting more effort to it? Have you seen a doctor who diagnosed your problem? I see your husband as very selfish and someone who's not aware you two have a problem if he's willing to go all the way with an outsider. And even more disrespectful to want to do the act with your sister. Hes belittling you. Pls don't brush this under the carpet cos you mentioned you're going back to TTC thread? What do you want to achieve by going back to that thread. Pity party and pretend nothing happened and carry on TTC with yourself cos this man ain't on the same page with you, I'm sorry. You're on your own. My sister its high time you sat down and think of the next steps. I'm not going to say divorce him cos at the end of the day you will be the one carrying your cross and besides that you're 32 yrs old. Old enough to make life decisions by yourself. And to the family members who referred to the biblical story, will they say the same thing if it was their daughter. Don't hide behind infertility and think it's alright for your man to do as he pleases. Regardless of what your infertility problem is, it's the both of you who are battling not for someone to go behind you and start trying to solve his own problem, so if he solves his own problem, where does that leave you? 12 Likes |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by Nobody: 4:32pm On May 20, 2015 |
Beetle:Well said @Beetle. Meanwhile I miss ur input on the TTC islam thread. Hope u r doing fine. You and d rest of my sisters are always in my prayers. I pray for ease and contentment for all of us. Take care sis, |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by Nobody: 6:32pm On May 20, 2015 |
deadie: The definition of marriage is lost on many people That's why some of the writings seem shocking It is based on their understanding of what marriage means which could be totally different from yours 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by Nobody: 6:39pm On May 20, 2015 |
kaboninc: It is true, pls don't marry. A man of your sensibilities and mindset should not marry 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by Nobody: 6:44pm On May 20, 2015 |
veraponpo: There is no one size fits all,at least not for me Every topic is discussed on its merits My first post here summarized my impression on this one,go back and read it slowly There is only one occasion where I advocate divorce expressly infact I advise counseling more and rarely ever advocate divorce That one occasion is [size=18pt]1. When a woman's life is in danger [/size] [size=18pt] and this fits that profile perfectly [/size] That is my opinion,you are free to disagree or give yours, doesn't change my opinion. 2 Likes |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by Nobody: 7:20pm On May 20, 2015 |
deadie: Omg omg, ok pls talk true, are you a Nigerian man?. You rock 1 Like |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by deadie(m): 7:53pm On May 20, 2015 |
fem29: Lol. Yes. Born and bred. But I am taken...by a beautiful blonde . 2 Likes |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by cococandy(f): 8:01pm On May 20, 2015 |
Until the woman dies in the marriage, everything is 'little difficulty'. Music dey change when it is the other way round. In fact a BIG deal like too much salt in the soup is enough to divorce the woman. But little things like him sleeping with her sister should be ignored deadie: 3 Likes |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by Nobody: 11:18pm On May 20, 2015 |
deadie: Chaiii deadie, diaris God ooooo. Why forsake our naija sister's , you could have gone some way to make up for all the neanderthal nigerian men, issorait 3 Likes |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by honeychild(f): 8:35am On May 21, 2015 |
cococandy: I think a lot of people are misunderstanding kaboninc. The simple truth is that in today's world, men get away with a lot of things that women would not dare simply because it is a man's world. This doesn't mean it is right, it simply means that they can get away with fewer sanctions than women do. It hurts, but that's just the truth. 4 Likes |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by Nobody: 9:24am On May 21, 2015 |
mrsmith11: Can you honestly give her husband this same advice if she was sleeping with his 19yr old younger brother Damn hypocrites!!! 7 Likes |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by chibic(m): 9:31am On May 21, 2015 |
fem29:truth is bitter. Men marry becuase they want to have kids. Not because they need a companion. 1 Like |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by Nobody: 9:35am On May 21, 2015 |
babyosisi: Careful ooh, they will soon start calling you a FEMINIST! Meanwhile how are you holding up? How are the kids she left behind? May God be with you at this trying time. *hugs* |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by Nobody: 9:37am On May 21, 2015 |
chibic: I agree . . . 100% But no one said OP couldn't have kids. Even if he wasn't a christian, he should know that what goes around comes around. What if someone did same to his precious 'future' daughter We are all adults and we know what it right and wrong. Do unto others . . . . |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by deadie(m): 10:03am On May 21, 2015 |
fem29: Lol. I did not forsake my naija sisters oh. Na condition make crayfish bend |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by Lumpyy(f): 10:36am On May 21, 2015 |
Enough of this ramblings abeg,na d person wey wear shoe knws where it hurts.aunty osisi says she cnt get married twice cos she knows how hard it was to get to a peaceful place with her hubby then she should understand that its differnt challenges for differnt couple,who knows if Op has done worse and d man forgave her? if she chooses to forgive/divorce dont force her into a choice by screaming ur opinion,she had to come out and say so because yall got selfish,she knws what is best for her family and her own sanity.uv ruined so many posts because of ur argumnts and its amazing how u keep goin round same circle all the time! |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by kaboninc(m): 12:40pm On May 21, 2015 |
honeychild: Thank you oh. I even made reference to the fact that as men, we're not excusable or immune to sins. But they just refused to see my point. Women who understand what it means to polish a man's ego and pride take the world on their palm. Still, that doesn't make it right or proper for a man to cheat or batter a woman or be abusive. At least, someone got my view. 1 Like |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by limamintruth: 1:16pm On May 21, 2015 |
veraponpo: Lols So you become afraid only when 'women' are the ones suggesting divorce right? Does that mean you prefer the divorce option to be suggested by 'men' alone? Lawd! That sounds chauvinistic i must say. BTW, some men on this thread have also suggested divorce too cos the actual foundation of the OP's supposed 'home' has been destroyed by a total breach of the couple's sacred marriage vow of fidelity/faithfulness. veraponpo: So you expect her to still remain with such despicable adulterer all cos of the uncertainty of future right Remember life is all about risk taking cos as humans, we do not have the power to predict the future. However, we still make plans for the uncertain future. Remember also that not all men are like her hubby; hence, with her present experience, there's a high possibility that she might be lucky to meet n settle down with a better person than her hubby cos she now knows what to look out for in a man e.t.c. And adultery/infidelity is the only ground upon which divorce is permitted in christianity. So the OP wont be doing any wrong in exploring that option. 1 Like |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by limamintruth: 1:31pm On May 21, 2015 |
raumdeuter: Nice post bro. God bless you for this. All those suggesting that she sticks with her chronic adulterous grown-assed hubby in the name of yeye love or marriage dont mean well for her gaskiya. A man that can sleep with his wife's sister can sleep with any other lady irrespective of whether or not the given lady is biologically related to his spouse. And such type of men are extremely chronic adulterers, hence, the woman will only be decieving her poor self if she thinks she can change him for the better by still retaining the marriage. And to even think that the irresponsible man is a pastor sef; lobatan! 2 Likes |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by marcjane(f): 6:49pm On May 21, 2015 |
babyosisi:lm just seeing this thread now.pls make sure yuo record all conversations. |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by Nobody: 7:42pm On May 21, 2015 |
Wedon: Like I care much what the labels are from nonentities that disappear once I log off? Na them get the assignment Nne eh,Obi agbawala m na dat issue o I called the hubby and his words were Nne,enyi gi nwanyi aha pula Anyi o Tears filled my eyes and I tried not to break down as he spoke so lovingly of her and how she suffered in the last days and how much he cried seeing her suffer. As soon we dropped I broke down weeping hysterically Nne Ihe mere dia o Uwa di egwu my sister 1 Like |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by Bibol(f): 1:02am On May 22, 2015 |
OP, I sincerely pray you find peace no matter your decision. Pick up the pieces, arrange yourself mentally and over time you will heal. Its not going to be a roller coaster but from your last response, I see you are a strong woman and that suggests you have made up your mind to come out stronger. I wish you the very best All is well 1 Like |
Re: Please Nairalanders I Need Mature Advice by Nobody: 8:58am On May 22, 2015 |
babyosisi: Awwww. . . really heartbreaking. Nne kaa sie nu obi ooh. |
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